"Watch out for kindness. In the wrong hands, it can be deadlier than a gun, and far more subtle...hold to your true self, no matter how sweetly those around you talk." -Lian Tanner, Path of Beasts Been reading The Keepers Trilogy lately, and was absolutely floored by this quote from the third book. I read a lot of middle grade literature, both for entertainment and as a teaching tool for my own writing, but I have very rarely come across an MG book that explicitly states how kindness can be weaponized as a manipulative tool. Most of the time when this concept is tackled in media for younger audiences, it's implied (e.g. the White Witch offering Turkish Delight to Edmund in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe) rather than being stated point-blank. But I have to commend Ms. Tanner for deciding to state it point-blank, because this is a lesson even we adults often tend to be bad at internalizing. Most of us are raised to not only be kind, but also to make an effort to see the best in people. While neither of those things is problematic on their own, there is a danger of becoming too lax with one's boundaries if proper balance between giving people the benefit of the doubt and exercising caution is not achieved. This is where I think we sometimes fail when it comes to passing down certain values and habits to younger generations. Yes, it's important to teach kindness as a reciprocal act between people who have each other's best interests at heart. But it's also important to teach that not everyone has your best interests at heart, and that these people are the ones who are most likely to use kindness as a weapon rather than as a gesture of goodwill. This doesn't just apply to predators or those we typically warn children to steer clear of. This can apply to anyone - friends, family members, neighbors, classmates, and in the case of adults, romantic partners or coworkers. Anybody with less-than-favorable intentions can choose to be kind to give you a false sense of security, until they've won your trust and use that closeness to hurt you in some way. Even if they don't hurt you physically, they can still hurt you psychologically and emotionally. This has happened to me several times, and it's the direct result of being raised in an environment where I was conditioned to deny my own boundaries and gut instincts. I've since learned my lesson, but learning it entailed a lot of pain and trauma I wish I could go back and erase. Kindness on its own is not enough. You have to look past what that kindness looks like on the surface and see the true intentions behind it, no matter how difficult the truth may be to face. This is a skill that has to be taught. And in order for us adults to teach it, we have to be aware of the necessity of learning it ourselves. There are a lot of stories about standing up to bullies and people who are mean to you. And while those have value, there is equal value in stories like Tanner's that remind us that people don't always have to be mean to cause harm. Sometimes we focus too much on training kids to recognize and stand up to "meanness" in its many forms, at the expense of teaching them to recognize and avoid false kindness. Both are important. One lesson should never be sacrificed for the sake of the other. Protecting oneself entails a lot more than just knowing how to spot and respond to mean people. It means learning that trust is earned, and that it's a gift that should only be given to people who have proven beyond all reasonable doubt that they deserve to receive it.
