#pangest!

[voltronprompted]

Falling

In which the war is over and the paladins come back to Earth (Voltron is no longer needed)

or

The paladins (and others) come home to find they may have lost their most important thing back on Earth.

Huge disclaimer: Just angst. 

Also, this is just me writing down my ideas as they come so I may or may not actually write this out as a story.

Keith

Honestly, it'd be hard to find something for Keith, maybe a place he frequented or something, idk or he knows that he'll come back to nothing so he doesn't really expect to feel any sort of despair when he just goes back to his shack but he finds it really difficult to even leave the castle once they arrive back on Earth because...well, because when he was on Earth, he was a drop out. He dropped out (or was kicked out, I can't remember for sure) of the Garrison, and after he left the Garrison he had the motive, the curiosity of what that thing (which ended up being the blue lion) was that gave him any real motive and he felt so useful, he felt alive for an actual reason when he became the red paladin, when he was chosen to be the new leader in place of shiro (no matter how much he didn't want it, he still felt like he had a purpose, which was to save the universe from the Galra), even when he joined the Blade of Marmora because for once he felt like he'd finally found where he belonged but now the war is over, the Blade of Marmora no longer are rebelling agains the Galra because they're not a threat anymore, and neither is Voltron so when he stands in the doorway separating him from the grounds of Earth and the clean floors of the castle he hesitates and it takes him so long to finally step out of the castle because oh god I have nothing waiting for me, I know this but I really have nothing waiting for me, no purpose, no reason to live and he just stands there, in front of the castle, not even a foot away, but facing away from it with the most lost look on his face because do I even have a reason to live anymore? The answer is, no, he really doesn't. So, only 3 centimeters away from the castle, he falls to his knees, his face in his hands and he can't stop shaking because the tears won't stop dripping out of his eyes despite him promising himself no, I said I wouldn't cry! before they even arrived on earth because now he really doesn't have anything waiting for him back at earth; no home, no family, and no purpose.

Lance

Lance is easy. He goes home expecting to find the open arms of his family but all he finds are strangers in the place he used to call "home" to tell him that the previous homeowners slowly deteriorated from the loss of their son, the light of their lives, and were officially announced missing approximately a year after his own disappearance and up to this day there are still no leads, not a single one, as to what might have happened to them and that just hurts because he was so excited to just come home and in his mind, on his way to his "home" he'd been thinking about everything he'd tell his family and oh boy I have so much to tell you guys, just you wait! but there's no one to tell these amazing stories to, no one to introduce his amazing friends, new and old, to, there's just no one, there is no one there waiting for me and it hurts it just hurts because ever since the day he'd found Blue all he'd wanted was contact, contact with his family so he could tell them I'm safe, I'm sound, and gosh I have so much, just so many things to say and Lance realizes he's repeating the same thing over and over again even in his head and he can't stop the tears from falling as he just keeps repeating I have so many things to say, I have so much to tell you and at some point he's not even sure if he's thinking it or saying it out loud but it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter who's looking at him weirdly, it doesn't matter who's worriedly-or maybe they weren't worried at all, just annoyed because who ever cared about me anyway?-backing away from him, it just it doesn't matter because even if it did, who would he have to tell? Not his missing family, that's for sure.

Here’s another take on Lance’s loss back on Earth :)

Pidge feat. Matt

Pidge and Matt (unfortunately they were too late for their father, sam) go back home, expecting to surprise their (probably) mourning mother with their open arms and just their existence (surpise, we’re alive! sorry for disappearing without a single word or trace and leaving you worried and thinking you’re alone for over a year!) but they find out she fell into major depression from the loss of her family and either commited suicide or died from broken heart syndrome only a few days ago so their house is still theirs and they can't bring themselves to sell their house because there are just so many things they can’t let go of, not yet, not ever, so they live there but every time they walk down the stairs or they come down to eat breakfast, the smell of familiar food reminds them of their mother's cooking, how she'd always kiss them on their foreheads before they left for work/school regardless of how much they'd protest as they came of age and they just fall into their own kind of depression because if only we could've told her, if only we could've let her know that we're alive, we're safe, that we'll come back, if only we’d come sooner because they both know if they had come just a few days earlier their mother would still be alive, would still be making them breakfast that smells good enough to wake them up from their sleep, would still be giving them her daily forehead pecks before they left and they mourn the loss of their mother who they can't help but feel died because of them, and died thinking only the worst, with no one by her side.

