#pain rant

[spooniealyx]

I am so tired of my body. My back hurts so much I can barely stand, despite doing nothing for the eleventy billionth day. My migraines are back. My stomach is flaring up.

I'm grumpy. I don't want to talk to my friends because I don't want to drag them down. But not talking to them reinforces the idiotic belief that they don't really care if I'm okay.

I want a day where I can move again. I want to go for a walk and see the changing leaves on the trees. I want to smell the outdoors from the outdoors. I want to pick raspberries and blackberries and smell the roses in the garden. I want to go visit the rabbits and the chickens.

I want to eat a meal that isn't interrupted by frequent bathroom trips. Every time I think my stomach might be done in its flare up, it gets worse. It's been going since June. I just want to not feel like I didn't eat the day before when I wake.

I want to not need a daily nap. I want to be present in the day, to get to chat with my best friend/complicated girlfriend. I want to sleep at night. Not have to read until I fall asleep and end up half laying on my phone all night.

This isn't the life I signed up for. And tonight I'm really struggling with it. I'm told all the time by doctors that "you're too young for these problems!" I know. I know I am. But this is the body I've got, so let's do what we can so maybe I can get back to where I can at least sit up and colour or crochet for 20 minutes.

[yoikami]

AHAHAHA fibro sucks!! Today has been rainy so I did nothing but sleep! Just like I did yesterday! My body still hurts as much! I just want to sew 🙃 I'm so done I'll just do whatever the frick I want and get hurt I don't care anymore.

[purple-socks-and-sandles]

pain/parent rant

sometimes i feel like my parents don't listen to me just because i'm 17, which can get really frustrating when i'm trying to tell them about my pain.

i've started seeing a new doctor for my arthritis because my old one was throwing really intense drugs at me that had really bad side effects, were immunosuppressants, or both. the new doctor thinks i have facet arthritis instead of JIA, and i'm now on a drug called sulfasalazine.

it is without a doubt making my pain much, much worse.

i told my parents about it a few days ago, about how my pain is at a 9 every day and it seems to be increasing the calf cramps i get at night. my mom's first response was to say that the 1-10 pain scale can be really unreliable, and what i think might be a 9 is actually a 7. and i was like, no.

i love my mom to death, but i know my body much better than she does. i know what my 10 is. and i know what my 9 is. i had to interrupt her and tell her that. basically i told her respectfully to shut up.

i know it can be hard for my mom to understand my pain, because she can't see it. it doesn't make me scream or knock me to my knees. i've developed a very high pain tolerance and generally it doesn't make me cry anymore. i get that she can't conceptualize it because it isn't happening directly to her. but for her to invalidate it, to suggest that im being dramatic or blowing it out of proportion really irks me. i should probably let her know that.

i think i'll talk to her tomorrow.

[marioodyssey2]

FIRST MY JAW HURTS

THEN MY HEAD HURTS

THEN MY MOUTH HURTS

NOW MY TOE HURTS

AND I STILL GOTTA GET OUTTA BED ⁉️

[everyday-is-loss]

Age is so much more than a number,

It is an expiration faye,

A sign of decay,

As we count up

Life counts down.

What point is it all coming to.

None of the old problems have been fixed

New ones pop up everyday

Can't even control my body

What effect could I ever have

on the grand scheme

[saltforthesea]

It's 3am and I am in so much pain that it made me wake up like 2 hours ago and now I can't fall back asleep and have to go to work tomorrow. Why is adulting like this 🙃🙃🙃

[daddybug420]

Oh my gods I am tired

Tw: excessive cursing

I am so fucking tired of dealing with this ridiculous fucking pain. I don't want to hurt anymore, I just want to sleep. I'm so fucking exhausted and I have a really, really long day today and gods I just can't deal with all this pain anymore. It's not fucking fair!!! But it doesn't matter that it's not fair, because I still have to sit here and fucking suffer and spend another day pretending it's not as bad as it really is and gods all I want is sleep!!!!

[remade-graystudie]

i have really bad lower back, knee, waist, and ankle/heel pain so today im doing one of the deprivation tanks after switching out my piercing!!!! im really excited and i hope this helps with my pain