Out of control
My picking has been out of control and so has my anxiety (ha, no surprise there). I’ve been dealing with almost-panic attacks right after I finish a meal, it happened last night at dinner and this afternoon at lunch. I really can’t predict the trigger besides eating. Side note: I do not have an eating disorder. I love food a lot, but I used to get panicky like this when I was a teenager. I have a peanut allergy and I used to obsess that everything somehow came in contact with peanuts. Ex: eating a chicken sandwich “what if the chicken that I’m eating ate a peanut before it died and there’s peanut protein in its muscle, or maybe the wheat that made the flour or the tomatoes on the sandwich were grown next to peanuts.” And it goes on.
Typically I start to feel full towards the end of my meal, and I could be mid-chew or something and I have to spit whatever I have in my mouth out and into my napkin. It’s almost like I feel so full I could vomit? Then my mind starts to spin. I get really restless like I just need to GET OUT. I start to feel nauseated, get hot, my heart races, I have difficulty breathing, and sometimes I sweat and I try to make myself burp (for some reason I feel like it helps)? I have no idea WHY this happens or why it happens with some meals and not others or why my subconscious feels that I need to have this panicky episode in the first place.
Also, I used to have a fear of vomiting, and I don’t have that anymore. I’m now from the camp of “if I feel nauseated, I’ll throw up and feel better.”
I can also usually stop this episode within 5 minutes. It has never spiraled out into a full blown panic attack, but I'm terrified that a full attack is next for me. Deep breathing usually calms me down. Simple associations (the table is made of wood. Wood is brown. Wood is from trees) also can work.
Either way, it’s scary for those 5 minutes of panic.
Anyone else experience this?