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All This TIme (Grishina/Komova) Chapter 5

Title: All This Time

Author: kylarossfiercefive (@hotpinkamanar)

Chapter: 5

Rating: T

Summary: Viktoria competes at the World Championships while Anastasia looks on fondly. Hints of Mustamova and Pasemova here and there.

Disclaimer: This is fiction and is not meant to paint a realistic portrait of the gymnasts. With all that's going on with Russia and Putin with his laws may stop this fanfiction for a while and I want to make everyone aware of that.

Anastasia sighs as she gets off the train. The winter break was exhausting this time around. Everyone back in Moscow had heard of her stellar achievements at the European Championships. Her coach had told her in the middle of the break that she would attend the City of Jesolo Trophy just like last year, except that she would not go to Russian Nationals so she could prepare.

The worst news of all came later, rather, today. Anastasia sat in a compartment with Anastasia Sidorova, Ekaterina Baturina, and Maria Kharenkova, and Maria burst in with her red hair in a ruffled mess. Anastasia had asked, “What’s wrong, Masha?”

Maria closed the door, but came back within a minute. “Vika’s injured! I mean, we all knew she fractured her ankle at Voronin back last year, but it’s gotten worse! She’s going to Russian Nationals, yes, but she’s not going to be in Krugloye Ozero all the time.” Maria sighed and said softly, “This might end her career for good if she keeps competing like this.” She shook her head and moved on to the next compartment.

Now, Anastasia’s lost emotionally. She loves Viktoria, that she knows for sure. But the fact that she might not recover shocks her. Viktoria is Russia’s shining star, with the exception of Aliya Mustafina. And Anastasia still doesn’t know if she and Viktoria are dating or anything like that. Feelings change over time and Anastasia understands that. But her feelings haven’t changed. She wants to confront Viktoria about it; she doesn’t know how. Plus, with Viktoria’s injury, it won’t be easy to bring the topic up.

Anastasia goes through the motions of getting her roommate and room key and finding her dorm room. “Oh, Nastaska!” Anastasia exclaims as she opens the door. “It is awfully lovely to see you again as my roommate.” Anastasia walks in with her suitcase weighing down her body.

“Of course, we’re roommates, Nastya. So, Vika’s injured. Do you think she’ll get better?” Anastasia asks as she helps Anastasia lift her suitcase.

“She has to,” Anastasia says forcefully, as if there is no other way for anything to happen. Anastasia shrugs and goes off to unpack her own things.

When Anastasia goes to the cafeteria to eat dinner, Viktoria’s not there. She doesn’t wish to be nosy, so instead of questioning, Anastasia takes a seat next to Maria, Tatiana, and Aliya, where she is sure to get all the information. She feels the warmth from camaraderie from her teammates. They aren’t here to tear her down like catty beasts. They just want the best for her and her gymnastics career. A smile blossoms on her pale face and she leans her head closer to her plate to hide her reddening face.

Aliya takes a big gulp of her peas and slips one headphone in her ear. Her cell phone called an iPhone, has been all the rage in Krugloye Ozero. “Well, what song should I listen to?” She tilts her phone’s screen over to Tatiana. “Choose one for me, if you will, my lovely Tanya.” Tatiana raises her eyebrows and smirks, but she clicks a song and Aliya starts to bob her head to the beat. “Good choice.”

Anastasia can’t take this breathless silence; no one is willing to talk about Viktoria and her chances for her first World Championships. She tries her best to hold her objections in, but they come tumbling out just like her first tumbling pass on floor exercise. “What happened to Viktoria? Can someone tell me anything about her?”

Tatiana rolls her eyes and elbows Maria. “I knew this was coming. She’s too upset and emotionally attached to her girlfriend.” Maria tosses her red hair over her shoulder and snickers along with Tatiana. Aliya snaps in their faces to get them to shut up. Anastasia’s heart is pounding and she begins to wonder if they are catty beasts.

“Something with her ankle,” Aliya mutters. “Ever since Voronin, it’s been bothering her. She thinks she can pull through for the Russian National Championships, but it won’t be easy. Vika will have to take a very long break after competing at such a high level. It’s going to be hard for her. It’s going to be hard for everyone to adjust.”

Anastasia sighs and bites her lip to keep a tear from sliding down her cheek. “So there’s no other information, Alka?”

Aliya lays her hand on Anastasia’s shoulder. “Oh, Nastya, dushka. You’ll be the first person I’ll tell about Vika and her condition.”

Instead of discussing Viktoria Komova further, the girls move on to all the fun they had over the winter break. Aliya spent her time with her cousins sledding down the various areas of Moscow while simultaneously entertaining her friends with hot chocolate, hot snowmen, and lovely museums. Maria played with her hair and attempted to learn how to play the guitar three times in one week. Tatiana tried to stay in shape, but rather, ate a whole box of chocolates in approximately three hours and gave up on her goal. Anastasia, unlike the others, scrolled through pictures of Viktoria on her phone, wondering if she was thinking about her too. And she worked out in the gym every day.

But those winter days are over and Anastasia’s in the cold, harsh reality of the hellhole known as Krugloye Ozero. Without her best friend, she’s lost and confused. Everything’s going wrong in an instant. Tears are welling up in her eyes and Anastasia clenches her fists under the table. She vows not to cry in front of Aliya, Tatiana, and Maria, her older, star gymnastics peers. Aliya won’t taunt her; she’d never do that to anyone unless she was teasing and it was obvious. But Tatiana and Maria would go all out.

They girls stand up to leave shortly after their conversation about Viktoria. Anastasia’s plate is still mostly full and she hasn’t really moved much. “Nastya, are you going to Russian Nationals?” Aliya asks as Maria and Tatiana leave the table in a fit of laughter.

“No. Coach wants me to focus on the City of Jesolo Trophy, since that’s an international competition and is very important. I need to keep my ranking at the top,” Anastasia says, still not looking at Aliya and focusing on the plate instead.

