Yesterday I had to drive last minute to the pet shop because I thought there were enough cans of wet food until Tuesday but she ate more so I bought what would be her last can officially.
I’ve had to call and message asking for euthanasia service at home, at least 5 times, and each time I’ve had to verbalize that I’m putting my beloved cat down, and I got rejected all those times. Finally today I got a positive response. In the most normal manner I had to schedule it, the same way I schedule a haircut at home, or a doctor visit after I’m having a sore throat or to have a technician over to take a look at our washing machine because it wasn’t working properly, like last week. I scheduled her euthanasia just the same. Over the phone. Set up a time. Wait.
I had washed her favorite blanket last week, foreseeing that I would have to bury her this week and I want to wrap her up in it. She had been doing great but today she scratched the tumor in her ear, she hadn’t done it for weeks and she and her blanket were covered in blood so we put it to soak and gave her another blanket for today.
I cleaned her litter box yesterday, her digestion is slow so it was the last time I’d be cleaning it while she’s still with me. I drew a heart on the sand with my finger.
I’ve had to do the most mundane tasks but for the last time. It’s been gutting to say the least. Its 7:25 pm right now and it’s the last time we’ll be hanging out at this time. By that time tomorrow, she’ll be resting forever. Every minute from now on that I spend with her is the last time I’ll do so.
Panchita I will truly miss you. I dread saying goodbye tomorrow at 5 pm but I also can’t wait for you to be at peace. You’ve been with us for 17 years now, just a couple of months away from turning 18. If missing you forever is the price for knowing you ever since I was 9 years old I’ll pay it. I can’t picture myself without you but I can picture you at peace so I’ll hang on to that.