Dad Snipe AU (because I can)
Okay, listen. Just...just give me a second to explain myself, okay? Great, thanks.
So I love parental All Might stories, and stories where Aizawa becomes a dadzawa for his problem child (which leads to Present Mic also becoming a paternal figure for Izuku, which is a blessed idea), and all of those. But you know what I love even more?
If all of that happens, but Izuku’s dad is actually Snipe. Yes, Snipe.
Let me explain the story in my head, because it’s a doozy.
-So, to start, let me explain how I got the idea. It’s simple, really- canon hasn’t given me a reason not to get the idea. I mean, we’ve yet to find out Snipe’s real name, so it’s fair game to call him Hisashi Midoriya until Horikoshi himself rips this idea out of my cold, hopefully not dead hands.
-We also never see his face, and the dreadlocks could either 1. Be a wig or 2. Just be his hair, but the blue-ish shade is what caused the darker coloration for Izuku’s hair. Who knows anymore, the world these heroes live in is a really weird one.
-Now, Snipe may not breathe fire, but shhh. Maybe Inko was lying to the doctor or something, because if she said, “My husband can control the trajectory of any and all of the bullets he shoots”, well, that could’ve given away the identity of her husband! Maybe the Midoriya family doesn’t want to broadcast who Hisashi is.
-Also, having a father with such a Quirk could explain why Izuku is Quirkless (or, in this case, potentially ‘Quirkless’). It’s not like Inko would just let little Izuku play with a gun to see if he could shoot as well as his dad, or anything! So boom, the little joint test is enough, brush it aside, Dad!Snipe explanation over.
Got it? Great! Now, onto the bullshit story idea I came up with, or as I like to call it:
How Snipe Accidentally Ghosted his Family for a Decade, because He is Too Goddamn Dumb Sometimes.
Buckle up folks, and hold your horses a little tighter, because we’re going for a ride.
-So Snipe goes to Texas when Izuku is just a small boy, just barely a toddler. He’s really serious about his whole cowboy aesthetic, and pulls an All Might by working abroad for what he plans to be a few years, but might become five or six if he finds a good agency to work with in the meanwhile.
-Lo and behold, he does!! Nice, nice, Snipe relays the message to his dear wife Inko, lets her know that he’ll be gone for a while- but it’s okay, he plans to call her every chance he gets, make sure she’s doing well with their little boy, and life will be good.
-Things, uh...don’t go as planned.
-Snipe blames it all on a snake. A goddamn snake that decided to hide in his goddamn boot. There was a snake in his boot, what was he expected to do?
Probably not throwing his phone at the thing, breaking it, but uh...Snipe panicked. A lot.
-No problem, right? He’s a Pro Hero, he makes plenty of money, he can just get a new phone, plug in his old number, and all of that stuff. Easy as can be.
-Haha...no.
-Because Snipe is a fool. A fool who can’t remember any of his passwords for his phone, or the answers to any backup questions.
-He’s a great hero, he’s excellent at marksmanship...but the man just can’t remember these things to save his life.
-He can’t even remember his wife’s phone number to call her about it (and beg for the passwords because he just can not manage to recall them)
-Snipe is just glad that Inko is the one who set up his bank accounts so he’d automatically send money to their shared account, or else he’d feel awful.
-Figuring that the best thing to do in this situation is to just keep on truckin’ along, Snipe continues working at the Texas agency until it’s time for him to head back home.
But the fun doesn’t stop here, because…
-By the time Snipe yeehaws his way back to Japan, that man realizes that he can’t even recall what his address was.
-He ends up working at Yuuei, because he was aimlessly wandering around, trying to find Musutafu.
-By the time Nedzu finds him, he’s so embarrassed that he just...can’t bring himself to admit that he forgot literally everything he needed to get back to his house.
-The conversation for the job starts a little like this…
Nedzu: Why were you wandering around Yuuei for over forty minutes?
Snipe, unwilling to admit that he couldn’t remember if he had to go east or west to reach his house: I saw a little doggie. Very cute.
Nedzu: That was probably me, but I digress.
(For the record, Snipe had to go south to start his route home…)
-Some good news: After working at Yuuei for a few years, he finally sees his boy again!!
-Some bad news: it's the USJ attack
-Snipe bursts into the USJ, sees that green haired silhouette and just knows it is his boy, even if it’s been somewhere around a decade since he saw his little sprout and his boy is now stronger and taller.
Snipe, seeing Shigaraki about to hit his child: Villain, you just yeed your last haw
Snipe: shoots Shigaraki in the hand.
-After USJ, we have more fun, with some lovely dialogue I came up with like:
Snipe, sitting with Aizawa: So, hypothetically of course, if I was to say something like, I don’t know… ‘You’re in charge of my long lost child, who I couldn’t get in contact with ‘cause I couldn’t remember mah wife’s phone number’...how would you recommend starting the conversation with him?
Aizawa, mummified, tired, and already realizing that this child is the problem childTM: I need a drink.
Snipe, a fool: Are...are ya sure I should start off with that?
-Despite this totally hypothetical conversation, it isn’t until finals that Snipe brings it up.
-Nedzu pits Snipe against Izuku and Todoroki, and it’s beautiful.
-Snipe pulls an ‘I am your father’ moment like in Star Wars, both Izuku and Todoroki promptly flip their shit.
Snipe: Izuku, I am your father.
Izuku: I thought you were dead!
Todoroki: I thought you were All Might’s child!
-Needless to say, the fight ends quickly, because Izuku goes a little feral.
Izuku, pinning Snipe to the ground: What excuse do you have for ghosting mom for years, huh?
Snipe, sobbing: I forgot my phone number!
-Izuku drags Snipe back to the house once finals are over.
-Inko...isn’t even surprised when she hears what happened.
-She just sighs and goes, “Do I need to tattoo my number onto you, Hisashi?”
-Snipe wonders if it’s worth the potential security risk, he doesn’t want her getting tracked down and hurt after all.
-There’s a long conversation about microchipping Snipe, so if he disappears again, Izuku can just hunt him down and drag him back home again.
-And voila! Snipe is reunited with his family, the dad fluff can commence.
Snipe: I’mma give him a gun.
Inko, tired: At least he’ll be hurting others instead of himself for once.
-1-A is horrified.
Their precious green bean, wielding a gun?!?!?!?
-It’s made worse when he’s a natural at it, just going feral and having fun with his dad.
-Finally, because I promised more parental figures along with actual, biological Snipe, please consider:
-All Might getting upset because Snipe is stealing ‘his boy’.
Aizawa, trying to be reasonable: All Might, Midoriya is literally Snipe’s child.
All Might, petulantly: But...but he’s my boy.
-For extra humor, make Aizawa also feel like the problem child is his problem child for extra parental jealousy.
-Need more chaos??? Yamada thought he and Aizawa were adopting Izuku for some reason.
Don’t ask how Yamada came to this conclusion, but he is heartbroken when he finds out his almost completed adoption forms were for nothing.
Yamada, sadly: I thought Inko was his older sister...and he didn’t even have a dad!
-Just...Izuku having a dumbass dad and the other potential dads being put off by the realization that Snipe, Snipe, gets actual Dad Rights but somehow lost contact for like...10 entire years.
-Okay rant over, bye.