Aliya nods before realizing Anastasia isn’t watching her. “I see.” She pauses momentarily before continuing, “Well, good night. See you tomorrow for training.” Anastasia nods and she lifts her head to watch Aliya leave. And the first tear drips down her cheek. She throws away what’s left of her food and runs out to her dorm room. Anastasia Sidorova isn’t back yet, so Anastasia locks herself in the bathroom, but not without taking a pillow first. She sits on the toilet seat and cries until there’s no more tears left.

Every single pain falls from her hazel eyes and onto the cloth of the pillow. She bites her lip to keep herself from screaming at the top of her lungs. Anastasia has lost her best friend, her love. Nothing can replace that. She’s not sure if Viktoria is her true love, her soulmate for the ages. But Anastasia does know that Viktoria Komova is her best friend and she doesn’t want her to leave Krugloye Ozero and have her face being a senior gymnast all by herself.

After about an hour, Anastasia takes one look in the mirror and her eyes are red, puffy, and swollen. She splashes her face with cold water and attempts to put some makeup on her eyes to conceal her crying. She steps out of the bathroom and sees Anastasia attempting some linear algebra problems. Anastasia doesn’t say anything, for fear of her voice cracking and letting Anastasia know that she’s been crying.

“Oh, hey, Nastya. Nice to see you again. How was your dinner?” Anastasia cocks her head and Anastasia walks over to her bed with the soggy pillow.

“It was fine.”

Anastasia immediately backtracks, “Oh ok, sorry for asking then. But I got a little something for you that I think you might really like and if you’re going to be like this the whole night, you’re not getting it from me. Your physical strength will not match my current mental superiority.” Anastasia rolls her hazel eyes and flops on her bed. “Now are you promise that you’re going to return to the real Nastya I know?”

“I promise.”

“Say it like you mean it!” Anastasia throws a pillow at her face. The fabric wipes away one of Anastasia’s last tears.

“I freaking mean it, Nastaska! I promise to be the good, saint-like, little girl you’ve known for however many years,” Anastasia sighs. “Now, if you could just give me whatever you’ve been hiding, I’d appreciate it.”

It’s Anastasia Sidorova’s turn to roll her eyes now. “That totally did not just sound like Nastya Grishina, but whatever. Ok, drumroll please!” Anastasia proceeds to bang her hands on the wooden nightstand. Anastasia Grishina stares at her until she stops. “Vika called you via my cell phone, thinking you’d be with me. That obviously was not the case, but she wants you to call her back eventually. Not today, but soon.”

Anastasia’s heart flutters in her chest. She had been thinking about Viktoria for all of winter break and finally she has heard back. “Thanks.” She’s speechless and that is the only word that tumbles out of her mouth; the only word that makes it through the mess of her brain. All she can think about is Viktoria Komova and a sense of urgency washes over her.

“You’re welcome.” Anastasia has her face curled up in a smirk. She pretends to fiddle with her blankets until Anastasia speaks again.

“Do... do you think I could call Vika now?”

Anastasia shakes her head and says, “No, she said she would be asleep by now, so don’t even bother. Call her later, Nastya. What’s the rush?” Anastasia doesn’t want Viktoria to fall in love with anyone else, that’s why. But she holds her complaints in. If Viktoria didn’t want her to call this late, Anastasia wouldn’t.

Anastasia has told no one about her feelings toward Viktoria. No one knows the love she harbors inside for her best friend. She breathes in and out. She’s always suspected Aliya or Maria of liking Viktoria and she’s been skeptical of anything they do together ever since. Unless Aliya and Maria decide to date each other, which would be too weird for Anastasia to fathom. She prefers hearing about all the male-female gossip in Krugloye Ozero.

Anastasia, instead of channeling all her energy on thinking about Viktoria, uses her mental power on another subject. She focuses on her consistency; Anastasia can pull out all the hard moves on a good day. Yet not every day is a good day. It’s usually far from it. So she spends all her time training the same moves over and over again on various apparatuses. Her coach wants her to work hard so she can go to the Olympics next year. If she keeps up her hard work, she may go to the London Test Event. Anastasia’s goal is that, at the very least. But she won’t give up so soon.

Russian National Championships are coming up, but she won’t participate in them. Anastasia is going to be a dominant force at the Jesolo trophy. No way will she have time to concentrate on both this time around. Her coach won’t even consider the idea of the two competitions together just yet.

So Anastasia, instead of getting excited with everyone, pounds away at her routines to make them sharp enough for international competition. It’s expected of her to win the all-around at Jesolo, just like last year. Russia needs to dominate for the rest of the quad and if Anastasia wants a spot on the Olympic team, she needs to prove herself to everyone.

She spends every spare second at the gym. Anastasia doesn’t want any regrets about this year. Calling Viktoria gets put off to the side every single night. Not that Anastasia desires it to be that way. She wants to hear Viktoria’s sweet, soothing voice through the phone and have her at Krugloye Ozero with her presence lighting up the room.

But one particularly snowy night, the gym closes early in case the power goes out and gymnasts are training. Anastasia has nothing to do until she has to go to sleep. Plus, her roommate has been bothering her for the past few weeks about calling Viktoria. “It isn’t any of Anastasia Sidorova’s business anyway,” Anastasia thinks to herself as she walks to the pay phone. Next year, for her sixteenth birthday, the Grishin’s are getting her a cell phone of her very own.

Anastasia dials the number slowly and carefully. She only has one chance to reconcile with Viktoria. Viktoria and Anastasia split awkwardly by the end of last year. But Anastasia doesn’t want Viktoria to think that she’s done with her feelings. She’s not. They’re still running through her body like a river.

“Hello?” Viktoria’s voice comes through the phone on the fourth ring. Anastasia inhales sharply. After so long, Viktoria’s back. “Hello? Who is this? Caller ID says it’s Krugloye Ozero, which doesn’t help. Hello?”

Anastasia takes another deep breath before answering quickly, “It’s me. I mean, uh, it’s Nastya. Anastasia Grishina.” It’s so cold in the hallway, but Anastasia peels off her zippered sweatshirt. The nervousness has already caught up with her perspiratory glands.

