Had she been a more rational and practical human being, maybe the short blonde would’ve stayed behind, take a breath, take her time to settle in. But Billie was restless, she just couldn’t stop flitting around from room to room, pausing only to consider what needed to be done and what she wanted to do and what could be done. A world of possibilities was now open to her and every single decisions were hers to take, which was both exhilarating and terrifying. She could be who she wanted to be here, start on a clean slate, after relying so long on being the daughter of, or the granddaughter of. And the vastness of it all was a little overwhelming to take all at once. So Billie retreated to known territory, just to get her footing, and relied on familiar faces around. Evan was the perfect specimen, she saw him so recently it could’ve been the day before. She knew him, he knew her, they got along and there would be no need for idle chitchat ‘how’s life?’ ‘who cares’.
Rummaging through boxes to find clothes appropriate for a rodeo was more of a challenge than the girl predicted. She really should’ve put everything away first, but it was too late now. Time was running out and she had to pull something together fast. It was her first outing in a new town, Billie just wanted to fit in, to give a good first impression. Dress to impress. “Tina! Tina, come help me!” she jokingly called out to the pup who trotted in, a little confused as to why her peace had been disturbed so suddenly. It would prove to be maybe too much a distraction because before she knew it, she was rolling on the floor only half dressed with the puppy only to be interrupted but knocks at the door and Tina running off yapping. “Shit.. uh.. HANG ON A SEC! I’LL BE RIGHT THERE!” she called out, scurrying to find a good top before she could head to the door.
chipped nail polish. glitter highlight. tall trees with smooth bark. tangled hair. the taste of cinnamon sugar. talking too loud and too fast. overgrown flowers in your hair. crumbling buildings reclaimed by nature. flirting. walking home at three am with no coat. platonic hand holding. blowing smoke out of your nose. dragonfly wings. chaotic good. freckles. fairy rings. secret meetings. gender nonconformity. leather. smudged eyeliner. forbidden fruit.
002. THE REAPER .
computer errors. a shiver down your spine. haunting beauty. hard liquor. crowns of thorns. shadowed alleyways. decaying plant matter. shattered mirrors and broken glass. corrupted memories. stopped clocks. the scent of stale cigarettes. tattered black hoodies. walking your friends home. the crescent moon. the sea. a graveyard on a foggy day. cold rings on cold fingers. absolution. looking out of the window of an airplane. soft kisses.
003. THE WITCH .
graffiti. pretending to know what you’re doing. worn paperback books. growing up too fast. parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme. lace and combat boots. moth wings. candles on every surface. a weathered deck of cards. turning the music up. fireflies in jars. calloused fingers. drawing on your skin. sunlight filtering through clouds. petrichor. a dying rose in a jar. wearing a crystal pendant. illusions of spells. black cats. mint gum. chapped lips. dirt under your fingernails. the cycle of life and death.
004. THE WOLF .
murders of crows. frost - bitten leaves. wolves howling at midnight. knocking on your door. leaving food out for stray animals. the twang of an acoustic guitar. honey. tiny red buds on trees. claw marks on the walls. golden eyes. slightly too long stubble. knitted finger - less gloves. sleeping on the forest floor. always finding your way back home.
Elsa had been looking forward to their paintball excursion once the pair had settled on something for them to do. They hadn’t been sure of what to do when Nadia had tried to set them up on a ‘friend date’ but the pair had been able to agree on something fun for the pair to do. Elsa loved paint-balling and hadn’t done it for quite some time so she was excited. Plus she had the best partner with her and they were going to kick some serious ass. “You ready to fucking demolish everyone else?” Elsa asked as she got out of the car and pulled her blonde hair up into a messy ponytail.
“Like we should totally consider entering some tournament. I don’t even need to see us beat everyone to already know that we would take home the prize.” Elsa laughed. “Think that your coaches will work around the paintball schedule?” She jokingly asked him.
Serena had already gone through a stress testing week at work, even though the week was just slowly starting. So movie night with Evan was something she was in desperate need of. She went home, took off her makeup, changed into some sweats, a take too and a baggy pull-over and headed over to the male’s place. Once there she let a smile fall to her face as she was greeted and followed him in. “Thanks for having me, I really just needed to take an hour or two for myself. It’s always work, work, work with me.” She laughed shaking her head as she sat on the couch, starting to browse the movie selection on the screen. “What are you in the mood for?” She asked over her shoulder looking at him as he moved about the room.
