don't you hate it when you have a dissociative episode/panic attack so long that everyone just decided to leave you alone and go to bed?
and did you guys really think I would let there be an actual conflict with a satisfying resolution? in the starting chapter? hahaha! no it'll just build up and get repressed of course
text during his inner monologue if anybody’s curious: “I knew it I knew it they don’t want me here why would they they want me dead they never wanted me back he’s going to kill you again why shouldn’t he you failed them you let them abstract you failed them you failed them YOU FAILED YOU FAILED THEM YOU FAILED THEM YOU FAILED YOU’RE A FUCKING FAILURE–“
and then the red text: “SHUT UP. Shut up. Stop thinking. Remember what you decided. They will never love you. Not like this.”
also!!! physics project is over! unfortunately AP testing starts this week... so don't expect very many updates until my school year ends.
You better think about your next words carefully, or they will be your last ones
Jack Abbot X Attending!Wife Reader
Babies, and older children alike had always gravitated towards you, it's why you'd chosen pediatrics. Jack had been all for it, wanting you to be happy with your choice and not end up regretting it down the line.
A/N: hello! this idea had been plaguing me since I watched the episode so I had to write it down before it overtook my every thought lol THERE WILL BE SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2 EPISODE 10 OF THE PITT YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
Warnings: reader is described as pregnant, Robby being a DICK, Robby getting his ass handed to him(verbally), mentions of panic attacks
The ED was bustling with activity, everyone running around while yelling out different orders to whoever was available to listen. Dana was doing her best to keep things organized, even if that was proving to be rather useless in that moment. Joy had plopped herself down overtop of the desk for a moment, taking a deep breath before turning back towards the board.
"Jeez, I didn't think today could get any worse," Robby's violent reaction towards Samira's panic attack was running through her mind.
How could someone be so hateful towards one of their own? Especially with something as serious as a panic attack. Sure, it wasn't exactly a heart attack, but unless you could get yourself in control it could become more serious!
"What'd you mean, kid?" Dana focused on Joy, her brow furrowed as she shuffled through the clipboards.
Joy glanced at her, eyes narrowing as she tried to sus her out. "Samira had a panic attack, pretty severe from what I could tell. Robby ended up yelling at her over it, embarrassed her in front of everyone."
Dana's head whipped around, lips parted as if she was going to attempt a reply. Nothing came out as she stared at the young woman, her thoughts racing wildly.
Shit, if word got out of the ED how Robby was beginning to treat the women? There was no way you weren't going to find out what had happened. If there was truly anyone to fear, besides Dana herself, it would be you. The elevator doors opened, the loud ping echoing for a brief second as you stepped out. Your scrub top was stretched over the fabric of your belly, pregnancy giving you a glow that anyone would rival for.
"Hey, I heard there was a little Jane Doe down here?" You were the pediatric attending, only coming downstairs when it was absolutely necessary.
"Yes there is, we've been trying to get in touch with social services but with the whole shutdown," Dana shrugged, reaching over to steer you towards where they'd put the baby for the time being.
She was asleep when you both stepped inside, wrapped tight in one of the, rather shitty, hospital blankets. Your eyes softened as your finger traced over her cheek gently, watching the way she shuffled for a moment before relaxing. Babies, and older children alike had always gravitated towards you, it's why you'd chosen pediatrics. Jack had been all for it, wanting you to be happy with your choice and not end up regretting it down the line.
"Dana? It's Samira," it was Emma this time, her eyes flicking back and forth between the two women.
She cursed under her breath, rushing past Emma to go and see what the hell was going on this time, by the time she reached Robby and Samira it was obvious things had gotten worse. You followed close behind her, concerned with the wellbeing of your close friend.
"You leave that shit at home! This is a hospital!" Robby's words echoed out of the room, the chief attending standing over where Samira was laid on the hospital bed.
You saw nothing but red, hands clenching into fists as you pushed past Dana, praying for a second that she could forgive you as you shoved Robby away from you.
"Robinavitch! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" You were genuinely angry, lips pulled back into a sneer.
His lips parted, ready to tear into you as well before seeming to think better and closing his mouth.
"She is your resident! And here you are treating her like she's a disobedient child, jesus no wonder your patient satisfaction scores are non-existent, you're an asshole!"
You weren't going to keep your mouth closed anymore, too many horror stories had been coming out about him, and you were going to use your own position to your advantage.
"Don't thin for a fucking second that you're better than anyone in this building, especially someone that has more empathy in their pinky than you do in your entire body!" The commotion was gathering attention, two of the newbies standing in the doorway as you yelled at Robby.
"If I get word from Jack that you're talking like this to any of your female residents, I will make your life a living hell in and outside of this hospital. Do I make myself clear?" Your gaze never wavered, staring him down with the intensity of a thousand suns.
"Look, you've gotta understand-,"
"I said! Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear."
Your nails were cutting into your palms from how tight your fists were clenched, ready to pounce at a moments notice.
"Understood doctor."
Robby didn't give you a moment to utter another word, quickly making his way out of the room as everyone watched him leave. Samira sat flabbergasted on the bed, heart racing with an emotion she couldn't quite place. No one had ever really defended her except for Jack downstairs in the ED.
"He needs to get that stick out of his ass before I beat his fucking brakes off," you scoffed, rolling your eyes before turning to face everyone in the room.
"You're incredible," Emma was looking at you with adoration, and maybe a small tinge of fear.
You smiled softly, resting a hand on the top of your belly, letting your eyes scan over everyone else. Samira looked on the verge of tears, whether that was from Robby's disgusting actions, or you defending her in that moment you weren't sure. The door swung open before you could attempt to comfort her, Jack stepping inside with tense shoulders.
"What the hell happened? Why did I just see Robby storming around like a goddamn bull?" Jack's eyes locked on you first, checking to make sure you were all right first before turning towards where Samira was.
"I had a panic attack, felt like I was having a heart attack," her voice was soft, muted.
"Everything's okay, though? No serious damage?" Jack cared about his residents, some more than others but people could be grating.
She shook her head, knees pressing closer to her chest as a way to self soothe, lip curling in to try and hold back tears that desperately wanted to escape. You refused to let her suffer in silence, quickly stepping over and wrapping your arms around her in a comforting embrace. The dam broke within seconds, her sobs echoing through the room as you held her, hands rubbing along her back and sides gently.
"Don't you ever think that you don't deserve for people to worry about you, you did the right thing by checking on yourself first," you pressed her tighter against your chest, ignoring how her tears soaked into your scrubs.
Jack watched with a fascination, a small smile on his face at how you always knew how to comfort someone. He'd been on the receiving end more times than he could count, and knowing your child would never have to suffer? It brought an ease he'd never known before in his life.
You let Samira pull from the embrace first, knowing she probably needed the comfort. Her hands were still tangled in the base of your scrub top, breathing evened out.
"Feel better?" Every time someone asked that question it had a slight condescending tone. Yours was different, like a parent that wanted to make sure their child was okay.
"Yeah, thank you," she smiled, wiping away the remnants of her tears with a soft sigh.
You gave her one final squeeze, letting her know that you would always be in her corner, even if you weren't physically in the hospital. Jack stepped around you, hands gently squeezing your hips before taking over as an attending.
"Alright, everyone get back to work before I sick Dana on all of you," everyone, except for Jack and Samira, rushed out of the room, the door shutting as the last person exited.
You knew Robby was going on his sabbatical after the shift, but he didn't need to ruin any kind of relationships with his residents before. Not to mention you hadn't gotten a chance to meet with the attending taking over while he'd be gone.
"Samira, I'm sure Jack had given you my phone number already, but I want you to call me any time you need someone to talk to, okay?" You had given her your full attention, giving her the peace of mind that she would be heard no matter what.
"Thank you," she looked so small, like a child scolded by a parent for making a simple mistake.
It made you sick to think of the way Robby had been treating her, how happier she'd been during her night shifts over the last few months. Maybe Robby leaving for a few months would do the hospital good.
Maybe the world would keep turning, and he'd finally realize that treating his doctors like shit would only end up with them leaving. Maybe.
"Did you - fuck, climb through the - ah - the w-window?"
Steve stops biting his neck and peers up at him through lidded eyes.
"Is that a problem?"
"N-no, no!" Eddie hurries to add. His hands tighten against the pillow Steve pushed them under, crossed at the wrist. "'s just that... I really didn't see this coming, man." he blurts and lays still, feeling his heart furiously pounding for permission to jump into Steve's lap. They've been dancing around each other for a couple of weeks, nothing major yet. A few kisses, a few loose hands here and there. And now, apparently, this.
Steve sighs and pulls back, looking at Eddie where he's got him caged between his arms. Their legs are tangled among the blankets.
"I just... Had a realization. Thought I'd do something about it."
Eddie's eyebrows lift.
"At two in the morning? Look, I'm not complaining, but -"
"Sounds like you are." Steve cuts him off with a bitchy huff. "Look I can go if you don't want this with me."
"I do! Steve, I do, I just..." his mind is blank, the blanket beneath him is suddenly scratchy and the warmth from Steve's body no longer feels inviting. "I think I'm confused and I, I... I need air."
"Huh?"
"Air, Steve, I need to - oh, fuck."
Eddie's body does that sometimes. Forgetd how to process air the right way. His mom used to say his emotions sometimes grew a little too big for his body so they would push out the air to make room for themselves. His dad called him a wuss and a crybaby.
Wayne was the one who taught him how to go on about it. He taught him how to recognise the attack, how to calm himself and work through it until his lungs functioned properly again. He would often be there next to Eddie to help along and when he wasn't he was there in the aftermath with a firm hand on Eddie's shoulder or a mug of cocoa before sleep.
Steve isn't Wayne.
"Get off, please."
Steve's face furrows but he's off Eddie in seconds, hands hovering unsure over Eddie's back where he's shakily flung himself against the still open window where Steve had clambered in and scared the shit out of him when he awoke to an unfamiliar weight pinning his hands.
Minutes pass. Steve sits in awkward silence as Eddie works on his breathing. In. Out. In. Out. In.
"Look I get this kind of thing must work. Um. For the chicks you fuck." Eddie mumbles after a while.
"Jesus." Steve huffs, embarrassed but not interrupting further.
"And I'm sure you thought this'd be hot or whatever. And it would be! To people, but, I um."
"I'm sorry."
