We Need to Talk || Para
WHO: Benji Karofsky (@benjikarofsky), Franco Del Rio (@southsidefranco), and Topher Pierce (@topherxpierce).
WHERE: Benji’s apartment
WHEN: 31st May 2019
NOTES: Deciding to bite the bullet, Topher and Benji finally tell Franco about their feelings and suggest a compromise.
TRIGGERS: Arguing, verbal violence, slight physical violence. ‘Blink-and-you’ll-miss-it’ mentions of the following: drug use/benders, (non-explicit) self-harm, chloroform use
BOLD: Benji
ITALIC: Franco
NORMAL: Topher
WORD COUNT: 3995
"Are you sure you're ready to do this, Toph?" Benji asked quietly, turning on the bed so he could see his best friend. They were currently in Topher's room, and they had finally decided that they were going to rip off the band aid to Franco, but Benji was already having second thoughts. "I... What if he freaks and tries to hurt himself? Or relapses again? ...I don't wanna hurt him."
Topher glanced up from his phone when Benji's voice grabbed his attention and he closed the notes app in order to show he was paying attention. "I know I'm ready to do this and I also know that you don't want to hurt him. I don't want Franco to be hurt by this either, but sometimes you gotta take a risk or two. Plus, there are plenty of people keeping an eye on him. It'll be alright."
Benji bit his lip and nodded. "Okay... Time to do this." He stood up, took a deep breath, then walked to the doorway. "Franc? Babe? Got a sec?" he called, poking his head into the hallway.
Franco had been laying on the sofa, watching some television when he heard the call from Tophers room. He sighed and pushed himself upwards and walked down, curious as to why they wanted him. He pushed open the door and leant against the frame, “You guys called?” He asked, “Better be good, I was watching Friends”.
Benji nodded. "Yeah, um... You might wanna sit down," he suggested. He took a breath and moved back over to the bed, sitting next to Topher. "Toph and I wanted to talk... it's. It's kind of a complicated matter..." he rambled, looking down at his hands. He couldn't do this. He was too afraid of the fallout.
Topher gave a tiny wave of greeting as he sat up and carefully considered his own set of words. "First off, please do take a seat. Anywhere really. Secondly, Ben and I have kind of been going back and forth and we just want to basically bring an idea to you. Get feedback, that sort of thing," he chimed in.
Franco side eyed Topher, not really his biggest fan but having found him tolerable recently and moved over to an empty space of wall, sliding down it to sit and listen, "OK, why do I feel like I'm about to be ambushed or something?" He asks, looking up at the others, "Why don't you talk to me Benj... Tell me what the heck is going on? If you want me to leave I can you know, I'll just move back to Sunnyside".
Benji shook his head. "Of course I don't want you to move out. You just got back completely. Besides, I love you." He bit his lip and looked down, unable to meet Franco's eye. "...but I love Topher too," he added, his voice barely audible. "I... I want to be with both of you..."
Topher's own gaze had flicked elsewhere because while things were improving between him and Franco, there was still some very thin ice between them. Nonetheless, when Benji seemed to be trailing off, he cleared his throat lightly as a signal that he wanted to jump in. "What we're trying to say is that the idea is a polyamorous type thing. Like, you get to date Benji and I also get to date him. Hell, if things improve between us, we could end up dating too. But for now, it's just you and I dating Benji."
Franco was glad he was sitting down, it felt like he'd been punched in the stomach and his breathe was catching in his throat. Willing himself to keep breathing, he looked at Benji with confusion on his face and tears building in his eyes, "I don't understand" he said, trying to keep his voice level, "People don't do this poly...polyam.... whatever the fuck the word is". He stood himself up, looking any where but at the other two as he tried to stop his emotions from boiling over and shook his head, "How can you love me and him the same?" he said directly to Benji, "I know I've no room to talk but have you been cheating on me?".
"I don't know how, Franc! I just know that I do!" Benji snapped back, his eyes not leaving the floor. "Love isn't finite, Franc. It's not like people have 3 cups of love or something and that's it! Love is endless and, apparently for me, I love you both." He hadn't looked up quite yet, but by now he was at least finding his voice. "I love you, Franc. You know by the way I look at you... the way I hold you... the way I'd give anything to you that that's true. But my love for Topher has never changed or faltered either. And it's not going to," he admitted.
At Franco's second question, Benji finally looked up. "Never." Benji said truthfully, latching his eyes on Franc while he continued. "Because I love you too much to be anything but faithful to you; I'd never do anything without your knowledge. I haven't done anything unfaithful. We haven't even kissed."