“Nastya!” Viktoria squeals. Anastasia can imagine Viktoria sitting on a bed with her cell phone to hear ear, watching a Russian soap opera and eating salad or soup. She realizes that’s she’s never visited Viktoria in Voronezh. Lots of the girls visit each other during the holiday breaks. Anastasia’s never done that before. Aliya and Maria always talk about their adventures in Moscow. No matter how hard she tries, Anastasia never sees them out and about. “How are you?”

Anastasia’s caught off-guard by the first question. “Um - I’m doing well, I guess. What about you?” She sweeps her bangs off her forehead with her left hand. They fall back down when she moves her hand away.

“Doing great, thanks. There’s a huge elephant in the room right now and I’m going to go out and say it. We need to talk.”

“That’s why I’m on the phone,” Anastasia says, annoyed.

“Yeah, I think I knew that already. Look, I still like you and I think you still like me. There’s been some rules banning junior gymnasts from dating, but who cares? I’m willing to take a risk for you. I really want to date you, assuming you want to date me. Do you want to try?” Anastasia can hardly breathe as Viktoria’s words come tumbling out of her mouth. Viktoria still cares about her. Anastasia’s heart doesn’t slow down no matter how many breaths she takes to calm herself down. She wants to scream, hug, and kiss Viktoria all at once. And she can do neither of those things.

A moment of silence passes between them before Anastasia can gather a response in her brain. “Yes, yes, of course. I’ll do anything to be with you. But how do we keep this a secret? If you’re on the World Championships team, all eyes will be on you.”

Viktoria has to think about this carefully. Anastasia knows that Viktoria’s emotions have honestly prevented her from planning the future out. “We’ll have to keep it on the down low, then. It’ll have to be private. I mean, you’re a junior, so you can’t date anyway. But it doesn’t seem like I’ll be at Krugloye Ozero in a while...”

“You’ll be competing in the Russian National Championships though!”

“I will,” Viktoria sighs. “I’ll need to take a long break afterwards though. This injury seems to be staying with me for a while. There’s no way I can be injured and still work out at Krugloye Ozero. I’ll be back eventually, but it’ll take time. I need to get some sleep and rest my leg. I’ll talk to you later, Nastya.”

“Good night,” Anastasia says. The dial tone rings through her ears and she hangs up the pay phone. Within a few minutes, her life has completely changed. She thought Viktoria and her never had a chance of developing a relationship more than friends. Now, they are.

Anastasia walks to her dorm room with her heart soaring. She’s going to make this work, no matter what.

____________________________________________________________

Time has passed in Krugloye Ozero. Anastasia’s on the plane to Jesolo with some of her wonderful teammates. They’re gossiping about who knows what, but Anastasia doesn’t mind that much.

In the meantime, Anastasia enjoyed the company of Viktoria Komova. She had won the team final with her district, and even with an injury, scored well on uneven bars with third place and balance beam in fourth. It wasn’t what Viktoria wanted, but better than nothing. She was still fighting. Viktoria had attended a few other competitions, but now she was getting her injury taken care of in Munich and in Voronezh. “Viktoria is going to be ok,” Anastasia reminds herself. “Worry about yourself and the competition coming up.”

“Did you say something?” Anastasia Sidorova asks Anastasia. If anybody Anastasia has to watch out for, it’ll be her own roommate. Anastasia bites her lip and shakes her head. She needs to stop saying her thoughts out loud, or soon she’ll end up compromising the whole relationship she has with Viktoria. “Oh ok, sorry to disturb you then. I just thought you said something about Vika.”

“No,” Anastasia says, a little too loudly. Everyone’s heads turn toward her. “I didn’t say anything about Vika.” Anastasia Sidorova nods and returns to her in-flight magazine. Anastasia would be spending lots of time with her Krugloye Ozero roommate. They’d be rooming together in Jesolo and are considered the dominant forces in this junior Russian team traveling to Italy. Besides, two Anastasias are always better than one.

The other members of the junior Jesolo team are Evgenia Shelgunova, Anna Rodionova, Yulia Chemareva, and Kristina Sidorova, who is in no way related to Anastasia Sidorova. They’re all little pixies, mainly blonde, who look child-like and breakable. But they’re going to prove that they’re strong, fierce, and competitive. They will not break even though they appear that way. Anastasia smiles to herself. If she performs well, an Olympic spot will be in her favor.

The plane ride takes a few hours and Anastasia’s bored out of her mind. Anastasia Sidorova won’t talk until she finishes the Sudoku puzzle located on the back page of the in-flight magazine. Evgenia and Anna giggle way too much for Anastasia to have a coherent conversation with them. And Kristina and Yulia are pleasant, but Anastasia doesn’t really share a common ground with them except for gymnastics. So she stays quiet.

Her mind rewinds to all the fun times she’s had with Viktoria at various competitions. Their competitions haven’t had much overlap. She spends a few minutes thinking about all the moments before mentally slapping herself. Why does she keep thinking about Viktoria in the first place? It probably isn’t healthy.

They arrive in Italy around eleven o’clock at night, leaving no time to explore before training in the gym. Anastasia would’ve liked to see the scenery, but she doesn’t complain. She’s finally here and ready to defend her title in the all-around. The Americans are going to go down. Even that Kyla Ross, who got second to Anastasia last year.

The drive to the hotel rooms is uneventful. Evgenia and Anna sing all the latest Russian pop song hits. Anastasia attempts to tune out their off-key singing with her CD player, but it’s relatively uneffective. Anastasia Sidorova listens to an audiobook on her music player, Kristina falls asleep, and Yulia stretches in the back of the van.

They arrive at the hotel and Anastasia and Anastasia walk up to their room in a daze. “So, do you want the shower first?” Anastasia Sidorova asks Anastasia, her blonde right eyebrow raised while Anastasia fiddles with the room key.

“If you don’t mind, I would,” Anastasia says, pulling on the metal door handle and swinging the door open. “Home sweet home.”

“Yeah right,” Anastasia snorts back, her steps following behind Anastasia Grishina. “A random hotel that the Russian government got for us for a week is most certainly not home, Nastya.” She begins to unpack her leotards one by one.

