The sunlight hit Blaine’s face as he rolled over, his arm instinctively reached across but instead of feeling his longtime on again- off again fiancé/boyfriends body, he felt nothing. Squinting against the sunlight streaming in, Blaine dragged himself up out of bed. “Kurt?” he called out. It was Monday morning and Monday was Broadway’s dark day, which was why Sunday night it wasn’t a big deal if Kurt stayed over. “Are you already up?” When Blaine spotted Kurt, already up and dressed, heading into the bedroom, the newspaper in hand, he smiled. “Good morning.”
Who: Blaine Anderson, Rachel Berry, and Kurt Hummel
What: Taking a pregnancy test
When: Saturday mid-day
Where: Kurt’s house
Notes: snapshot para, pregnancy mentions (the test is wrong and there is no baby, but shhhh they don’t know that)
Rachel took a breath as she went back into the bathroom to grab the stick that had been sitting there lonely for what felt like years. It had only been a few minutes and she wishes that this wasn't what she was doing with her two best friends but she grabs for it and through blurry eyes looks down at it. There's two lines and she blinks back tears to grab for the box one last time just to be sure. Two meant positive. Two meant pregnant. "You guys." She exits the bathroom though she thinks maybe she should be staying there because she's never felt the need to throw up more than she did in the moment. "It's...It's positive."
Blaine sat, wringing his hands, on the edge of Kurt's bed. He was sweating, and felt a little like he was going to hurl. He imagined that Rachel felt the same way, maybe actually worse than him. If she was pregnant, he was going to be a dad. He had always wanted to be a dad, but not at seventeen. Or with a girl- not that Rachel was a bad choice. She just wasn't a guy. He looked up at she called for he and Kurt and came back into the room. His heart was slamming in his chest and he stood up anxiously. He stared at her as she said the word 'positive.' His mouth fell open a little, but it seemed like his body had forgotten how to breathe. "Oh my god," he whispered.
"Oh god we're having a baby." That was all that registered in Kurt's brain as he squeezed Blaine's hand, feeling a whole lot like he was going to throw up. This weekend was supposed to be something easy, fun, relaxing. Hanging out with Blaine and Sebastian, dates, checking on Rachel if she didn't contact him. Dinner with his dad at some point. Nothing he expected included a /baby/. A baby from a night he only had scattered fever dream memories of. "We're going to have a /baby/."
Kurt saying it makes it feel that much more real and she bites at her lip. What is she supposed to say? He's right, they are having a baby and that is just the reality. "I'm really sorry you guys." She doesn't know what else to say, though Blaine had already made it clear before they got to Kurt's place, that it takes two to tango and he is right, but she can't help but feel that she'd asked for this. Not that she'd asked for a baby but she'd brought the wine and she'd gotten turned on and she'd wanted him when she knows he's gay. "What...what are we supposed to do now?"
Blaine heard Kurt say something and watery eyes looked over at him, then back to Rachel. He was going to be the father of a baby. A living, breathing baby. His head felt cloudy and he heard Rachel apologize and wanted to try and comfort her; he shook his head. She wasn't at fault. He was at least 75% at fault. His heart was in overdrive. What was Sebastian going to say? Did Kurt even want a part of this? It was so overwhelming... He felt like he was drowning and he closed his eyes, his grip on Kurt's hand going loose as he passed out, straight down onto the floor.
"We're supposed to... go see a doctor. Make sure you and the baby are okay. We're supposed to -" Kurt was going to say 'breathe' but then Blaine was toppling down beside him and the panic set in. A baby was something to deal with but it wasn't /right here right now/ the way that a crumpled boyfriend was, and he dropped down to scoop Blaine up into his arms, trying to check him over the best he can. "I think he fainted." And then the only word he could think of the emphasize how crazy this whole situation was, one he rarely used. "Fuck."
Kurt’s words don’t register completely and she isn’t given a chance to let them because Blaine’s on the floor and she feels her face grow hot. “Water. If we sprinkle water on his face or...” And she hates herself for this but Rachel easily gets on the floor beside him and slaps his cheek gently. “Do we need a Doctor?”
Blaine hit the floor and woke back up when Rachel's hand hit his face. He blinked up at her and immediately sat up. "You need a doctor... Rachel, we're gonna do everything right, okay? I promise." He glanced around, noticing the sudden change in seating. "Why are we on the floor?" he asked.
"We shouldn't need a doctor for anyone but you..." Kurt was starting to get worried, but then Blaine woke up and he was breathing a heavy sigh of relief, squeezing Rachel's hand when he realized it. "You fainted, Blaine. You fainted and hit your head. You're right though, we'll do everything right. Doctors, making sure you're taken care of, all of it."
Rachel just stares at Blaine, breath stuck in her throat, as she lets Kurt explain what had happened. She’s glad someone had taken the intense feelings and done something with them. They are a dramatic bunch. “This has to be okay. We’ll make it okay...right?”