"Guys," Topher chimed in with his usual annoyingly calm tone as he glanced between them after he'd had his fill of listening. "Going off of what Ben said, love works in a wide variety of mysterious ways. Some people will go above and beyond in order to make their partner happy whereas in cases like this, others may find themselves in love with more than one person. There are people who are currently in or have been in poly relationships before. We just don't hear about them because of the whole 'one person for life' schtick."
He had to admit that the question about potential cheating stirred up some anger, yet he just maintained the same serene as possible appearance. "And I wouldn't dream of coming between you guys. I've been a dick in the past, but that's one move I wouldn't dare to make," Topher added.
Franco felt like he couldn't breathe. He took deep intakes of breath, no control to them whatsoever and be looked to the floor, "You love each other" he said, not to anyone in particular, "And you want me to love you both too?". He was confused and hurt and not sure how to handle this.
He turned and put his hands on the wall, willing himself to breathe. He didn't want Benji to see him like this. The sheer panic in him making him want to run, "I don't understand" he said twice, "I can't breathe".
"I want you to let me love you and Toph..." Benji tried to explain, standing up and walking towards him, slowly. "I'm not asking you to do anything but keep loving you. I just... We want you to let me love Topher too. It's two separate things. Our relationship stays the same. We'd just be adding another."
He made it closer to Franco and pulled him into his arms. "Baby, breathe... If you're not comfortable, then we'll forget we ever said anything."
Topher gave a light nod as he continued to listen then shifted so that if needed, he could stand up at a moment's notice. "Franc, just take a deep breath, alright? In for three seconds, hold for four, then out for seven," he lightly stated as he tried to calm his own racing heartbeat. Witnessing a loved one's panic attack never got easier as time went on. In fact, it only made his heart weigh just a bit heavier in his chest.
"Listen, if you don't want me to be involved, then just say the word and I'll back out. We can move past this, I'll support you guys and generally have your backs," he added. "Your comfort outweighs everything else, which goes for both of you."
Franco felt his breathing increase and he felt like he was falling apart. Willing himself not too, scared of he destruction he could cause if he did. He felt Benji's arms around him, his shakes increasing from the feeling, "It doesn't stay the same" he breathed out, the emotion in his voice evident, "You won't stay in bed with me every night. You won't hold my hand in the street. You won't kiss me when we cuddle".
He shook his head, "I thought I was helping you move on? I thought I helped you move on?" he asked, each word broken with another attempt to breathe right. He pulled himself from Benji's grip, "Why are you both doing this?"
"I can do all of that, Franc. We'd just have to work it out. Of course I'm gonna kiss you when we cuddle. Of course I am," Benji whispered, not sure how to slow his boyfriend's rampage.
When Franco pulled away, he looked down. "...You became someone that I love with all my heart, Franc. But... I didn't stop loving Topher." He bit his lip. "...I'm not doing anything. Just say no and we'll forget it ever happened."
"Like I said, I'm more than willing to take a back seat or get taken out of the equation completely," Topher reminded. "There's an adjustment period for just about everything in life and this would be no different. But once again, the power is in your hands. Either we give this a trial run or go back to regularly scheduled programming."
He finally planted his feet on the floor and leaned forward as he cleared his throat once again in order to gain attention. "It felt like the right thing to do, bringing this idea to you. And I hate sounding like fucking broken record, but we don't have to do this if you don't want to. Your vote is the last one needed as to whether we all take a chance together or you guys continue on your merry way while I sit from the sidelines as a supportive friend."
Franco gulped and shook his head, "I can't say no to this" he said, as if he had no other options, "The one thing I want is for Benji to be happy and I told you the other day...." he looked to face Topher, "I told you if Benji knew you had feelings for him, he would want you".
He felt his hands shaking and took a deep breath, "I can't do this" he said through gritted teeth, "I can't give you an answer right now". He knew he could, knew he needed to calm down a bit first, "Fuck" he said as his breathing increased once more, "I can't fucking breathe".
"You can say no, Franc... It's okay." He walked closer to Franco, but kept his hands up, at first, not wanting to make the situation worse. But as soon as he noticed that Franco's hands were shaking, he pulled him back into his arms, wanting nothing more than to calm him down.
"It's okay, Franc..." he whispered, holding him tight. "It's okay, Baby... breathe. ...Never mind, okay? Forget I said anything," he cooed, using the soft tone he usually tried to calm Franco down with. "...I love you; just breathe."
Topher had to fight the urge to roll his eyes at the reminder and instead just pushed himself up off the bed. "Again, you can say no. We can adjust accordingly either way. Abracadabra and all that nonsense," the former Serpent chimed in then moved so he could lean against his nightstand.