Anastasia falls on her queen-sized bed. “I was kidding. There’s no way I’d call this cigarette-smell infused room my home.”

“You call Krugloye Ozero home though.”

Anastasia glares at her friend. “Funny, Nastaska. Very, very funny. Ok, I’m going to take a shower.” She puts her weight on her elbows and lifts herself up off the bed. She rummages through her messy suitcase for something suitable to wear at night. Anastasia Sidorova snorts while she laughs. Anastasia closes the bathroom door, hoping for some relief in the warm water.

Training the next day is challenging. The girls are all jet-lagged and tired. All the coaches yell at their proteges. It’s never-ending; screaming, crying, and getting back up to their feet. Anastasia just wants to crawl back into bed and pretend the training session never happened. None of the routines look polished and elegant. “You’ll be disappointing Russia when you come back,” all the coaches scream. That is the last thing Anastasia wants to do.

For days, the girls train until they bleed. By the end of each training session, Anastasia feels like she’s going to go deaf. She doesn’t fight too often with her coach, but some of the others are particularly vicious.

Podium training comes and goes. Only Anastasia makes through all her routines without falling. The others fall off the apparatus, hard. The American coaches are relatively calm and so are the Italians. But the Russian coaches are screaming and yelling, making each of the girls cry at least three times within two hours. The night before the competition, the girls go to sleep very early, except for Anastasia.

“Vika? Why are you calling me so late? It’s like, three AM back home,” Anastasia whispers through the phone.

“I wanted to wish you good luck for tomorrow. Not like you need it,” Viktoria replies, her voice as soft as a blanket.

In the darkness, no one can see Anastasia’s face burn bright red. She fans herself with her left hand, holding the cream-colored phone in her right. Viktoria makes her heart soar, no doubt about it. She wants to find Viktoria and kiss her until the sun rises. But that isn’t possible in this imperfect world.

She stutters, “Well, thanks. I’m going to need all the luck I can get.”

“Don’t say that! You’re going to do fine. Believe in yourself like I believe in you. With that self-confidence, you won’t lose,” Viktoria says loudly. “Oh, I think I woke up someone with my conversation. I’ll have to talk to you later. Good night!”

“Good night,” Anastasia says right before Viktoria hangs up.

Anastasia can barely sleep that night. She tosses and turns on the mattress with her mind running a marathon. She thinks about Viktoria and everything she encompasses. Anastasia thinks about the Grishin’s back in Moscow and how happy they’ll be if Anastasia defends her gold medal. If not for Russia and her Olympic dreams, she has to win for her family no matter what. They’ve supported her all this time. She can’t turn back on all the sacrifices they’ve made for her now.

Waking up the next morning is not easy. Anastasia Sidorova rubs her brown eyes and asks, “Nastya? Did you stay awake the whole night or something?” She stands up and walks over to Anastasia’s bed. “Oh my goodness. Look at those bags under your eyes! Good luck trying to explain that to Sergey.”

Anastasia waves away the other Anastasia with her hand. “Don’t worry about my coach. He won’t care and he’ll think it’s because I’ve been working so hard in the gym. Which I have been, obviously. And no, I haven’t been up all night.”

“Most of it, then?”

“Just go, Nastaska,” Anastasia groans.

Anastasia hears the faucet run in the bathroom. “You know, you’re going to have to wake up if you want to win the competition again. I know that’s what you want. You want to be an Olympic champion. There’s no way you can do that without getting up for the City of Jesolo Trophy though.” Anastasia rolls her eyes and pushes herself out of the cozy comforter. She painstakingly walks over to the bathroom sink. It feels like she’s hungover, kind of like last year at the European Championships. “Hey, you’re awake! That’s great.”

“Can you stop being peppy for five seconds?” Anastasia asks, annoyed at her roommate and the amount of toothpaste she squirted out of the container.

Approximately six seconds later, Anastasia Sidorova says, “I’ll go down to breakfast first and tell them you’ll be down momentarily.”

“I didn’t mean five seconds literally.”

At the competition, Anastasia makes a note to give death glares to all her competitors before greeting them and engaging in conversation. She tries to talk to all the Americans before rotations begin, but all of them look too similar and are too energetic for Anastasia to tell apart. Except for Kyla Ross, looking lovely as ever. They make small talk, but Kyla’s too socially awkward and Anastasia has a limited vocabulary. Eventually, they part ways and Anastasia vows in her heart to win.

Anastasia tries her best to hit all her routines like she does in practice. But nothing, save her uneven bars, comes out like she planned.

Her DTY is relatively solid, but it’s no match for almost perfect execution scores by the Americans on theirs. And one of the members has an Amanar too, leaving Anastasia far behind the pack. None of the Russians even have an Amanar, plus, two of them only have FTYs. And an even lower difficulty vault to boot. She knows the coaches are viewing this as practice, but Anastasia is determined to win the team final and the all-around from the beginning. Now, it seems like there’s no chance for the team.

Uneven bars doesn’t go as planned for the Russians either. Anastasia scores highest in the whole competition with a solid 15.1 score. She’s so happy, she could scream and have it be heard around the world. Yet all the other Russian scores are much lower, especially Evgenia’s with it being only in the 10-11 range. There’s no hope left for their team to win, though it looks like they might edge out Italy.

Balance beam is pretty decent, though Anastasia’s routine is riddled with balance checks. When she comes off the apparatus, her coach is speechless. Anastasia usually hits so clean and perfect. Not today.

Anastasia’s endurance level is low and her floor exercise somewhat suffers. It’s decent; certainly not what she desires. The others are the same with their routines. By the end of the competition, Anastasia’s sore, tired, and done with the competition. Kyla has beaten her for first place and Anastasia cries and cries into her team Russia warmup jacket. The hurt of losing first stings even more when she finds out she’s gotten fifth place, behind four Americans. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone. The rest of the girls sulk along with her. Anastasia Sidorova placed next highest in sixth, Kristina Sidorova in ninth, Evgenia Shelgunova in a dismal fifteenth, Anna Rodionova in an even worse sixteenth, and Yulia Chemareva places last in the whole competition.