Who: Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel, mentions of Sebastian Smythe ( @itsxkurthummel @sebnoelsmythe )
What: A confession and loads of tears
When: Friday afternoon
Where: Kurt’s house
Notes: Mentions of cheating
Phone call - 1:30 PM
After an eternity of waiting for Saturday to come and it was still only Friday before school let out, Blaine picked up his phone and called Kurt, trying not to pace around his room and failing.
Kurt answered quickly as soon as his phone rang, surprised that it Blaine so early. "Hey babe! You get out of school early?" He swiftly unlocked the front door, pushing inside as he moved the phone to the other ear.
"I didn't go to school today," he blurted, feeling his face get hot. His throat went try. "I know... we are supposed to hang out tomorrow but... I need to talk to you." There was nothing he could do to take the panicked sound out of this voice.
"You didn't go to school?!" Kurt's inner alarm bells rang and he set his stuff down, instantly worried. "You can definitely come over. I'm home, I got home early. Come on over now if you want." His throat closed up and he suddenly felt... nervous and he wasn't sure why.
Blaine squeezed the fabric of the bed spread next to him with his free hand and nodded as though Kurt could see him. "Okay," he said, with barely any vocals. "I love you, Kurt." He just needed to say it and hear it just one last time.
"I love you too, Blaine. A lot." Maybe it was his tone or.... Kurt didn't even know exactly, but something in him felt like maybe Blaine coming over wasn't going to be the weekend that they'd planned.
Blaine was nervous. He had been since immediately after sleeping with Sebastian. He had cheated on the love of his life- on someone he wanted to marry and have kids with and grow old with. He felt sick. He felt sick not because he had slept with someone else. No. He felt sick because of the way he felt about the person he cheated with. Blaine had feelings for Sebastian. And those feelings were a thousand times stronger now that they had slept together than they were before. He felt so guilty for having feelings- for having feelings for two people at once. He needed to tell Kurt that he had slept with someone. It was eating him up inside. He'd waited too long already. It was simple enough to ask to come over, and now he stood on Kurt's doorstep, too nervous to knock.
Kurt was so quick to answer the door, seeing Blaine was his favorite thing on even his worst days, but something about Blaine’s voice when he called... he knew something was wrong. Very wrong. He just didn’t know what. “You can come on in, sit wherever you like, you know what’s mine is yours.” The air already felt off and he couldn’t pin point why and it was what had him rambling at a million miles a minute - it was a flaw that he had managed to greatly diminish over the years but sometimes he just couldn’t quite reign it in. “Do you want a bottle of water or a cup of tea or anything?” Once again, nervous gestures, but Kurt tried not to overthink too hard.
Blaine looked up, doing everything he could to try and hide how guilty and anxious he felt. He smiled when he saw Kurt, and felt immediately guilty again. He perched on the edge of his boyfriend's couch, on the far seat from where Kurt usually sat as he turned down the offer of a beverage with the shake of his head. He tried to wait as long as he could. He didn't want to throw everything away, but he knew lying was worse. "I um. I need to tell you something."
Kurt sat down in his usual spot, watching Blaine carefully. He had had a sinking feeling in his stomach since the party, always feeling sick, and it was getting stronger by the minute. “What do you need to tell me?” His instinct was to curl away, wanting to protect himself, but he tried really hard to resist that instinctive urge to pull away. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe.
Blaine looked at Kurt. He was going to hold himself together and just tell the other what happened. He was going to be strong. He was going to... cry if he didnt spit it out soon. His eyes filled up and he pressed his lips together, taking a shallow breath though his nose. "Kurt... I love you," he swore, his voice starting to give out. "And... and I need to be honest with you." He swallowed and despite his best efforts, the tears started to fall. "I... was with someone."
Kurt’s stomach sank fast. It was exactly what he had hoped he wasn’t right about, and maybe he shouldn’t assume but his heart started beating 60 miles a minute and the urge to throw up and cry at the same time was so strong he had to choke it back. “Was it Sebastian?” It was the only name that came to mind, and the only one he wasn’t sure how to handle of the answer was yes.
Blaine knew that Kurt knew. Sebastian was the very first name that his boyfriend could spit out, and probably the one that hurt the other the most too. He tried to stop the tears and the way his throat knotted up in time with his stomach and how Kurt sounded. Blaine looked up with big sad, sorry eyes and nodded the slightest bit.
Kurt pressed himself further back against the couch and tried desperately to shove whatever this desperately horrific feeling was down. “Why? Was this... was it the first time?” God, he hated feeling weak, but every resigned moment of knowing had led to this and he couldn’t try to pretend he felt anything other than pure unabashed hurt. The kind that crashed in waves and felt all consuming.
Blaine nodded and sort of looked to the side, unsure. Was the sexting cheating? It was a gray area, honestly. "I swear it hasn't been happening for a long time." He paused, making eye contact with his probably soon to be ex-boyfriend, tears falling down his cheeks. "Kurt, I'm so sorry..." he said, his throat getting tight at the end so he couldn't keep going into some elaborate explanation.
