also while i’m at it i wrote a bunch of lines to use as a stunt in my Mirror Flag play if you might like to read them:
basically the play is the story of an upright Magistrate who loves the law, who has been pursuing the criminal mastermind Thorn-in-Roses across the country for years. (the Magistrate was originally a female character but Manus thought it would get the point across better if he played her so chose to change her gender over crossdressing on stage.) Thorn-in-Roses is wily, brilliant, manipulative, and intensely alluring to the Magistrate, who is just as much a criminal genius as she is, but spends his life suppressing his base urges to profit off others, devoting himself to keeping the law instead.
as Thorn-in-Roses dances through a glittering array of parties, robbing a glittering array of nobles, the Magistrate follows a few steps behind. the only way he can head her off in the end is by committing a spectacular crime himself; Thorn-in-Roses is captured, her ill-gotten gains seized and returned. the mastermind goes to her execution serenely, knowing that the Magistrate has done the one thing he swore to her, over the course of their long dance, that he would never do, and she leaves behind not a triumphant enemy but a partner in crime.
watching as Thorn-in-Roses is led to the block, the Magistrate muses alone:
She knew. That in my heart, a thorn would grow
And bloom- roses upon roses upon…
It poisons me. And now I see the world
As she did; a pocket ripe for picking.
On each unguarded hand a ring unwatched,
The weakness of each man; surveyed, assessed.
A trap, temptation, baiting me to act
Throw off the law and be again as she-
Vigilant and viceful, Thorn-in-Roses
Living on in me, starving, hungry, strong.
The trusted shepherd to his sheep a wolf.
How many iron gates must I create,
Before my flock is safe from me once more?
I wall my heart and walk, a man asleep.
I blind my eyes and bind my errant hands
And pray I may ignore the biting thorn.
Pray that the law will be enough for me;
Hack back the strangling vines that grow unchecked.
The law remains, upholds, endures, and yet
It is my heart that strays. It is my heart.
My Thorn-in-Roses, gone but never gone;
Now every face to me a mirrored one.
[THE MAGISTRATE hangs his head and exits, defeated.
Angela only wants to finish her work in peace and finds comfort in one of her favourite bars. After too many drinks, she accidentally calls the wrong person to come pick her up.
Hi friend! Gayzer Team (Specifically Hagan/Zach) if you're interested: Hagan confronts Zach after he returns from time at home with bruises. Basically, Zach's dad is abusive and Zach doesn't fight back. Hagan comforts Zach. Fluff, angst, & hurt/comfort. <3
Home wasn’t where the heart was.
Summary: If only he could heal bruises like he healed hearts.
Weekends became hell and training became paradise. Home wasn’t where the heart was, it was where the yelling, screaming, and the pain came from. He had been able to hide it for so long. He took it all in to only unleash it during football or his heroic training.
This time was a different story. His eye had been bruised black and blue, and lingered by the time he returned to the base.
“Shit,” he swore as he looked at himself in the mirror of his private bathroom. He pressed a cloth soaked in cold water against his eye.
“Hey Zach! Glad to see you back,” Hagan shouted as he walked casually into Zach’s room. He turned to see Zach in the bathroom, panicking . “You okay? Got hurt?”
“Yeah, you can say that,” Zach sighed as he took off the towel to reveal the damage. It didn’t take Hagan very long to catch on. He had cases of domestic abuse in his earlier years.
He was no longer in that authoritative position to pursue a case, even though the proof stood right in front of him.
“God, fuck,” Hagan cursed as he pulled Zach into his arms. He cupped the back of his, feeling his hair between his fingers. He squeezed him a little.
“I’ll be alright,” Zach said. Hagan pulled away to look into his eyes. Zach could see the littlest bit of tears forming in his older eyes.
“No! God, fuck, no! You’re staying with me from now on,” he told him. “I won’t let anyone, ever lay a hand on you like that again.”
Slowly but surely, Hagan saw the bruises on his arms, on his legs, and on his back. Old and new. His hands trembled as he touched them, as if Zach was porcelain himself.