No one can console the girls. Kyla gives Anastasia her email address with a note saying saying, “You did great today! If you ever want to keep a regular correspondence, here’s my email address. Hope to see you at future competitions. Kyla.” Anastasia tucks the note into her tear-stained jacket. The coaches all want to say, “I told you so. We should’ve practiced more.” And Anastasia knows it.

Returning to the hotel is dismal. The girls feel defeated and solemn. There’s no celebration going on. Viktoria calls, but Anastasia doesn’t know what to say. There isn’t anything to say. She’s gone and disappointed everyone. How can she get an Olympic spot now? She couldn’t lead the team to a victory well-deserved of Krugloye Ozero team members. Instead, the less-artistic, more peppy and annoying, American gymnasts took the gold.

Returning back to Krugloye Ozero doesn’t help Anastasia’s self-esteem. Everyone asks her what happened at the competition and why they did so terribly that none of them could even get an all-around medal. She can only answer with, “I’m sorry we did so badly. We will do better the next time.” Then, Anastasia has to look away before tears fall from her eyes.

Anastasia talks with Viktoria on a regular basis now. Viktoria gives Anastasia updates on her injury and various dates on when she should be up and ok again. Anastasia tells Viktoria all about changes at Krugloye Ozero and all the gossip. Maria’s been sneaking around with a boy, for example, but no one knows who just yet. It always makes Viktoria laugh, which gives Anastasia hope in her heart. Maybe they’ll be together for the Olympics after all.

“So, has Masha really been sneaking around with a guy? I’ll have to call her about it later, for sure,” Viktoria giggles.

“She has! We can all see her shadow drawn by the lamplights outside the dorms. It’s a guy with real muscles, definitely,” Anastasia whispers in the phone, hoping no one will hear her.

Viktoria clicks her tongue and says, “Well, all the guys have muscles, Nastya!” Anastasia hears noises coming from the phone that sound like Vera Kolesnikova, Viktoria’s mother who happened to be a gymnastics star herself and had once trained at Krugloye Ozero. “I’ve got to go. I have physical therapy until dinnertime.” Viktoria sighs. “I’ll talk to you later then?”

“Of course.”

“It really is an imperfect world,” Anastasia mutters to herself when Viktoria hangs up.

______________________________________________________

Anastasia sighs and sits down on the blue mat. It’s been a long training session with her coach. The summer heat comes down on Anastasia from the windows in the gym. Summer break has just ended and all the girls are back for training. The World Championships team will be decided soon and Anastasia’s not eligible for trying out for it. Otherwise, she would in a heartbeat.

More importantly, today is the day Viktoria Komova is coming back from her injury. She’ll be at Krugloye Ozero, working and training so she can make the World Championships team. Anastasia can’t wait. She hasn’t seen Viktoria ever since the end of last year. It’s been more than six months and Anastasia can’t handle it.

There’ll be one person missing on the team no matter what, however. Aliya Mustafina, a Russian gymnastics star and last year’s all-around world champion, is injured; she tore her ACL at the European Championships this year. Everyone misses her strength and encouragement. With this injury, it’ll be hard for her to come back for the Olympics. But if anyone can do it, it’s Aliya Mustafina.

Soon, the team for the World Championships will be announced and Anastasia wants to be there for all the moments the team will have. The standards are high for Russia considering they won last year’s team final competition. And Russia has loads of gymnasts to choose from this time around. Anastasia’s excited to see how it all plays out. She’s got her non-existent money on a few of the gymnasts, with the biggest bet on her love. How could she not?

Anastasia hits another perfect handstand on the uneven bars when she hears a bunch of girls screaming and the sound of chalk-covered feet hitting the floor. She transitions to the low bar and falls off. Her coach smiles and gestures with his thumb to the door of the gym. Anastasia nods without a word and looks over to the gym. The vision of someone she sees makes her let out a primal scream and she runs to the door faster than she’s ever run before.

“Vika!” Anastasia yells, pushing past all the younger girls to see her girlfriend. Viktoria lets go of a girl who had hugged her first. Viktoria catches Anastasia running and pulls her into a hug; she sweeps her off her feet and spins around a few times before putting Anastasia back on the ground. Anastasia wipes a tear from her eye when she finally takes in Viktoria’s angelic image; she’s here. She is finally here.

Viktoria smiles the first time she really, truly looks into Anastasia’s eyes. “Oh, Nastya.” Viktoria’s rendered speechless and so is Anastasia. They grin and their eyes sparkle in unison, but Anastasia steps away a moment later. They can’t have anyone suspect anything. So Viktoria embraces Aliya in a similar fashion, which makes Anastasia green with envy. Literally. She has the urge to puke. Maria even has the nerve to give Viktoria a peck on the cheek.

The coaches clap and speak, slowly luring the girls away from Viktoria one by one until Anastasia and Viktoria are the only ones left. Anastasia can’t take her eyes off Viktoria; she’s permanently glued to her. Viktoria mutters, “Meet me by the lamp lights after dinner tonight, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Like Masha and her various boys?” Anastasia teases.

Viktoria rolls her eyes and places her hands on her hips. “Good one. Your coach is right behind you. We’ll talk later?”

Viktoria’s already halfway out the door before Anastasia says, “Yes, of course.” Sergey Zelikson pulls Anastasia back into the training session, but she can barely focus. She falls off all the apparatuses more than once on each skill. Her coach ends up frustrated and Anastasia has tears forming in her eyes. He lets her leave a few minutes early in hopes tomorrow will be a better day for hitting routines. Yet Anastasia knows that will not be the case.

That night, under the soft light of the lamps, Anastasia and Viktoria talk about all they can fit in one hour. Everything comes up, like gossip about Krugloye Ozero, how each other’s families are doing, and favorite winter comfort foods, that, of course, the girls have to sneak so the coaches don’t notice. But they don’t discuss one thing, which is Viktoria’s injury. Anastasia thinks Viktoria doesn’t want to talk about it. She doesn’t dare bring it up until Viktoria does.

