#parseposse

[overheardattheaces]

@khashanakalashtar (apparently) accurately describes @halfdesertedstreets for @fite-me-dio

[movedto-dazaipositive]

parswoops music au

that's it that's the title. thanks to @cadenzamuse, who made this better.

Kent and Jack released one (1) album. it was called No Look and it had 13 songs

it quickly (really quickly) became a hit, with all four of its singles topping the charts. sold-out tours, etc.

the vibe of the album was very Lorde circa Pure Heroine mixed with Troye Sivan

one critic called it "the homoerotic album of the decade"

which, yeah. all the songs are about love and childhood and friendship and soft crush heartbreak

they signed for 4 albums onto some big name label. except that before their last (sold out) concert, Jack overdosed

and Kent performed alone

so Jack is out of the picture. his dad is rich enough to buy expensive lawyers to get him out of the contract

but Kent is still in.

almost a year after the end of the No Look tour, Kent quietly drops a song called Jack of Hearts. it goes mostly unnoticed

and meanwhile No Look has turned into this cult classic album. no slash ship is complete without at least one 13 chapter fic that follows the arc of the album with every song being the theme for one chapter. all your ships, what good are they without a No Look au. it actually becomes a huge trope

Kent's second album, Desert, releases two years after Jack of Hearts

it's got songs about loneliness and traveling and being away from home and missing things you can't have. it's the ultimate album for that post breakup mood where you're no longer sad but you're still empty.

Kent moves to Vegas because that's where his label is based and it hurts to be in the same country as Jack

Kent is still crying to the songs he and Jack heard together while writing No Look. he's still eating ice cream on the floor at 2am because he woke up cold and missing Jack

and writing Desert helps, but not enough

until one day he comes across this article by a music critic–about Jack of Hearts, of all things. Kent had almost forgotten about that song. but the article is this lovely dissection of the music and lyrics and doesn't mention Kent's personal life at all and Kent just. wants to talk to this guy, all of a sudden. he needs to talk to this guy who sees Kent's art and takes it as it's given

which means so much to Kent now. so he DMs the guy (Jeff smth) on Twitter

and tells him how much it means to Kent that Jeff sees Kent's music and songs as they are given, instead of trying to analyse meaning into them. not that there isn't meaning, but Kent would like some control over his narrative, thanks

I think Jeff grew up in a fam w many artists. his dad was an actor and his mom was a director

and they had him pretty young so he grew up watching them make stuff and it was kinda really important to them that the things they made be accepted as they were, without analysis of anything beyond the thing itself

so Kent and Jeff talk about their childhoods and Kent talks about cats and Jeff talks about his pet axolotl, Oscar.

it's healing. it feels like Kent's finding himself again, just so he has stuff to talk to Jeff about. because Jeff is so good. he's sharp and funny and he remembers things that Kent tells him, even little things like the colour of Kit's fur and Kent's favourite pizza toppings.

they meet in person for the first time at a music festival in New York. they get coffee afterwards, and Kent goes back to Jeff's apartment.

Jeff has a loft. his axolotl is on a table by the window, and the place is littered with books and old copies of Rolling Stone. the floor is layered with rugs and carpets, and Kent knows it's because the loft gets cold in winter. there are posters plastered over the walls–old movie posters, grunge bands that haven't put out a song on a decade.

"Oh my god," Kent says. "You're a hipster."

Jeff grins, and Kent smiles back, helpless.

///

Kent's third album is called A Fishtank By The Window. the music is upbeat without being annoying. it sounds like night traffic and water and the rustle of paper. the music beats in your heart and makes you feel like you're in love.

Jeff Troy refuses to review it, insisting he's too biased.

[derek-oluransi]

For Those Looking Into Joining The Parse Posi Posse

Here are a few things you need to know:

We get critical about the comic.

There’s a channel dedicated to this, but sometimes it overflows into other spaces a bit. Generally, we’re really good about keeping that kind of stuff confined to their respective spaces.

Just because we get critical DOES NOT MEAN WE HATE THE COMIC OR NGOZI.

We discourse kinda often

Again, there is a channel for it. The salt spills out of it occasionally, but what happens in the discourse channel usually stays in the discourse channel.

Garden-of-succulents is in this server.

She is fairly active in this server. This is kind of a general warning, because if you are uncomfortable with the idea of interacting with her, then there is no point in you being in this server probably.

This is kind of a deal breaker for most people, I know. Do not join and then later leave claiming you didn’t know she was here.

Not everyone likes Zimbits.

This is also important of note. There are plenty of us that do like Zimbits and plenty still who do not. We have channels for Pimms and Bittyparse and people have routinely talked about what they do and do not like about the ship.