Kurt wasn't sure exactly what Blaine meant by that and he wasn't completely sure he wanted to know either. "You slept with him before? You've slept with him before." It was the first place his mind went to and oh god, he wasn't going to be able to hold off being sick for much longer, not when the tears were already starting to come and he could feel the ache turn into something so much more.... real.
Blaine shook his head before Kurt had the second part of his accusation out, and straightened his back. "No! No, I only slept... I was only with him once like that. Just once," he said, trying to reassure him even though he knew that it wasn't going to make a difference. He hated seeing Kurt look so hurt, and because of something that Blaine did to top it off. Part of him wished he could take it back. Part of him didn't want to. "I know you're not going... I don't expect you to forgive me. I just... Kurt, I'm so sorry...." He reached across and tried to take his boyfriend's hand- anything to try and comfort him.
Kurt jerked his hand back automatically, stomach only settling a little when he heard it had only been the one time. “Just once. That definitely makes it better. Sarcasm, since you don’t seem to know me at all anymore. Did you just... forget I existed? Assume I would be okay with you sleeping with someone you thought was hot for the fun of it? What made you think any of this was okay enough to do it in the first place? God, I would rather have had you break up with me beforehand if you were so determined to give in to his seduction. I - I knew it and I - everyone said that you wouldn’t - I was so dumb.”
Blaine furrowed his eyebrows together, big wet eyes looking cautiously at Kurt as he went off on him. Everything he was saying was right. Kurt wasn't going to understand how he felt. He had been naïve to think even for a second that the other might understand that he had feelings for both of them. His stomach knotted up and he struggled to keep his lungs working as all of the air inside of them suddenly disappeared. "Kurt I- Let me explain," he choked out. Unfortunately, he hesitated, because exactly how was he supposed to tell someone that he loved that he had feelings for someone else too? But he had to get the words out. This couldn't get any worse. "I didn't just think he was hot and sleep with him. Just... talking to him and whatever... I just... I got feelings... that I can't explain... and... it happened.... and I'm sorry and if you want I'll never talk to him again, okay? I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, okay?"
"You... have feelings for him. Feelings like you have for me? Please, please tell me you - please tell me you didn't tell him first." Maybe that little detail didn't really matter all that much, but to the parts of Kurt that were breaking constantly right now that was important, to know that while he was trying to wrap his head around what the hell was happening right now that it was just between the two of them, that Sebastian wouldn't be right there gloating more than he must already be. It already made him twice as sick to know that Sebastian knew all the parts of Blaine that Kurt did, it was worse to think that maybe Sebastian knew he had Blaine's heart too. Or something along those lines. "No. Don't - don't promise me things like that. Don't promise anything. Don't - just don't."
Blaine looked at his lap in shame. There was nothing he could do to come back from this. Nothing he could say that would make Kurt stop hurting and forgive him. And he couldn't flat out tell Kurt that he'd told Sebastian how he felt already- technically Sebastian had coaxed it out of him, among other things- because Kurt wasn't going to understand. No one was going to understand. How could they? That wasn't what people did- this wasn't what people did. He quietly tucked his rejected hand under his thigh and tried to contain his breathing before he started to sob.
Kurt's breath caught at Blaine's sobs and for a second he wanted to lash out with a 'you don't have a right to do that', but the more human part of him... the part that loved Blaine with every fiber of his being.... that part of him couldn't watch Blaine sob and not do something. He couldn't bring himself to lean forward and hold Blaine, but he did reach for the hand that had been extended beforehand and untucked it, squeezing slowly as his own tears started streaming. It was like Blaine crying broke the damn, and he didn't know what to say or what to do except sit there and cry and hold Blaine's hand in the process. As much as he wanted to end this right then and there out of hurt, as much as he wanted to scream and yell, he also... didn't want to lose this. He just didn't know how to get there.
Blaine couldn't see through his tears. He wanted to shrink down and sink through the floorboards never to be heard of again. He was a cheater and he would always have that mark on him, because if he and Kurt broke up, everyone would know and want to know why and blame him and desert him and he would be left with no one. Except Sebastian, but Blaine knew that he didn't deserve any semblance of happy after how he'd hurt Kurt. But he was surprised when Kurt pulled his hand out from under his thigh and held it. He was shocked enough to look up and Kurt's sad eyes were looking back at him. He didn't know what to say or if he should move- or maybe he was just mentally broken enough that his brain was coming up with a story to try and make him feel better. His tears kept coming and he squeezed his boyfriend's hand to make sure it was real.
Kurt almost choked over the words, but he needed to say them, holding Blaine's hand tightly as he did. It kept him grounded. More okay than he would be without. if he was honest with himself. "I love you, Blaine. This hurts. So much. This... isn't.... okay. I can't pretend it is. But we'll... if this is.... if this is something that you feel that strongly and that's why then... I can't... just get through it in an instant or even figure out where we go from here that quickly, but maybe we can at least get through it together. Figure it out together. I just... need you to give me the time to...." The words came out strange, but he meant them even if they were hard to say. "Deal with this."