“My injury doesn’t hurt as much, which is nice,” Viktoria says after a lull in the conversation finally arises. Anastasia’s eyebrows shoot up immediately. She didn’t think Viktoria would be talking about the one thing that ruined her life this year.

The silence creeps in their bones and both of them can’t say a word until Anastasia clears her throat and asks, “Do you think you will recover by the time the team is announced?” Light is fading fast from the sky and Krugloye Ozero enforced curfew is coming soon. Anastasia wishes the night could last forever.

Viktoria shrugs and crosses her arms over her chest as a light breeze blows through. “I’d like to hope so. I mean, I should be in pretty good shape by that time. But I don’t know if I’ll be fully recovered by then. I don’t know if I’ll be chosen, basically. I’m not exactly the most reliable gymnast right now.”

“I’d take you,” Anastasia announces before she can even think of something more sympathetic or reasonable.

Viktoria smiles at this. “Well, you’re biased.”

And with that, they kiss until the light fades from the sky and into their hearts. Darkness takes over the world around them, but they are filled with light and love. Nothing can stop what they have.

For days, every time Anastasia thinks about Viktoria, she remembers the night they shared together under the street lamps. Everything is wonderful now. Anastasia’s difficulty scores are increasing day by day. Viktoria’s working her way back up to what she used to be, and then some. Everyone is watching Viktoria’s work and how quickly and smoothly her transition is from injured to not injured. Anastasia would call it determination and the drive to succeed and win. Viktoria would say it’s more of love and passion.

The weeks go by and no announcement has been made on who will be going. The whole gym is fluttering with gossip. “I heard she’s going.” “No way, she can barely finish her DTY without falling face first!” “Well, talk to the head coach then.”

One day, Alexandrov, Mustafina’s coach and the head coach at Krugloye Ozero, makes all the senior girls line up and the junior girls get to watch from the floor mats for the first time ever. “This is the World Championships team representing Russia. Ksenia Afanasyeva, Yulia Belokobylskaya, Anna Dementyeva, Viktoria Komova, Maria Paseka, and Tatiana Nabieva, with the alternate as Yulia Inshina!” Anastasia politely claps for every girl, but when she hears Viktoria’s name, she screams at the top of her lungs.

All the senior gymnasts begin to embrace each other and wipe tears off of every face. Anastasia wants to be a part of something so happy and amazing. She resists the urge to hug her girlfriend and the others. It isn’t her place. Anastasia knows Viktoria will always keep her in her heart and that’s what really matters in the end. But Viktoria breaks the mold and comes over to Anastasia with tears dripping down her face and a smile that glows.

“Nastya!” Viktoria yells as she wraps her arms around Anastasia’s thin torso. “I made it,” she whispers in her ear. Anastasia is giddy with delight and when they finally pull away, Anastasia desires to kiss her, to kiss and put happiness into her soul.

But that would mean giving away everything they’ve worked for.

______________________________________________________

Anastasia grabs her water bottle and exits the gym. It’s been a hard training session, but today is the Tokyo World Championships all-around. Earlier, the team final had occurred and the Russians took second behind the Americans. With huge difficulty scores and sky-high Amanars, it was foreseen as a Russian loss. The whole gym was relatively happy with the second place medal though. Without a star like Aliya Mustafina and Viktoria Komova injured, it wasn’t the best team to cobble together. Not to mention that Maria Paseka had injured herself and Yulia Inshina, the chosen alternate, traveled and competed in Tokyo instead.

It had been an interesting year for the Russian gymnasts, to say the least. Now is the all-around final and Anastasia’s ready to lose her voice tonight to support Viktoria. She takes a seat in between Ekaterina Baturina and Evgenia Shelgunova, two girls younger than her whom next year will take the reigns as the older junior girls. “Did Nastaska turn to the correct channel?” Anastasia asks Ekaterina.

“I have no idea,” Ekaterina responds. She calls out, “Hey, Nastaska! Did you change the channel?”

“Yes, Katya, I have everything under control,” Anastasia Sidorova says politely. The Anastasias would most certainly be fighting against each other next year for prime Olympic spots. It’d make for an awkward roommate situation.

The music played on the television, signaling the start of the competition. Gymnasts were warming up on their apparatuses. “They’re starting!” Ekaterina screams at the top of her lungs. The others join her in hollering. The girls spot Viktoria and cheer her on. When they see Ksenia Afanasyeva, the same emotion appears on all the girls’ faces. It’s going to be a good meet, Anastasia can feel it.

The rotations begin and are completed one by one. Ksenia doesn’t seem like she’ll place near the medals, which is extremely unfortunate. But Viktoria looks in prime contention for a gold medal between Jordyn Wieber, an American, and Yao Jinnan from China. If she can stay above them, all will be well. She’ll win. It won’t be easy though. Viktoria will have to pull out all the moves perfectly and then hope for a drastic change in someone’s routines.

It looks like Viktoria can win. Anastasia holds her breath as the scores appear one by one on the television. Then screams, crying, and someone throws the remote. Anastasia rubs her eyes and pinches the skin under her arm. The podium doesn’t change though. Viktoria’s second to Jordyn Wieber.

Anastasia doesn’t cry. She instead leaves the room and lies down on her bed. Incoherent thoughts are running through her mind. But one thought sticks out from the rest: how could Viktoria lose? She’s the best in the world.

She hits her pillow with her fist multiple times and lets out a scream that she never knew she had before. Viktoria did win a medal and that’s all well and good. Anastasia knows in her heart that a second place won’t be enough. It’s first or nothing at all. Not to mention the hurt that came with Ksenia not making the podium. Anastasia’s frustrated; Viktoria must have been underscored or Jordyn was overscored. There’s no way the best in the world could have lost.