That doesn’t mean folks bash the ship in any way. If you cannot handle someone voicing their discomfort with the ship, this is not the place for you.

We are generally a drama free place.

We uplift each other constantly.

We piggy back off of each other’s ideas a lot.

There’s almost always someone online

This is a Love Kent zone so generally, we’re out here loving Kent.

DO NOT CALL US APOLOGISTS

DO NOT CALL US ABUSERS

DO NOT CALL US ABUSE ENABLERS

DO NOT ASSUME WE DON’T KNOW WHAT KENT HAS SAID

DO NOT ASSUME WE HATE JACK

DO NOT ASSUME WE HATE BITTY

DO NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT US AND OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH KENT PARSON

We interpret canon differently and if you take that to mean that we support abuse you’re absolutely incorrect and you can get off this blog and any blog this post is on immediately. None of us condone abuse.

We’re not a strictly Kent place; there’s always space for headcanons, fics, fic-recs, and anything else about other characters.

We accept minors! Minors get a minor role so that they aren’t subjected to NSFW.

We have a sister server for porn and all that porn entails.

We love our porn.

That’s the rundown need to know for folks wanting to join the Parse Posi Posse. We’re a fun group; there’s channels for all needs and we generally have a lot of fun together. If you wanna join but don’t really think you can interact, that’s fine. We have a role for lurkers.

I figured it was time to let more people into the server, but I hate having to tell them so much shit first. This is all of it. I think.

[overheardattheaces]

Rare is, indeed, an English Teacher if I remember correctly

[overheardattheaces]

Because the worst thing you could be is, of course, white

[movedto-dazaipositive]

the Kent as Matt Duchene au

Kent is so cut up and hurt after Jack because everyone in his new team just. dislikes him (they're not the aces cause I luv the aces sorry) and he feels so out of place and alone

I know! Kent goes to the Bruins first, but they don't need him and he isn't getting as much ice time as he deserves, and eventually they trade him to the some expansion team with a really shitty coach

and it's so bad. it's like the coach hates Kent. hates him for breathing in his rink or something. and Kent is 18, he just got traded halfway through the season for no discernable reason and he's desperate to fit in and be liked on his new team

the guys are nice to him, but it's clear that they don't think he belongs and he's working himself to the bone trying to please his coach, trying to make friends, trying to do everything and he's so so exhausted

Coach Walten isn't any happier with Kent though, not even when they make the playoffs that year for the first time. and Kent is trying so hard, but it isn't good enough, and when Coach Walten tells him to stay behind that summer for "extra practice", he agrees

he doesn't expect it to be as bad as it is. apparently having the rest of the team around acted like some kind of buffer–without them Walten is always looking at Kent, always finding fault with him, always finding something new and innocuous about him to tear apart. he starts having panic attacks every morning before "practice", and the rink has become something terrifying and nightmarish instead of comforting

by the time the next season rolls around, Kent's body hurts all the time, he's living inside an anxiety attack, and when the guys filter into the locker room and chirp him for spending the summer in * * * he manages a tight smile and throws up in a stall right after

tbh Kenny probably never figures out that he's being abused by his coach? because he doesn't even think it's possible that it could happen and that it happened to him is just. unthinkable

he's just. going to keep going. until he breaks down. because he doesn't know better

and break down he does. the off season is not meant to be played through, and Kent's body is making its complaints known. when he breaks his leg, and clean snap that will have him out for a season and a half but not for ever, he's so relieved he feels guilty. hockey is supposed to be the love of his life. it shouldn't be this, this horrible hurting thing that tears him apart

but he recovers. he goes to physical therapy, and he goes to the team therapist who suggests that he get real therapy, and he gets better. it takes him months to realise that the way Walten treated him was wrong, and months more to admit all the ways it fucked him up, but he gets there. slowly.

then he gets traded again. this time to the aces, a team that's desperate enough to spend on a guy they aren't sure will give them what they need. and finally, it feels like Kent's coming home.

their Captain, Jeffrey Troy, invites Kent to stay at his place until he finds his own apartment. the coaches aren't out to get him. the team actually likes him. he first month, he wakes up with nightmares of being back in * * *. he wakes up to Jeff sitting on his bed and holding a glass of water, and he falls back asleep to the sound of Jeff telling him about his pets.

when Kent moves out, the first thing he does is get himself a kitten from a local shelter. she's tiny and blind and Kent loves her to death. Jeff helps him throw a party in honour of his new kitten, Kit Purrson, and he and Jeff spend the night hanging out in the guest bedroom, taking pictures of kit sitting in boxes and tickling her so she can swipe at their hands.

Jeffrey is adorably clueless about the internet, but he makes an Instagram so he can follow @officialkitpurrson, and a twitter so he can tweet about following @officialkitpurrson

it takes them another couple years to figure their shit out. Jeff wants to retire, wants to take care of his half-sister's kid, and Kent will probably become the Captain.