Blaine listened as carefully as he could, making every attempt at finding something salvageable about their relationship. His heart squeezed when he heard Kurt say he still loved him. It was like the clouds broke and the sun finally had a chance to shine down. He tried to say it back right away, but he was almost cut off before he even said anything. Blaine's heart was slamming in his chest. "You can have anything. Any time you need. I love you, Kurt. I love you so much."
Kurt thought for a second before he pulled Blaine forward and into his arms, the initial anger and revulsion at the sight of him gone even if the rest of the emotions were still firmly in place. He wasn’t ready to forgive and forget, and he was sure this was far from the last conversation they were going to have on the matter before it got better, but he believed Blaine. Those tears weren’t tears of messing up and thinking he was going to lose Kurt, they’d been tears of genuine heartbreak and confusion and whatever else was going on in Blaine’s head, and it was the biggest reason he wanted to... get to that place eventually. “I love you too. Just... just don’t say anything else. Not right now. You can stay as long as you’d like but I don’t think I can talk anymore right now.”
Blaine stifled a sob into Kurt's shoulder as the other pulled him close and into a hug- a hug that actually meant everything to him. It meant that he still had a chance with Kurt, even if it didn't seem like he would ever be forgiven. He wanted to open up and tell his (still) boyfriend everything. He wanted to explain until the other got it, till it made sense out loud instead of just in his head. But he was going to respect Kurt's request for him to stop talking. He nodded, taking it quite literally and not saying another word. He knew what Kurt had said probably could have had him getting away with asking for a cup or water or saying excuse me or something, but he didn't. He felt awkward, and like Kurt actually did want him to leave, even if he'd said Blaine could stay, so he stood up he tried to say he loved Kurt with his eyes as he pressed his lips together to keep himself from actually saying it.
Kurt’s heart sank as Blaine got up and he gave him a tight little smile, one that lost a little bit of the “it’s going to eventually be okay” that had been there not too long before. The physical closeness had helped even if it was painful which was confusing to him on some level. If he wanted to leave, Kurt wasn’t going to stop him. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe Blaine’s head wasn’t where he’d thought it was after all. Maybe he just needed to stop trying to cling on to the hope of - he wasn’t going to go there. Maybe Blaine just needed his own time to think. “If you want to go that’s okay too. I’m not - I’m not going to force you to stay anywhere you don’t want to.” That statement went broader than just right here right now, but now wasn’t really the time for that either.
A wrinkle formed between Blaine's eyebrows as Kurt almost accused him of not wanting to be there. It was the complete opposite. There was no where else that Blaine wanted to be more than right here. But Kurt was confusing him and he didn't know what to do or say. Should he leave? It didn't look like Kurt wanted him to leave. Should he stay? He was afraid that he would talk too much and ruin everything that he was trying to save. "I want to stay," he said, his words almost sounding like a whimper.
“I want you to stay.” The words came out a whisper, and it broke his heart in the same way Blaine’s honesty had to hear him whimper about something that at one point had been such a simple thing for them. Time together. Closeness. Whatever they would call it. “Let me go clean up and we can have some tea and... you seem like you want to talk, and we can talk. Just... let me go clean up.”
The corners of Blaine's mouth turned up a little when Kurt said that he wanted him to stay. That was all he really needed right now. He would gladly get grounded if Kurt wanted him to sleep there, even if it was just on the couch. Hell, he'd even sleep at the foot of Kurt's bed if he asked. But for now, he would just let his boyfriend get cleaned up- which he really hoped didn't mean 'cry in the bathroom'- and go from there. Even just being wanted enough to stay a little while longer was more than enough.
Part of Sebastian couldn't quite believe this trip was actually happening. It felt like the stars had aligned in the most perfect way and just like that, everything had fallen together. Sebastian had led the way first into the bathhouse, full of confidence and smirks as he checked all four of them in and even handed the payment over for his free guests. The last thing he'd want is for any of them to have a bad time and yet still have to pay for such an trip. He then led them into the locker room to get ready, and grabbed four lockers right next to each other.
Sebastian didn't have much hestiation when it came to that next part- the stripping. His hands grabbing the edge of his shirt and stripping it off before throwing it the locker. Sebastian's hands dropping to unzip and peel off his jeans to leave him in a pair of tight black briefs that teased the bulge of his cock almost sinfully. Two green eyes flicked up to dance over at Kurt and the others as he took a moment to grab his towel from the pile by the the lockers, throwing it over his shoulders before hooking one thumb into his underwear to peel it down, and off. Sebastian's trademark smirk dancing on his lips as his impressive, if soft, cock swung free for a few proud moments before Sebastian was wrapping that towel around his waist.
"No point being shy, pretty boys." He drawled playfully as he tied that towel so it dipped teasingly down his waist. Sebastian did, however, flick his eyes away from the others as they got changed. If only to be polite. He was pretty sure he would have felt Kurt's gaze burning though his head as if he had.