The delicacy of Hagan’s hands made him cry. He curled himself into Hagan’s body and let the emotions he had been holding in for so long, free. Hagan let him until he was dried out. He took deep breaths as he let himself rest in Hagan’s arms.
“Can you stay the night?” Zach mumbled into his chest. Hagan was already drowsy from laying in the bed for so long.
“Well, at this point I was going to stay anyways. But for you, always,” Hagan promised. He let Zach take his place next to him. His face blotchy and red from crying. “I’ll be your shield.”
Turnwood
GTA Alternative Universe | Angst
He waited for her like waiting for rain in the drought stricken city. She was bound to come back to bring life to his shriveled heart.
Summary: Ray watched his cell phone buzz on the night table. Watching the light for his voicemail light up. Maybe he wasn't under the influence this time. He was wrong. TW: Reference to Substance Abuse (Drugs + Alcohol)
The room spun around like a carousel around his head. He held onto the rim of the sink, feeling the cold ceramic in his hot hands. He saw the faucet zoom in and out of vision. He turned on the cold water and splashed some on his face. It shook his system a little but not much at all. How many did he drink? Six? Seven? Eleven? He didn’t remember, and it might’ve been the last thing on his mind. His jeans felt too tight and his hoodie was making him sweat. What time was it? Midnight? Later? Earlier?
Where’s Ray? Did Ray even show up that night? JJ leaned against the wall, going through his pockets for his cell phone. The light was bright and he searched for any messages. Nothing. Was he still in the bar? He decided he should go go back. He wanted his Ray beside him at that moment. He wanted his stability to hold his hand and bring him home. He wanted to apologize for not being next to him.
He stumbled out of the bathroom. He thought if the hallway was always that long and if the stairs back up to the bar were so steep. Was his shoelace untied? He finally made it back up, going through the crowd of people. Was it him that smelled like that? He sniffed his sweater and the stench burned his nose. It felt great but the mix wasn’t doing him any good.
“Ray?!” he shouted. No reply. The music was too loud anyways but he tried a few more times. Finally, he walked out of the bar. Feeling the cold air against his skin. He saw a pair of red sneakers from across the street. Was it Ray? He couldn’t tell. Cab. He needs to call a cab. He needs to get home. He’ll call Ray up when he’s home. Home is where he needed to be.
“Where would it be kid?” the taxi driver asked. He said his address. Or did he say Ray’s? He doesn’t remember. His heart is beating quickly in his chest as he watches the battery to his cell phone die. God, he was in love with Ray. He was giggling to himself.
How did he get into his apartment? The bed looks comfortable, but there’s no Ray in it to share it. Oh, God, Ray. His face filled his mind and he could almost feel him beside him. He could almost remember when he first kissed Ray. Alone at the office. Ray tasted like Dr. Pepper. Ring Ring Ring. No answer.
“Hello Ray, this is JJ, just thinking about you, call me back okay?”
He’ll call back in five minutes. Tick. Tock.
“Hello, Ray? Yeah, it’s me again. … Just, call me back okay? I miss you.”
A smoke might be forgiving as he waited for him to call back.
“Ray, I miss you a lot. The bed’s not the same without you.” Click.
Ring ring ring. His heart almost came out of his throat when he answered his phone, almost pulling the charger out of the wall.
“JJ?” Ray’s voice on the other end.
“Yeah, hey, sorry,”
“You never call. Are you high again? Or drunk?”
“Yeah, no, I mean, a little,”
“Why do you only ever call me when you’re high?”
“I-I don’t know. I need you here. Really.”
“Yeah, you do.”
Ray hung up. He’s been doing that a lot lately. He couldn’t blame him. He needs to sleep anyways.
Why does it smell like coffee? His head is spinning again but it’s making him sick and his stomach is doing back flips. He should get up though. The blinds were tightly shut so he was thankful for the lack of sunlight creeping into his room. It’s a Sunday and he should be going out for a photo shoot that afternoon. The camera was tucked out in the carrying case in the corner of the room. He had to charge the battery, he left it on last time. It would take a few hours.
