#path transition

[shiftingpath]

morkaischosen replied to your photo: today is 7 months since my surgery date! scars are...

also wow hair! suits you

i’m glad you think so because it’s solely the result of me letting this decay for 4 months without maintenance

digidiskette replied to your photo: today is 7 months since my surgery date! scars are...

How does it feel to be able to take photos without your shirt? I always found the idea really terrifying, but some trans friends find it liberating. What’s your take?

it’s weird! i love my chest now, like a lot, and i want to show it off, but also i am in terrible shape and don’t really like showing off the rest of me. and i still have a sense of shame and like, anxious self-preservation about it, but i’m slowly getting used to like sleeping without a shirt on and taking pictures of it and so on. even if i’d rather i looked better in the photos i tell myself i will be mad later if i let this life-changing process go without documenting it. and besides, i feel somewhat responsible to put photos up and talk about it, because i relied so heavily on exactly that from other people before i had surgery.

i’m really hoping to get to swim in just shorts soon, which is sort of exhilarating, but i’m also afraid the YMCA or someone else there will do something dumb about it.

[shiftingpath]

i forgot to post this up on wednesday but this is my 4-week mark photo! visible bruising is all gone, the incisions are super tender and all over i am still very sore, but i’m icing it all regularly and doing pretty okay over all...

[shiftingpath]

3-week mark, bruising is basically gone (though my sternum and ribs are very sore still). the abdominal padding we got has been really itchy so i’ve got some random skin irritation in the middle where it overlaps, but since that’s not incision territory i’ve been scratching at it non-stop, haha. it’s been hard not to pick at any of the scabs, but i’m trying to be good in the name of nicer scars later. tomorrow i have another appointment, and we’ll see if they think i’m done with the binder or wearing it for a bit longer.

[shiftingpath]

we’re at the one week mark now! my nipple graft bandaging came off today and one of the surgeons and a nurse peered at my chest for a bit and pronounced it healing well, which is a relief. i had been worried about the nipple placement and results since it was sort of the last reveal, but i’m extremely pleased! the one feels a little weird but the other one is doing just fine.

the bruising is really coming along, but everything is still swollen in general, so i’ll be interested to see what we end up with. i’ve got polysporin on the nips and scar gel on the incisions right now. i can feel the swelling between stitches, but the incisions are so thin, i’m really happy about it.

[shiftingpath]

oh my god though it’s so weird to think that in 24 hours i’m heading into surgery? anxiety has been through the roof for a couple days now. Skep and I are headed out to Mississauga today, so i’ll be out of touch for a bit, at least a handful of days.

thank you again to everybody who donated to my thing to help this happen sooner <3 sorry to the people whose reward art i haven’t completed yet; once i’m able to draw again you’ll be the first to know.

anyhow love you all, keep me in your thoughts <3

-Path

[shiftingpath]

midnightsingvogel said: CONGRATTTZ

retroactivebakeries said: l'chaim!

digidiskette said: Prouda you!!

xxxskeletonfucker666xxx said: hell yeah

jacknoir said:  AAAA CONGRATS!!!

suddenlykats said:  nice bruises @o@

realityphobia said: Congrats!!

viridiansun said: POWER PATH

csevet said:  CONGRATS but also OW OW OW does it feel as awful as it looks

thanks all for the support, ilu. @csevet, kind of? i am in lots of pain, but i feel sort of dissociated from the bruising like, how is that on my bod? how did it go that colour? mostly i just feel the swelling soreness + nausea, but then i am trying not to poke at the bruises too much.

[shiftingpath]

okay gross:

i’m at 24 days post-op and i’m out of my surgical binder as of the last few days. my nipples have had kind of a thick crust on the center and i just poked one and it... burst? like the crust shed off and... just so much goop came out from underneath. thankfully i expected something like this from other people’s accounts of their experiences but somehow that was just a lot more goop than anticipated. wondering if the other will do it too eventually...

god sometimes bodies are so gross. future top surgery hopefuls: your nips are gonna do weird and gross stuff for awhile

[shiftingpath]

one year ago, right at this moment, i was getting greeted by the nurses at the McLean Clinic. i got changed into a hospital gown and some wool slippers and they checked my blood pressure (skyrocketing, maybe from puking so much the night before), and used a ruler to draw the plan in purple marker on my chest. @skeptictankj was with me holding my hand right until they put me in a wheelchair and moved me into the operating room, then strapped me onto the table. the nurse was so friendly and sweet and guided me through as she put the needles in and gave me the breath mask. 

waking up was probably one of the worst experiences of my life, followed by the several weeks of consistent vomiting, but since then, everything has been so weird and strange and amazing, i can’t regret even the really gross parts even a little. look! i have nipples. i had them before but i really didn’t like to acknowledge the fact. now they’re just. a part of me. it’s all a part of me, and sometimes it’s almost hard to remember nearly a decade of binding and hiding, of massive dysphoria attacks. boob sweat; goodbye. all that pain and anger and sickness; goodbye. i’m going to get it all tattooed and maybe i’ll get my nipple pierced and i’m going to show myself the fuck off.