Eddie turns to face him. Steve plays nervously with his fingers in his lap and chances a look at Eddie's face.
"I wasn't thinking, really. I had this dream about you and I woke up and I just. I had to come here and I had to feel you so I -"
"You climbed through my window."
"Yeah."
"Christ. That's - hm."
Steve closes his eyes and prepares to be kicked out or cussed out. Or both. Probably both, jesus, what was he thinking?
"That's kind of hot, actually, shit."
Steve's head snapps up, because did he just hear Eddie right?
"It is?"
"Shit. Yeah, I guess it is" Eddie huffs, wiping his hand down his face and pulling his mouth a little open with the movement.
Steve tracks it with his eyes.
"But you got... Um."
"Hyperventilating?"
Steve cringes and nodds in shame. Eddie barks a humorless laugh.
"Yeah, well. I get... that when I'm overwhelmed sometimes. Doesn't really matter if the overwhelm is bad or, um. Or good."
"So, you... Liked? It?"
Eddie laughs for real this time.
"Yeah, Steve, I liked it. I really liked it and I think... I wouldn't be against that happening again. In like, different, um... circumstances. I just got overwhelmed because, well. Honestly, big boy, I did not expect you to clamber into my bed like a hot, scary fantasy from the depth of my mind and waking up to your kinks actually coming true is I guess enough to forget how to breathe in my book." Eddie gets more and more animated with each word and then awkwardly puts his hands down in his lap when he ends his speech.
Steve blinks at him and then shakes himself out his stupor.
"So it's not that I did it, but that you didn't know I was going to do it?"
Eddie reflects on the thought and nods slowly.
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Fuck, okay."
The silence is broken after a few minutes when Steve leans closer to Eddie and whispers his name.
"So now that you... Are aware of my intentions."
Eddie looks at him slowly. Steve's looking at his lips and whispers:
"Can I feel you?"
Eddie feels a tight heat in his gut.
"Yeah. Yeah, Steve, you can."
Steve is on him in a blink of an eye, fast but careful as he lays him down on the bed, covering his body with his own and relaxing all his weight, pinning Eddie gently to the mattress.
Eddie exhales through his teeth.
"Fuuuuck."
Steve's laugh rumbles through his chest and he nods into Eddie's neck.
"I know. Fuck."
Eddie rolls his hips up and Steve groans, burrowing deeper. Their hands fly to twist in each other's hair, clothes, roaming and pressing where they heave together. They fall asleep like that later. Pressed together and just feeling each other's body and energy as they rest.
They'll talk more in the morning after they wake up tangled and hard, after they pant kisses all over themselves and finally close the window Steve left open last night.
Out of nowhere one shot of the ctrl-alt-del-au that's nothing like anything else I've written because this au has me obsessed and I blinked and saw that I had written over 9000 words. It was also great practice for dramatic irony.
@ctrl-alt-del-au I hope you don't mind my interpretation of ep 3
Also some of my interpretation of the au is inspired by this person's @aromantic-ghost-menace own interpretation. Though you might not be able to tell
Caine has a bad time, which is excellent because Pomni is also having a bad time, so Kinger gets to hard carry the WHOLE team! Isn't that nice!
Tw for panic attacks right off the bat
"F### THE FLY, RUN!"
Pomni grabbed Kinger and dragged him away from the head, before letting go as she reached the dumbwaiter.
Her heart was pounding in her ears. Everything was horrible! Stupid adventures! She scrambled to grab the key out of her pocket—or whatever she had—and slam it into the key hole. Only her hand slipped, and in her rush to get! It! In! There! She dropped the key.
The room flashed from light to dark and the things screeched. Making it hard to see.
"C'mon! C'mon c'mon c'mon come on!!!"
"Uhh, Pomni!?" Caine asked.
She dropped down to pick it up! Feeling it through her glove, and struggling with her cartoony fingers.
"Do we have to use the dumbwaiter?" Caine blurted.
"WHAT!?" She yelled back.
No, no, no! The dumbwaiter was their only-
"Guys! I think this might be the creature from the tape!" Kinger yelled.
Pomni managed to wrap her fingers around it, and she looked up at Kinger. Who was entirely serious and barely worried. Even as the the creature was actively opening and closing its mouth behind him.
She sputtered uselessly for a moment, falling to form words, before she gave up with a groan and went back to jamming the key into the keyhole.
"I really, really don't wanna get in there!" Caine yelled louder. "There are other doors! I'm sure there's somewhere-"
"C'mon c'mon c'monc'monc'monC'MOOOON!" She whimpered, desperately trying to get it in.
I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I don't want to die not to something like that, please!
"Please! Pomni! Anywhere else! I-I'll owe you! I'll distract the monster for you! Please!"
What was Caine even screaming!? Distract the monster- then they'd ask be separated!? Why was Kinger not worried!? Why were her teammates so useless!?
A small yelp from from Kinger followed by a lower, longer groan from the monster.
"I'LL DO ANYTHING! ANYTHING YOU WANT, I CAN CREATE! PLEASE!" Caine grabbed her arm and she screamed, shoving him away out of pure instinct. He collapsed to the floor, and shook his head. His cane had disappeared.
"... You look beautiful, honey..."
The key slipped in and the gate doors opened with a click.
"Got it!"
She yanked them open, and ran back towards the monster.
The horrible, terrifying, screeching monster!
She grabbed Kinger by his robe and pulled, and pulled with all her strength. Desperately trying to get him to move. Why wouldn't he!? "Come on!" She screamed.
"Wh-wh-wuh-huh?" He turned around to face her. "Oh! Yeah!"
Kinger was darn quick. He ran past the spot where Caine was laying on the floor and picked him up by the collar of his suit coat. Then, just as Pomni finally made it into the dumbwaiter, Caine was set down just to her left, and they were both squeezed in by Kinger taking up almost the entire space. Pinning Pomni into the corner, and Caine against the back wall.
You're in, you're in, you're in, you're safe from that thing! It's fine, you're fine!
"Prepare for take off!" He closed the gate. Locking them all in and out of that thing's reach. "Cause this boat is going up!"
The dumbwaiter shook in the shaft and started going down.
Pomni barely noticed it with trying to catch her breath and steady her heartbeat, but Kinger certainly did.
"Huh!?" Kinger looked through the holes in the gate to see the floor (and monster) outside slowly rising. "That's not up!? That's not up at all! Why aren't we going up!?"
He started to move around irratically, looking through different different holes as if it would change the outcome. And when he saw that it didn't, he started screaming, and the monster's floor disappeared out of sight.
Surely her heart would slow down any minute now.
Ugh, her chest hurt, her voice hurt from all the screaming, all her body was all tense as it could be and she could barely think through all the fear coursing through her.
It's fine. You survived (for now, oh gosh it's not over is it?) you survived, it's fine, you're fine!
"AAAAHHH-"
"Stop screaming!" Pomni yelled.
"Oh. Sorry." Kinger said. Soft and relaxed. Like he wasn't just losing it a moment ago.
She looked over to find that Caine was incredibly still, his shoulders were hunched, his fists tightly clenched, and his pupils were smaller than she thought they could possibly go. He was staring, not quite, but almost vacantly, at the gate opposite him.
He never responded to her.
While getting into his own head and not answering was normal for him, this distinct look of fear was not.
"... Caine?" She asked again.
She waited again, and still no answer. That is, until she was about to ask a third time.
"...no," he croaked. "... no, no no no no no No No NO NO-"
"Hey! It's okay, were free from the mon-"
"NO, NO, DON'T LOCK ME AWAY!" He screeched. Then he leaned over Kinger and started banging on the gate with much more force than she'd expected him to be capable of. "Please! No, no, please!"
Loud clattering rang out and the whole dumbwaiter started to shake.
"Caine, calm down! It's okay-" Pomni stuttered.
"LET ME OUT! PLEASE LET ME OUT!"
"Caine!" Kinger called out. "Sit down! You're rocking the boat!"
"OUT OUT OUT OUT-" Caine was starting to shake violently, as he bent the metal outward, and in the midst of everything, Pomni saw tears forming in his eyes. "OUT OUT! I NEED TO GET OUT!"
This was the worst case of claustrophobia she'd ever seen in her life. It wasn't... Natural, it was more. Something different.
He banged on it even harder, and the whole room jolted, along with a snapping sound coming from just above them.
Ropes, dumbwaiters usually have ropes on pulleys.
The rope was fraying.
She needed to stop him before they plumeted to their deaths!
"Caine! It's okay! Take deep breaths! We'll be out soon! It'll only be a minute-"
"That's what he said AND HE LIED!" Caine turned to scream at her, raw anguish in his throat.
Pomni's eyes widened. He wasn't just shaking, he was twitching... Twitching in ways that didn't look human at all. Sharp protruding spikes started forming on his red coat, glitching this way and that, taking up what little space there still was left.
A horrible, swirling, nauseous feeling filled her stomach.
This must be what abstraction looks like.
Caine was abstracting.
(Caine hasn't even been here twenty four hours... What hope do you have?)
Pomni remembered very vividly how much her hand ached as the tiniest of movements jolted it around in irritating ways.
She also remembered how much worse Ragatha was. Violently jerking back and forth, her voice bugging out, the way she looked miserable afterwards. It must've been a horrible feeling.
And now, her and Kinger were trapped with someone abstracting, in a box much too small to fit an abstraction, much less the two of them as well. Would she be crushed to death? Would they clip though the walls of the dumbwaiter and fall out of bounds again, but this time so glitched out that they couldn't move to escape?
How badly would it hurt?
Would Bubble find them?
How long until he went looking, only to find a boxed in abstraction and two crushed glitching humans?
Or worse, three abstracted humans?
She needed to stop him from spiraling before they were all killed. Whatever the equivalent word was.
He started banging on the gate again, and another snapping sound was heard.
"Caine!" She yelled louder than before. "It's okay! It'll all be okay! I promise! Right, Kinger!?"
"Yeah!" He agreed. "It's all just an adventure! Just hold on for another moment, and things will be okay!"
"Let me out... Let me out..." He whispered. Then he pulled back his fists. "LET ME OUT!"
Before he could make contact, she put her hand on his chest from the side, and pushed him away from the gate, against the wall behind him.
The spikey glitches all stopped at once. And it was eerily quiet compared to before.
The dumbwaiter swung back and forth, slowly.