“JJ, I hear you,” it was Ray. His voice could soothe his spinning head. His body didn’t want to get up with his head. Ray entered the room with a glass of water and some Ibuprofen. JJ turned onto his back and forced himself to sit up straight. Ray’s hand on his back is comforting as he gave him the pills and the glass. “Relax now. No need to rush.”
The pills helped of course, so does the mug of coffee that Ray prepared.
Ray doesn’t stick around for long. He’s gone by noon. JJ was left to heal and shower by himself. Maybe next weekend will be different. He lit a cigarette as he walked out of the apartment complex with his sunglasses on. He’ll eat later. After this shoot.
Ray was on his mind like a disease. He made a fool out of himself last night, on the phone. Ray came over again and took care of him. Did Ray care? Was he losing Ray forever? He shouldn’t think like that but his grip on Ray was slowly disappearing. Ray wasn’t one for Saturday night parties with two bottles of tequila. He rather be at home having a soda while playing a video game. He had brought him out before. A night or two. He would order Sprite or Coca-Cola while JJ had a few beers or more. He was high before they got there. Ray hated the smell as much as he hated JJ’s cigarette habit.
JJ loved Ray. He loved his face. His quirky personality and how friendly he was. It was like the sun falling for the moon and by god, he wanted him to warm his face. He could kiss him every day if he could but Ray didn’t like the taste of tobacco. He would chew gum for half an hour, until his tongue burned so he could kiss him. Then Ray would get lost in him and he forgot that he was kissing smoking JJ.
A kiss turned into sex, in Ray’s apartment on Thursday night. Completely sober. Not a drop or hint of substance in his veins; only lust. Their skin mixed in shades of cafe lattes. Ray’s touches were needy and he replied to every, last, one, of his desires. He wanted to hear Ray call his name. He wanted to feel Ray’s back arch under him. His glasses were no where nearby and he could see his brown eyes almost turn into his head. No tattoos, no scars tainted his skin. Only his teeth can leave non-permanent marks along his neck. He would make his own tattoos on his skin.
He felt like he was in a dream, waking up to Ray next to him. Naked. Vulnerable. Just the way he liked him. His skin was hot and he hoped it stayed that way around him.
“I’m going out tonight.”
“You have to be up in the morning, be home early,” Ray warned him as he watched JJ get dressed that evening. Leather jacket draped over his shoulders over a band t-shirt. He felt sharp. Ray was on the sofa, casually playing a game on JJ’s Xbox.
“Yeah, sure,” JJ replied. The air was cool when he walked out of the complex to meet his friends at the bar. One drink. Two drinks. Two smokes. Six drinks. He should go back home to Ray now. Did Ray go home? Or was he waiting for him? Maybe he should call. Maybe he should call.
“Hello? Ray? You home?”
No answer. Was he asleep? Maybe he’s alone, he should invite him out. It’s not too late. They can for for another hour or two.
“Ray? Want to come out with me?”
Nothing.
“Hey, Ray, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for this. I’m sorry for waking you up. I’m really drunk right now. I’m coming home okay? I’ll call a cab. …”
He picked up. JJ had sweat dripping down the side of his face despite the cool air of the night. People were passing him on the sidewalk as he spoke loudly.
“It’s three am. JJ, why do you only ever call me when you’re drunk and high? Am I only worth that much to you?”
“N-No! No! Ray, listen to me, you mean the world to me. I-I should call more often! I promise I will. I’ll call every day…”
“Just, come home,” Ray replied.
“I am.”
He hung up and ran in the middle of the street to catch a cab. Almost getting hit a few times. They honked at him. A drunkard in the streets. What a sight to see. He was able to get one, finally.
He ran up the stairs. Almost slipping on a few steps. The stairs weren’t responding to his needs. Was the door unlocked? Did he take off his shoes? It’s his house anyways. Ray was in bed, sitting up and looking at his phone. He was yawning. JJ threw that leather jacket across the room and wrapped his arms around Ray. Ray smelled of mint. He smelled of beer and cigarettes. For that night, it didn’t matter. He was drunk. He wouldn’t remember it in the morning. Did Ray always sleep naked? Say my name.