An hour later, Anastasia finally gets up from her bed, her muscles aching and sore from training. The medal ceremony is going to start. She walks to the room with the television. “You came back just in time!” Viktoria Kuzmina shouts, pointing to the television with her index finger. “They’re about to give out the medals. I bet Vika’s is the prettiest.” Anastasia smiles just because Viktoria Kuzmina is so innocent and cute. The gold medal is obviously the most beautiful.

The girls clap for Yao Jinnan to show their sportsmanship. And, Anastasia has to admit, she’s proud of the little firecracker from China. She could’ve won the whole competition hadn’t she not fallen off the beam.

Viktoria appears on the screen with a smile on her face, but the girls can all tell that her face is masked. She couldn’t be that happy with her performance. So Anastasia relegates herself to just cheering on Viktoria as always. She smiles and cheers because Viktoria represents the Russian Federation. Russia is great, powerful, wonderful, and has exceptional gymnasts. Anastasia wouldn’t want to be part of the United States of America even if she had the option. They’re probably all catty, annoying, and they don’t have one training center they all live in. How do they even build camaraderie?

The girls watch the television until the program ends with Jordyn Wieber smiling and biting her medal. The channel changes to a news broadcast and Anastasia Sidorova turns off the television with the click of a button. “Well, that was exciting,” she says quietly that barely anyone even hears her.

Anastasia is the first one to leave with a few coins and a desire to call her love. But she knows Viktoria won’t be anywhere near her new iPhone anytime soon. So she walks around the outside of Krugloye Ozero without anyone finding her. The air is chilly; Russian winter will come upon the gym quickly and quietly without notice. She wraps her arms around her body in hopes it’ll warm her up. After she thinks it’s been too long and the sun fades away from the sky, Anastasia heads back inside. No one’s been missing her, clearly. Gymnasts rush to the cafeteria for dinner or talk amongst themselves in the hallways of the dorms.

No one will notice if she sneaks away to call Viktoria. Anastasia doesn’t think for a moment about if anyone asks her what she’s doing on the phone. She can say she’s talking to Yulia Belokobylskaya, Anna Dementyeva, and Yulia Inshina or something like that. She dials Viktoria’s number that she’s memorized for the longest time. The phone rings once and then twice and Anastasia doubts if Viktoria will even pick up.

“Hello?”

“Vika, it’s me. Nastya,” Anastasia whispers. Then she giggles. “Why are we even whispering? No one will care.”

Anastasia knows Viktoria’s smiling at that all the way back in Japan. “Yeah, that’s true.” Silence forms between them until Viktoria keeps talking. “I made a fool of Russia today. I just couldn’t perform at my best and my injury is no freaking excuse.” Viktoria’s voice breaks like an adolescent boy going through puberty. “I’m a disgrace to Russian gymnastics.”

“You did not disgrace Russian gymnastics!” Anastasia blurts out while at the same time fixing her bangs that block her eyes. “You got the silver medal! That’s more than almost anyone can say here. Second-best has to be better than dead last, right?”

Viktoria sniffles, “I guess, but that doesn’t change anything, really. I thought - everyone did - that I could possibly win. I have been working my whole life to be the best all-around gymnast in the world. And I couldn’t do it.” She begins openly sobbing and Anastasia can’t help it; she cries along with her. “I couldn’t even make my country proud of me.”

“I’m proud of you.”

Viktoria doesn’t say anything back for a long time. The both of them try to compose themselves and not be weak for each other. Eventually, a few minutes pass and Viktoria says, “I love you, Nastya. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”

Anastasia’s rendered speechless and can barely breathe. Her heart races and it’s like she’s back at a major competition all over again; she’s filled with nervousness, anxiety, and hope that everything will be alright on the other side. She won’t be forsaken. “I - I love you too, Vika. It’s my honor to help you out. You’re a dear, dear friend of mine. Good luck at your event finals. I’m sure you will do well.”

“You should probably go eat dinner. It is dinner time at Krugloye Ozero, yes?” Viktoria asks, still sniffling a little bit.

“It is,” Anastasia sighs. “I’ll talk to you later?”

“Of course. Good night.”

“Good night and good luck.” Anastasia won’t be the first to hang up. When the phone line buzzes, signaling the end of the call, Anastasia finally lifts the phone up off her ear and back onto its rack. She puts her hands out on the wall in front of her and takes deep breaths. Viktoria told her that she loved her. After a moment, she pushes herself off the wall and squeals with delight, running all the way to the cafeteria.

Event finals begin and it seems like Russia might have a chance of being the best in the world on some of the events. The girls all gather in Anastasia and Anastasia’s dorm room with the television on and excited with the energy of all the junior gymnasts. Anastasia Grishina is the first to notice the television switching from a kids show to the World Championships in artistic gymnastics. “Hey, it’s on!”

Vault finals doesn’t have any main Russian contenders, so the girls don’t really cheer for anyone. But McKayla Maroney makes a lasting impression with her Amanar. “Look how high she goes up!” “It’s like she flies, or something.”

Uneven bars finals is next and Viktoria Komova and Tatiana Nabieva will be representing the Russian Federation. Each time one of them appears on the screen, the room goes up in screams of “Vika!” or “Tanya!” Anastasia concentrates on her thoughts and tries to telepathically send a message to Viktoria. “You can do it,” she thinks. “I love you and whatever happens, I still love you and I am proud of you. Go get your deserved gold medal.” When she finishes her thought, Viktoria shows up on the screen staring at the apparatus as if its her worst enemy. Then she smiles to herself and moves on to chalking herself.

Routine after routine is performed. When Tatiana or Viktoria goes, everyone shouts “davai” and “stoi” all at once. Both of their routines are almost flawlessly executed. Their scores are high and close to each other, with Viktoria edging out Tatiana. No one comes near their scores and when the last gymnast goes, the girls know that Viktoria and Tatiana have taken one-two for their country. Anastasia hugs Anastasia and they don’t let go of each other until the medal ceremony begins.

Anastasia spends the rest of the day training in the gym. If Viktoria can become a world champion, so can she. She goes through each of her routines over and over again until her muscles perfectly memorize them.