"But Franc, please try to breathe. In for three, hold for four, out for seven. Repeat that as many times as you need to, alright?" Topher attempted in a calm tone, similar to one that a parent might use with a child who got scraped up in the yard.
Franco continued to try and fight for his breathing to control and to keep his surge of anger at bay. He did not need to hurt Benji and the man was holding him. He also did not want Topher to see the shit Benji did, "I don't want to stop you two from playing happy families" he finally said, his anger sounding out in his voice.
He felt himself trembling and suddenly he wanted the drugs. Wanted to numb himself the only way he knew how. He pushed Benji off him and headed for the bedroom door, "Fine, I'll go and make sure I forget anything was said" and he swung the door open, heading to the lounge
"Franc, it's not like that at al--" Benji started, cut off by the surprise of Franco pushing him away. "Franco, no!" he yelled, breaking into a run to catch his boyfriend before he made it out the doorway; he frantically hugged Franco from behind and started to rock him, knowing that this was usually the way he calmed him down. "That's not what we meant... We'll never bring it up again, okay? It'll be like we never even considered it. Just... stay sober, Baby. Please. I can't handle watching you relapse again."
Topher moved to stand in the doorway of his room and couldn't help the mental debate about whether or not he should increase his involvement or stand back. "Exactly. We'll lock the idea back up and just forget about it. We can go right back to normal or whatever that is for us. You guys go off on dates, have a grand old time as a couple. I'll stay here, do stuff for my online classes or at work and look after Cortana."
He had to admit, this hurt quite deeply, but there was no way he'd make that remark. While part of him wanted to take the leap of faith needed for a trial run, too much seemed to be at stake. So, the former Serpent just leaned against the doorway to his room and kept his gaze trained on the floor as he attempted to hold his tongue.
Franco was too focused at this point. He didn't want to be in this house. He couldn't forget this. Couldn't move on from this, "What would either of you care" he screamed, wanting free from Benji's grip, "You both have each other now. You love each other... I want to go and do what I need to do" he added, his voice wrecked with tears and emotion. His body shaking uncontrollably.
"Franco, you have to stop!" Benji yelled, holding Franco tighter. "Of course I care! I love you! I'm sorry we even suggested it, okay? We're just gonna forget it and go back to our regular lives; we can have breakfast and read Harry Potter... anything and everything that you want. Just us. I'm so sorry I even suggested it, Baby... Please calm down."
"And I care too, even though I've had a funny way of showing it recently," Topher fired back as he moved closer to Benji and Franco. "You guys won't even know I'm around unless you specifically request my presence. It'll be like there's a ghost in the apartment, so hopefully that helps minimize worry. I'll keep a respectable distance, this fades to the back of our minds, then everything is fine again."
Franco shook his head, "You don't get it do you" he said through gritted teeth, "I say no and you both are unhappy. I say yes, I have to once again adjust to a situation I'm not comfortable with". He pushed at Benji harder, "Let me fucking go Benji" he breathed, his voice low and warning, "Let me go.... You just got better".
"Saying no won't make me unhappy," Benji whispered, still refusing to loosen his grip. "Franco, I love you and you make me happy; if I can't have Toph, that's okay." He sighed, keeping one arm wrapped around Franco to keep him still and silently waved Topher back from them with his free hand--he knew Franco's tone; this wasn't going to be pretty, and he couldn't afford to have a physically-hurt Topher along with an emotionally-hurt Franco.
"There is no better. You're both amazing in different ways. I wouldn't have fought for you if I didn't think you were perfect for me. Franc, why don't you see th--" he sighed, "--forget it. Just know that I'm not letting go of you; physically or otherwise."
Topher took exactly two steps backward as his gaze locked on both Benji and Franco as the determination set in. He wouldn't back down anymore because he was willing to make things work, no matter how outside the box the solution would have to be. Plus, while he had intense doubts about his own merits, he remained tight-lipped because that was a debate for another day. Instead, he opted for what he hoped sounded like a reassuring enough tone as he stated, "And I'll take happiness however I can get it, friendship being the supplier in this case."
"So, with all of that in mind, do we have the final vote?" He questioned a few moments later.
Franco scoffed, "A final vote is that Benji lets go and I walk out of here to think". He turned his attention back to Benji, anger in his eyes and his voice even more dangerous, "Let me go" he spoke, gulping... "You remember what happened last time. You ended up drugging me so let me go". He knew it was low and he knew he had to stop bringing it up but his anger stopped him thinking rationally.