Ray took it. Any ounce of love from JJ was worth it. Needy JJ was his favourite. How clumsy he was. How sensitive he was. How he left more lubricant on his hand than his dick. How there was now a slimy handprint on his white wall. They have work in the morning. They have to be up in two hours. Maybe call in sick? Can’t. Ray has that thing he does.
JJ is losing Ray. Ray isn’t responding. They don’t kiss as often. Hold on harder. Maybe he won’t go out anymore. Maybe he should give it up. Toss his packets of cigarettes in the garbage and clean up his look. No. Keep the leather jackets and band t-shirts. Ray seems to love that. He hated any substance. He’ll clean himself up. He’ll love him more. Love was important. Love was magical when his mind didn’t spin or his heart didn’t beat harder than the drummer in his favourite band. Love was more than phone calls at three in the morning he didn’t remember making. He did remember Ray always being there for him when the nights were fogged up like the VIP room at the bar. His senses heightened though and touching Ray was like touching a physical dream. A dream of dark skin and black hair. A dream that was reality. Reality wasn’t like a dream, he couldn’t make Ray like his tastes. Ray loved him, but love was dying when the only thing keeping him around was when the house phone was unplugged and service sucked inside the bar. His voice sang through the receiver like a phone sex operator. Ready to please.
He was running out of time. The clocks ticked down until Ray was leaving. He’s going to pause those clocks for one night. Drain the tequila down the sink. Throw the evidence down the toilet. He’ll kiss Ray with the sober lips he dreams of. He’ll take Ray and say those three words he couldn’t say when his blood was clear. Maybe he’ll stay. He wants him to stay.
“Why'd you only call me when you're high?”
Love was more. He needed more. He had to give more to receive more. Ray. Please. Answer me tonight. Answer me when it’s all gone. I’m giving it all up for you. Stay with me. Ring ring. Don’t leave me to talk to your robotic voice on the answering machine. It’s a machine. A machine that had captured your voice in thirty seconds.
“Why'd you only call me when you're high?”
I’ll call you tonight.
Ring ring. Ring ring.
“Hello? JJ?” Ray answered first try. “Hey, you alright?”
Summary: Now boarding Group 3 on United Airlines flight 505 to London Heathrow Airport.
Based on: 505 by the Arctic Monkeys
There was nothing he wouldn’t do for his best friend. It could be four in the morning and he would be scrolling down the pages to book a flight for the United States to leave in two days. He buzzed him, half an hour in midst of sleep, to tell him that they were going to do a filming with the Phantom in the deserts of Texas and it wouldn’t be the same if his B wasn’t there beside him. He sighed and told him he’ll check the list of flights and he’ll do his best.
He knew that his best would be unable to fall to sleep and he would be on his laptop in the darkroom clicking the selection that would leave from London to Austin. No matter what seat was left, he would buy it.
The months in between seeing each other pulled on his heartstrings like a guitarist playing music. There was the gap of their careers and his months back home to rest were found in the Austin sunshine running around the Rooster Teeth office, following Gavin by the hand and what project he was needed for. Not that he minded, the way his green eyes light up at his visiting was more than just worth the plane ride. He would smile back, just as hard, feeling his heart tighten up in his chest when he let go.
It had been years his heart hadn’t beat a normal rhythm. Even hearing the gun shots in the deserts of the Middle East couldn’t compare when he looked at him. His heart grew and grew and he believed Gavin felt the same. Dan loved to believe that whenever Gavin’s thigh touched his there was an electric spark between them.
Oh had he wished there was some kind of sign from the stars that Gavin felt the same, and in his imagination he would drift that Gavin waited impatiently for him to arrive in the late hours of the night, with his hands fumbling under the sheets with his name escaping his lips and into his pillow. He could only wish it was happening the same time as him. Under the sheets that they would spend hours draped over their shoulders as they play video games in his room.