Sebastian then led them down towards the steam rooms since he thought it might be a nice starting off point for the newbies. Something easy and familiar, past the various pools of naked men and whispering dirty words. The outright showing of sexual moments around them.
Sebastian settled himself down in that warm heat and steam, shifting his head to till against the wall as he did. His head turned to glance over at Kurt nearby, his eyes flicking down that pale beauitful body on display without a hint of hesitation. Kurt really was fucking stunning. Even if the other had certain doubts about it.
"Hm enjoying yourself, Joli garçon? You look stunning by the way." He teased as he leaned forward towards the others, his voice dancing playfully into the others ear as Blaine and Elliot chatted in the corner.
Chewing the inside of his lip as he walked, Dave wound through the streets of town, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans as he went. Somewhere, some part of him attempted to convince himself that he was heading nowhere in particular, that no destination had been pre-determined. Still, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself, he knew the fact of the matter was different. It didn’t take long for Kurt’s house to come into view, and Dave took in a deep breath before making his way onto the porch. Pulling his hands from his pants, he wrung them together nervously before raising a fist to knock. He hadn’t texted to see if Kurt was home, or if he was free, or if he even wanted to see him. But, Dave had held out as long as he could. Things had felt awkward since their last interaction, something that he hadn’t wanted, something that he truthfully disliked more than just about anything. He’d been keeping to himself, doing his best to keep himself from completely devolving, but realizing that the headaches, body aches, and everything in-between were becoming more frequent, and his emotions more melancholy. The fact was that he missed Kurt, more than he could put into words; the withdrawal symptoms were more than secondary, however they did serve as a constant reminder of Dave’s alone-ness. Wrapping his knuckles against the door, Dave stepped back as he waited, head down, eyes brimming with tears for a reason unbeknownst even to himself, hands shoved back into the pockets of his jeans.
@switchingkurt
Who: Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel ( @itsxkurthummel )
What: A discussion
When: Tuesday evening after dinner
Where: Blaine’s house, while his parents are away
Notes: None.
Blaine watched the tv screen as whatever couple that was starring in the movie kissed, with a cityscape behind them. It was such a romantic moment, and normally, it would have had him tearing up and bringing a tissue to his eyes, but tonight he was distracted. He was very much thinking about what it was going to be like when he left for New York City in less than a year. Less than a year! There were less than 365 days between now and him moving to the city of his dreams to go to school for everything that he wanted, hopefully at the school of his dreams, NYADA. And hopefully landing big roles on Broadway. But, there was a big problem. Kurt. Blaine knew that his boyfriend said that he wanted to go to New York with him, but he didn't want to take the other away from a job that he loved and coworkers that were becoming friends, just to relocate and maybe not even be able to find something. His face was more troubled than anything, and it was obvious that he wasn't paying attention to the movie anymore. It was just too hard to stay focused when there was so much at stake.
Kurt loved rom coms. Honestly, romantic anything was something that he was a sucker for, and he took a long swallow of his drink and put a hand up to his heart as he watched it. It was only when he looked towards Blaine that his mind went entirely off of the movie. It had been such a glorious time so far - honestly there was nothing like getting to pretend that they were living in their own (Rather large) place with no parents or rules or curfews or worries. It was splendid. Which was exactly why he couldn't figure out why Blaine looked so... distracted. Almost upset. "Are you not into the movie babe? I can find another one to watch... unless the movie isn't the issue?"
Blaine startled as Kurt asked him if he was into the movie and he glanced around, remembering where they were. "No, no, I am," he replied, shaking his head and then nodding a little.He really didn't want to bring everything up with Kurt. Saying it all out loud was going to make him sound so stupid, and worse yet, it was going to make all of his fears real. Right now, he could easily pretend that they didn't exist and go about his day with no one the wiser, but once they were out in the open, Kurt would know. Kurt would know that Blaine was afraid. He wanted to hide that, even if he felt guilty doing it.
Kurt watched Blaine carefully - they'd been together long enough that most of the time it felt like he knew Blaine better than he knew the back of his own hand, but right now he couldn't figure out where his better half's head was for the life of him. Should he ask? For a moment he worried about what it was that could possibly be distracting Blaine, but he quickly shoved the worry away in favor of problem solving. "Something's up. I know you. What's wrong, B?"
Blaine tried as hard as he could to keep his eyes on the movie, but hearing Kurt call him B and ask him what was wrong like that made his heartstrings tug. He looked down at his lap for a minute and then finally over at his boyfriend, a crease forming between his eyebrows as they furrowed together. He both loved and hated that the other knew him so well. "I don't know. I don't want to ruin our night. It's not really important," he said, dismissively, as he looked down at his hands again.
"Look, if there's something bothering you then I want to /know/. I want to know. I'd rather have it be something that derails movie night for both of us than have you worrying about something without me." Kurt wasn't always understanding and he could admit it. Sometimes he was extremely self-centered, sometimes he was irrational and... probably a lot of other things, but when something was wrong Blaine was his first priority.