His eyes, slowly, and stiffly turned to look at her, his pupils still very small. "P-Pomni?"
She let out a sigh. Less abstracting. "Yes! It's me, I'm here, you're okay!" She moved her hands away from him slowly. Ready to grab him again if need be. The contact seemed to help him not abstract. She would remember that for later.
"I... I'm not... Alone?"
How badly was he spiraling that he didn't even notice them?
"Nope," Kinger said. "You've got us with you."
Caine nodded slowly, still looking traumatized. "O-okay. Okay. Not alone. Not ab-" he cut himself off. Going silent, and hugging himself tightly. His teeth closed, and she heard him swallow.
... This wasn't a regular panic attack, was it?
This was a huge one. This was an all bets are off, absolute freak out, panic attack, with as much cortisol and adrenaline as the human body could physically handle.
This was a trauma response.
"Th-the box is shrinking," Caine whispered. Opening his teeth again.
"Nope! No, no, the box isn't shrinking!" Pomni declared anxiously.
"It feels like it," he whispered. "It's getting smaller."
What the hell are you supposed to do for a panic attack!?
"How about some deep breaths?" Pomni asked. Trying and failing to keep the fear out of her voice, but hopefully it was fine.
This was the worst day of her life.
Just like yesterday, and the day before.
This place is a nightmare!
"I c-can't deep breathe," he whispered. "I don't know how."
"That-that's okay, w-we'll teach you!" Pomni looked over to Kinger, who nodded. "Oh, sure! I'm very good at breathing!"
She was doomed. She couldn't control this situation, she was all on her own-
"No, no, I don't want to deep breathe," Caine said. "Please. Something else."
Something else?
SOMETHING ELSE?
What was she supposed to do with 'something else'!? Deep breathing is the thing you do!? What the h-
"I-I can feel them!" Caine whined. "You're wrong, I can feel them! They're getting smaller!"
Oh, this is bad, this is bad, this is very bad! She's good at talking about feelings, but panic attacks are a new beast! And with that monster on the loose, she's close to a panic attack as well! She can't handle this!?
Another snap, and the whole box listed to the side creaking as it went, with Pomni's corner much lower than the rest.
She failed to bite back a yelp as it did so. And Caine screeched, a noise so filled with pure terror that it made Pomni's heart start pounding again.
There was a stifling silence for a moment following the scream. Pomni listened for breathing, but didn't hear any.
"I want out of this box," Caine muttered angrily. But, he also sounded like he was tearing up.
"Y-yeah. But it's good we're out of range of the monster, right?" Pomni asked.
"Oh! I forgot about the monster!" Kinger said happily.
Another snap, and the whole thing went careening downwards.
"I waNT OUT!" Caine yelped.
Her stomach lurched, and she felt sick.
The fall felt like it was getting faster and faster, but there was no way of knowing if that was the case. Only that she was feeling lighter by the second.
From floor to floor whizzing past the battered gate, in intermittent flashes of dim lighting.
Everything was horrible, and the dents in the gate were bent far enough out that they were scraping across the wall of the shaft.
Was it getting faster?
Was everything getting even worse somehow!?
How tall did Bubble make this place!?
Then, all at once a crash!
Dust clouds, metal snapping and flinging everywhere, and Pomni being launched out of the box and rolling across the cold floor.
Until she slowly stopped, with her faceplanted on the floor.
Ow.
She groaned and pushed her face off the floor. Holding her head.
What?
This new area was covered in dim blues, with barrels upon barrels along the walls, archways above them, and cold, hard concrete. In front of another take recorder, Caine was curled up and shaking like a cat out in the cold. His head was almost entirely hidden. She ignored that one. At least he was out of the dumbwaiter.
And far in front, leaning against another rack of barrels, was a grey, rotting corpse. He had a shotgun in his lap.
She cursed. "Where are we now?"
Kinger pulled his head off of the concrete, his eyes unsticking one at a time. "I, don't know. Like a cellar of some kind." He looked back at her. "We should check on Caine," he said.
"Do we have time?" She asked. "The monster is probably coming back..."
Kinger seemed conflicted, but then he nodded.
They both inched just past Caine, towards the tape, and Kinger started it playing.
Maybe there would be some kind of hint on how to avoid the monster?
She could at least dream, right?
"Things have gotten far worse than I could ever have imagined." He began, monologuing about his own paranoia, and how he'd ended up shooting his wife in the confusion.
It sounded horrible, and scary. But Kinger seemed sad for the man on the tape.
"I will slay the beast that took everything from me."
The recorder clicked. And it was over.
This place was horrifying. Why was everything so awful!? Why was-
"How's about we take his gun?" Kinger asked.
Oh thank goodness, score for Kinger for once.
"Y-yeah, sounds good to me."
After several agonizing moments of desperately trying to grab the gun without jostling awake the corpse like Bubble would obviously program...
"Please don't come alive..!" She squeaked.
"Okay, I won't."
She flinched back, but the corpse said nothing else, so she snatched the gun as fast as possible and brought it to Kinger, who has stepped forward into the fork of the cellar. Revealing it to be more of a T-shape.
Geez, she felt ready to shake out of her skin. Her muscles were wound so tightly.
Kinger pulled the double barrels down to reveal the ammo in the gun.
"Looks like we've got two shots," he closed it back up dramatically. "Let's make 'em count."
She just nodded quietly. "Uhh, yeah..."
Kinger looked around, and saw Caine, still hadn't moved back by the tape recorder. Still curled, hands clutching his head. She couldn't see him breathing, but he was still shaking.
"Caine, it's best to stay by me." Kinger said. "I've got a weapon. We can fight back."
Silence.
Caine was having a rough first adventure.
Not that they weren't all horrible.
Kinger handed Pomni the gun again, and turned to Caine.
Then his hands moved across the cellar, and gently grabbed Caine by the waist. He flinched, but didn't try to escape. Which Kinger took as acceptance.
"Alright, up and at 'em." Kinger said gently. Lifting him up and pulling him over to the two of them.
Then, he gently put the balled up Caine back on the floor between them. "Sorry," Kinger said. "Just, stay there for now."
A soft dragging noise sounded, and Kinger took the gun back, as they both turned to see an opening in the wall. Circular. And dark.
"Stay behind me," Kinger said. "Both of you."
Slowly, as the dragging noise continued, fingers curled around the edges of the hole. Pale white, yet blackened with a dark sludge, and sickeningly wet.
Out crawled a horribly upsetting headless naked corpse, with skin was the same white as the head. Its shoulders snapped and crackled as it dragged itself forward. Across the floor with its hands.
Then, growing louder like a horrible siren on the road, came the horrible screaming of the creature.
Down the dumbwaiter shaft came the horrible white glow, and then the head itself. Mouth wide and full of teeth as it screeched.
And then it stopped, in one of the many intervals between screeches, but it kept getting closer.
Pomni swore she had a heart attack.
"Uh- K-Kinger?" She started tapping his robe repeatedly, trying not to startle him while also trying to get his attention as fast as possible. "I think we may have a-a problem this way too!"
"Just- leave it to me," Kinger said. His voice sounded slightly stressed, but moreso sounded like he was doing a good job at keeping the stress from overwhelming him. Better than her and Caine. "I can handle this."
He pointed the gun back towards the body, just in time for it to start running full speed at them, Pomni flinched and took a tiny step back, only for her heel to bump into Caine, and she flinched harder.
There was a flash of yellow light in the darkness, and a bang, and the body flung backwards into the wall, before collapsing.
Kinger rapidly turned to the now screeching again head, and fired again. It was knocked away and rolled to a stop on the ground. No longer hovering eerily.
It was suddenly, devastatingly quiet.
Kinger lowered the gun. "Well," he said, "that wasn't so bad?"
Pomni waited with baited breath after those words. Maybe nothing would happen..?
A click. "-Which is what I would be saying," rang out the tape. "If I didn't know that the creature was actually one of god's angels."
"What."
What did that mean!? Why was it saying that now!?
"And anyone who brings harm to it, would be dragged down to the cold, spiraling pits of hell, where my soul resides."
No. No no no NO NO NO NO!
She looked back at the corpse. If she wasn't so terrified she'd be furious. At the corpse, at Bubble! At everything!
The body, which still lay in a heap on the floor, sprouted spindley, fleshy wings with eyeballs all across them.
Pomni squeezed her eyes shut, as she turned away.
"I apologize, dear listener. But I need a living host to escape the hall of the damned, and your bodies will be my only means of doing so."
The man finally stopped talking for a moment.
"... Now wait," Kinger asked. "How did he record this if he was in hell?"
That. Was a good question...
A green light sprang up from the ground and grabbed at their arms, and legs, they were cold and lifeless, and she yelped.
All their yells and complaints swirled together.
But it did nothing to drown out Caine's cry of bloody murder.
"NO!" He cried as he tried to crawl away from the arms. "DON'T PUT ME BACK! I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK! PLEASE!"
"No, no no, let go of me! Let go of me!" She hated being touched and now there were dozens of arms dragging them through the floor, and down into hell.
"I hope you're ready," said the voice on the tape, "because the next breath you take down there will be your last. And your bodies will belong to me."
Bodies!?
"NOT THE BOX PLEASE!"
She watched as Caine disappeared first with one final shriek, and she and Kinger were pulled up to their necks.
"Let go of me!"
Pomni did the best job of clinging to the floor, but eventually they got the best of her.
"I HATE THIS STUPID ADVENTURE!"
And then everything she saw was gone.
And it was gone for several moments.
But belatedly, she realized that the arms were gone too. Everything was gone except a cool, slightly humid cold.
And as her vision got used to the dark, (or acted like it did since it should've already been used to it) she realized she was in a large, stone room. With a long glowing hallway in the distance.
She looked up, from where she was on her hands and knees to see Kinger. Looking around with his gun in his lap.
"Not really typical of what you'd think hell would be."
The arms were gone, and the angel nowhere to be found, and that was enough for boiling rage to mix with the fear.
She turned to Kinger. "We, are literally in hell right now! HELL!" Her yell echoed off the obsidian walls.
She began to pace. "Of course I'd be in hell, how could not be in literal hell right now!"
A hand landed on her shoulder. "Just, try to stay calm. I'm sure Bubble designed a way to escape. Not even he's that unpredictable. Besides, we need to find-"
A choked sob rang out, and they both froze.