His bags were packed and he left for the airport to catch the 5:05am plane to Austin. His heart beating hard in his chest as the screen in the back of the chair declared he would be there by noon. Gavin would be waiting for him at the Arrivals like he always did. It would be like they were never apart to begin with.
He couldn’t sleep on the plane, his head spun with thoughts that it was about time he finally said something. He’s been meaning to say it for years but he could never find the words until this time. This one time in the middle of a spring day in April. The start of something new. He arrived at the airport with the sun shining through the glass windows and his blond best friend running into his arm. He gripped on hard around his waist. He was light but he was small.
“B, hey, can I tell you something?” he started in the middle of the airport.
“I want you to meet this girl, she’s beautiful,” Gavin interrupted. Dan was at lost for words and all what he thought about shattered in front of him. The taxi ride to the office and meeting everyone felt different. He felt like he was walking into a haze.
He hadn’t met her yet and he didn’t know if he ever will. Gavin will continue to look at him with big green eyes of wonder in excitement and it no longer brought him joy, but it brought him misery. There was never anything but false hope.
“C’mon B! Shoot the egg!” Gavin cried as he held the pistol in his hands and concentrated on his projection. He pulled the trigger and felt his hand shake upwards. It was a perfect shot, as expected. Dan got up to see the mess of yolk and shells across the grass. He walked up to Gavin and stood beside him to see it in slow motion. The warmth that Gavin off as he laughed at the moving mess could kill him in that moment. He wanted to reach out and kiss his lips but he backed away. He wasn’t going to let Gavin get to him anymore.
He still loved him, despite him ripping his heart out of his chest and smiling like nothing happened.
So when Gavin came home early one night after a night out with the girl and cuddled up with him in his bed, he didn’t push him away. No. He welcomed him with his arms wide open to comfort him after the alcohol made him say something he regretted.
“Hey B?” Dan whispered. Gavin grumbled. He was still awake and partially conscious of what he was going to hear. Dan swallowed his fear as he stared at Gavin’s face. It was absolutely beautiful.
“I just want to tell you, that I love you, I’ve loved you for years,” he said. His voice cracking to a higher pitch. He closed his eyes and waited to hear the words fall from Gavin’s lips.
They never came, and Gavin’s green eyes pierced and twisted through his heart with his silence. Eventually, Gavin fell asleep. Dan was still wide awake, feeling the warm breath upon his face. It smelled of alcohol. He wanted to reach out and push the bangs out of his face but he didn’t dare.
He woke up early the next morning, creeping out of his bed without disturbing his guest and packed his bags. He was to leave in the evening.
Gavin had him wrapped around his finger and he couldn’t shake him off, nor did he want him to leave. He felt the collar around his neck like a dog being loyal to his owner. He owned his mind and body. A simple tug was the only thing he would do to get him back at his feet or at the airport in Austin. He was digging for something, anything, deep inside Gavin’s chest if there was anything for him. With his hands and knees hurt from crawling, there was nothing to be received.
It would be Gavin bringing him to the airport. Alone in the taxi. It rained that evening and it reminded him of home. Rainy old England. Gavin didn’t say a word and he didn’t expect him to. Maybe he remembered or not. He was playing Russian Roulette with words and blanks were more comforting than meaningless English vocabulary that could kill him with a vowel or two. His hands were tight around the straps of his duffle bag that he used for luggage. His fingers were cramping but the pain distracted him from Gavin.
“I’ll see you in a few months again B,” he forced a smile as they walked together in the airport. His voice could barely be heard over the intercoms and people talking but he was loud enough for Gavin to hear.
“Yeah, keep in touch,” Gavin replied. They turned away from each other to look at a sign or at their shoes, anything but each other’s eyes. Dan just wanted to run through the airport. Roaming around aimlessly waiting to board his plane was better than the awkwardness between the too. He gulped as he caught Gavin’s eyes.
Gavin took a step forward and kissed his cheek. “Goodbye B, until then, I guess.”
