{.Empty Sentiments.}
Only a few seconds passed I think, not even minutes but I felt like I’d been sitting in that dining room for hours. When I finally mustered up the effort to move it felt like my body was creaking in protest. But I needed this, I needed something to distract me.
Everyone scattered, heading off in their own directions. I vaguely wondered about that mysterious girl again before shrugging it off; I wasn’t in the mood to track down one specific person anyway. And besides, someone was already here - local.
Convenient. Manabu off by himself looking into space out in the main hall.
He’d always seemed fairly mature. Or at the very least, like he had his act together... so I guess I admired that some. But after the trial... he was pretty shaken up. I guess that’s obvious but it’s still weird to see in a way. I offer him a wave but he didn’t really seem to notice me until I spoke up.
“Yo.“
He attempts a vague wave back.
“Kaede. I wish I could greet you better.”
That was definitely a fake smile.
“Sorry. If you need some time to yourself then...“
“No, it’s alright. I get what you’re doing. I get it, just... sorry, I guess I’m just not all there yet.”
This whole thing seemed like a minefield to me. I’d never been Mr. Social Graces. if I met someone, there was an 80% chance I’d say something dumb and mess the whole thing up. If I was a little smarter, I would’ve thought it over. But I wasn’t good at that. Maybe I make him mad, sure, but it’s possible something I say could also make things a little better. I dunno. Worth a try, I guess.
”Mana, I know this is gonna sound like the stupid copy-paste stuff everyone says but it’s not your fault. I mean, you didn’t hold Hanji at gunpoint and tell him to do that crap.”
That chuckle’s forced too. It kinda hurts that he feels the need to fake it around me but I get it.
I get it, but it still sucks.
“I know... I know but it’s stuck in my head. I didn’t... I didn’t really think about the consequences at all. When we were in that room, when everything was heating up I was just... determined to prove he did it. The worst part is, I’m not sure how much I even cared about Anzai-chan... or Wakatsuki-chan. I just knew he was lying and I wanted him to own up to it. For everyone to see what I saw. But... but...“
“Not like that.”
“Not like that, no...”
I sigh. It was easy to write Hanji off as a bad guy. I feel it’d be a weight off my mind if I did that. Hell, he’d given us enough evidence to. But it didn’t sit right with me. And even if he was a bad guy, I dunno... what, was I suddenly supposed to be happy he was dead now? I couldn’t figure out my own feelings there.
“It’s horrifying. Adrenaline. In the heat of the moment, you don’t feel anything at all. But when it’s all over, you’re just left with the aftermath. And you wonder... how did it get so bad? And why couldn’t I stop it before it got to this point...“
Wasn’t expecting him to speak up again like that. I wasn’t sure how personal this was... like, was this a one-off or was this a constant thing for him?
“... We just need to stop making a mess of things then. I mean... Hanji... he said he’d planned this out, like, he was central to all this, right? So was Wakatsuki. I feel shitty saying it but if they’re gone now... then maybe we’ll be okay.“
“You sound like Shiratori-kun.”
“Ugh! Gross!“
“Ahaha. In some ways, it’s a praise. He’s an idiot but he means well. That kind of positive thinking... is just a little hard for me.“
“I’m not saying everything’s roses and cream, don’t get me wrong. I’m not gonna just forget about what happened. But if we don’t move on, if we don’t at least try something we’ll just be wallowing in our own self-pity. I can’t guarantee nothing else bad’ll happen... or that no one else will die. That’d just be wishful thinking. But what I can say is that we know more now. And maybe that knowledge is good enough to keep us trucking. I mean. I guess all I’m saying is: it’s something. Something’s more than nothing. I’ll take what I can get.”
“Haha... Kaede-kun, you’re very cool. That’s a good mindset. Unfortunately I’m very good at wallowing in self-pity. It’s a bad habit.“
And then, suddenly... something clicked in my head. Something about Manabu felt like it made sense to me.
“... Nah, it’s not self-pity, right? It’s just... you’re overly kind, aren’t you? You’re the sort of person who gives up so that someone else has a chance. Putting others first. That’s why you got all self-righteous about Hanji. You knew something wasn’t right and you wanted to protect us. But when you reailzed what that meant... or... you know, when that happened... you blamed yourself. Because you accused Hanji, he died. You caused that.“
The genuine surprise on his face almost takes me by surprise. The words kinda tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them and now I was kinda feeling weird about it. I mean, it’s not really my thing to analyze people.