Blaine pressed his lips together and felt his throat get tight. Man, he was emotional. Was he ever going to outgrow crying at the drop of a hat? He swallowed and kept looking at his hands. "I just... am worried that you don't want to go to New York and that you're just saying you do, and you're going to go along because it's what I want, not what you want. I'm worried that it's going to be weird if I try for NYADA. I'm worried about us," he confessed, barely managing to keep the tears from overcoming his words.
Kurt blinked a little at something he thought came out of left field - but suddenly Rachel's questioning a few days ago made sense, "Look I..." Now was /his/ turn to be honest, even if he wasn't sure he wanted to be right now. "First of all, absolutely /not/ going to be weird if you try for NYADA. I want that for you so badly. But I'm... it's not that I don't want to go because I do, but I'm... scared to go to New York. I don't know how to handle being scared, but it's definitely not NOT wanting to go or be with you or be us in New York or any of the above."
Blaine frowned a little. "Do you think..." he took a breath to hold himself at bay, "that maybe you wouldn't want to go?" he asked. He didn't want to go to New York without Kurt, but he didn't want to force his boyfriend to go either. It seemed mean and unthoughtful and that later he might end up resentful and unhappy, and that really was the last thing Blaine wanted. He still had dreams of the two of them and their New York apartment and vacations together and retiring in Provincetown. "I just... I don't want you to have to do something that you don't want to do just because of me."
Kurt blinked a little. Had he really put off that impression? Dammit. He didn't even realize any of that. "I think I want to go, Blaine. I know I want to go, and not just because of you. New York is where I want to be and where our destiny is but I'm just terrified. Not enough to not go, but enough to spend a lot of time worrying about what's going to be there for me career wise and if maybe my future career is nothing like I thought it was going to be."
Blaine wanted to believe Kurt. They had talked about New York so many times. Planned out their apartment and even talked about getting lunch together. But Blaine was still nervous. Kurt said he was scared- what if he did back out of going? "Are you going to reapply for NYADA?" he asked cautiously, wondering if his picture perfect idea of life might actually come true.
"Maybe. There's this like... deep set fear of being rejected again that I don't really know how to handle, but maybe. It's not out of the picture." Kurt's stomach squeezed, almost feeling sick at how much that fear had been tangled up in there. It was awful, but maybe not as awful telling Blaine. "Do you think we can still love New York if we're not both at NYADA?"
Blaine listened, quiet for a while and taking in what Kurt was saying. He understood the fear, but he knew that his boyfriend had what it took to be a performer, even if he was unsure about it himself. "I have this dream," he said, sitting up a little more poignantly and reaching for the other's hands as he turned to face him on the couch. "It's like this life goal thing. The ultimate desire, if you will. I want the two of us to go to New York together. I want us to go to school together. Perform together and live together. Have kids and make dinners together. I want to go on vacations together and send our kids to college together and retire together." He paused to smile, looking into Kurt's eyes. "But if there is any of that that you don't want, it's okay. You just have to tell me. I love you and I want to be with you, always. I'll love you even if we don't get to go to NYADA together. Even if we don't get to perform together. But I need to make sure that- that New York is where your heart is. And you're not just going because it's what I want to do."
"Blaine. Please listen. Please." Kurt squeezes Blaine's hands in his and he tries not to overthink what he says, trying to make it as simple and honest as possible. "The only thing about my future that's uncertain is my career. I still want to perform. I still want to go to New York and have a house and a marriage and dinner and a life that's so good that by the time we retire it all seems like a beautiful dream we never have to wake up from. I want that, and I want it with you, and if I didn't want all of this with you then we wouldn't be here right now. I love you and the future we've crafted together and I don't know how to make sure you know that, but it's the truth."
Blaine pressed his lips together, subconsciously making sure that he would listen and not say anything until Kurt was finished. He couldn't help the way his eyes welled up with tears as the other spoke, so much of his anxiety about their relationship lifting away from his chest and he nodded on okay, because he was sure that his voice wasn't going to work if he tried. He squeezed Kurt's hand back and pulled them around him, letting go once his arms were around Blaine's neck, and wrapped his own around Kurt's middle. "No matter what," he said into Kurt's neck, "I'm gonna be here."
Kurt's heart squeezed so tight at the words, this... finalization of their relationship, everything suddenly so real and so potentially permanent in a way that he had dreamed and hoped for but was finally becoming such a clear reality for them. "I promise that no matter what I'm going to be here too. Yours. Always yours." It was a promise that nothing in this world could make him break, at least if he could help it.
Thalita was excited for this day. She always wanted a dog or puppy. She just never had time before now. It was even better when Kurt agreed to help her pick one out, but also stop her from adopting all of them. She arrived a little bit early and decided to just take a look around. The zoo seemed to be packed, but then again, they did have the shelter there for national adopt a pet day. All adoption portions would help the shelters and zoos. It really was for a great cause. Thalita ended up observing the penguins splashing around and just having fun in the water. They really did look like they were having fun.