“Yeah, goodbye,” Dan said. His head was in a jumble of nonsense. Gavin smiled. He smiled with teeth that could only make Dan smile back as well. They waved before Dan took his bag in his hand and walked towards the ticket booth. He let out the breath he was holding in. His chest hurting from the beating and his tight lungs.
He wanted to yell and scream from confusion. He didn’t love him yet the kiss shocked his system like a lightning storm. Gavin Free didn’t love him back. There was a girl.
He imagined him laying in bed that night, with his hands around himself, taking deep short breaths between thrusts. Thinking about his new girl like she was the winning lottery of a future bride. A smile right across his face when he thought of the dark beard that tickled his lips instead. Of the man that he shared a life with since before the fame and glory. Maybe he was worth a moment or two instead. Just, maybe his name would escape his lips instead of hers.
Now boarding Group 3 on United Airlines flight 505 to London Heathrow Airport
Photobooth (Cup your mouth to compress the sound.)
JJ/Ray
Angst | Smut | First Time | Songfic
Summary: Sometimes, opposite attraction wasn't real, the sex was awful, and Friday nights weren't made to drink until your liver hurt.
Based off the song: Photobooth by Death Cab for Cutie
The sun burned their already dark skin as they laid in the grass in front of the office. It was too nice and hot outside to stay cooped up in the office. Ray had his arm over his head to shield his eyes from the sun. He didn’t have sunglasses like his friend next to him. JJ had come to him about an hour ago to go outside while he smoked. Ray agreed and a smoke turned into a few laughs and taking advantage of the beautiful summer sky. The cigarette smoke that lingered burned his nose but he didn’t care. All that mattered that for the first time in a long time that his heart had slowed down to a relaxed pace. JJ might’ve fell asleep, he couldn’t tell when he had his arms crossed under his head and dark sunglasses over his eyes. His cell phone buzzed violently in his pocket and he decided that it was best to go back inside. They had work to do. He stood up and lightly kicked his friend and told him to wake up. JJ mumbled and soon got off his feet and brushed off the grass off his sleeves.
It had probably began at a company barbeque that Burnie had arranged at the beginning of July. They were arguing about which movie was better for a date and it had turned into just quarreling about anything the other said. JJ was coming undone as he drank beer after beer and Ray was unable to keep things going when JJ was using terminology that he only thought he would hear from Gavin.
They would fight every day after that, about anything. JJ would comment on Ray’s three teaspoons of sugar in his coffee and it blow out into how it was perfectly acceptable to drink half coffee and half milk. JJ called it a macchiato but Ray knew it was a latte. It would end without a co-worker walking into the kitchen and soon they both forgot why they were fighting. They went back to their desks and JJ would remember he forgot to get his Red Bull and Ray realized he never put milk in his coffee.
“You two sound like a married couple,” Michael joked as he watched Ray walked in the office after lunch. Ray laughed it off and said that JJ just knew how to get under his skin.
Soon enough, there was the thrill he looked forward to when he would go to the kitchen and JJ would follow or he would be there waiting for him. They shared a smile before Ray would reach into the fridge for his drink.
“So, I heard you liked the new Halo, I can disagree,” JJ said from behind the door. Ray smirked and closed the door. JJ was smiling at him.
“You really want to start?” Ray asked.
“Always,” JJ urged.
JJ spoke,loudly and proudly, like he was happy with his arguments but everyone knew that Ray would always be in the win when it came to his favourite games. No matter how seamingly dumb his arguments sounded, he loved to urge on Ray and see him get angry and make a fit over how JJ knew nothing about video games.
JJ ended up dragging Ray to the bar with co-workers that Friday night, saying how he didn’t get out of the house often enough and that there was more to life than beating his game for all the achievements. Ray protested but there he was, chugging down pop like he was able to get drunk off the sugar. The music was too loud and he wish he could find someone to drive him home. If they weren’t drunk by then.
“Hey, Ray, this place has a photobooth, let’s take a picture together,” JJ drunkenly told him as he grabbed him by the sleeve. Ray could smell the beer on his breath and tried to hold him up. It was beyond ridiculous and he hoped he could find Michael or Joel to drive him home. “Just one picture, then I won’t bother you anymore.”
