#passing is problematic

[emq-blog]

My Dad, Stanley: Would it be inappropriate to sell t-shirts to trans people that say ‘This Too Shall Pass’?”

[hot-flanks]

“It’s been baffling to me that I continue to be read as male despite never wearing compression of any sort (I really need to write a post about this – the past six months or so of not even wearing sports bras has been a huge positive shift in my life), having a uniform of jeans and tshirts in a casual town where everyone wears jeans and tshirts, and consciously trying to keep myself from shifting my voice down when I get anxious (read: always). I feel like I am giving off every natural “female signal” I have to give, at least without explicitly marking myself in some more easily socially recognizable way.

I never want to compromise or capitulate in order to make myself “appear” female. I am female, and that is enough. I am seen when I am with Lesbians, and that is enough.”

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[hot-flanks]

One of my favorite things about being in a relationship with another GNC womon is that we are so visibly Lesbian as a couple that I virtually never pass as male when we are together. I am growing so, so tired of being seen as male, and not being recognized as Female. It happens daily, and I don't think I realized just exactly how heavily it weighs on me until I experienced one blissful week of being an Understandable Female all on my own.

[hot-flanks]

You could pass as male

Yes, it’s true, and not only hypothetical. Passing as male is part of my daily reality, and it is uncomfortable at best and dangerous at worst. I do not try to hide the fact that I’m female, but I’m also not going to change my aesthetic just so that I’m more easily read as a woman. I’ve learned along the way that I’m going to be happiest looking the way I want to look, and not giving a damn about what anyone else sees.

The exception to this is, of course, in the situation that my presence is making another woman uncomfortable because she reads me as male. In this case I will do my best to make myself visible as a woman. I never want to be the cause of another woman’s anxiety or fear due to her thinking she is sharing what should be female-only space with a man.