It wasn’t anything unusual for Annabel and Evan to spend their days together doing drugs and getting drunk together. In fact, it was something that happened at least twice a week if not more. They’d either stay in at her apartment or wander around town causing any kind of trouble they felt like that day. Annabel sent Evan a quick text telling her to get over to her apartment as soon as possible. She had a really weird weekend at Alec’s camp out and had spent the last few days in a drugged and drunken state to try and forget it but now she needed to vent and who better to vent to than her drinking buddy.
By the time Evan showed up, Annabel was already half a bottle of tequila in despite it only being eleven in the morning. Instead of getting up when she heard the knock she just shouted ‘come in!’ from the kitchen. “Dogs! Dogs!” She yelled, reminding Evan to quickly close the door so her four dogs wouldn’t escape into the building. Though there was no rule against pets, she already had a few complaints from neighbors about them getting out into the halls unleashed thanks to some of her friends and didn’t want another. “Shots?” She asked while raising one in the air and tossing it back.
Alex: Alex paced her bedroom eyes staring at her still unmade bed as she passed it. She hadn't slept in it since the night she spent with Evan, choosing the couch instead. she flipped her phone in her hand a few more times before deciding to call her. She hit the numbers then lifted the phone to her ear as it rang.
Evan: Evan jumped when her phone suddenly went off. She had been zoned out, watching as some food heated up in the microwave. She reached over to where it sat on the counter and her heart nearly jumped out of her chest. Alex. Chewing on her bottom lip, she slowly pushed the answer button and moved it to her ear. "...Hello?"
Alex: She hadn't been sure whether she wanted Evan to answer her phone or not, but when she did her heart skipped erratically for a moment. "Ev, uh hey." She got the words out without thinking about them, but what came next? "Are you busy right now?" Way to jump right into it, idiot - she thought to herself. "I just uh... we should talk about the other night, yeah?"
Evan: Evan knew what this call would be about. "Yeah.. I mean no. No I'm not busy." She jumped again as the microwave dinged. "Just.. was about to eat." Which didn't matter now since she was starting to lose her appetite. "Uhm.. we should. Did you want to.. do this over the phone or...?"
Alex: Alex stayed quiet while she went on, "Well I'd like to see you, but that could be... hard. Don't really think this is an over the phone conversation."
Evan: Evan stared down at the counter, staying silent. Would it be a good idea to have Alex over? "Okay," her voice was soft, "You can come over if you want. We can talk here."
Alex: Alex let out a soft sigh. "Take it Jay isn't home then?" Of course she wasn't. "Okay, I'll be there soon."
Evan: "She might be out with Tobe's, I'm not sure." Evan sighed too, "Alright. Just.. come right in."
Alex: "Probably." She agrees. "Bye Ev." She hit end and let out a long breath, and pulled a hand through her hair. "Shit"
Evan: Evan didn't have a chance to say by before Alex hung up. She lowered her phone and placed it on the counter, putting both her hands on the edge. "Jesus Christ.. This will be fine Ev..."
Alex: Alex didn't want to keep her waiting, or maybe it was herself that she didn't want to keep waiting - she wanted to see her - so she'd thrown on a jacket and made her way over to Evan's quickly. She walked in as instructed. "Ev?"
Evan: Evan was still in the kitchen when Alex arrived. She had hopped up on the counter with her microwaved left over sitting next to her. "In the kitchen!" She called out, shifting her weight a little.
Alex: Alex walked into the kitchen after hearing Evan call out, taking a deep breath just before she sees her wife. "Hey." She said quietly as she leaned on the door frame, arms folded loosely over her chest.
Evan: Evan slowly looked up at her, smiling lightly. "Hey." her hands were still gripping the edge of the counter, not sure if she should move.
Alex: She pushed off the door frame and stepped into the room, but kept her distance, despite what she wanted to do. "Guess I basically want to know if you're okay, since... you know." God was she five? She looked away then back to Evan a tentative smile on her face.
