I have been feeling somewhat sick for a while now. Not enough to like, prevent me from doing what I need to do (work and the like), but tired eyes, sinus pressure, headaches, sometimes stomach issues....
That on top of chronic pain has made existing somewhat tiresome. and like, idk if it's just bad sleep or something is actually wrong. because chronic pain means i don't move as much/lie down/sit down more during the day, which actually hurts in other ways but is somewhat better than pacing the house or forcing myself to go ~somewhere~ with no real destination. and that pain doesn't go away until i sleep. and i don't sleep well because it hurts in yet other ways.
like, sick!pain makes me tired and not want to move about, so i sit/lie down more. which flares the chronic pain, so now im aching/feels like someone punched me in the face/spikes of pain in back or leg, none of which goes away with pain meds. finally get to sleep, only to wake up early because no matter what i do pillows hurt to lie on/make my head hurt. yes i have tried softer and harder pillows. and then there's the headaches which are probably tension headaches from all the pain lol.
so it's really just hoping that the sick goes away so i dont avoid going out as much, or somehow force myself to do things despite feeling ill or in pain.
on top of that, since my brain is dumb it only lets me do certain screen things to pass the time. new video game? not on your life. just one game for weeks at a time. hand hurts from playing? well if you do manage to stop playing, you can't force yourself to do much before you're right back on the game. break from game? on phone scanning fic for the only series that you can concentrate on. oh and your hand still hurts.
i really really miss the option of going out with irl friends. it would be a good distraction from all the issues while not being screen time. my only choice right now is to go out and do random things with strangers, which is fun! don't get me wrong! but stressful and not something i can always do when im feeling like someone punched me in the face.
i know i could feel better if i forced myself to do things, get into better shape, etc. but the "reward" of forcing myself isn't enough. nnnnn....