Who: Kurt Hummel @cheerstokurt and Rachel Berry @rxxberry
Where: Rachel’s house
When: Friday night, March 17th 2017
Notes: Kurt comes over and they have their annual movie marathon. Rachel talks to Kurt about the glee club.
Triggers: None.
Kurt couldn't wait to spend a night with his best friend. Spending time with Rachel was always the absolute best for him. It was a chance for him to throw on some much more fashion forward clothes and just be full on Kurt Hummel, no cheerleading uniform or fake boy stories involved. He loved their Hummelberry time. So, as soon as he was told that bringing ice cream would mean a night at the Berry house, he was all in. Kurt raided the fridge in his kitchen for cartons of Ben and Jerry's before making his way over, knocking on the door with a big smile, totally ready to have a night full of sing a longs and snacks.
Rachel: was looking forward to spending time with Kurt, since it was always the best for her and hoped it was the same for him. She gotten her room together, looking forward to see her best friend out of his Cheerio's uniform, is always a good night. She went downstairs, grabbed some snacks and glanced at herself in the mirror. She hadnt even left her bed ever since she gotten home and swallowed as she went back upstairs. She had been feeling low, to the point she didnt want to socialize but she knew that she had too. She quickly walked to the door, with the snacks in her arms and opened up widely with a grin. "Hey you!" She greeted, kissed the boy on his cheek and stepped aside to let him in.
Kurt: "I come bearing ice cream!" he grinned, stepping right inside. "And I'm thinking we start with one of your favorite musicals, and then go on to one of mine," he added, totally excited to have a movie night with her. "It's been way too long since our last sing a long night, and what better night than I night where we're surrounded by ice cream and snacks?" he laughed a little. He felt right at home in the Berry house, so he led the way straight up to Rachel's bedroom.
Rachel: shut the door behind him with a smile, nodded and looked at him. "That sounds perfectly fine with me." She replied as she stayed where she was at. "It has been, and I can't believe we let it be too long. I agree with that statement." She followed him upstairs after she locked the door and turned off the lights as she headed upstairs.
Kurt: "Our sing along movie nights are my absolute favorite," he laughed softly, getting all of their snacks set up for them. "I just watched Moana with Spencer the other night though. So that's the only one I'm going to say is off limits for tonight," he warned.
Rachel: helped him and chuckled softly. "Good, because they are mine too." She said as she looked at him, nodded once more. "Sounds good to me." She pushed up the sleeves of Finn's hoodie that she stole the first time they dated.
Kurt: handed Rachel the carton of Ben and Jerry's that he knew was her favorite flavor, knowing his bestie too well. "Nice sweatshirt by the way," he grinned a little bit, sitting on the bed amongst the piles of snacks.
Rachel: thanked him when she grabbed the carton of Ben and Jerry's, sat down on her bed after she placed the movies onto the T.V. stand. She glanced down at it, shrugged a bit with a small smile. "Thank you, I figured since I didn't give this back to Finn and I don't think he's missing it." She replied softly as she glanced over at her best friend.
Kurt: nodded his head in understanding, smiling a little towards her. "How is everything in the Finn department anyway?" he asked her curiously.
Rachel shrugged a bit as she opened up her ice cream, grabbed a spoon after she placed her lid on the bed. "I don't know, we hooked up last month and I still love him but I don't know." She answered honestly. "Part of me wants to be with him but the other part is scared to get hurt again." She glanced over at him and raised an eyebrow. "Do you know something?"
Kurt: listened to the girl, nodding his head as she spoke. "Okay. Well, if you know you're still in love with him then why don't you just go for it?" he asked. "I know you don't want to get hurt but, if you know you want to be with him, then why not?" he asked before putting his hands up in defense. "I know nothing."
Rachel: let out a breath as she looked at the ice cream, not really knowing why she was having doubts all of a sudden. "I dunno, I feel like maybe everyone's right about it being a rollercoaster." She lightly bit down on her bottom lip, knowing that he needed to know about everything. "Promise?"
Kurt: "I know it seems like a mess, but, I mean, if you guys are in love isn't it worth it?" he asked, digging his spoon into his carton of ice cream. "I mean.. If you want to be with him, or anyone, there's always a risk of getting hurt, but, that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it," he shrugged.
Rachel: let out a breath as she nodded, pulled her legs closer to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. "Yeah, its worth it." She agreed as she let out a sigh and glanced over at him. "True, besides. Its Finn and I, and it would be different if it wasn't."
Kurt: grinned a little, nodding his head. "So what does that mean? You want to be with him?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at the girl.
Rachel: swallowed some as she nodded. "Whenever I think about the future, I imagine him standing there with me and no matter what we're doing at the time. We're always together."
Kurt: watched Rachel with a grin, nodding his head. "Okay, if he's in all of your dreams for the future, you need to go for it, okay? I wish there was a guy I had around here that I could see myself having a life with."