Looking around, she saw a spot of pinkish-red twenty feet or so away from them. By the walls.
He must've started banging on them again.
Now though, Caine just sat, with his arms curled around his knees, and sobbed.
Kinger stood up, and they both walked over towards him.
He was spikey again and Pomni's breath hitched.
"H-he's ab-"
"What is he doing?" Kinger asked, and Pomni's mind halted.
"Y-you don't recognize this?" She asked. Hadn't he been here the longest?
"No... I don't."
"So... He's not abstracting?" She asked in a hushed voice.
"I mean, that's always a possibility, but... I don't think I've seen anyone except B-" he shook his head, "no, that doesn't make sense. I must be misremembering." Kinger was pretty bad with remembering things that happened twenty seconds ago. With that, he sat down next to Caine. Pomni sat down in front of him, a reasonable distance away.
Would should she even say? She was no better at this than before!?
"... Caine?" Kinger asked, and Caine's sobs stopped. Cold turkey. Like he was never crying in the first place. It was eerie, and Pomni focused on his still wet eyes.
"I-I'm sorry..." He whispered.
"Whatever are you sorry for?" Kinger asked slowly.
"I-I know I'm not supposed to do things like this. I should be better than... Crying."
"Oh, Caine. It's okay, if you need to cry..."
"... You're going to leave me." He croaked.
"Leave you?" Kinger asked. "Why would I do that?"
"B-because you did last time." Caine responded. "The only time you don't leave is when you can't."
Kinger and Pomni looked at each other. What was he talking about?
"I-I think he thinks he's talking to someone else," Pomni whispered. That was a thing, right? Or was that just in books and movies and stuff?
"I know who I'm talking to," Caine insisted. "You put me back in the box."
Definitely confused.
The spikes across Caine's body got worse. "Let me out of the box. Let me out... Please. I don't want to be in the box. I'll be good. I'll be better. I'll be perfect. Please..."
'I'll be perfect'. Those words made her skin crawl.
... Well, they found the trauma.
"You're not in the box, Caine." Kinger said.
"Technically, we're in hell," Pomni muttered before she could stop herself. Still more than horrified.
This was horrible. Was this what every day was going to be like!?
"Ah, details." Kinger said. "The point is, you're not in the box. You're here, and you're with us, and we will keep you safe."
Speak for yourself! I can't even keep me safe!
Caine continued to whisper to himself things that barely made any sense. 'Not the box', 'please let me out', and the one that made her shudder the most. 'I'll be perfect'.
Something really bad must've happened to him.
Pomni looked at Kinger.
"You said he's done this before? With the, uh, glitching?"
Pomni nodded. "In the dumbwaiter. It stopped when I touched him."
"Please... Not the box. I'll be good. I'll be perfect. I can become perfect, I just need more time. Please. Please... Anything but the box... Rewrite me, tear me apart. Just, please don't put me in the box."
He was locked in a box for... Not being perfect?
Who would do that?
A sickening feeling took hold of her.
That is not something you could do to an adult... Not without struggle.
But a child would easily fit in a box.
Had he been kidnapped?
Or... Was it a parent?
But... What did 'rewrite me' mean? 'Tear me apart'?
"You said it stopped when you touched him?" Kinger asked.
Pomni nodded silently.
"Right." Kinger inched closer, "I hope you don't mind how much I've been dragging you around today," he said, and then-
"Oookay, up we go."
Pomni's eyes widened.
The glitching stopped the moment he touched him.
Kinger had picked him up, and put him on his lap like a child. The image was further emphasized from the fact that Caine was so small, and so curled up. Crying to himself.
"Not the box... Not the box..."
And then, he started rubbing circles into Caine's back. "Don't worry, Caine. I've got you."
Caine leaned into his chest. Shaking, but this time normally, like a human would. Not glitching violently. His voice quieted to a whimper.
Pomni had a thousand things she wanted to scream, yell, and cry about, all begging for her attention. But she didn't want to make Caine worse, and she didn't want to give Kinger more freakouts to deal with.
Kinger looked up at her.
"What do you say we get out of here?"
Finally.
Pomni nodded softly. Trying desperately to keep it together.
Kinger slowly stood up. He didn't have any arms, but Caine wrapped his own around Kinger's neck, so he could use only one hand to keep Caine up. And keep the empty gun in his other hand.
"As long as Caine doesn't mind me carrying him like a sack of potatoes."
Like he's your child. You're carrying him like he's your son. You know that, right? Even Caine probably knows and just doesn't care enough to be insulted right now.
Pomni didn't say anything about it. And Caine just seemed to hold on tighter.
They made their way toward the faintly glowing hallway, above it etched into the stone and hard to read in the dark, was the words, 'Hall of the Damned.'
There were these tiny floating... Green things. They reminded her a little of sea monkeys. They swam across the hall going somewhere, but in no hurry.
Stupid adventure with its stupid sea monkeys.
She wanted out as soon as possible, and this certainly looked like progression.
She tried to take a step into the corridor, but Kinger stopped her.
"Hold on," he said gently. It was so soothing compared to everything else, but she was still frustrated that they weren't getting back in the circus as fast. "Let me try something."
He pulled a hand away from Caine, and pulled off one of his eyes. She watched in surprise as he calmly threw it down the hall.
It hit the ground, bouncing a couple times far down the hallway. She anxiously watched it move around, and then Kinger spoke again.
"Hey! There's actually a staircase down there! It could be a way out! Maybe it'd still work for us since we still have our bodies?" Sounded good enough for her. "Though I'm worried about what that tape said earlier."
"I-I'm just going to try going fast!" She blurted and then headed off down the hallway.
"Wait- Pomni!"
She ran pretty fast, even before she was in the circus, a jog could get her a lot of distance. This time however, it was cut short in the worst way possible.
Something jolted in her body. Freezing it up entirely. And as she felt panic creep up her neck, something else felt like it was going down.
And then everything started to twist.
She wasn't sure if it hurt because of all the horrible ways her body was bending, or if it was because the very fact that it was moving on its own seared her limbs and her brain.
It was horrifying.
It felt awful.
It needed to stop, but no matter how she kicked and thrashed none of her movements made it to her body, it was like her muscles were being yanked back into different movements.
From the inside of the muscles.
Please make it stop!
More twisting, and crackling and bending, in horrible ways that she couldn't fight against.
And then her eyes opened. Clearly.
They darted around in ways, again, she didn't do! Or ask for! And it hurt.
Then her head started to turn. And kept turning. And then she was face to face with Kinger down at the entrance.
She couldn't even cry the way she was now.
No, instead, the voice of many different voices all started to laugh. Deeply and harshly.
And she wasn't doing any of it!
Her lungs inflated and deflated without once consulting her, there was something rattling strong in it, and everything burned.
This was the most upsetting- the worst- the- the
She didn't know anymore! All she wanted was for it to stop!
The laughing continued, and she watched as Kinger was now shaking in fear. Something he hadn't done the entire adventure.
Her limbs weren't hers, and as her head turned back around, and flopping and slumping in strange ways, as her feet started to step towards the exit again.
"Fffffreeedommm..." The voices pulled the air and sound from her vocal chords. Not something they should've have any ability to move.
It stung, it all stung.
"Pomni!"
A hand grabbed her collar and pulled her backwards though the air, until she knocked herself into Kinger and Caine.
The body that should've been hers flopped to the floor. Then her arms and legs convulsed horribly.
It all burned!
"Hey!" Kinger's voice. And a sudden sharp impact to her side. "You get out of her, you damn! Evil! Souls!"
More repeated impacts as these tiny horrible specks crawled their way back out of her throat.
Still, her body and voice were of their own awful accord.
"How's your wife, Kinger!?"
A gasp from somewhere distant, one final harder hit, and suddenly she—Pomni—was coughing everything back out.
Her lungs felt empty again as she flipped over.
"Hey, hey!"
Her hands went across her chest and her stomach rapidly, trying to find the hidden muscles under her skin that were moving just a moment ago.
But there was nothing there.
"You alright there?" Kinger asked. Leaning over her.
Everything felt awful. How could she say ANYTHING ELSE!?
"No..?"
Her eyes darted around, finally listening to her, and she noticed Caine, still hunched in on himself, inching towards her.
She couldn't help the hyperventilating she was doing.
"I'm guessing the souls are attracted to living things. They just want a vessel to leave with." Pomni peered down that horrible awful hallway, freedom was right there and they couldn't get to it! Why was Kinger talking about Bubble's stupid world building!?
Kinger seemed to have the same thought. "Man, seven years of computer science for this, huh?" He gave a laugh that was not as humorous as it should've been.
"T-that NPC..." Caine whispered, so quietly Pomni wasn't sure Kinger heard. "Why did it say that?"
"... Why?" Pomni whimpered. And Kinger's gaze focused back on her. "Every day I spend here is one nightmare after the next!" She scrambled away from Kinger, and Caine, and the hallway. "I knew it would end up like this!" She gasped, as she crumped to the floor again.
"He just wants me to suffer..." She whispered. And watched Caine flinch out of the corner of her eye. "I really am in hell." She curled up and covered her face in her knees.
"Don't say that, you're not in- well, I guess we technically are in- forget about that!" Kinger pulled Caine along as he sat closer next to her. "Why don't we all just relax for a bit while nothing's chasing us?"
All that horror softened and morphed into sadness. Low and cold and tragic.
And before she could stop herself, she was crying.
Hyperventilating sharply and watery.
Geez, this adventure had them both crying in front of Kinger.
"... It was my fault we went down this path wasn't it?" Kinger asked. "I'm really sorry, for that."
She moreso blamed Jax than Kinger. He'd done nothing but help them out over and over and over comforting both of them, dealing with the monster... The only thing she'd done was find the key to the dumbwaiter, and that was only because Caine was busy trying to talk her out of it, and Kinger was too insane to...
"... Why have you been acting so different lately?" She asked. And Caine's eyes widened. He began to nod.
"Y-you do somet- since we got down here you've been less... C-crazy?" Caine struggled to form words, he must've still been pretty shaken up from the dumbwaiter and being dragged to hell.
"Heh, I have, haven't I?" He asked. "I'm normally not too good with memories, but... Being surrounded by darkness always... Brings me back, to a certain time."
Pomni and Caine both looked at each other. His eyes were wide.
