A story for my girlfriend @whump-dump! She finished FMAB not too long ago and we were talking about scenarios, and she came up with this great one where Ed gets kicked really hard and breaks an arm, so I added that he takes the hit for Roy and then whines about how it wasn’t worth it, and honestly this is why whumpers should date each other
Anyway I hope you like it, sweets! <3
Ed hadn’t thought about it--not really. It wasn’t a “I value your life over mine” decision, or one of self-deprecation or even of respect.
In fact, the reason Edward Elric had jumped in front of a metal foot seconds before it made contact with Roy’s skin was on instinct.
“Fullmetal!” Roy cried, using the opportunity to subdue the criminal. “You alive?” he called. Ed hadn’t gotten up.
He groaned, and Roy smirked. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes,’” he accepted.
Once the rogue alchemist was tied up, Roy turned his attention to Ed and paled. His flesh arm was bent at an unnatural angle, bruised already, and he was cradling it to his chest.
“Damn, Fullmetal,” he cursed, “that looks broken.”
Ed glared. “No shit!” he yelled, wincing deeply. “That’s the last time I take a bullet for you...”
“A foot is hardly a bullet,” Roy rolled his eyes. “The hospital will be able to patch that up in no time.”
“I can’t do anything with it,” he whined.
“I’m sure any weightlifting training you had scheduled can wait.”
Ed seethed. “I meant that I can’t do any alchemy,” he bit.
Oh. Yeah, that made sense.
“Well, that’s not a concern,” Roy said flippantly. “The car is parked barely a mile away. Help me with him,” he gestured to the handcuffed and unconscious criminal on the ground, and Ed looked almost fearful for a moment.
“I--uh, I can’t--”
“Can’t what?” Roy snapped. “I need help carrying him; he’s too heavy for me to get on my own.”
Ed nodded reluctantly, slipping his metal arm under the unconscious man with a pained expression. Roy paid it no mind--if the kid wanted to be dramatic, the worst thing he could do was respond to it.
However, it got harder to ignore a few minutes later, when Ed’s pace had slowed far beyond tolerable. It was clear the adrenaline of the broken arm was wearing off, and he had to be in a lot of pain, but they didn’t have time to deal with that, now.
“Keep up,” Roy barked, glancing to Ed and noticing for the first time the gleam of sweat that had broken out over his features, the pained look not having gone away with a lack of attention. “You hanging in there?”
Ed’s breathing was heavy and unsteady, coming in loud pants that didn’t have a defined rhythm. A few steps later, he crashed into the ground, sending Roy stumbling under the weight on the man in his arms.
“What the hell, Fullmetal?!” he yelped, nearly dropping the man. Ed didn’t reply. Instead, when Roy looked back at him, he was on one knee, using his metal arm to clutch the opposite side of his torso. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Ed rolled up his shirt with gritted teeth, exposing bruised, mangled ribs. Roy’s eyes widened.
“Oh, hell,” he breathed. Ed had carried this guy half a mile with those? He eased the criminal to the ground and stooped down next to Edward. “Broken?”
Ed nodded tursely. “Most likely,” he said with a strained voice.
“Think they punctured anything?”
Ed shook his head, then shrugged. “I don’t think so,” he admitted, “but I feel a lot worse than when we started.” That could just be exertion, but with Ed’s reluctance to ever admit pain to anyone, it could also be a collapsed lung or lacerated organ.
Roy nodded. “You shouldn’t have put all that weight on it.”
“Ungrateful bastard,” Ed growled, “never again. Not worth it.” Roy smiled just a little at the rush of energy--it was a good sign, after all.
“Yeah, yeah. I’‘ll go get the car; you wait here. You’ll be fine.”
Ed nodded, then gestured to the unconscious criminal. “What about him?”
Roy shrugged. “If he tries to move, take care of it.”
“You absolute asshole,” Ed said, watching Roy run off toward the military car.
Anon asked for a 'Elrics get adopted by Mustang' drabble. I used Archer because he's the stick up your ass type and the whole thing is OOC anyway. I'm sorry if this sucks. :/
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Riza lifted her eyes briefly from the report she was reading to smile as Ed and Havoc exchanged words over a friendly game of "Clue." It was a slow day and Havoc and Breda pulled out their stash of board games to ease the tension in the office. The early morning hours had been spent listening to Ed and the Colonel scream at each other about damages and the legitimacy of using "deposing a false prophet" in a field report.