Benji rolled his eyes, then kept his gaze locked on Franco. “I did that to keep you safe while you went through withdrawals. You know that, I know that, and the fact that you think you can bring that up every time you’re upset with me is ridiculous. So much for getting more mature, huh, Franc?” He swallowed hard, his eyes still on his boyfriend. “If I let go of you and you leave this apartment, I will never forgive you.”
"You will accomplish absolutely nothing if you walk out the door," Topher chimed in as he fought the urge to take a step forward. "It might feel like it at the time, but boy howdy, that would be a lie of fucking epic proportions. Wouldn't it be better to stay here and hash things out than turn around just to run for the hills? Better if everything is left out in the open now instead of leaving it up in the air for people to worry and wonder about."
Franco couldn't believe this. In his mind, both the boys had turned on him, "You did do it though" he hissed out, "You numbed me then and I want to numb me now" he breathed. He gulped, "Yeah, I'd say we are past forgiving each other. You knew something like this would make me want to leave and yet you still said it all. You expect me to just keep calm about this? Let me go Benji, please" he begged.
“I numbed you to keep you safe. I came to you because I wanted to be completely honest with you. Because I love you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have said anything. I’m not expecting you to keep calm! I just wanted to air things out without you immediately turning to drugs! I thought we were done with this, Franc!”
He stayed silent for a moment, then whispered, “...fine” and finally let go of Franco.
Caution thrown to the wind, Topher took a step forward as he kept his gaze locked on Franco. "Damn, back at it again with recycling arguments," he remarked. Another step forward as he added, "Different people handle situations in a wide variety of ways, it's part of that whole 'no two people are the same' speech that makes us human."
"You've got a lot of nerve, singing the same fucking song over and over again. I can only imagine what you're going through right now, but are you seriously willing to put yourself and everyone else through hell on Earth again due to whatever the mother fuck this is? Because if that's the case, then I've got a whole new speech prepared for you and it starts like this," Topher rattled off then turned to look at Benji. "Ben, I'm so fucking sorry." With that, the former Serpent lifted his free hand and aimed to punch Franco.
Franco was glad to be free but Tophers words stopped him in his track and was about to reply when he felt a fist collide with his face and felt blood start to run from his nose. He recoiled and grabbed his face, catching some of the blood in his hand, "The fuck Topher" he shouted, shock on his face. He looked at Benji and it was like something flipped inside him and he felt the panic, he hated blood, his blood and his eyes widened, "Ben, I'm bleeding" he said simply
"Wha--Toph!" Benj yelled, completely caught off guard by Topher winding up to punch. He tried to grab one of them before his punch connected, but to no avail, leaving him speechless, standing between the two of them. It took until Franco called his name for Benji to start processing what happened.
"I'll fix it, Baby," he cooed, pulling a few tissues from the box on his desk and pulling his boyfriend into his arms so he could take care of him. "Topher..." he said through gritted teeth, unsure where to even start.
Shock had a funny way of getting rid of adrenaline and it took all of Topher's might to not buckle under the weight of what he'd just done. At the same time, he tried to regain his annoying calm as he rattled off, "I already know what you guys are about to say and I'll show myself out. Tonight or tomorrow?"
With that, the 18 year old turned back around in order to head for his room. He drew the hood of his jacket up over his face just in case the tears that threatened to escape actually followed through. "Your guys' wish is my command and all that fuckery. Just send a text my way or something, I'll consider it my eviction notice," he remarked over his shoulder. Once Topher stood in the doorway of his room again, he muttered something under his breath that vaguely resembled an apology, yet kept a low tone and his blue eyed gaze trained itself on the floor.
Franco sat on the floor taking the tissues from Benji and pressing them to his nose, "Talk to him" he said, his voice hollow and numb now. The shock of the punch was what had calmed him, "Tell him he has to give me time to process this but tell him he comes near me in the next 24 hours I'll smack him harder then he'll know what to do".
Benji sat with Franco, his arms still wrapped around him. When Franco spoke, he nodded, then took a breath--if Franco was going to be mature about this and he was the one who was punched, he knew he could do the same. "Toph," he called, his tone more tired than upset. "We're not kicking you out. Just... leave Franco alone while he processes everything, okay? At least a day--probably more like a couple--but in the meantime, this is still your apartment too; you're important to me and you deserve to be here."
Topher had already perched himself back on his bed with his guitar in his lap when Benji's voice grabbed his attention. He feigned the tuning process even though he'd performed it just yesterday because at least it kept his eyes focused anywhere else. "Yeah, I can do that," Topher answered yet once again had to hold his tongue. If he deserved anything, it was to be sent packing, but he wasn't about to turn down the opportunity to stay. "Thank you, thank you both."
