Its going to be a long one..
So I have been totally awful at writing on here, which means one thing..that I haven't had any challenges or anything of importance to report. The reason being, throughout all of November and December I was on placement at a school so I was there 5 days a week and on weekends I spent all day doing work to prepare for the next week. This meant i was so time consumed with work and tired and stressed with it, that the thought of my only free time being filled with anxiety challenges with make me feel anxious, didn't go down well, so I ended up not doing any!
Which brings me to now! And this month I have been feeling pretty down, and I think its partly because I feel my progress has been put on the back burner.
January for me is usually a really inspiring month, where I reflect on the year just gone, and look forward to what lies ahead. This year didn't start off so great, and I think with last year being quite a positive one, with a lot of milestones I felt that how could this year be the same? I suppose i should have had the opinion that it could be even better! But I have been looking too far ahead, wondering about the future, 'what if i never get over this' 'what it i never get to go abroad again', and it has caused me to be somewhat stuck in my thoughts. I need to focus on NOW and not think of too far ahead because i get too consumed by it.
The thing I need to realise is, THERE IS NOTHING STOPPING ME! Anxiety is not a physical thing, there is not physically stopping me from getting on a train, or travelling, or doing whatever I want! The only thing stopping me is a FEELING, that I cause myself. I need to reinforce this!!
So from today I am setting a plan, to go back to my challenges, starting small and hopefully building up!
I have also realised, that a lot of my problems, for all not in the forefront, are a lot of pent up emotions that I don't let out. So Im going to start writing letters, to people, or to myself, just to get these emotions and thoughts out, and it might lead to me thinking clearer and dealing with issues better. ( i might write them on here if i think i should?)
Im also going to write about happy memories I've had. I have a had a great comfortable life, up until 3 years ago, (and it still hasn't been all that bad).. and i think i have gotten so consumed in the negativity of the 'anxious years', that i have forgotten, or don't let myself remember the great times i have had, So I think that will be beneficial for me to do to help with my recovery!
So thats the update, Im going to get myself out of this 'funk' I am in and be proactive while I have some free time. Im going to make this year even more productive and better than the last :))
