i felt a deep, sick compulsion to make this brochure, and then i spent like four hours on it, so now you have to see it. putting my UX/UI training to work, i guess?
if this makes you laugh, please check out Araj Oblodra's Plasma Donation Center by @patheticfangirl, you're gonna love it. mar is so talented and has brought so much joy to my life.
note that there's images and a clickable prototype, lol.
A list of everything I am currently writing and have written. Starts with Bloodweave, ends with the other weird shit.
Bloodweave Fics
Ongoings:
N/A
---
Complete Works (100k+ words):
Barely Skating By (167k)
Rating: E
Modern AU. Angst and Humor, Hurt/Comfort. Being turned into a vampire ruined Astarion's acting career, and now the only role he can get is in Andrew Lloyd Webber's Starlight Express. The show's nerdy train consultant helps him create a life worth living.
---
Destructive Natures (160k)
Rating: E
Astarion Regrets Ascending. Angst/Whump/Character study. Post-canon set in Waterdeep. They make each other much worse before they make each other better. Full of angst and bad decision-making.
---
Hot Mess (150k)
Rating: E
Hot Sauce AU. Satire. Imagine Hot Ones, but it's hosted by Cazador. Astarion is his social media-addicted sidekick who desperately needs to quit his job. Gale is a stage magician who has never heard of the show before, but somehow ends up a guest. Come for the jokes, stay for the intrigue. Some smut but it's not the point.
Complete Works (50k+ words):
Araj Oblodra's Plasma Donation Center (90k)
Rating: E
500 years post-canon. Dark comedy. Ascendant Astarion is a loser and Gale is still simping for Mystra. Due to circumstances, they're forced to go on an adventure together. They finally grow as people, and true old man yaoi ensues.
---
Lovable Losers (72k)
Rating: E
Modern AU. Series of crack treated seriously, with more character development than is necessary and some mild hurt/comfort. Convicted felon Astarion and sad divorcé Gale get high on various drugs and go absolutely wild. Shockingly soft.
---
Wicked Wizards and Profound Wounds (65k)
Rating: M
Fun Times with the Necromancy of Thay. Angst/Happy Ending. Post-canon set in Waterdeep. Some asshole wants to complete the Rite of Profane Ascension, which would obviously kill Astarion. Gale can't let that happen, and things sort of... spiral. This one gets very angsty and some scenes are explicit, but it does round out with a fluffy ending.
Complete Works (10k+ words):
Defiled & Defiant (18k)
Rating: E
Hatefucking. Smut. This is a series and it's gross. Astarion and Gale hate each other but they keep having sex in grimy, preposterous ways that should make your skin crawl. They make each other worse and worse, and I honestly don't recommend this to anyone.
---
Magic at the Gathering (30k)
Rating: E
Juggalo AU. Filthy porn with feelings. Gale attends his first Gathering of the Juggalos and falls for a swindler named Astarion. Unfathomably American. No one asked for this.
---
Older and Bolder (24k)
Rating: E
True Old Man Yaoi with sprinkle of Angst. As the newest resident of Emerald Grove Retirement Village, Gale is there to sow his wild oats. Astarion is his glum, mean roommate with whom he begins to form a surprising connection.
---
Resurrection Man (40k)
Rating: E
Erotic Horror. Set in the 1820s. Gale is dying of a mysterious disease. As a man of science, he knows the only way to combat it is to study it, and the only way to study it is by examining fresh bodies. One of them is fresher than expected.
---
Trapped Eternal (22k)
Rating: E
Nightmare Fuel. Full Tragedy. The companions stop Cazador's ritual but fall in battle against him. Astarion and Gale are the only ones to survive, and they suffer under Cazador's control. Warnings for everything you can imagine and some things you can't. The dove is dead, don't eat it.
---
Weaveverse Extended (19k)
Rating: E
Modern enemies to lovers. Gale and Astarion are both fanfic writers, but Astarion uses AI because he's lazy. He winds up getting a book deal, and Gale begins losing his mind.
Complete Works (<10k words):
A Collision of God and Sin (1.5k)
Rating: M
500 years after the events of the game, Astarion runs into an old friend. Angst.
---
Bear Witness (2.5k)
Rating: E
Porn feat. Ascendant Astarion and Dark Consort Gale. Dark Romance. Halsin is a bearskin rug.
---
Bulette for My Valentine (4.5k)
Rating: E
Sex in a bulette hole. Cute smut. Post-canon set in the Underdark. Astarion has intimacy issues and Gale solves them with Power Word. It's sweeter than it sounds.
---
Butt Crack (1k)
Rating: E
Astarion and Gale are transformed into butt cheeks. It's crack about a butt. Butt crack.
---
Cerulean Orb (2k)
Rating: T
Comedy. Setting: Act I. The Orb is sentient and it's a silly little asshole. Bloodweave romance is just blossoming.
---
Cool Intentions (4.5k)
Rating: E
Soft smut. In the depths of the Grymforge, Gale is roasting. Astarion aims to cool him down.
---
Elixir Fix (4.5k)
Rating: E
Araj's potions turn Astarion and Gale into a gith and tiefling respectively. They enjoy the changes.