Ray let JJ take him away from the music and everyone else. At first, he thought JJ was lying but down the steps into the basement of the bar was a working photobooth. It was old and the curtain was old and had flowers on it. He estimated that it was from the seventies and landed there through time travel. JJ threw him onto the chair and pulled the curtain closed. The space was small and Ray was at the edge of the seat with his back against the corner. JJ squeezed in next to him and pulled out a few dollar bills out of his pocket to feed it into the machine. Ray tried to get more legroom and his toes barely touched the ground from how high the stool was.
Right before JJ put in the last bill, he turned around and kissed Ray. Ray was taken aback and thoroughly disgusted by the taste of beer but JJ himself was intoxicating. A bright white light flashed as it took the picture. It was the most uncomfortable place to do this but JJ held onto the wall as Ray slid upward with JJ. The kiss was hot in the small space as JJ’s chest was merely centimeters from Ray. The camera flashed again. Ray was tired of slipping and it took some of his strength to claim his stool again and pull JJ onto his lap. JJ gripped onto Ray’s t-shirt as he tasted Ray’s sugar tainted tongue against his. The adrenaline of being caught filled Ray’s mind and it only urged him to continue to kiss JJ with the same pleasure he had arguing with him. JJ pulled away just as the last flash lit up their faces.
“Come home with me,” JJ whispered. He said those word with a seriousness that made Ray question whether if he was really drunk or not. They untangled and left the booth and Ray made sure to take the pictures with him. They snuck away from their friends and left the bar. JJ pulled out a cigarette and a lighter as the heat of the summer night tickled their skin. Ray looked at JJ at how he sucked in the tobacco and blew it out into the air. Ray could almost gag at how it’ll taste but his mouth salivated for the taste of JJ again. Once their cab arrived, he squashed the filter under his sneaker before walking in.
His heart was beating a mile a minute as he reflected over what was going on. He was going to go back to JJ’s apartment and have sex with him. It was beyond anything he ever thought of but hell, did he look forward to it.
The clothes piled onto the ottoman and JJ’s possibly drunken state didn’t give them the urge or decency to bring it into the bedroom. JJ pressed Ray onto the sofa with his knee between his legs, rubbing the bump in his jeans. Ray’s back pressed against the sofa as JJ was eager to please, he fumbled with his belt buckle and pulled JJ’s tight black pants to the floor. JJ’s mouth went down to Ray’s shirtless shoulders and bit hard, causing Ray to cry out in paint and squirm against his knee. It only made things worse and JJ’s hot breath against his neck was one of the best feelings he ever felt in his life. Ray’s hands ran down JJ’s sides and down his hips to hold the twitching member in his hands. It was beautiful, to see the leather jacket clothed and rustic man melt into his arms. JJ held onto the wall as he thrusted slowly in and out of Ray’s hand. Ray slid lower down the sofa and cupped JJ’s ass as he took him in his mouth. The position was uncomfortable for his back but he enjoyed how JJ looked down at him as he moved his tongue around his shaft. His own dick twitched against the tight fabric and it was almost painful due to lack of attention. The only thing he could do was let go of JJ to unzip his jeans and let it free to touch himself as he sucked off JJ. It was only until JJ announced he was about to cum did he get off to run off to his room to get the lube and condoms. Ray watched JJ hold himself against the wall as he went into the bedroom. He let go of himself to run his hands through his hair. What have he gotten himself into? His heart beat hard in his chest and his mouth salivated as he heard JJ come back and saw him with the condom in his mouth and the half empty bottle of lube in his hands. He let JJ lube up his cock and settle on top of him. Ray jerked at the feeling of JJ around him. He didn’t even say a word and JJ was already moving in spastic rhythms. He gripped onto his thighs to try to settle him down but it was no use, he was panting and moving with him. He was already very sensitive so it didn’t take long for him to feel his orgasm on its way. He gripped onto JJ’s cock and ran his thumb over his tip. JJ was loud, and the sofa creaked under them with every thrust.