Evan: Evan looked away, staring down at the floor. "Yeah. I'm.. I'm fine." She wasn't entirely fine but she was as good as she could get after sleeping with her soon to be ex-wife, those words she hated even thinking. "Are you? You know, okay?" She looked back up at her.
Alex: "That didn't sound too convincing." she said looking down at her hands. "Bout as good as can be expected I guess." She was worse, far worse, but even didn't need to know that. she shrugged.
Evan: "No, it didn't, did it." She sighed and shrugged. She stayed quiet, looking over at Alex for a few moments before looking a round the kitchen. "I don't know how to act around you, Alex. I don't know what I'm supposed to do right now."
Alex: Alex smiled weakly, at least she didn't try to lie, that may have hurt more than the truth. "I don't know either, Ev." She doesn't let herself look away this time. "All I know is that I can't be around you without wanting you." She raked a hand through her hair. "Even now."
Alex joined the chat 21 minutes ago
Evan: She let out a breathy laugh, "Yeah.. that's.. That's why I haven't left this counter yet." She moved her gaze back to the woman. "Every thing in me is telling me to jump off this right now and kiss you. But I can't, I want to, but can't.."
Alex: Alex closes her eyes and looks away before opening them. "I should go."
Evan: Evan closed her eyes, finally hopping off the counter. "No."
Alex: Alex took a step back. "You know I should."
Evan: "I know.." She took in a deep breath. "I know because it's not fair. Not to you, me, Jordyn, or Sinead. We messed up, now the question is.. what do we do about it? We both know that we can be just friends, it doesn't work like that. It can't work like that. So what do you want to do?"
Alex: "There's nothing to do." It's the only answer she has to give. "Either we try to be friends or I can't be around you. It kills me."
Alex joined the chat
Evan: "Then why come here if there is nothing to do? If you were just going to leave two minutes after you walked through the door?" She threw her hands out to the side. "Tell me why you are here, what do you want?"
Alex: "I came here to see if you were okay." She said factually. "...And to say good-bye."
Evan: Evan dropped her arms back down against her side. Her eyes started to water as she felt a sinking feeling in her chest. "Alex... I can't.. can't say good-bye again."
Alex: Alex's eyes slid shut and she let out a shaky breath before opening them. Tears stung her eyes and she shook her head. "We have to."
Evan: Evan shook her head, fighting the tear that were threatening to fall. "I. Can't."
Alex: Alex sighs and chews on her bottom lip to keep from crying harder. "Then I will for you." She takes a step back, "I'm sorry, Princess."
Evan: Evan took a step towards her, stopping herself from reaching for her. If she wanted to leave, Evan couldn't stop her. As much as she wanted to, just to keep her there a little longer, she knew that's not what Alex wanted. She turned away from her and walked towards the otherside of the room, letting the tears escape her eyes.
Alex: Alex was ready to take another step back but she couldn't do it when Evan came towards her, she could take another step. Evan turned away from her and she nearly lost it. "I can't even sleep in my bed because it smells like you." She doesn't know why she said it, but she did.
Evan: Evan couldn't bring herself to speak at first. "I'm sorry.." He voice cracked as she chocked back her sobs. "I'm sorry I messed us up. I'm sorry that I was selfish. I'm sorry, Alex."
Alex: Alex's resolve breaks and she crosses the room, pulling Evan into a hug. "We... you mean me." She says quietly. "I'm not sorry it happened, I'm sorry that I have to say good bye."
Evan: Evan wrapped her hands around Alex but shook her head. "That's not what I meant. I'm not sorry about the other night. I'm sorry about everything before that. I was selfish and stupid and I should never have went back to see her." She couldn't stop herself from crying anymore, "I don't want you to say good-bye. Ever. no matter if it's fair or not. Who cares about fair.."
Alex: Alex held her close, as close as she possibly could without hurting her. She doesn't know what to say. "It's done Evan. I wish you wouldn't have went to see her but it happened." She steadies her breathing but can't stop the tears. "You do." She said quietly before kissing her forehead.