After training, Anastasia runs to the pay phone with her quarters. She takes a look around the area to make sure no one will suspect her of doing anything taboo. There’s only Maria Kharenkova nearby, who doesn’t care what anyone does as long as they don’t threaten her spot as Russia’s next star. She uses her index finger to punch in Viktoria’s cell phone number. And then she waits.

“Hello?” Viktoria says while laughing. “Tanya, stop trying to throw your medal at me! I’m on the phone! Hello?” Anastasia can’t help but feel her blood boil with jealousy. She breathes in and exhales quietly.

“Hi, it’s me,” Anastasia says. She hears a door slam through the phone.

Viktoria’s voice is breathy and light as she speaks. “Nastya! Oh, now I’m starting to tear up again. I’m so happy!”

“I knew you could do it.”

“When I was chalking up on the uneven bars, I heard your voice in my head. It was super weird. Your voice was telling me about how proud everyone is of me regardless of a medal, but a gold would be nice,” Viktoria admits. “And I knew what I had to do. Whatever happened with the all-around is too late to change now. Unless Jordyn Wieber was drugged or something like that - anyway, you’re so lovely.”

Anastasia and Viktoria talk until Anastasia can barely stand upright and Viktoria falls asleep on the conversation. Anastasia whispers, “Good night, Vika,” with a toothy grin and hangs up the phone; she has to be ready for training tomorrow and more event finals from Tokyo.

The next day is relatively similar in terms of training schedule. Anastasia is tired and stressed out, but still faithfully returns to the front of a television screen. Balance beam and floor finals are today. The girls dutifully watch warm-ups and all the routines.

It’s Viktoria’s turn. Everything looks to be alright, until Viktoria falls on her double turn and the whole room gasps. Anastasia turns away from the television so no one notices her crying. Viktoria is the best at uneven bars in the whole world, but after a bad all-around showing, another title would be only fuel her desire to be better and to work harder to make the Olympics. By the time Anastasia gets control of her emotions, Viktoria’s score pops up on the television screen. She’ll be getting last place in the whole balance beam final.

Floor finals is another hope that maybe Viktoria will win a medal. It doesn’t have to be gold, the girls decided. However, the commentators mention something about Viktoria having a minor injury from the fall from the balance beam, so Ksenia Afanasyeva will take her place. Anastasia is excited for Ksenia, of course, but Viktoria’s injured and won’t have the opportunity to compete for her rightful title.

Ksenia can really pack a powerful punch though. For someone who didn’t even qualify into the floor finals in the first place, Ksenia performs almost perfectly. Her choreography fits herself well and all the girls cheer for her throughout her routine. As in, no one can hear the floor music no matter how hard they try. When her score comes out, everyone is speechless. She went from not qualifying to basically winning within a short frame of time.

For Krugloye Ozero, the Tokyo World Championships have been a success. Maybe not so much as Rotterdam, but that was a moment of triumph. After years of not medaling, the team had finally got the gold. Not to mention Aliya Mustafina’s all-around gold too. But these medals are more than enough.

Watching Ksenia win the gold medal is exhilarating, like Viktoria’s uneven bars win. Anastasia realizes in that moment that she has to work so much harder to make it to the Olympic team. It won’t be easy at all. Not like she thought it would be. She has to be world-class on all of her events. She walks to the pay phone once more and dials Viktoria’s phone number. Soon, the seniors would have their break, but the juniors would be working hard as ever. Anastasia finally thinks that she knows what she needs to do to earn a spot at the top.

__________________________________________________

Anastasia snuggles under the warm comforter. She’s in her Moscow home and Viktoria will be coming to visit Anastasia today. She’s coming to see Aliya and Nailya who are in Moscow too, but she’ll be staying at the Grishin’s for the three days that she’s here. With her alarm clock blasting, Anastasia turns her clock off and runs around doing her morning routine because no matter how warm the heater makes her bedroom, she is always freezing.

A few days ago, Viktoria had participated in the Voronin Cup, the competition where she made a name for herself all those years ago. She won all the titles except for vault, making her a dominant force in Russia. It was a victory albeit small compared to the World Championships. But it was a victory nonetheless. Now, the Voronin Cup champion would be hanging out with Anastasia.

She sprints down the stairs, careful not to trip and fall on her way down. Anastasia takes a look around the small kitchen her comfortable abode has to offer and sighs. Viktoria isn’t sitting in a chair around the table with her pale hands surrounding a cup of warm tea like Anastasia had imagined. There’s no one at the table except for her father, who is sipping tea and reading a copy of the local Russian newspaper.

Anastasia takes a seat next to him. He doesn’t look up, but asks, “Nastya, isn’t your friend from the gym coming today? Viktoria something... I seem to have forgotten her last name. She’s pretty famous, right?”

She gets up to make herself a cup of tea. “Yeah, a friend’s coming over.” Anastasia doesn’t mention that this certain friend is actually her girlfriend. “She’s definitely famous within sport circles. And her name’s Viktoria Komova.” The kettle boils and she takes the tea kettle off the warm spring to pour herself a cup.

“Ahh, there we go. Viktoria Komova. A nice name with Viktoria. Isn’t her mother that famous gymnast Vera Kolesnikova? I remember my co-worker’s girlfriend showing me a picture of her long ago.” Her father still doesn’t look up from the newspaper. He’s known as an inquisitive man, as all Grishin’s are. Anastasia learned early not to be like that though. Too many questions could lead to too many problems; ignorance is bliss.

“Vera Kolesnikova is her mother,” Anastasia says. She runs her fingers through her unruly blonde hair. She turns to the front window and lets out a small shriek. Her father even puts down his newspaper. “Vika!”

A girl of short stature and dressed in a big blue parka comes out of a taxi and pays the man while Anastasia stands in the doorway jumping up and down. It’s hard to tell that it is Viktoria because snow is falling from the heavens and not to mention all of the clothing necessary to keep anyone warm in the cold Russian weather.

Viktoria drops her suitcase next to the wooden door. “Have you missed me?” she questions Anastasia with her hands gently resting on her hips. Anastasia nods and pulls her in for a kiss.

She doesn’t want to let go.

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