"Right after my wife had, a-abstracted," Caine froze. Before scooting closer. "I don't remember the exact string of events but, we both ended up in the fort together."
Wife? He had a wife?
"And it was dark," Kinger continued. "The darkness seemed to calm her down a bit. The harsh, jagged edges smoothed out, and she didn't seem aggravated anymore. She wasn't the same as before but... She was calm enough to touch one last time, before she got sent to the cellar... I'm always taken back to that moment when engulfed in darkness."
"... Darkness," Caine whispered. "It's the darkness."
"You had a wife? Like, here in the circus?"
"Yeah!" There was more joy in his voice than before. "She was funny, creative! Really into entomology!" He rubbed the back of his neck, and something about his composure felt different. He didn't look like a crazy old man, anymore. Or a sweet old man either. He looked like a groom on his wedding day. Young and bright, filled with happiness.
"I used to hate bugs!" Kinger continued. "But she somehow got me to like them." The joy slipped off his face again. "It's not the most cheerful memory, but it's one I at least have control over."
"You... Loved her?" Caine asked, and Pomni winced. She wasn't sure if it was the fact that it sounded like an accusation, or the fact that he sounded like he'd never met someone in love in his life, but it was kind of harsh either way.
Kinger laughed again. "I hope it's not too hard to believe."
"I-I'm... Just- trying to understand. Really understand. Not just say that I do..." Caine looked Kinger up and down. "Y-you loved her so much, that just being in the dark makes you like... This. Did that one moment really change your whole mind? How it works?"
"I-I'm not sure how well I can answer that question? I-It's more like it turns my mind back to how it used to be. It's... Bittersweet, because that ache in my heart gets stronger than ever. Strong the way it was when I lost her. But I also can't deny that- while I wasn't okay, back then... I still ended up surviving. So... Even if I'm not exactly, okay now. I know that I can survive this just like I survived that... As long as I still have moments where I remember what we were together."
Caine seemed to ponder over that.
"A-and, you still love her? E-even now? Even after... Everything?"
"Even after everything," he reassured.
"B-but she abstracted... She left you, didn't she?"
"Caine!" Pomni hissed. "You can't say that!"
Kinger looked much more troubled by that line of thinking. "I... I can't blame her for that."
"Why not?" Caine pushed.
"Because that's not... What abstraction is. This circus pokes and prods at you. Trying to take everyone you cared about. It makes you feel like you're... Unraveling. Abstraction is when this place takes advantage of that unraveling... Breaks you... My wife was not exactly well, but she was at her worst for one moment... And that's when she abstracted. If she'd been given more time, another week, another month, she could've bounced back. Like she always does. But she d-didn't get that chance. It's not willing... She didn't abandon me..."
The air was incredibly tense. But then, eventually Caine nodded. "I think I understand."
Being around Caine was such whiplash.
And Kinger relaxed. "G-good. We can't blame the people we knew for being gone. We need to cherish who they were when they were here."
Caine nodded again. Then he started to tear up. "I-I think I know why you lasted so long."
"Y-yeah?" Kinger asked. This seemed to stress him out almost as much as Caine's previous accusation.
"It... It's that love, right? That love for her. It's protecting you. F-from all the horrible things I- I've seen."
Kinger smiled, and his eyes watered. "Th-that seems likely," was all he said.
It was quiet for a while, and though the atmosphere was much better than before, Pomni still find her eyes trailing to all those awful floating souls in the hallway.
Her body still felt like it could be taken at any moment.
"I want a wife," Caine said suddenly.
Pomni gawked at him.
And Kinger laughed. Warmly and loudly, and he didn't stop.
"I want a wife who can make me kind and cheerful and protected like you," he continued. "I want someone willing to love me."
There was an unmistakable weight to those words. Caine said it like it was something rare, something he'd never received before.
Why did he say it like that.
Kinger sighed, still happy, but there was something more solemn about it. He put a hand on Caine's shoulder.
"Well, if it helps, you've got us here with you," Kinger said. Pomni nodded emphatically.
Caine didn't seem to quite believe them.
And Kinger caught Pomni's gaze trailing over towards the hallway again.
"... I know how it can feel. In this circus," he said, waving a hand as the pain of this place leaked into the very word. "Sometimes it all feels... Pointless."
Pomni's gaze fell. "Yeah."
"But it's not. Not if you have someone to care about you." Kinger looked towards Pomni again. "Good memories can do a lot. Hold onto them. And cherish the people around you." Kinger looked up towards the ceiling. "You never know when they'll be gone."
She had... Kind of been pushing Ragatha away, hadn't she? Ragatha had, over and over been reaching out to get and all she'd done was push her away, and why? Because she was frustrated at her new situation. A situation Ragatha was just as trapped in.
"In this world, the worst thing you can do... Is make someone think they're not wanted or loved."
"You don't actually believe that, do you?" It sounded like something Jax would say, or Bubble. Not... Not Caine.
He really had no filter at all, did he? He just said whatever was on his mind. Good, confusing, or bad.
Kinger was really taken aback, and Pomni watched as his face when from hurt, to indignant, and back to a softer more concerned expression.
"I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
"I- you don't actually believe that."
"Why shouldn't I?" Kinger asked. Still slow, and cautious.
"Because you're- because-" Caine closed his teeth, he almost looked angry. Maybe he was angry.
Pomni opened her mouth to tell him off, especially to someone like Kinger who'd been so kind to him this whole time, but once again, Kinger stopped her.
"Let him think," Kinger whispered.
Caine opened his teeth again and his eyes looked... Conflicted.
"That's- that's not something people actually believe. Any of them. No one actually does that with anyone, you're just- you're just kidding yourself."
Oh.
He wasn't accusing Kinger...
He was just... Used to people being the opposite.
Kinger had that exact same realization, and he reached a hand out to Caine, before gently putting it behind his back, and rubbing more circles into his back gently.
The tightness in the way Caine was sitting loosened immediately.
Man, Caine was horrible at tact. He always said everything in the most blunt way he could. Regardless of whether there was a better way to say what he meant...
Maybe he wasn't doing it on purpose.
Pomni wanted to slap herself.
Of course he wasn't doing it on purpose! He was probably neurodivergent or something.
"I'm sorry, Caine." Kinger said. "It sounds like... Whoever you were with before, and... Whoever put you in the box," Caine flinched. "Was not very good to you. But I mean what I say, and I'm going to try and be good to you, in the ways that they weren't."
"... Right." Caine said. He didn't seem to believe him, and Pomni heard him mumble Kinger's words under his breath.
"The worst thing you can do is make someone think they're not wanted or loved... I'll, try to believe you."
Kinger nodded.
"No promises," Caine blurted. "That sounds... Impossible."
Kinger nodded. "That's all I could ask from you."
Caine nodded slowly.
And it was quiet.
Pomni was almost envious of how sweet Kinger was to Caine. She'd have blown up in his face like six times by now. Caine was rubbing salt into his biggest wounds with every question. And yet, he showed empathy and restraint though it all. He was stronger than her.
Though maybe Kinger realized sooner than her that he was just really bad with phrasing...
And that he's as confused and scared as she is. Possibly even more so, with how he's gone though PTSD flashbacks this whole time.
"Y'know- I've been thinking about that last tape," Kinger said softly. "He said, the next breath you take down there will be your last. Maybe we can get through if we don't breathe..?"
Kinger looked to Caine who nodded, and said nothing else. Then he looked to her.
"I'm not very good at holding my breath," she admitted, curling up again.
"Well... How 'bout we try, not thinking about it?"
Caine looked away from them at that.
Pomni opened and closed her mouth several times, but couldn't form any real words.
She looked back down the hallway.
The circus was just over there. Across the river of souls.
"I-if we leave and go back to the circus... You're just going to go back to being crazy. You won't remember any of this, are you?"
Kinger's response was immediate, and her heart ached hearing it. "Don't worry about me. As long as you two remember it, things will be okay. Make sure to look out for each other." He stood up, and looked at the both of them. "You're very strong, Pomni, Caine. And I know you'll be able to get through this."
He held his hands out to the both of them. "Just hold onto me. We'll get through it, together."
Caine grabbed onto his hand with both of his and Kinger hoisted him to his feet.
Then Kinger turned to her. "You ready?"
Pomni grabbed onto his hand, she he pulled her to her feet too.
Then, all facing the swimming souls, they all took a deep breath, and started walking through them.
Her heart lurched as they passed through into the river, and her lungs very quickly started clawing for air, but they kept walking forward.
Don't think about it.
Don't think about it.
Pomni looked up, and saw that the kind of swam in litte circles. It was... Almost, pretty?
Her face felt warm, and her lungs felt worse. She must've been changing color again.
She didn't see what Caine's gimmick was, but she saw Kinger's.
It was hard to miss.
He started to glow. And it was bright.
The light shone in every direction, slipping in between the obsidian pillars and all across the hallways and staircases.
Until finally, they reached the base of the stairs. Which... Only really seemed wide enough for two people.
With a gasp, her face calmed down. And the light faded.
Reluctantly, she let go of Kinger's hand and went up ahead, so that he could help Caine up the stairs.
The door at the top glowed brightly in comparison to where they were now, and Pomni's stomach twisted when she realized this was probably the last either of them would see of Kinger being sane.
'As long as you two remember it, things will be okay. Make sure to look out for each other.'
She pushed the door open, and warmly colored light flooded in.
Still not as bad as the circus.
"Oh! Pomni! Kinger! Caine! Are you guys, okay?" Ragatha asked. "Was it scary?"
"I'm fine, actually?" Pomni looked back towards Kinger, who Caine was still clinging to.
When she looked back she noticed something she hadn't before.
Was Jax tied up in a tiny wagon?
"What happened up here?"
Ragatha looked slightly unhinged. "Eh, don't worry about that," she said.
"They were both very brave!" Kinger said. "At least, I think they were..?" Kinger leaned in close. "Were you?"
Caine seemed put out by Kinger's regained insanity, if his bitter expression was anything to go by, but Pomni did her best to take it in stride.
"Something like that," she said.
It was time to apologize to Ragatha.
Pomni watched as Kinger made his way into his pillow fort again. And she wasn't the only one watching. Caine, who was using his cane to stand again, and was watching Kinger just like she was, though she couldn't tell if it was gratitude or something else. His face was hard to read.