Hunk

Hunk will also be hard, considering there's not much about his background known...since he likes cooking so much, maybe his favorite bakery or restaurant or something is closed down and reconstructing for a different shop or just closed down and the lights are off, the doors are blocked with wood that's been nailed onto it so no one can go in and it's just gone, it's there but it's gone (so close yet so far) and at first it doesn't affect Hunk as much besides the fact that “aw, I used to like eating there...guess I'll have to find a new place" but no matter how many "new places" he goes to it's just, it's just not the same it doesn't taste right, maybe this salad is just a little too sweet or this steak tastes just a little too bland and it's not enough but it's enough to make him reminisce back to when he'd go to that cafe/restaurant to have a nice meal with his friends (Lance and Pidge) after a tough day at the Garrison or just when he'd want to treat himself out or when he's feeling a little down, no especially when he's feeling a little (probably a lot if he's going alone) down the food always was able to cheer him right back up but no it's gone, it's gone now and it won't come back, it's never coming back oh god what have I done? and he knows it's not my fault the place closed down but it feels like it is because he was gone for so long, he wasn't there to protect it, and even if he couldn't, at least he could have been there when it closed down, he could have talked to the owner, asked them for their recipe, something just be right there but he couldn't, he was gone saving the damn universe from the stupid Galra and tears well up in his eyes as he's eating the steak that's just a little too bland because oh god, why me? why me why did the yellow lion have to choose me? and after a moment of crying he sets his fork and knife down, pays for the meal, and leaves with the steak just a little too bland left on his plate, almost looking untouched because he just doesn't have an appetite anymore and he trudges his way home, no Lance to cheer him up with his annoying (but Hunk never thought it was annoying, it was always amusing to watch him try to land one) flirting because he's mourning the disappearance of his family, no Pidge to distract him with her love for the technoligical advancements of the castle because she's still with Matt, trying so desperately not to blame themselves for the death of their mother but they know it's futile because in the end, it really was them that killed their mother, and no Shiro to give him that dad-smile he seems to have no trouble giving his friends when he knows they need a bit of cheering up because he's dealing with his own things, and Hunk realizes oh god, I have no friends, no one cares about me, they've all disappeared...just like the restaurant/cafe did and it takes all of his remaining, yet small amount of, willpower to stop himself from just jumping in front of the fast moving vehicle that zoomed past him because it's just a restaurant, why am I acting like this? There's always a new place but no, there isn't a new place. There is no replacement. It's just gone, and gone is one thing Hunk thinks cooking will never fix.

Shiro

ugh Shiro is hard too bloody hell I mean he's already lost so much the only thing I can think of him mourning is the fact that he doesn't have a home at all to go back to because out of the five of them, he's been gone the longest so not only does he have no family to wait for him (cus most likely he was single when he left for the Kerberos mission and not much is known about his family so it's safe to say they're just out of the picture, gone, nada) and now he also has no home because if anything it's probably been sold to some other family or smth because no one is going to wait 2+ years (let alone one) for a missing man to pay his bills let's be real so he has no family, no home, and honestly, besides the paladins probably no friends so he just mourns for himself, for the lack of a home to go back to, for the lack of open arms waiting for him regardless of who it is, for just being gone for so long that no one remembers him and oh god heartbreak okay nevermind I guess Shiro's is pretty easy to write.

