Haven't made a personal post in a while. Big anxiety post incoming.
Well, my mother can no longer afford to keep the roof over our heads. She said my middle sister and I need to move out by August or so. I will potentially have a real estate license for a few months by then so hopefully that means a real estate job as well and a steady income.
I'm *hoping* my mother agrees that I can attend university while living with her during the summers. Where my pets will be, they have to be with me, so Idk where I'll even be in terms of housing (I can't do on-campus bc of my pets- not complaining). How will I afford my very own housing? I'll be working while attending college, also loans... probably. My mother is pretty much dying at this point and she doesn't even know where her or my youngest sibling will end up.
Youngest sibling is still being homeschooled in her HS district so mom can't move anywhere outside of the town for a year. Maybe she and Youngest Sibling can stay at a hotel/motel? I will speak to her about that.
Middle Sister always has people in her life she can mooch off of, lucky her I guess. She will be fine. She just doesn't have any motivation to do much besides smoke weed despite telling me she wants something different. There is no action behind her words. She is also still intensely resentful and angry with my mother- understandly- however her yelling and outbursts are killing my mom faster. Middle sister is very 'all about herself' to the point that she deludes herself into ignorant beliefs that benefit her and it is a dangerous mix. This is the same sister that punched me in the eye and almost threw a large vacuum at my mother.
Despite being 25, I'm scared as shit doing this on my own. I'm... not as independent as I should be. I have zero guidance and close to no support. My closest friend (still pretty superficial) is pregnant and is married. She has never been through things like me- raised in a lovingly married parented household and a middle class income. Her advice, while well meaning, is very disconnected to my reality. She followed the LifeScript every middle class person is known to follow with a default situation.
Hell, I'm *still* attempting to figure out what the hell I want to do at school. I like doing too many things. I love intellectual pursuits- always learning- and hands on things. I don't want to deal with large quantities of math but am fine doing some math here and there. I like making people happy as well as giving people relief; a sense of security and contentment. I can't put too many years into schooling though. Gotta get out there and start earning to support myself, my pets, and my mom.
I'd go on with my post but I'm tired.