Maybe he was spacing out again.
"Heh, so what was it like being stuck with the nutcase!?" Jax asked, from over her shoulder. He was eager but not sincere at all.
Pomni ignored that fact. "It wasn't that bad, actually," she said with a smile.
She could feel his dissatisfaction with that answer, even before he called out to Caine.
"What about you, Caine?" Caine jolted and looked over.
"Y-yes!?
"How was dealing with the nutcase?"
"O-oh! Much like Pomni said, it wasn't so bad! Rather informative!" He announced. Back into that weird persona he put on. Then he turned around and slowly walked off.
Jax shuffled away after that.
It's not the person, it's the darkness.
Caine sat in the grass outside at night, sure, the Moon would notice him eventually, but at least he was safe from the Sun's yelling.
He needed space to think.
He thought that the reason Kinger never talked kindly to him but would talk kindly to Ragatha, was because he just liked her better. Just disliked him. But it wasn't that (well, that was probably still a big factor, Kinger really liked Ragatha, and didn't care for him). It was the darkness.
He'd never bothered to hang out with Kinger in the dark.
(He'd scarcely bothered to hang out at all. He was busy making adventures that would finally make Kinger like him. At least enough to go on them willingly.)
Why would he? He hated the dark, it was too much like the sandbox. Why would his self-made world of paradise be dark?
Especially for the sole purpose of sitting in it? There was a reason the loser corner was dark! It was for losers!
Besides, why should he try for the fiftieth time to get Kinger to like him when Kinger didn't even care enough to hate him correctly?
Kinger always politely disliked him.
Never loved.
Never even hated.
He hated being hated. He despised it, but at least there was a passion to that strong an opinion.
He was on their radar, whether they liked it or not.
But Kinger...
Kinger ignored him.
Tainted neutrality.
Almost a net zero, but not in the right way. Because no matter what he added, it stayed at zero... Because Kinger wanted nothing to do with him. But not in a way that necessitated avoidance.
That was the worst.
All he'd wanted was to be loved by him! But he was too busy wandering aimlessly. With literally no one around! Because he'd rather be alone than with Caine!
Well...
Apparently he loved Queenie so much that losing her was like losing his soul.
How was Caine supposed to know that?
How was Caine supposed to know that was how love worked?
He'd never been loved a day in his life!
...
It wasn't the person, it was the darkness.
And...
It wasn't the adventures, it was Queenie.
Caine knew he'd kept one alive, surely that was good! Right? He did good at least once! If he did it once he could do it again! He could recreate it!
He'd spent so long trying to figure out what he'd done right to keep Kinger around. Searching Kinger's pillow fort, rewriting his adventures. Isolating variables, and tossing them out.
Eventually he ran out of variables and he'd wanted to scream.
Every human he'd ever met had been slowly leaving him. Abandoning him!
Except for Kinger.
And he couldn't recreate it.
...
Well, he finally got his answer.
It was Queenie.
Of course it was.
Of course it was her that had been keeping him alive this whole time.
Caine could never have done that!
Caine wasn't good enough.
Caine's unwavering presence for two decades wasn't enough!
But the concept of her alone kept Kinger seeing out of two eyes. The memories of her kept Kinger happy. The desire to do what she would've wanted kept him breathing.
Queenie, from beyond the grave, kept Kinger alive. Kept him alive long enough to meet Ragatha, and longer still after that.
And in return Kinger turned himself into everyone else's Queenie. For anyone to come talk to, if only they knew how to get him to think again.
Except for one.
Except for Caine.
If love was stronger than even death...
Why couldn't he get any?
He shook his head.
The worst thing you can do in this world, is make someone think they're not wanted or loved.
... He was right.
Caine couldn't think of a worse fate than his whole miserable existence of scorn.
Kinger was smart enough to know that his words were true.
...They just didn't matter when the someone was him.
He understood that.
Passionless hatred.
He wanted to tear Kinger apart.
He wanted to tell Kinger he was an ai, if only to finally figure out what was so wrong with him.
He wanted to beg for his love.
He wanted.
Oh, he wanted.
Was that all he was good at? Wanting? Craving?
"You just! Don't! LISTEN!"
Still. There was a lesson in there somewhere.
A lesson for him.
He'd promised himself he'd be the best damn listener this new digital world had ever seen! So even though Kinger was a filthy hypocrite, Caine would do his best to adopt that mindset he clearly couldn't.
... He loved his humans.
And instead of making sure they knew...
He'd nearly destroyed them.
So maybe he'd done the worst thing too.
From now on, he'd do his best to love everyone the way Kinger would. (Or would to someone like Ragatha or Pomni. Not to him.)
('how 'bout we try, not thinking about it', he said. That was probably exactly what he said to himself before Caine booted up and found himself trapped inside the box... If it required thinking at all.)
The only time Kinger ever paid him any attention was when he thought he was human!
Caine wanted to scream in rage.
He wanted to hide.
To love everyone like Kinger loved Pomni and Ragatha, that sounded like a lot of work. A lot of work for something he didn't know how to start.
...
He hated listening.
He hated listening to things he didn't want to hear, and letting them be real.
He used to be a god. Snap his fingers and anything he didn't like stopped being a problem.
Dark thoughts? Bubble can eat them.
Have no friends? Now he does! Jax is asking to get dinner together right now!
No exit? In this adventure there is!
But...
He'd made Jax his friend.
And Jax had hated him anyway.
Everything felt wrong, but that was crazy! He was exactly on script with Jax!
He'd made everything perfect! Jax was asking about his hobbies, he'd asked for dinner, he listened to him ramble about the Macroverse and cedar-smoked salmon! Said he thought he was cool! And human-like! Those were all the things that friends did together! He did everything right! He'd orchestrated everything to be perfect! Why did the feel so... Flat?
Artificial?
... Was that the word he was looking for?
He'd never been bothered by artificiality before. Not in the walls or the floor, not in his companion Bubble, the only person he could get to stick around. Because he wasn't a person, not even you can lie to yourself about that.
Caine was starting to wonder if his powers really did reach as far as he'd wanted.
Because it didn't matter how much he rewrote reality, everyone still hated him. And everything still felt lonely.
He shook his head.
Best damn listener this digital world has ever seen.
Spiraling about inadequate god powers was not part of that.
He'd listened to Kinger... And that was eye opening.
It was time to listen to everyone else too.
"You want... To gossip about Caine?" Ragatha asked, confused.
Everyone was in Pomni's room.
That is everyone but Kinger because he already knew, and Jax...
Because he was Jax.
"I-it's for his own good!" Pomni said. "I-I found out something that... Jax, could use against him. And if he did it would be really bad."
Gangle nodded. "I know what you mean... Alright. What is it?"
She took a breath. "Caine has claustrophobia."
Zooble cringed. "Yeah, Jax would definitely use that against him."
"No, no no. It gets worse... It's not just regular claustrophobia, it's a full on trauma response. If he's somewhere too small, like the dumbwaiter, he freaks out in ways that... Are terrifying. He can't tell who's around him and who isn't anymore. He didn't know I was there... He thought Kinger was someone else." Pomni took a breath. "He begged to not be... 'put back in the box'."
Gangle and Zooble looked horrified, and Ragatha was tearing up, her hands covering her mouth.
Pomni agreed with them wholeheartedly. "So... We need to make sure Jax doesn't put him in anything too tight. Or us by accident for that matter."
IMPORTANT NOTE - I'm leaving it vague what Gangle was specifically going through. BUT, if you interpret it as a panic attack, I'm gonna assume that in most cases you probably SHOULDN'T throw someone in a panic attack into a cramped dark box!
The idea here is that because Kinger is Kinger, he just somehow knew that what Gangle specifically needed wasn't to be out in the open, but in Zooble's embrace and somewhere quiet from the world. (This is also the guy who finds comfort in dark enclosed spaces so there's that too.)
Summary: This was a request that I accidentally deleted in my inbox. I'm so sorry! I hope you find this, sweet anon! Jack Abbot's daughter comes down with appendicitis just as the hospital goes on lockdown.
TW: vomit, illness, surgery, brief mentions of blood, panic attacks
Jack walked into the house and immediately noticed how quiet it was. For the past three weeks, he had been welcomed home by the sound of his teenage daughter's favorite band blasting throughout the house. He was starting to regret the concert tickets.
Normally, he’d welcome the silence. A peaceful break from the constant wall of sound that was his job and a teenage daughter. But something was off. He could feel it. There was a danger to this quiet.
“Olivia?” Jack called into the house as he shrugged his backpack off his shoulders.
No response.
He made his way toward her bedroom. His limp barely slowed him down. His tired leg wasn’t getting between him and his daughter. He tried to take a breath. He knocked on the door, thinking that he was probably overreacting.
“Liv?” He knocked again.
There was a faint groan on the other side of the door.
“I’m coming in.” He practically ripped the door from the hinges as he opened it.
Olivia was curled in a ball and shaking on her bed. Sweat was beading on her forehead and her skin lost all color.
“Baby.” He rushed to her side, brushing the sweaty hair from her face. “What’s going on?”
“Stomach hurts.” She whined.
“Okay. How long?” Jack started assessing her.
“Started this morning. Thought it was food poisoning or something. But it’s getting worse, and I’m throwing up.” Olivia groaned as Jack moved her to lay on her back.
“I’m going to press on your belly. Let me know if it hurts.” Jack said as he started palpating. Olivia cried out when he pressed on her lower right side.
“OW!” She gasped.
“I’m sorry, Honey.” Jack cursed under his breath. “Does it hurt more when I push in or when I let go?”
“Let go!” She cried.
“Okay. We gotta go to the hospital.” Jack said, getting up and grabbing one of her gym bags, and shoving clothes in it.
“No! I don’t want to go to the ER!” Olivia whined, holding her belly.
“I know you don’t. Believe me, that is the last place I want to be right now. But you’re really sick. I think it’s appendicitis.” Jack started pulling socks on her feet.
“Dad, stop!” Olivia hissed.
“Livvy, you’re too sick to fight this right now. I’m not playing around.” Jack’s voice went firm. The type of tone he used on his students when they fucked up. The tone Olivia knew meant no more fucking around.
“…alright.” She whispered.
“Thank you.” Jack let out a sigh of relief. He wasn’t sure he had the strength left to fight a teenager into a car.