Allura

I can write one for Allura too (if I write for Allura then I am most dEFINITELY writing one for Coran too cus ain't nobody gonna skip out on Coran Coran the gorgeous man) I guess but since Allura isn't from Earth (she's from Altea, duh) and she's already lost everything (except Coran Coran the gorgeous man, which, is really the only reason she was able to remain sane and alive after waking up ten thousand years subsequent to the destruction of her home because in all honestly, if she was left alone, if she woke up to find out she was the only Altean alive, that oh god, not even Coran survived then let's be real, she'd have broken) so I guess the only thing she really has left to lose is Coran and the paladins whom she'll admit she's found a safe spot for them in her heart that she knows nothing will replace and nothing can replace and so when they finally arrive back on Earth after their hard fought war, Allura expects them all to be happy, to go back to their familes with happy tears in their eyes and the last thing she expects is for all of them to look lost, to feel despair, to not know what to do with their lives, to feel so much loss over such an easily replaceable thing but that's exactly what she witnesses happening and she just can't stop the feeling of her heart being ripped out of her skin as she watches Keith just kinda deteriorate in front of the castle, not even able to get 3 centimeters away from the platform, as she watches Lance's face full of excitement, hope, and longing turn into something she could only describe as something her face probably looked like when she found out Altea is gone, her home is gone, her father is gone when he found out his family is nowhere to be found, as she listens to Matt's and Pidge's cries for their lost mother, as she sees hunk's disappointment turn into loss, as she witnesses Shiro's strong demeanor crumble away to reveal the broken man he's become and no matter how much Coran coaxes her, telling her otherwise, she can't help but think it's my fault, it's my fault they're all feeling like this, if only I hadn't forced them into becoming paladins, if only I hadn't told them they're the universe's only hope, if only I wasn't so hung up on my own stupid loss then they wouldn't be like this, they wouldn't feel so lost, so depressed, so gone and her own feet betray her, making her buckle down to her knees despite being a princess who's spent a lot of her life learning about standing up straight and proper manners, no, right now all she can do is cry on her knees in the middle of the lounge of the castle where she can remember all the paladins sitting, relaxed and laughing at their own earthly jokes that she's learned over time, wishing, begging to turn back time so they wouldn't feel the way they all do now.

Coran

Okay well I guess since I made one for Allura I'll have to go on to Coran Coran the gorgeous man...this is gonna be hard considering besides his obnoxious personality (and mustache) I really don’t know much about him but we do know that Lance is his favorite paladin so when they return to Earth he's all excited to meet Lance's family who he's sure are as wonderful and excellent as his favorite paladin is only to find they're not even there and the blue paladin is falling, breaking before his own eyes and he can't bring himself to say anything because what could I say to someone who just lost his entire family? and he thinks it's best that he says nothing because eventually Lance will get over it but Lance doesn't get over it (duh) and if anything Lance falls deeper and deeper into the darkness until eventually he's just not there anymore, he's not dead, no Lance didn't-couldn’t-commit suicide because despite everything he just can't bring himself kill himself because he's so scared even though he feels-or knows-he has every right to, no, every reason to but he just can't, he's just so scared, and that only adds more pain to him and Coran watches this, still keeping his obnoxious mouth shut (for once) because what could I possibly do to make a mourning child feel better? and he can only bring himself to try to be positive, leading him to think that Lance is probably (hopefully) the only one having this much of a hard time so he goes to Allura only to find oh no she's not doing any better than his favorite paladin is because she's blaming, she's blaming herself, she's blamed herself so much that now she is convinced that the fault of the paladins' despair is her fault and no matter how much Coran tries to remind her, no, no dear child, sweet child it is not your fault, please, please stop blaming yourself, please, just please stop crying and when she buckles down to her knees that's when realization hits Coran like a boulder that's fallen off a cliff that no matter how much he tries to lie to himself saying everything will get better with time because bloody hell despite his strongest attempts to ignore it, to just not believe in it time won't solve anything, nothing will get better, and worst of all, it'll just keep getting worse, and worse, and worse...being the oldest adult among them he tries, oh god he tries so hard not to fall with them, because as the adult I must be the helping hand to pull them up and out of this darkness but how can he be the helping hand when he's the one pulling them down? so he stops trying, he stops foldering his own feelings away, he just stops and...well that's it. he stops...really, in this situation what could he really do? though it's been years, Coran has never truly had the time to mourn the loss of Altea, he never truly had the time to mourn the loss of his own family that he knows for a fact perished along with his previous home what with fighting the war against the Galra and all and with it having been past over a year since he'd woken up from that pod and immediately went into fighting stance against his favorite paladin he'd assumed well it's been such a long time, I must have moved on but seeing the paladins, seeing his favorite paladin, seeing Allura broken into a mess-most indubitably the effect of having fallen and landing hard into the darkness-brings back all the grieving he'd missed out on and he begins to think maybe, just maybe if only King Alfor hadn't put me in that pod beside Allura I could have done something to help time figure out the many issues it can not solve and maybe, just maybe, these paladins would not have broken, would not have fallen into this darkness in the first place.