#party adventures

[watercolor-wings]

Planning to get the whole party + 2 mules across a huge Missouri river size river on a magic floating raft. The DM says it should take 20-30 minutes to get across....should nothing happen.

[mr-mustache-penis]

i just remembered that i peed outside last night

[seigephoenix]

Frying Pan of Death

Sit down children.  I’d like to share a story with you about how an adult white dragon was felled with an enchanted cast iron skillet wielded by a fey-blooded sorcerer.

The party consisted of a human fey-blooded sorcerer, elven dual wielding rogue, a dwarven fighter that fought with a dwarven war axe, and a human cleric of Shelyn who had a two handed fucking glaive on his back.  The party slogs through a blizzard and find a cave to take shelter in.  After an hour of rest the party hears growls coming from the back of the cave and it gets really fucking cold in the cave.  Fire goes out.

Roll Initiative

The elven rogue is down. Down to 1 HP, barely stabilized thanks to a quick Channel Energy from the cleric.  The fighter is in the dragon’s fucking mouth.  He’s caught in a bite grapple attempting to stab the dragon’s eye. Failing miserably but he can’t break the grapple.  The cleric is knocked out because of the dragon’s tail.  He’d gone to help the rogue but the dragon swung its tail and knocked him out on his ass.  The sorcerer was in the back of the party, but he was out of every spell except cantrips. He thought to himself, desperate times call for desperate measures.  He pulls out the skillet.

Now some background on the skillet

The sorcerer had a habit of picking up random crap in the dungeons.  He picked up the skillet and the DM said that if he took a rank in profession chef, then he could use it to cook.  So he did. He also went to a blacksmith and got a masterwork cast iron skillet crafted.  He then waited until he got to the appropriate level and enchanted the skillet to a +1 flaming skillet.  Made it easier to cook the food.  The DM was amused but let it happen since he just used it to cook.

Back to the fight

So the sorcerer asks the DM if he could use the cast iron skillet.  He’d taken a feat for Exotic Weapon Proficiency in skillets (don’t ask, I’m still not sure why).  The DM told him why the hell not.  So he approached the dragon with his skillet raised.  He rolled the 20 sided die and it was…

Natural 20

He confirmed.  It was another 20.  The DM sighed and sat back.  The sorcerer stepped up and raised his mighty skillet over the dragon’s head. He swung it down in a fierce arc, solidly connecting to its skull.  The smack resounded throughout the cave, silence reigning afterwards.  Then the mighty white dragon fell over on its side, slowly, its jaws opening to release the dwarven fighter.  The DM rolled out with:

“And after the blow, the mighty Yorskva falls over.  Breathing its last.  The cavern becomes silent as this living legend ends its story.  Death not by a mighty warrior wielding a legendary sword. But by a fucking frying pan.”

[mr-mustache-penis]

all to myself

[nothingandeverything]

luminous moments with @tomi_tina 🌌 https://www.instagram.com/alianactivity/p/Bvszl11ABoW/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=15snyhf38iqbh

[zweitastic]

Warlock: "I want to roll to see if our new pet pig is a boy or a girl!! "

DM: "lol alright"

rolls a natural 20

DM: ...

Players: in laughter "..WOW THAT'S what you get a natural 20 on?!"

DM: blinks "... so, uh, is it a boy or a girl?"

[swordsforhire-blog]

Party: Well we wait lets share some of our backstory!

Fighter: All my family is dead...

Party: No shit you're 900 years old!

Bard: Most people think I burned an inn down...

Monk: I've got a couple of brothers somewhere.

Paladin: I'm technically engaged.

Wizard: I killed a man.

Party: ..........

Wizard: *walks away slowly*

Party: ...... what????