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Black Hat tries to confess his love but doesn't understand human customs

Flug stared at the present that had appeared in hi slab in confusion, wondering if 505 had left it behind while Flug had been out on a coffee break. It was a black box, with a beautiful red ribbon that looked too complex to have been made by 505, and with a color palette that was just a little too… edgy to be from the blueberry colored bear. 

Hesitatingly, pausing only once, he reached his hand out to the ribbon and tugged the end, the whole thing unraveling like it had been made to unfold in such a grand fashion, the four ends falling around the sides of the box and leaving it free. Taking the lid in his hands, Flug slowly lifted it from the box as he flinched back, in case a bomb or something had been hidden inside and rigged to go off once he opened the lid. No such explosion happened. 

Peaking his eyes open, Flug tilted his head forward and glanced into the box, freezing at the sight. A human brain lay at the bottom, as if it had been freshly pulled from someones head and placed here for him to find, it’s own fluids soaking into the bottom of the box. Flug shoved it away from him in disguised stumbling away and yanking his bag up to puke in a nearby trash can. 

Black Hat, hidden by the door, snuck off in shame. 

“I don’t get it.” Black Hat whined, sinking further into the chair in shame. It was padded with big, fluffy pillows, and it’s arms and legs were made of thin, curling white metal. “Demencia always loved my gifts- but Flug seems repulsed by them. In the bad way.”

White Hat hummed, pouring tea for himself and cyanide for his brother. The cups, the kettle, and the table they sat upon all had the same blue and white, delicately interwoven themes. Surrounding them were flowers and bushes that rose high enough to block White Hat’s garden, even from the view of the house. “Well, Demencia is a bit of an… oddball, by human standards.” White Hat pointed out. “Flug’s… also an oddball, but in a different way.”

“That doesn’t make any sense!” Black Hat snarled, throwing up his hands. “I just want to know how to court him!”

“Maybe try using a few human customs?” White Hat suggested. “Take him out on a date, get him gifts he enjoys, spend time with him where you aren’t scaring him every five minutes?”

“I did! The bloody fool loves intelligence, yet when I got him a perfectly good brain he just threw it out!” Black Hat crossed his arms, somehow sinking even lower in the chair. “He wasn’t even grateful. I tracked down an old rival of his and everything.”

“Hmm.” White Hat took a drink of his tea, stalling for time to think. Black Hat didn’t seem to realize that, outside of Demencia, mind breaking monstrosity were not something they looked for in boyfriends. “Well, there’s not a lot you can learn from a brain, is there? Not unless you dissect it, but that’s Vaskur’s thing. In fact, he’d probably like a brain, now that I think about it.” White Hat muttered that last part to himself, before shaking his head and clearing his throat. 

“What I mean is, what Flug would like more is a book that he can read and can knowledge from, rather that an object that, in itself, simply represented knowledge.” White Hat paused, than snapped his fingers. “Flug probably likes practical things he can use, come to think of it.”

“Something he can use…” Black Hat muttered, now sunk so fare in the chair his shoulders were resting on the seat cushion. Suddenly, he shot up, a wide grin spreading onto his face. “I know exactly what to get him.” 

“J-Jefe, this is…” Flug fell silent, taking in the sight of the plane before him. It was a fighter jet model- jet black with the company’s logo printed on the side. While the company had long since owned a hanger and it’s own airport, it was mostly used to store the companies many escape vesicles for rent. But this was…

“I expect you to take good care of her, Doctor.” Black Hat leaned over Flug’s shoulder, his hands clasped behind his back. “You might have lost your license, but that’s no excuse not to use your full skill set when you see fit.” 

Flug’s hands were shaking, and he adjusted his bag to hide the movement. It was a good thing Black Hat hadn’t given him a set of keys or he’d have dropped them- but a plane this big wouldn’t come with keys, just a few switches to toggle and a computer to turn on. Flug could almost feel the controls under his hands now. 

“I… I love it, sir.”

[glittergummy]

Not everything is as it seems.

Caped White Hat - @paperhatcollection

Candyman - Me

Cutie Pit White Hat - @themcnobody

Green White Hat - @rascal-rose

[chickenwhite]

Look, it was only a question of time.

(This is dr. Simon Oscar Skibbrud, a character @paperhatcollection and I came up with together)

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Commission for @paperhatcollection!

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[paperhatcollection]

Cut content

(This was originally part of the last ask but I realized it was too dark to turn into fluff)

“Hey Vaskur? Can I ask you a question?”

“You just asked two.”

Flug shrugged, grinning sheepishly under his bag. “You know what I mean.” he said, pushing a blueprint across the table for Vaskur to have a look. “It’s, um. A bit of a personal issue. At least, it is for me so I kinda- uh, you know, assumed it would be for you as well but I.. um, I guess it might not be if your my opposite, but it’s just logical that you- that uh, that we agree on this and I, um...”

“Just spit it out already.” Vaskur said in a way that made the rolling of his eyes nearly audible. He was so thankful he didn’t have his alternate universe counterparts stutter. If he had, he’d never have spoken ever and pretended to be mute. Maybe he could enroll Flug in a speech class, or just invent something to fix it.

“How did you get your scars?” Flug blurted out. Vaskur froze, hand hovering over the blueprint Flug had sent him- plans for modified HatBot-Butler and Sentinel models, since apparently Vaskur lacked Flugs experience in advanced mechanical engineering in return for his biological engineering. Worried he’d crossed a line, Flug rushed to fill in the void of silence his question had left behind.

