#very personal shit

[mangionesdaisy]

Sooooo I've found out I'm having endometriosis surgery next week and although I know I need to have it and be brave but I'm shitting it... on the off chance any of my followers have had it or know someone who has, pls tell me I shouldn't worry? 😫🙃

[justaneedle]

You know, over time, I have an aversion to Christianity, to which I technically belong, according to which my loved ones and most likely myself are buried and will be buried. But I'm increasingly thinking about how violent its adoption was, that we still celebrate pagan holidays that they never managed to eradicate and had to come up with their own justification. And how little we really know about the customs (which is partly due, of course, to the fact that each area had its own small and not so small differences). It makes me cringe.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

I failed to convey this mensage to my mother but maybe it can actually got to someone: YOU HAVE NO RESPONSABILITY TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR ABUSERS.

Disclaimer: my mom isn't abusive but her dad was and she still feels responsable for him and guilty over what she percieves her not doing enough (not vising enough or caring for him in opposition of with how close she is with my grandma [who wasn't abusive and was as much of a victim as my mom]) and I'm trying to help her understand that her bad relationship with my grandfather isn't her fault. It's his.

[justaneedle]

Something inside me shrinks when Raistlin pushes away Caramon's support at one point, when he thinks he can handle it, and then after literally one dialogue, he leans on the twin like it's nothing. Like, fuck. And it's not like I don't understand him, but it hurts to be in Caramon's shoes.

[justaneedle]

Questioning my orientation again, after seeing my body under good lightning, and maybe I'm not so uninterested in women sexually as I have weird relationship with my own look.

In short, the only thing I'm sure of at the moment is that I'm bi-romantic. The rest will become clear only if I have both a boyfriend and a girlfriend.

[justaneedle]

I've been menstruating every two weeks for the third time… my body is clearly up to something. We're bad-mouthing the side effects of pills for now, but the problem is that they're not new, and I hadn't noticed that before.

[justaneedle]

My homophobic family is really making me want to ignore the part of me that is attracted to the guys and look only at the gals.

[justaneedle]

Anyway, I had a breakdown again in the winter (last time it was winter too) and only a week ago I pulled myself together and returned to therapy (don't do that, don't stop taking medications, if I do that again, kick me).

And I felt so good all this week. And yesterday I forgot to take my pills, and at night I was physically twisted by unreasonable anxiety again.

I've already drunk them today, so I won't miss it now, but I was so fucking overwhelmed yesterday.