“Ray, I’m going to blow,” JJ warned in between gasps. Ray was relieved that he didn’t have to hold on any longer. JJ’s final thrusts left Ray in a blushing mess. JJ curled himself into Ray and he wrapped his arms around his waist, letting the aftershocks calm down. He kissed his shoulder as his breathing slowed down.
They awoke in JJ’s bed, clothes still on the ottoman. Ray was first to rise, preparing a glass of water and two pills for him. Ray had found an iPhone charger and sat near the window waiting for his battery to go up to at least 50% before plugging in JJ’s. He had twenty unread messages. Michael was one to notice he left with JJ while the rest were asking where he went.
Are you and JJ a thing now? - Michael Jones
I guess so, he replied. He thought it over. It didn’t hurt. It shouldn’t hurt to be with JJ.
Congrats then bud. Hope things work out for you. - Michael Jones
He hoped so too. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard groaning from the bedroom and brought the glass of water and pills to him. JJ clumsily sat up and Ray presented him his hospitality. He gulped down the pills and water.
“You were great last night,” JJ commented.
“Thanks, you too,” Ray smiled. JJ’s hungover and sleepy face was adorable to Ray and he couldn’t bring it to him to feel slightly cheated out of good sober sex. JJ leaned over to kiss him. No tongue, just sweet love poured into the first kiss of the day.
JJ argued to walk Ray room despite feeling queasy and dehydrated. The sun was high in the sky as they walked out of JJ’s apartment. He slipped on his shades and took hold of Ray’s hand. They walked in silence as they both let their relationship sink in. This was no longer tension for half an hour at lunch time but a full-time emotional investment. Ray tightened his grip onto JJ’s hand and JJ did the same.
They were like light and dark. Ray couldn’t keep up with JJ’s drinking and smoking habits as much as JJ couldn’t stand Ray’s enjoyment of sitting indoors on a Friday night. Ray would leave his door unlocked on Friday nights when he refused to leave in a fit, knowing well that JJ would find his way into his bed. Ray would give in and have drunken sex with him. He would grip onto JJ as if he didn’t have ten shots of tequila in his blood.
Ray hated himself as he lit a cigarette one lazy Sunday morning while JJ was still asleep. He sat on his balcony in his boxers and fiddle with the lighter as he took a short breath to light it up. In one puff he coughed and almost choked on the fumes. He was half way done when he threw it over the railing and went inside to brush his teeth and gargle away the taste. He wanted to get on JJ’s level but he couldn’t reach. He would stick to his pop instead.
Seven months had passed and Ray felt emotionally exhausted of being with JJ. He tried. He really did. They had sober sex more than twice and he agreed to go out with JJ on more outings. His introverted-self could only burn so much on a Friday night of JJ making out with him in the photobooth they familiarized with. He could only deal with the music for so long until his body begged to go home.
“Can we go home early tonight?” he asked JJ as he chugged down another beer. Ray had his Coca-Cola in front of him. Slight diluted from the ice cubes.
“In half an hour, I promise,” he replied as he ordered another beer. JJ took Ray’s free hand and kissed it, sending shocks into Ray’s system that maybe he meant it this time. Half an hour turned into two in the morning and Ray was calling a cab to go back to his apartment with a drunk JJ hanging off his shoulder.
Ray didn’t sleep that night. The roomed smelled of sex, cigarette, and disappointment. Were they in love? Or was it the chaos of their different worlds colliding into one? Whatever it was, never had JJ said those three words in the last six months and he could only give him false hope that perhaps one day he’ll get down to Ray’s level, just for a night or two. That he won’t drink or smoke. Never had it happened.
On the morning of the first snow of the winter season in early January had Ray packed his clothes and had not waited for JJ to wake up.He breathed in the fresh cold untainted air and felt his lungs exhale in happiness and his mouth savour the after taste of his coffee.He had no hand to hold on his way back and he believed it was better that way.