“Mustang in the damned office with the candlestick!” Ed growled.
Havoc snorted. "Ed! It's Colonel Mustard not Mustang and I already told you it's not him."
Breda reached for the kettle corn. "Sadly, he's never done anything in the office to anyone with his candlestick...even if we so desperately want him to." He looked at Riza with his puppy dog eyes and sighed.
Hawkeye shot the man a death glare. Damned RoyAi shipper.
"Fine." Ed said and threw his cards down.
"My turn!" Al rolled the dice and made his move. Then they all jumped when the door swung open and an officer stepped in.
"Can we help you Lt. Colonel?" Hawkeye stood and hoped the man wouldn't fuss about the guys playing games during work hours. She wasn't sure who exactly this man was, but he looked like he had just rolled out of the grave.
"It's Lt. Col Frank Archer and I'm here for those two miscreants."
"We don't answer to you." Ed snorted.
"I technically don't answer to anyone." Al chirped.
"Wrong." Archer pulled out some paperwork and threw it on the table. "You answer to society for your misbehavior and lack of decent upbringing. The State has decided that you two are destructive and need proper adult supervision when not under the immediate command of your superior officer. You're being remanded into custody of the state and being put into foster care."
"We're emancipated minors." Ed snapped
"I don't work here." Al said softly.
"You're orphans. Dangerous, destructive and valuable orphans." Archer pointed to the paperwork. "Signed by the Fuhrur himself."
"Colonel!!!" Breda, Havoc and Hawkeye shouted at the same time.
Ed looked over the paperwork with Al. "You can't do this! We're not property!"
"Kids are property." Archer said dryly "Military dogs are property. Time to go back to the kennel kid."
Mustang yawned as he walked out into the main office and blinked when he saw all the intent stares. "What's going on?"
Hawkeye went over to his side. "Sir, they're trying to take the Elrics."
"Where? " he asked and directed the question at the new officer in the room. Then his authoritative voice added, "And by who's orders?"
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The hour long debate on whether or not the State could suddenly take an interest in the well being of the teenagers was settled by Falman rattling off some lines out of the law books. Some archaic law establishing poor houses, orphanages and psychiatric facilities also granted the government the power to pack those buildings full of people it wanted out of the way.
"Can't you just adopt them?" Breda asked. "You two are practically their parents anyhow."
"Breda, please keep your active imagination busy with your incessant shipping." Roy snapped.
"Sorry Chief, he has a point. You and Hawkeye are really good at it. " Havoc looked away when those dark eyes turned to him.
"This is not funny." Ed growled "The problem or the solutions. Nobody cared about us when our Mom died, why care now?"
“ You destroy everything you come in contact with and you are a weapon of the state. You need an adult caretaker. “ Archer looked at the clock on the wall. "Train leaves in an hour. Tic toc, time to pack up your stuff and get ready to go to the orphanage. You have to stop by the infirmary and get your medical checkup and vaccinations."
Al gasped. They'd find out he didn't have a body! "Please Colonel! Stop this!"
"Just adopt them." Havoc waved his cigarette at the two kids. "Like I said, you guys already have. Just made it official."
"Do I hear hints of fraternization?" Archer asked.
"No sir." Hawkeye replied. "Just an inside joke."
"You adopt them." Roy spat back.
"I'm a smoker. It's unhealthy for kids." Havoc smiled.
Breda saw the eyes go to him next. "Al likes dogs. No can do."
Fuery just squeaked and they looked past him to Falman who replied, "I already have a wife and two kids to support on my salary. Sorry."
"What's two more?" Roy asked.
"Sir, it really comes down to you. I have a meager salary and can't afford their care." Hawkeye replied. “Our pay grade really doesn't allow us much.”
"And your application would be denied." Archer snorted. “Sniper. Single Mom. Nope.”
"You have a good salary, house, prestige." Hawkeye ignored Archer, like he was in any position to judge her!
Roy rolled his eyes. "I'm way too young."
"Actually they'd be the right age if you guys got wild and crazy when you were working with Master Hawkeye." Breda smiled. "Just say' n"
“Fraternization jokes again.” Archer grumbled.
"And 30 is getting old to have kids." Havoc took the cheap shot at his age.
Ed was quiet. Trying to think of any other way to get out of this. "What about Granny Pinako?"
