#pan issues

[lilbasthet]

As a bi person I can say that I'm not mad at Lucas for his ignorance and insecurities.

He's 17 and he has abandonment issues and we already knew that he had some skewed ideas about bisexuality (remember what he said to Alexia in season 3).

Apart from that I actually understand if the partner of a bi or pan person has fear or insecurities because there are things they can't give their partner due to their own gender. I think this insecurity is born from a fundamental lack of understanding how being attracted to people of more than one gender works. And to me that's fine. I can't 100% understand how people can be attracted only to people of one gender either. I can't look into other people's heads. So this makes sense to me.

I'm also not supermad at the showrunners for portraying this issue like that.

I think it is important that Skam France is showing this stereotype and fear. I think it's very important that they instantly corrected Lucas with what Arthur said but also with the whole season and what happened between Arthur and Alexia.

Another thing they could do is show us how Eliott and Lucas communicate about this issue, or they could have used this season to show us how Arthur and Alexia communicated about this issue. That would have been even better. Because in real life that's also the best way to deal with such insecurities: communication and trust.

But I don't think the show is handling this issue in a really bad or bi/panphobic way.

They're giving us a realistically ignorant teenage lgbt character and educate him, thus making their audience aware of the issue and educating it as well.

[mychemicalpilotsatthefallout]

honestly tho being pan is so confusing like do i have a crush on you? is it platonic? who knows? not me. do i like you, or do i like you? even god doesn't know.

[mpreg-official]

Pansexual issue:

Nonbinary people are hot

Girls are hot

Boys are hot

Everyone is fucking attractive and it’s an issue

[unbotheredloaf]

Me: man idk if im just faking liking anyone but boys maybe i really am just straight....

Also me after seeing a cute non-boy: oh my god please date me oh my freaking GOD

[transgender-er]

I don’t have this issue, but some people might.

Pan means “attraction to all genders”, not “I’m a slut”. Just because we are Pan does not mean your chances of getting laid just went up.

[lilbasthet]

Hey! I loved what you say about bi stereotypes and the insecurities of people with a bi/pan partner. I wanted to add that for gay people at least, this insecurity that our partner might find someone better tends to come from the fear that we're not as good/we cant offer what someone of the opposite gender can. ik it doesnt excuse the stereotypes, but ive seen it many times and i think it has to do w our need to conform to heteronormativity

Hi nonnie!

Thanks for letting me know that you agree. 💖🙏

I think you're totally right. Heteronormativity is so prevalent in our society that of course it influences our relationships and our fears in relationships.

I can totally see how a gay partner could be made insecure by the fact that their bi/pan partner could be in a relationship that's read as straight.

On the one hand it would afford afford the bi/pan partner less societal pressure and less danger of violence or outright discrimination because society would perceive them as "normal" and reward that. And I think it's easy for lesbian and gay people to overlook the issue of erasure that seems a lot more prevalent and important within the pan and bi community. That's why it's easy to miss that those societal perks might not be enough of an incentive to the pan or bi partner.

On the other hand we have the self-hatred that's instilled in lesbian and gay people (but if course also in pan and bi people) throughout their lives. They're seen and defined as other, as less than. And of course that can strongly influence the image they have of themselves and their self-worth. This provides even more fertile grounds for insecurities and the fear to not be enough for a partner who could be with a straight person instead.

We can never ignore societal dynamics in relationships. They always influence how we see ourselves and others and thus how we act.

Thanks for making me aware of this dimension of the issue.

[frogsquibit]

Me: my girlfriend-

People: omg that’s like gay! Like I know you’re a “guy” but tEchNiCAly that’s gay lol! You can’t do that! I don’t like that! Choose something else

Me: my boyfriend-

People: but aren’t you like.... uhhhh, a guy.... so that’s like gay.... and I don’t uh like that so.... you can’t do that.... uhhh

Me: my partner-

People: ummmmm actually-

[punkimonki]

.... I take a little bit of an issue with the idea that a character is only ever heterosexual and can be nothing else unless we see him or her or them make out with someone of the same gender..... Or actively fall in love with someone of the same gender within their movie or whatever.

Like.... Things like Deadpool that are clearly going to be a franchise, it doesn’t need to be explicitly stated in ever fucking film he’s in that he also likes men or something. He happens to be in love with and dedicated to a woman in that film. What is so wrong with that? Why does that automatically make him ‘oh so hetero’ unless we see him get a hard on for a dude or make out with a dude or some other visual knock over the skull?

Sure they could have mentioned a past boyfriend or something. That’s all really. Anything else would have been kind of.... not important to the story being told within the time frame it was being told? They’re going to have more films to expand upon it. (If they never expand upon it then we have a problem.)

Just.... why does it have to be such a visual thing for people watching to accept it as anything other than ‘hetero machoness’? Why are small cues not enough? Why does a character’s sexuality have to be such a big deal if they aren’t straight?

Like.... does that mean I’m not bi just because I’m not constantly talking about all the girls I want to have sex with or something? Or if I don’t make out with a girl at every party I make out with a guy at? It’s just.... I don’t like this? Yes we need way more diversity in sexuality of characters but we also need to treat it the same way we treat straight characters. As being normal and run of the mill and just another thing that happens to be part of this person. Not the defining thing about this person.