“It’s just, I uh, I k-know we couldn’t have gotten our scars in the same way, um, not that their like each other or like- or you know, because Black Hat gave me mine and, uh...” Flug fiddled with his hands, taking a deep breath and trying to slow down his words. “I tried to run away. I shouldn’t have, because it was stupid and useless and I had no one I could have gone to had I escaped, since a lifetime of villainy meant I’d be executed on spot if I tried to go to the heroes and there wasn’t a villain alive who’d have dared help or hire someone who’d betray Black Hat.”

Vaskur was quite, so Flug just kept talking. He wasn’t sure he could stop, not know that he was finally sharing this story. “None of that mattered anyways, because even after a month of preparation Black Hat knew the moment I stepped foot outside the manor. He tortured me to make sure i understood exactly what would happen to me if I tried to betray him. He had to patch me back up with his magic afterwards or otherwise... well, I couldn’t have made many inventions for him when when my hands were bleeding ribbons and bits of bone on the floor.”

“But.” He gestured to the bag that covered his face. “He left a few permanent marks up here to remind me who I belonged to. So that’s why I uh, I... asked you... you know, cause White Hat wouldn’t...” Flug’s voice faded into a mutter at the end, and whatever confidence had kept his voice spilling form him like a faucet shutting itself off. Once again an awkward silence hung in the air, and this time Flug was too afraid of blurting out something that would make it even worse to risk trying to break it a second time.

“...” Vaskur’s expression was unreadable, and not just because there was a literal paper-bag on his head. His whole posture was stiff and formal, like one of the very robots they were trying to create. As someone who wore a bag himself, Flug knew the importance of body language. He himself was twitching and jumping every few seconds as if put on edge, fumbling with the edge of the table.

“White Hat gave them to me.” Vaskur finally said, his voice a whisper. “He... didn’t know what he was doing. A villain had used some kind of... of fear toxin on him and we thought at first it simply didn’t work on his kind. It didn’t at first- not for awhile... than it began to set in.”

Vaskur looked to the side, but Flug knew he wasn’t really looking at anything. “Thankfully, 404 was strong enough to hold him back, but...” He sighed, lifting his hand to his face. “Isn't it funny? White Hat doesn't have healing magic. And yet he’s supposed to be the ‘good’ half.”

“I’m sorry.” Flug muttered back.

“Naw, don’t be.” Vaskur leaned forward on the table, waving Flug’s concern off. Somewhat literally. “I’d have asked you at some point if you hadn’t brought it up first. Besides, at least know I know you must have some iron balls to have run away from Black Hat twice.”

[paperhatcollection]

Just a couple of sea slugs in love on the ocean floor

[paperhatcollection]

May I please request some fluffy domestic life poly Black Hat x Flug x Female Reader please?

(In all honesty the ‘reader’ is probably Demencia)

It was really hard not to laugh, in all honesty. Flug hadn’t even seemed to notice yet, which made me wonder if he’d even glanced in a mirror when he’d gotten up this morning.

“Morning.” Flug muttered, yawning as he passed by and stretched out with an audible *crack* in his back. He flinched a little at his own movement, rubbing his lower back as he made his way to the fridge.

“If you keep hunching over your desk all night, you’re going to break your back. Idiot.” Black Hat grumbled from behind his newspaper. Despite the smile I could see peaking out from the top of his paper, he kept his voice surprisingly drawl as he tracked Flug with his single eye. “And I’m not going to keep carrying you to our bed. I already have enough of a distraction at night as it is.” as he spoke, his eye fell on me, and he winked. Or maybe he was just blinking. 

“Sorry, sir.” Flug muttered, rubbing the back of his bag. My scribbles from last night covered every inch of his bag in enough black ink to write a book, and I was almost surprised he didn’t notice the second he touched it. Instead he simple turned around and opened the fridge. 

I couldn’t stop the sudden bursts of giggles that burst out, slapping my hand over my mouth and ended up making a sound kinda like a burst balloon. Flug glanced over his shoulder in confusion, a jug of orange juice in hand. I met his eyes and shrugged, leaning back in my chair before a sound like tearing plastic came from behind Black Hat’s newspaper, the paper shaking slightly. 

I’d been with Black Hat long enough to know that was his attempt at hiding laughter, and so did Flug. I hide my smile behind my hand and tried to stay still as Flug’s eyes darted back and forth between the two of us, studying us. “What’s so funny…?” he asked, setting the jug on the counter and pulling out a glass without taking his eyes off us. I shrugged, and Black Hat didn’t respond outside of turning a page. 

Flug finally took his eyes off us to pour himself his drink, turning his head back to the counter and once again displaying the writing I’d put on the back. I snorted before giggling finally escaped me, but Flug seemed to be ignoring it as he capped up the juice and put it back in the fridge with one hand, digging around in a drawer for a straw with the other. 

He shut the fridge as he lifted the glass to his bag and slipped the straw under, beginning to sip out the juice as he turned his attention back to the two of us. Black Hat had managed to go silent, but I couldn’t stop myself. Flug glanced down at his clothes as if checking to make sure he’d thrown on the right clothing, than glanced back up at me. I could see the gears in his head turning before he suddenly slammed his drink onto the table and left the room. 

“Y/N!” Flug shouted from the bathroom. I finally burst out laughing.