"We don't let Granny's adopt kids. They have a very limited life span and we don't take returns on used children." Archer rolled his eyes. How the hell was this is job anyway? He really was eager to kiss ass and climb the ranks so he volunteered for this stupid task.
Al sighed. "I wish Mr. Hughes was still alive."
Archer stretched. "Pack it up boys, time to go."
Everyone looked to Roy with pitiful puppy dog eyes. He hung his head. "Wait."
"Oh good the orphan saves the orphans. Won't this make your biography even better?" Archer waited.
"I'll.....” Roy hesitated and felt the air get sucked from the room.
They hung on his next word.
"I'll get a tax deduction?” Roy asked and watched Ed start to fume.
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Roy sipped on his coffee and looked at the mess of open books and the equations scratched out on the chalkboard. He brought the Elrics home with him last night and left them to explore on their own. Hughes already had them housebroken so he figured it was safe enough. He wasn't in the mood to deal with them much after Ed started his normal yapping as his shaking hand signed the paperwork. This act alone should buy his way out of hell. "You two been up all night?"
"I don't sleep." Al informed him.
"I can't believe you were never going to tell us about all your books!" Ed looked at Mustang's coffee hopefully. "Is that for me?"
“No. You want me to make you breakfast now? Giving you a home and freedom isn't enough?”
“Well you are our foster parent.” Ed's devilish grin made the man grunt.
“Yeah, guess I am. I should do something parental.” Roy walked over to the chalkboard where Ed was standing and watched his dopey golden eyes land on his mug as he stood up straight thinking he had won some victory. Roy grabbed the chalk from his hand, scratched a line across the board behind him and then wrote "Ed, age 14. Still stunted. :("
“You dick.” Ed hissed as he turned around to see what he wrote.
Roy chuckled and heard Al start to giggle behind him. "I'm leaving in half an hour. Go get dressed. Time to go to work and earn your keep."
Al looked around at the books. “Can I stay here?”
“Sure. I actually like you!"
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Hawkeye knocked on the door to Mustang's home hoping he would answer. She nervously felt around her neck for something precious that was missing and hoped he could help her locate it. She was surprised when Ed opened the door. So the Elrics were back from their trip South? “Is the Colonel home?”
“Yeah he's out back with Al and the puppy.” Ed let her in. Exactly what he wanted to do with his life, be Mustang's doorman.
“What puppy?” Hawkeye asked.
“Al found him on our trip and bought him home. I didn't think the Mustang could squeal like that and dance around. I didn’t realize until that moment I could have any less respect for him.” Ed mumbled.
“He loves dogs.” She replied and noticed Ed was not looking her in the eye.
“Yup, found that out.”
“Everything OK here?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“You seem down.”
He gulped. He sure as hell wasn't jealous of Al out back playing with the mutt and crazy ass Colonel playing fetch. "Hey...I found something you might want. The puppy ran under his highness's bed when he was in the shower and Al made me go get him before the mutt ate a slipper or something. He was chewing on this."
Riza blushed when she realized it was her dog tags. She gulped. So she was right, they did get torn off last night. “Ed...”
“None of my business.” He shook his head. “Nor do I want to know why there is a lost and found of women's undergarments located under his bed. None of my business. “
Hawkeye took a deep breathe. This was a fun aspect to the Colonel's new life, having to sneak around the world and two teenage boys in his house. “So they're in the backyard playing with the puppy?”
“Yup.” Ed nodded and went back to the library. “They're trying to agree on a name.”
Hawkeye cocked an eye at him, was he actually jealous? “Thanks. Major Armstrong is having a party at his home to celebrate your new....circumstances.”
“Super.” Ed twirled a finger in the air. “Just what I wanted. Armstrong ripping his clothes off to celebrate my new family life with Colonel Must-Bang.”
Riza sighed again. She didn't realize his 'single dad' image would make Mustang more appealing to fangirls. Ugh! And he was unprotected in the backyard playing with a puppy and Alphonse!
Ed watched her march down the hall, clearly on a mission. He shook his head. What exactly did she see in that idiot? He turned back to the chalkboard and looked at where he left off. One bonus was the stash of books the Colonel had and his willingness to work with them after a couple drinks. The guy wasn't really half bad once his best buddy jack Daniels took the edge off. They were making progress on their research, he just wasn't exactly sure what the result of it was going to be.