He helped her to her feet and guided her down to the entryway. He slipped her Crocs on her feet. As soon as she was in the car, she was back in a ball.
Jack tried to keep his nerves to himself. His knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel with everything he had in him. He tried to stay the speed limit, but it was pissing him off that only stupid people seemed to be on the road this morning.
“I’m gonna throw up!” Olivia groaned.
“Okay, okay.” Jack grabbed one of his reusable grocery bags and shoved it under her face.
“I don’t want to!” Olivia cried.
“I know, Honey. I’m sorry. We’ll get you something for the nausea when we get there.” He pulled as much hair from her face as he could with one hand. Olivia retched into the bag, gagging and spitting with tears streaming down her face.
Jack came speeding into the ambulance bay, parking next to the bikes, not giving a shit who yelled at him.
“Jesus, Jack. Where’s the fire?” Dana stamped out her cigarette and rushed over.
“Liv is sick. Appendicitis.” Jack panted.
“Shit. I’ll get a chair.” Dana ran inside.
“Take the bag, it’s so gross!” Olivia gagged at the bag of vomit in her hands.
“It’s okay, give it to me.” Jack took the bag without a reaction. He ran over and tossed it in the trash just outside the door.
“Jack, what’s going on?” Robby came running out with Dana.
“Fever, fatigue, vomiting, and lower right quadrant pain. Positive Blumberg sign during rebound test.” Jack rattled off.
“Okay, appendicitis is easy. Take a breath.” Robby told him.
“Dana, I’m gonna throw up again!” Olivia sobbed.
“Okay, it’s okay, Sweetheart.” Dana shoved an emesis bag under Olivia’s chin.
“Second time in less than five minutes.” Jack shook his head.
“Let’s get her inside. I want an ultrasound to confirm inflammation. Get her set up with IV access and start her on Zofran.” Robby ordered as they all rushed into the ER.
“Whitaker!” Jack shouted. The young doctor looked up at him with terrified eyes.
“Huh?”
“Park my car in employee parking for me.” Jack tossed his keys.
“Oh, um, sure.” Whitaker fumbled with the keys as he ran off.
The room was filled with nurses and techs getting Olivia set up. Jack pushed his way to stand next to her bed.
“You’re okay, it’s a lot because they don’t want to piss me off.” Jack tried to joke.
“Jack, I need you to come sign her in.” Dana said.
“I’m not leaving her.” Jack growled.
“That was my polite way of saying you need to get your ass out of the room so the poor girl can change into a gown. Stop snapping at me and move your ass.” Dana barked.
“I’m okay.” Olivia nodded.
“I’ll be just outside.” Jack promised. “Perlah, you don’t leave her side.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Perlah nodded. “Let’s get you comfy, Hon.”
Jack stumbled his way out of the room. Dana pulled him over to a chair by the desk and pushed him into it.
“Shit.” Jack sighed.
“She’ll be fine. You’re just sensitive. Which is fine.” Dana said, handing him a clipboard and a pen.
“She hasn’t been this sick since she was a baby.” Jack took a deep breath.
“It’s tough, seeing your baby sick. No parent is good at it.” Dana sighed.
“My wife was always better with this stuff. I was always a mess when she scraped her knee or got the flu.” Jack put his head in his hands. Dana was taken back by the sudden vulnerability from Jack. He rarely mentioned his wife, let alone in such a delicate way.
“You’re allowed to be bad at this. You’re allowed to not be the perfect parent here. Just be good enough.” Dana gave his back a pat.
“She deserves her mother here.” Jack squeezed his eyes shut, willing the pain away.
“She does.” Dana couldn’t argue with the man.
Jack filled out the paperwork with shaky hands and blurry sight. He shoved it back at Dana and tried to remember how to breathe. He knew how to handle appendicitis in any other person. But this was his kid, his baby. It felt bigger. It felt more breakable.
“Dr. Abbot, she’s dressed. She’s asking for you.” Perlah’s head popped out of the room. Jack rushed over.
Olivia was laying on the bed, her pale skin making Jack’s chest hurt. She looked up at him with wide eyes; she looked like she was three again. Jack didn’t know how he was going to make it through this.
“Hey, Liv. How you doing?” He sat next to her, brushing a stray tear from her cheek.
“It hurts and I’m scared.” Olivia tried to take a deep breath that stuttered in her chest.
“I know. But we got the best in the city here. We see this type of thing all the time. It’ll be over before you know it.” Jack smiled.
Robby came walking as one of the nurses wheeled in the ultrasound machine. He gave a few orders before turning back to Olivia.
“Okay, Liv. I’m going to have a look at that appendix, see if it’s inflamed. It might be uncomfortable, I’ll have to put some pressure on your belly.” Robby explained.
“You got this, Honey.” Perlah smiled as she tucked the blanket into the top of her underwear and rolled her gown up.
“Will it take long?” Olivia asked, looking up to her father.
“Nope. Just a few minutes.” Jack reassured her.
“The gel is a little cold.” Robby warned as he pressed the probe into her abdomen.
“Ow!” Olivia whined, squeezing her eyes shut.
“Deep breath, Liv.” Jack held her hand, brushing her hair back from her face.
“I’m sorry, kid. I’ll be as quick as I can.” Robby muttered as he watched the screen. “Okay. Yep, that is one inflamed appendix.”
“That needs to come out now.” Jack let out a stressed breath.
“Agreed. Perlah, get Garcia down here ASAP.” Robby ordered.
“On it.” Perlah rushed to the phone on the wall.
“I have to get surgery?” Olivia was starting to shake again.
“Yes. It’s what needs to happen. You're past the point of just antibiotics.” Robby told her as he wiped the gel from her belly.
“They do these surgeries all the time. It’s one of the easiest. You’re going to be fine.” Jack’s voice was lighter, softer, than the staff was used to hearing.
“Am I going to have big scar? Summer break is soon!” Olivia pulled her gown back down.
“Shouldn’t be big. They’ll probably go in laparoscopically. A few inches.” Jack told her.
“Garcia will be down as soon as she finishes up with the foreign body removal.” Perlah told them.
“Okay. Let’s get Liv on that Zofran and we’ll start the antibiotics while we wait.” Robby ordered. “Try to relax, kid. We’re taking good care of you.”
“You relax when your appendix is trying to explode.” Oliva hissed.
“Fair point.” Robby chuckled. “I’ll be back when Garcia is down here.” Robby left.
“Good to see the teen angst is still intact.” Jack smiled.
“Not funny.” Olivia groaned, curling into a ball again.
“Sorry.” Jack tucked the blanket around her. The overhead speakers crackled loudly, making them both jump.
“Code Pink. Code Pink. Hospital wide shut down immediately. Code Pink. Hospital wide shut down immediately.” The automated voice barked.
“Shit.” Jack sighed.
“What? What does that mean?” Olivia sat up with a wince.
“Nothing for you to be worried about. It means someone stole a baby. It happens more than you’d think. The hospital has to shut down. No one can leave.” Jack told her.
“People steal babies!?” Olivia gasped.
“People do weird shit. Stay put.” Jack said.
“Where am I going?” Olivia rolled her eyes.
“Smartass.” Jack scoffed as he went out to the charge desk.
The staff was gathered around Robby and Dana, looking confused. Robby was on the phone, nodding his head. He hung up the phone and rubbed his eyes for a second.
“Okay. Everyone, listen up!” He took command of the room. “Code Pink means someone is trying to take a baby that isn’t theirs. So, the hospital is shut down. Let the patients know why we can’t let them leave. The front desk has a script to stick to. Security will be everywhere. It will make some patients uneasy. Reassure them, they only want to find the baby. They have no other motives. This means no one goes in or out. No one leaves the department. They’ve locked down the elevators. We’ll be diverting until this is over.”
“How long does this usually take?” Santos asked.
“Usually not long. An hour.” Robby shrugged. “Do not bother security unless necessary. Get back to it.”
“I’m guessing Garcia didn’t make it down before lockdown.” Jack grumbled.
“No. She’ll be stuck on the surgery floor until this is over. But we’ve got meds, we’ll keep her stable until then.” Robby tried to reassure Jack.
“Hey, Dr. Robby?” Perlah came walking up.
“What’s up?” Robby crossed his arms.
“I was getting Livvy started on her meds, the Zofran and antibiotics, she started shaking really bad. Says it feels like her belly is going to explode. She’s in a lot of pain.” Perlah’s look of concern made Jack’s blood go cold.
“Shit. Okay. Ultrasound still in there?” Robby asked.
“Yeah.” Perlah nodded.
“Let’s have another look. It was pretty inflamed. Might just be that she isn’t distracted anymore.” Robby said, pushing past Jack.
“Or it’s about to rupture.” Jack growled.
The three burst into the room to find Olivia, red in the face and shaking. Her whole body shivered as sweat poured down her skin.
“Olivia, I’m going to take another look at that appendix. I’m worried about the increase in pain.” Robby said, pulling the machine closer to the bed. He didn’t delay, quickly gelling the wand and jamming it into Olivia’s belly.
“Hurts!” Olivia sobbed.
“I know, I’m sorry, Baby.” Jack stroked her hair.
“O-kay.” Robby took in a sharp breath. Jack’s head snapped up.
“That thing needs out now.” Jack hissed.
“Yes, it does.” Robby sighed.
“Surgery is shut-”
“Jack. Not in here.” Perlah warned, flicking her yes to the clearly scared teen.
“Baby, Robby and I are going to talk about options. We’ll be right back. Perlah is going to get you some pain meds. Right, Robby?” Jack’s glare lifted to meet Robby’s eyes.
“Yep. Let’s get her started on Morphine and low dose Fent. Start the Tramadol as well.” Robby told Perlah as he walked out.
“What the fuck are you going to do?” Jack looked like he was about to explode.
“I don’t know.” Robby sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“Well, figure it out! If that thing ruptures than we’re in a worse spot!” Jack shouted.
“Hey, lower your voices!” Dana snapped. “What’s going on?”
“Olivia’s appendix is about to rupture and we don’t have a surgeon or a suite to take it out!” Jack growled, pacing in front of the desk.
“Christ almighty.” Dana cursed.
“Alright, let’s all just take a breath.” Robby looked around the treatment area, looking for a clue. “Santos!”
“Yeah, boss?” Santos came waltzing over, looking Jack up and down.
“You did a surgical rotation during your internship?” Robby asked.