Rachel: saw his grin, returned it with a small one and nodded. "Okay." She whispered, raised an eyebrow as she took a bite out of her ice cream. "Do I need to set you up with a guy from my work?"
Kurt: rolled his eyes fondly, shaking his head. "I'm perfectly fine being single. I just.. Feel like it would be nice sometimes, to have someone," he bit his lip some. "How cute are these guys from work exactly?"
Rachel: slowly nodded, knowing what he had meant and grabbed the cookies from downstairs before she placed it into her ice cream. "This is true." She replied, smiled as she glanced over at him. "Very cute, its a mash up between Thomas' charms and Jackson's looks with a hint of badboy vibe. Which, they're bi."
Kurt: hummed, eating a big spoonful of ice cream. "Okay... He sounds cute. But you know me, do I need a badboy kind of guy? I mean, would that really work?" he asked skeptically.
Rachel: hummed a bit as she ate her cookie and really thought about it. "I know, you need someone to make you relax and take risks." She replied as she turned towards him. "Kurt, do you want to keeping living it safe?"
Kurt: sighed softly, shaking his head. "No. Yes. I don't know," he shrugged, looking down into his ice cream. "I like being safe. I like going to school in my uniform, not getting bothered, and going home to watch some musicals. But, it would be nice to.. Take a risk, I guess."
Rachel: nodded, knowing what he had meant and took a drink of her water. "I know..." She replied, raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? I can give you the boy's number if you'd want. And I have something to ask, too."
Kurt: nodded his head, smiling a little bit. "Okay. Okay, I'll take it," he agreed. "And you know you can ask me anything," he added, looking over towards her. "Why? What's up?" he asked.
Rachel: smiled as she grabbed her phone and scrolled through her phone. She hummed a bit, placed her ice cream on the night stand. "Would you like to join the glee club? Since you're a really great singer."
Kurt: rose an eyebrow at Rachel, looking at her like she was crazy. "You want me to join the glee club?" he asked. "You know I joined Cheerios for a reason, Rach."
Rachel: nodded as he talked and never leaving his face. "Yeah, I do and I know you did but imagine doing all of the songs we can do. That you can do!"
Kurt: "I like to sing, Rachel. You know I do. And as much as I would love to be in glee with you, I just don't know if I can do it," he sighed softly.
Rachel: placed her ice cream carton off to the side and sat in front of him. "I know, and please Kurt. I'm sure Mr. Schue will let you sit in one practice and watch us get emotionally naked. Which I don't have a song for but still. Can you at least think about it before you toss in the towel?"
Kurt: bit his lip some, thinking about it for a minute. "It's not like I stop being a cheerleader if I join," he hummed. "And I would like to sing with you for an audience once in a while but.. I just don't know. Would they even want me in there?" he asked.
Rachel: nodded as she agreed. "Exactly, so you'll have the uniform as a protective shield from anyone who has giving you harassment." She smiled the more he talked and nodded once more. "Of course Kurt, I wouldn't see the problem of you being in there."
Kurt: bit his lip some, nodding his head as he listened to her. "I'll think about it. Okay? I don't even know what I would audition with," he sighed softly.
Rachel: grinned when she heard him and nodded, before she held up a finger. "I got the perfect song for you." She replied, gotten up quickly and grabbed her iPod. She scrolled through it and looked at him. "You need something to show off your perfect pitch and I would say Defying Gravity is definitely up there. I believe you can hit the high F on Defying. Or you can sing something more modern, like who's your favorite artist?"
Kurt: laughed a little, nodding his head. "As much as I love Wicked and I love that song, maybe I should go in with something a little less... I don't know, /gay/?" he asked.
Rachel: pushed her music sheet off of her bed with a laugh and nodded. "I would that would be the perfect idea." She replied with a smile. "Now, what is the most played song on your iTunes?" She picked up the sheet and placed it back with the others.
Kurt: "Well there's my problem, my most played songs on iTunes are all showtunes," he laughed softly. "It would be weird to sing Moana, wouldn't it?" he added with a little grin.
Rachel: shook her head with a little grin as well. "Never too weird." She reassured him.
Kurt: laughed a little, taking another big spoonful of ice cream. "Okay. I'll think about it."
Rachel: squealed a little before she carefully hugged him. "Thank you."
Kurt: laughed at her reaction, hugging her back. "Okay, okay. You're welcome."
Rachel: smiled softly before she pulled away and looked at him. "This is going to be fun."
Kurt: "If I do it," Kurt nodded. "No promises just yet. Okay?" he chuckled.
Rachel: gave him a soft smile. "Okay."
Kurt: "Now why don't we get these movies started? I'm thinking we start with some Barbra and end with Phantom," he grinned, looking through her extensive collection of musicals.
Rachel: nodded as she sat back where she was and gave him a small smile. "Sounds good to me." She said as she grabbed her ice cream carton.
Kurt: smiled a little at the decision, leaning back against the headboard. "Perfect," he hummed.
Rachel: leaned back as well and crossed her legs. "Very perfect."