Kent wants desperately for Jeff's last season to be amazing. they've won a Stanley Cup once, but Kent wants to do it again, and he wants it to be for Jeff

and they do

afterwards, while the team celebrates, Kent finds Jeff walking around the [whatever the rink building is called please I don't know]. Kent has a butler of champagne, and he and Jeff sit with their backs to the wall and share it until it's almost empty, into Kent turns to face Jeff.

"Jeff," he whispers. he's most of the way to drunk already, and his voice is thick like he's about to cry. "Jeff. you kinda saved me, y'know?"

"anybody would have," Jeff says.

"no. no, they wouldn't, and I know, okay? I was there. when people weren't." Kent took a deep breath, and then another three. "what I'm saying is. no one is as good as you. you make this team so good, Jeff. and if I can be half the Captain you are–I'll be a great one, Jeff."

Jeff swallowed, and Kent stared. he always stared at Jeff. he always looked so good. it wasn't fair. right now, in the dim light and sheltered from the roar of victory, Jeff looked holy.

"you're a good person, Kenny," Jeff said. "you see the best in people." he shook his head.

"you saw the best in me," Kent said softly. "when I felt like there was nothing about me worth seeing or knowing. you made me feel real, Jeff. you made me think I was good. will you just. take a fucking compliment?"

Jeff kisses him. it isn't sudden, Kent sees it coming and he has the time to pull away. he doesn't. Jeff's lips are firm and warm and they taste like champagne, and Kent breathes it in, twists his fingers in Jeff's shirt and holds on while Jeff kisses the daylights out of him.

it's impossible to tell how long they kiss for, when Jeff goes from kissing and biting at Kent's jaw to his neck and then lower, Kent squirming because Jeff's beard hasn't been shaved off yet and it burns, to pulling Kent into his lap and keeping him close with a hand on the back of his neck, thumbing at his pulse.

that they get home in one piece is a miracle, and that night Kent sleeps in Jeff's bed, Jeff sprawled on top of him like dead weight.

Kent looks at Jeff's beard for the first time and he has to go lock himself in the bathroom because he's Gay Fuck

Kent can't grow a beard so he grows out his hair

I mean, right now Kent has hair that comes below his shoulders and Swoops has a beard

what I'm saying is they have great sex

Jeff raises his sister's kid, Kent cries because he's always wanted a kid, they date and raise lil Adam Troy-Parson together while Kent is, impossibly, an even better Captain then Jeff, and Jeff is his proud Supportive trophy husband

[movedto-dazaipositive]

parswoops trash fluff

the last 2 days have turned me into parswoops trash. anyway have some bullet point fic

Kent gets like, real offended when ppl talk about how all cats are secretly assholes

he's ranting abt this to Jeff, sitting on the couch with his legs tucked under him and bc he's Smol this means that he's the same height as Jeff.

Kent: cats aren't assholes, Jeff. ppl just read them wrong. they read cats with dog body language. how do u expect that to work? cats and dogs are different animals. a cat shaking her tail is not the same thing as a dog wagging its tail

and Jeff is smiling and nodding along and when Kent pauses he leans in to kiss Kent. just puts his hands on Kent's shoulders and kisses him deep and hard. but Kent is a complete asshole who doesn't lose his train of thought when he's being kissed and Jeff would mind but it's clear proof that his bf is Extremely Smart so he kinda loves it

and when Jeff pulls away Kent is flushed and panting a bit but a couple seconds later he's back on his rant

Kent: cats love us, Jeff! they just have different ways of showing it. like kit yells at me around dinner time bc she wants me to eat. nothing wrong with that. they love us, Jeff. ppl don't know how to interpret their affection

and Jeff is still holding onto Kent's shoulders. but at some point during this rant, his hands have moved and now they're holding Kent's face. and Jeff is listening, bc he's a good bf who respects Kent, but he's also looking at Kent's face and admiring how Pretty his bf is. and how much he loves this boy

and when Kent stops again, Jeff kisses him again. and he's also stroking Kent's jaw a little. and Kent is legit panting bc he might be a hockey player but it's hard to talk and kiss and think all at the same time

Jeff: I love you

Kent: do you know that declawing cats leads to arthritis–wait what?

Jeff: (smiling) I love you

Kent: yeah me too. (pause) do people know that declawing leads to arthritis? I think I should start a campaign. you'd help me, right? Jeff?

the end

[movedto-dazaipositive]

In Which Kit Is An Interfering Familiar by @khashanakalashtar for @restfulinsomniac

Kent runs a magic shop. Jeff is a technology witch on the same block. Kit has opinions.