“Uhh, sorry, that was...“
“You’re pretty astute... that caught me off-guard. Takeru’s said something similar before. The two of you are pretty different so... I was surprised. I guess... you’re not that far-off. But calling it ‘kindness’... that somehow feels too great a word.“
Mentioning that name seems to make Manabu all the more distant so I reach out and pat his shoulder.
“He’ll be okay.“
“Mm. He’s a strong guy... much moreso than me. So I want to believe... but... everything’s so...”
He sighs.
“I’d just settle for seeing him. I miss him.”
Manabu’s not crying or anything but he still rubs his eyes and heaves another huge sigh.
“I’m sorry, I really am poor company right now. I’m a useless guy, I guess. I’ll be... I’ll get better, Kaede, I will. I just need to think some things through.”
“I get it. Sorry for getting in your space.”
“No... it was nice. Thank you for reaching out. And... ah, actually, could I ask you for a favour?”
He reaches into his pocket and brings out an accessory of some kind. On closer inspection it kinda looks like a bracelet... some thick wooden beads. Real rustic-looking thing.
“Kotobuki-chan dropped this. I saw her heading to the classroom in a rush. I wanted to catch up with her but... I realized I was... I really wasn’t in the right place to speak to her. If you’re checking in on people, can you return it?”
Ah, now that I think about it... yeah, makes total sense a bracelet like this would belong to that chick. I nod and take it, putting it in my own pocket. I wonder if she’s okay. Seems like she’s been pushing herself a ton. Maybe... she’s still in the classroom. I oughta check it out.
But... okay, now this sound’s been bugging me for a bit now but I’ve been ignoring it. Now that neither of us are speaking though it’s become all the more annoying. Seems like it’s coming from the elevator, a kind of hammering or clanking. The elevator doesn’t look all shady and hidden anymore... guess that makes sense. I stride over to it and give it a rough punch to relieve some stress. But to my surprise, the doors open and reveal...
“Kya! Y-you pervert!”
Oh, if ONLY I could kick this fat ball of fluff across the room...
“What the hell are you doing here? Don’t you have some B-tier script to memorize or some shit?”
“Rude! That’s so rude! Who raised you to speak to me like that?! I’ve never been so! So!”
Patchnuki wobbles around for a bit before almost shrugging, as much as it can anyway.
“... It’s fine, I’m totally zen. My therapist’s been recommending I learn to let things go more and... you know what? This feels right. This is good. This is progress.“
“Goodbye.”
I move to shut the door but it squeezes between the doors. I kinda back away, I don’t wanna like, accidentally hurt it and risk getting zapped again but it’s kinda. Content to stick in place, all squished between the two elevator doors. If I felt more up to it, I’d laugh at the image honestly.
“HEY! Wait, you nasty little brat! Aren’t you curious? Whatever was Patchnuki-sama doing in the elevator? ... Hmm? You’re dying to know, aren’t you?“
“I’m not. Go away.”
“Hey. Hey now. Listen. This is interesting. Hey. Look, I’m... I’m actually letting you visit the west side of the building. I just gotta do a bit of tinkering on this thing and... yeah! Yeah, it’ll be cool, trust me, there’s a pool, there’s gonna be some wine... it’ll be great!”
Manabu, to my surprise, walked up to the door with gentle footsteps and with even gentler hands, pushed Patchnuki back into the elevator, allowing the doors to shut once more.
“Thank you for your time. Goodbye.”
I couldn’t help but snort that time.
“My hero.”
“Hey, least I could do.“
That smile’s the most genuine I’ve seen yet. I’m glad.
“If we can take Patchnuki’s word on it... I guess more of the house will be available to us now. Maybe that’ll give us more to work with.“
“But why? Why unlock these areas?”
He shrugs.
“It seems to like a game. I suppose these little additions and caveats help spice things up. In any case... I’ll stick around here. If anything changes, I’ll let you know.”
“... Yeah. Thanks. I’m gonna go check on Buki.”
Manabu nods and I return the gesture before heading to the classroom. I distinctly remember the room. I talked to Hanji there before... and Manabu too, now that I think about it. Those conversations weren’t so long ago but somehow the words were already blurring in my mind. Was I going to forget them? They seemed so trivial at the time but now that Hanji was dead it was sticking with me. It’s like that feeling during breakfast all over again... fish bone in my throat. I’m not that smart. I’m not confident I can remember the important stuff let alone anything sentimental. But what if I forget what he looks like? I don’t want that.
Damn it.
Damn this whole situation.
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