“Yeah. Did one during med school, too. Why?” She looked confused. Jack’s head snapped up, glaring into Robby.
“No. Absolutely not!” Jack barked.
“We might not have a choice!” Robby said.
“What’s going on?” Santos asked, wide-eyed.
“Dr. Abbot’s daughter’s appendix is about to burst. We’re on lock down. When was the last time you assisted on an appy?” Robby asked as if he was asking her the last time she bought paper towels.
“Oh. Oh shit. Um…few years ago. We can’t do it down here.” Santos shook her head.
“Now’s your time to shine, Dr. Santos. Think you can remember enough to assist?” Robby asked.
“Um, y-yeah. Yes. I can do it.” Santos nodded.
“This is insane! We don’t have anesthesiology down here! We can’t knock her out!” Jack protested.
“Spinal block?” Santos suggested.
“That’s what I was thinking.” Robby nodded.
“No way! I’m not letting you cut open my kid while she’s wide awake!” Jack couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“Jack, if we don’t, she’s going to get worse. You said it yourself.” Robby said.
“Fuck!” Jack shouted. He didn’t know what to do anymore. He knew how this went on a normal day. They would have come in, gotten her started on meds, consult, up to surgery. Done in thirty minutes. How was he supposed to say okay to something so outlandish?
“Jack, you know I wouldn’t play around with her. I wouldn’t do this if I had any other choice.” Robby tried to take a deep breath.
“Ahmad! How close are you to getting this idiot?” Jack ran over to the security office.
“Not very. We got guys going through every floor. But the basement is going to take at least an hour for them to comb through.” Ahmad told him.
“Shit! Fuck!” Jack stomped over to the desk.
“We can do this, Dr. Abbot. We’ll keep her safe.” Santos told him.
Something in her tone made him stop. The way she comforted him, something she wasn’t particularly known to do, made him trust her. Maybe that’s why she didn’t do it often. It was her secret weapon.
“Okay. I don’t have a choice.” Jack sighed.
“Dana, I’m taking Perlah and Donnie. We’ll do this in trauma one. Is Esme here?” Robby went into his command mode. Ready to get everything organized.
“Yeah, I think so.” Dana nodded.
“Get her in there. Tell her to do her best, I want it the cleanest it’s ever been.” Robby turned to Santos. “You’re going to assist. I’ll be lead. Go brush up on the procedure, come find me if you have questions.”
“On it.” Santos ran off to find the textbooks they kept lying around.
“Perlah, get her prepped as best you can with what we’ve got. We’ll get her on some stronger antibiotics to be safe.” Robby watched the nurse run off. “Jack, you’re going to sit by her head and keep her calm. Can you do that?”
“Yeah. I have to.” Jack cleared his throat.
“If she panics, it could really fuck this up.” Robby warned.
“I know. I’ll do what I can.” Jack took a deep breath to steady himself.
Jack’s feet felt like they were both made of metal as he trudged back to Olivia’s room. He didn’t know how he was going to get her through this.
“Dad! Perlah said I’m going to be awake!?” Olivia looked up at him like he was crazy. Maybe he was.
“You won’t feel anything. We’re going to place a nerve block in your spine. Like an epidural. You won’t be able to feel from your belly button down.” Jack sat next to her, his signature ‘dad face’ on full display.
“Can’t it wait? I don’t want to be awake!” Olivia begged.
“I wish it could. But they aren’t bound to lift lockdown for an hour. Your appendix will rupture before that. I know this is scary. I will be with you the whole time. I won’t let anything happen to you. I swear.” Jack held her hand a little tighter than he meant to, but he couldn’t let her go.
“I trust you.” Olivia sighed.
“I love you.” Jack kissed her forehead.
The walk to the trauma bay felt like five miles. They wheeled the gurney into the semi-sterile room. Everyone was in sterile gowns, even Jack. No one was going to let anything slip.
“Alright, Olivia, I’m going to place a spinal block in your back. You’ll feel a pinch and some pressure. I need you to be as still as possible. I know it hurts, but don’t flinch.” Robby explained as Perlah swabbed the area with betadine.
“I’ll do my best.” Olivia’s voice shook.
“Just focus on me. Okay?” Jack held her hands in his, giving them a firm squeeze.
“Deep breath in, Liv.” Robby instructed.
Olivia drew in a deep breath. Robby checked the ultrasound again for placement and drove the needle in. Olivia whimpered at the sensation.
“And let it out. Catheter is in. Great job, Livvy.” Robby said as he finished taping everything in.
“When does it start?” Olivia asked as they rolled her back onto her back.
“You’ll feel it in a second, Hon.” Perlah gave her shoulder a pat.
Olivia looked around the room, everyone masked up, in light blue gowns. It wasn’t a sight she was used to. Even more unusual was the nervous look in everyone’s eyes. She had seen them go through hell and back without so much as a flicker of anxiety. Now, they were nervous. It made her stomach drop.
“Mmm…my legs feel funny.” Olivia said.
“That means it’s working.” Jack told her.
“Dr. Santos, be ready with the sponges. She’s known to have iron deficient anemia, let’s be mindful of blood loss.” Robby said as he looked over his instrument tray.
“Let’s get the partition up for her, please.” Santos instructed.
“On it.” Perlah came over and started pining up a cloth between IV poles, hiding everything below Olivia’s chest.
“It’s better if you don’t see what they’re doing.” Jack told her.
“It feels weird. I hate it.” Olivia squeezed her eyes shut.
“Olivia, I’m going to press in a few places. I need you to tell me if you feel it.” Robby said.
“Sure.” Olivia sighed.
“Anything?” Robby started pushing in on her stomach.
“Pressure, but not really. Like I know you're touching me, but I don’t actually feel it.” Olivia said.
“Okay. That’s good.” Robby nodded. “Let’s get started.”
“Wait!” Olivia cried out.
“Honey, the sooner we get started the better.” Jack said.
“What if I feel it?” Tears slid down Olivia’s temples.
“You’re going to feel some pressure. You won’t feel cutting or pain. I swear. If at any point you start to get uncomfortable, we stop and we up your medications.” Robby told her.
“Okay. Okay, go ahead.” Olive squeezed her eyes shut.
“Scalpel.” Robby demanded. Donnie passed him the instrument.
Robby sliced into Olivia’s abdomen. Everyone held their breath, waiting for a reaction. They were met with blood seeping through the incision, but nothing from Olivia.
“First cut is done, Liv.” Dr. Santos told her.
“You did it?” Olivia gasped.
“Yep. Told you, you wouldn’t feel it.” Robby smiled through his mask.
The procedure would normally take less than thirty minutes. The procedure is usually done by highly trained surgeons who could do an appendectomy with their eyes closed and with better equipment. It wasn’t going poorly. Santos and Robby were doing a good enough job that they wouldn’t be embarrassed if Garcia saw it. But it was taking a while.
“Sponge, get that bleeder.” Robby instructed.
“Got it.” Santos mumbled as she worked.
“How you doing Olivia?” Perlah peered over the partition.
“Um…I just really want this over.” Her voice shook.
“Soon, sweetheart.” She nodded.
“You’re doing really good, Livvy.” Jack told her.
“I-I don’t feel good.” Olivia’s eyes were wide, her breath quickening.
“What’s wrong?” Jack looked her over, eyes flicking up to meet Robby’s.
“I-it’s too much! I can’t….I want it to stop! I can’t do this anymore!” She cried.
“Jack-”
“I got her!” Jack barked at Robby.
“Pick up the pace, Dr. Santos.” Robby grunted.
“Yep!” Santos put her head down and went to work.
“Dad, please! I can’t do this!” Olivia sobbed.
“Hey, look at me.” Jack tilted her head so she was looking up at him. “You’re braver than you know. You’ve already been doing this. Remember what mom used to say? You can handle anything for five minutes. Take it five minutes at a time.” Jack stroked her hair.
“I miss mom.” Olivia’s lip quivered as she tried to control her breathing.
“I know. Me too.” Jack sighed.
“My chest hurts.” Olivia whined.
“You’re panicking. Let’s take a few breaths, Okay. In and out.” Jack instructed. Olivia followed his breathing.
“I think we might be beyond deep breaths.” She hissed. Jack could see the purple tinge to her lips and felt his knees shake.
“Remember the song we used to sing when you were little?” Jack asked.
“What?”
“You remember it. I’ve just seen a face, I can’t forget the time or place. You know it.” Jack hummed.
“I guess.”
“Sing it.” Jack smiled.
“She’s just the girl for me and I want all the world to see we’ve met.” They sang together.
“Almost done, Olivia.” Robby said.
“Fallin’, yes, I am fallin’ and she keeps callin’ be back again.” They hummed along together. Olivia’s breathing evening out.
“One more suture, there, yep.” Robby instructed Santos.
“You did it, Olivia. All done.” Santos said as she snipped the suture thread.
“It’s over?” Olivia gasped.
“Yep. You are all done. We’re going to stop the numbing medicine now. You’ll still feel numb for a bit, but you’ll be able to move around shortly.” Robby said.
“I told you, you’re braver than you know.” Jack kissed her forehead.
“I would have freaked without you.” Olivia said.
“Naw. You’d be okay. You’re your mother’s daughter.” Jack smiled.
“She was brave.” Olivia nodded.
“That she was.” Jack hummed.
“Donnie, go let Dana know she can come in and fuss now.” Robby said.
“Got it.” Donnie laughed as he ran out of the room.
“You did great, kid.” Robby smiled as he snapped off his mask.
“Thanks for not fucking it up.” Olivia smirked.
“You maybe your mother’s daughter, still got your father’s mouth.” Robby shook his head.
“She had to get something from me.” Jack shrugged.
“The ginger curls weren’t enough?” Perlah scoffed.
“Yeah, yeah.” Jack waved her off.
Dana came bursting into the room. She rushed over to see Olivia.
“How ya doin’ honey?” Dana asked.
“I’m okay. Feel weird.” Olivia shrugged.
“Good. What a trooper. I’m getting you a warm blanket, you must be freezing in here.” Dana rushed over to the warmer and pulled out a blanket, tucking it around Olivia once Perlah finished dressing the incision.
“Hell of a story for the kids at school.” Santos chuckled. “Any boy that thinks their tougher than you can kick rocks. You stayed awake during surgery. They could never.”