Evan: Evan moves her hands to Alex's face, wiping away a few tears. "I never said I did. I just said it wasn't. We can do this.. Start over. You and I, we are forever.." She was desperately grasping at nothing now, at least that's what it felt like.
Alex: Alex sucks in a breath as Evan touches her face and wipes away a few tears. "Do you know what you're saying?" She asks quietly searching Evan's eyes for anything that can answer her question.
Evan: She chewed lightly on her bottom lip and nodded. She knew what she was saying and what she had to do. "Yes.."
Alex: Yes. The word resounds between her ears, and she stares at her. She reached up and placed her hands over Evan's. "Can we do this?"
Evan: All she could do was nod, words becoming impossible with out sobs breaking through.
Alex: Alex stared at her for a while longer. What were they doing? "What are we doing?" She asked quietly.
Evan: "I don't know.." She managed to get out. "But whatever it is, I want to do it. with you." Her breathing was steadying as she stood there with her.
Alex: This wasn't how she'd imagined this conversation going. "Forever, yeah?" she smiles weakly and tightens her hold again.
Evan: Evan smiles, though it was weak it was still a smile. "Forever. I promised."
Alex: "We need to think about this, Ev."
Evan: She nodded, her smile fading a lit. "Okay."
Alex: "But not right now." She closed the little space between them and kissed her.
Evan: Evan took in a shaky breath feeling Alex's lips against hers, kissing her back. She pulled her even closer, as close as she could.
Alex: Alex wrapped her arms around her back, and lifted her back onto the counter. She stared up at her once the kiss broke. "I love you."
Evan: Evan hadn't expected being lifted up and she made a noise as Alex did. Looking back down at her, she moved a hand to push some of the woman's hair out of her face, "I love you."
Alex: Her chest expanded and fell a few times before she could let a smile pull over her lips. "Now." she said quietly, then kissed her cheek. "Should I." she kissed her jaw. "Leave or stay?"
Evan: Evan bit her lip and closed her eyes. "I'm not stopping you if you want to stay."
Alex: "Do you want me to?" She asks
Evan: Her eyes opened and she looked down at Alex. "Come on." was all she said as she moved off the counter and lead Alex to her room. Once there she turned to look at her, holding both her hands. "I want you to stay."
Alex: Alex doesn't say anything just lets herself be lead to her room. "Okay, I'll stay." She smiles. "I'll stay."
Things had gone quiet long before, but she couldn’t bring herself to come down from her hiding place, so she waited instead for someone to come looking for her. She knew she couldn’t protect herself from most of the others, so it was safer to stay where she was. Still hidden by her wall of pots, she hugged her knees to her chest with her bear between them, eyes closed as she slept a half sleep as she had for days.
Every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was her father and that boy bleeding over her with that same dying look in their eyes, just as they had worn the same look when they’d attacked her. Mind and heart exhausted, all she had done the last day had been slip in and out of fitful sleep, waking as soon as someone would step into the now blood covered kitchen. Her hiding place had served her well, though now she was too tired, and too weak, to move.
Alex sighs, a weight settling on her as she reads Evan's last text. Jayden had been acting strange for weeks, but more so in the past week alone. Not seeing her, or at least hearing from her for days on end had to mean something was wrong. August noticed, she noticed, and apparently so had Evan. Nothing about this seemed good. "Fuck, Jayden." She mumbles and lets her phone fall into the passenger's seat as she waits to find out where Evan was. Her heart pounded in her cheat and she knew it was a mixture of worry for her best friend, and about seeing Evan. She wasn't fool enough to believe something like what they had would dissipate just because she was moving on.
When the reply comes she starts the engine, but then shuts it off when she sees her coffee she'd just bought sitting in the cup holder. She gets out and goes inside, quickly orders what she remembers Evan liking, and then returns to the car. She shouldn't have made it to Jayden and Evan's apartment building as quick as she did, but she did have a heavy foot. Evan is waiting outside and she takes a moment to get out of the car. "Breath you idiot." she mumbles as she climbs out and approaches the other woman. "Hey." she says quietly. "Coffee?" she holds the cup out with a smile. "figure we'll both need it if she's off the rails." She tries at a joke, but it comes out dry and she chokes. "How worried are we." she leans against the wall, looking over at Evan.
