2. Jim has a panic attack (Tarsus) and Spock helps him through it ( for @shipitliketheussenterprise )
It’s a routine meeting with the admiralty, a video call in Jim’s ready room. Pike’s on the screen, along with half a dozen other leaders in the fleet. They meet like this once a month, to review Jim’s logs, to discuss any missions that they may want the Enterprise to undertake.
It’s okay, until one of the other captains who’s patched into the conference brings up a colony that she’d been assigned to take emergency supplies to. Her ship, the Dauphine, had arrived at the planet without a hitch, delivered their supplies, but had chosen to stay on in orbit once they discovered what the settlers were up against in the first place.
“It’s a vine,” Captain Hernandez says, gesturing to the visual aids that appear on screen beside her. “Similar to our Morning Glory on Terra, but exponentially more aggressive. Completely inedible, and its flowers release a kind of gas in the air that seems to have had a detrimental effect on human immune systems. Half the colonists are sick and the other half are starving, Admirals. We’ve taken the worst off into our sick bay but we just don’t have the resources to care for them all, to solve the problem, or to move them off-planet without help.”
Jim can feel the tightness in his chest before the captain finishes speaking. He wraps his fingers around the edge of his desk and digs them into the synthesized wood grain, nods when Admiral Pike asks if the Enterprise would be able to make a detour on their route to Yorktown.
He almost doesn’t notice when the doors to his ready room slide open and Spock steps inside. It shouldn’t be a surprise; as XO, Spock often intrudes on these meetings to observe or, when he has the conn, to present Jim with information or receive his approval for a change in coordinates. Jim notes the moment that Spock realizes that something is wrong; the Vulcan officer pauses, and lowers the PADD held in his hand.
“Captain,” Spock says, voice low. Jim lets his gaze slide away from the vidscreen in front of him to meet that of his first officer.
“Mr. Spock,” Jim says. Even to his own ears, his voice is strained.
“Duty calls, Jim?” Admiral Archer says, jovial despite the subject matter of their meeting. “We’ll sign you off, then. Notify us when you’re within range of Demeter.”
“Yessir,” Jim says, and the vidscreen goes dark. Jim releases his hold on the desk; his hands are shaking. He tries to inhale, but finds that his breath comes in short, quick puffs.
“Jim,” Spock says. Jim feels Spock’s hand on his shoulder.
“Sorry,” he gasps, mind filled with memories- the colony-wide broadcasts, cold nights in the cave with Riley, the taste of rotting wheat in his mouth. “Really sorry - it’s just like - it’s just like it was on -”
“Do not speak,” Spock says. He orders the doors of Jim’s ready-room to lock, and bends over Jim so that both his hands rest on both of Jim’s shoulders. Jim tilts his head back to look at Spock. Somehow, just looking at his first officer’s face makes Jim feel...if not better, then more grounded. Spock holds Jim like that until his breathing evens out, and then moves to the replicator and orders Jim a glass of water.
“You remember our encounter with Kodos,” Jim says, finally. His voice is hoarse.
“Yes,” Spock replies. He returns and Jim takes the glass from Spock. Their hands brush. Spock’s skin is warm and dry in comparison to Jim’s clammy skin.
“There’s a similar situation the Dauphine needs our assistance on. I- I wasn’t prepared, it caught me by surprise.”
“Your reaction is an understandable one,” Spock says. He rests one of his hands on Jim’s neck, thumb stroking at Jim’s hairline, even and calm. Always calm. “Would your prefer that I hold the conn for the duration of this expedition?”
Jim thinks for a moment, and shakes his head.
“No,” Jim says. “Just stick with me. I’ll be okay if you just stick with me.”
over the weekend J had a panic attack while he was rock climbing and i was belying him and had to get him down bc he was freaking out a bit.
and i know he’s had them before but it’s the first time in my life that i experienced someone having one. it only lasted for a few minutes and i think i did a good job helping him but i keep thinking about it and how when it was happening i had no idea if i was helping him or not or what i couldve done and now i cant stop thinking about it and im just sad he has to go through things like that :(
School has been good. The hours work fine, we can use great resources at school, we have enough time to do most of our work at school. You know, until they decide you need to to 5k group projects and you are that person that needs to do most of the shit for one project b/c everybody is so busy. And I can tell you, editing a video with awful audio quality is stressing. So is not getting all the pictures you needed for the video, and you needing to take pictures of yourself, alone, b/c nobody wants to be in a picture, boo fucking hoo.
You know, a lot of people get panic attacks b/c of stress. I am one of them. I don't think this is very good for me. We barely started, and I'm already done with everybody going on against me. I'm already done with all the fucking work they like to throw at me. B/c apparently I'm not stressing out enough. Let's throw some awful words on there, too.
I'm done. I'm tired, and I still need to do too many shit for tomorrow.