---
Equals in Defeat (2.5k)
Rating: M
Sad Sex. Tragedy. Astarion and Gale both ascended and made themselves miserable. As gods, they roleplay their former selves.
---
Feel the Burning Light (1.5k)
Rating: E
Ascended Astarion tortures spawn Gale for stepping out of line.
---
Flamin' Hot Lovin' (2.5k)
Rating: E
Cracky porn. Astarion and Gale are transported to the modern world, where they enjoy Flamin' Hot Cheetos a bit too much.
---
Foundry Boundaries (2k)
Rating: E
Cracky porn in which Astarion invents Sisqo's "Thong Song" in reference to Gale in the wavemother's robe.
---
Fugitive's Fire (1k)
Rating: M
Angst depicting Astarion's sewer ending.
---
In Queso Emergency (2.5k)
Rating: E
Cheese vore. Astarion gets turned into a wheel of cheese at the circus, and Gale eats the cheese.
---
Jellicle Slaps for Jellicle Chaps (2k)
Rating: E
Crack. Modern AU in which Astarion and Gale are members of the dance troupe for an off-Broadway production of Cats.
---
Kneed You Tonight (5k)
Rating: E
It turns out Astarion has a fetish for creaky knees. A kneejob results. Soft smut.
---
Let Not Light See My Black and Deep Desires (1.5k)
Rating: M
Horror in which Gale is certain they've defeated the Netherbrain...
---
Magic Grow Capsule (2.5k)
Rating: E
Feeling nostalgic, Gale buys a package of Magic Grow Capsules. One of them turns out to be more than he bargained for. Crack.
---
Mind Blank (<1k)
Rating: M
Gale is hit with a feeblemind spell, and Astarion stays with him. Angst/tragedy.
---
Mirror Finish (6k)
Rating: E
After killing Cazador, Astarion can't stop seeing his face. Psychological Horror.
---
Orbussy Dentata (3.5k)
Rating: E
Gale's Netherese orb is horny, and it has teeth. Horror/Porn.
---
Peep Show (4k)
Rating: E
Gale visits the realm’s worst peep show and ends up having the best night of his life. Smut/Humor.
---
Raptors Enraptured (6.5k)
Rating: E
Inspired by Jurassic Park. Gale turns himself into a velociraptor so he can closely study other velociraptors, like Astarion.
---
Romance Macabre (5k)
Rating: E
Sex and Bickering. Comedy smut. Setting: Act I. Astarion and Gale fight over who can have the Necromancy of Thay. They resolve the question by fooling around in front of horny ghouls.
---
Thrust by Thrust (3k)
Rating: E
The softest sex I've ever written. Very sweet. Each thrust gets is own paragraph, that's the gimmick.
---
Toe Balls (1.5k)
Rating: E
Gale has toes for balls.
---
Underdark Urges (8.5k)
Rating: E
Underdark hate fuck. Watch in horror as Astarion and Gale take in the Underdark's flora and fauna.
---
Unjuiced (2k)
Rating: E
Crack. Astarion and Gale meet at OJ Simpson World.
Holiday Specials:
Haunted House (6.9k)
Rating: E
Halloween. Deranged Haunted House Filth. Modern AU, based on the absolutely incredible Houses series by bluebeebalm.
---
Unleash Your Spirit (3k)
Rating: E
Halloween. Modern AU in which Spirit Halloween is a cruising location.
---
Fraught Cocoa (5k)
Rating: M
Christmas. Canon compliant. A magical hot cocoa packet sends Astarion and Gale to another world.
---
That Covetous Old Sinner (4.5k)
Rating: M
Astarion and Gale are paranormal detectives. In the latest incident, Astarion finds himself re-living Charles Dickens's "A Midwinter Carol."
---
The Santa Ascendant (4k)
Rating: E
Christmas. Modern AU in which Astarion murders Santa and becomes the Santa Ascendant. Gale works in a mall.
Non-Bloodweave Fics
Complete Works (<10k words):
A New Hand Touches the Beacon (1.5k)
Ship: Gale's Orb/Meridia's Beacon
Rating: E
The Skyrim crossover of the century.
---
Bathing Gortash (2k)
Ship: Gortash/Dark Urge Reader
Rating: E
Gortash is filthy. You bathe him.
---
Bloom Filter (2k)
Ship: Gale/Minthara
Rating: E
An experiment in the erotic potential of sussur blooms goes wrong.
---
Boots & Straps (4k)
Ship: Gale/Minthara/Lae'zel/Shadowheart
Rating: E
If Gale wants a magical boot, he’ll need to take some straps.
---
Crafted in the Shadows (2k)
Ship: Balthazar/Gale
Rating: E
When Gale crafts a shadow lantern, he catches Balthazar’s attention, but it isn’t his wizarding prowess that holds the necromancer’s interest.
---
Give and Take (a Shit) (2k)
Ship: Gen
Rating: M
In two very different moments, Astarion takes his last shit as a vampire spawn and his first shit as the Vampire Ascendant.
---
Good Dirty Fun (1.2k)
Ship: Stoney/Boney
Rating: E
In order to perfect Stoney’s nude statues, Boney takes his wife out to conduct some hands-on research.
---
Grym Fandango (1.5k)
Ship: Grym/Forge Hammer
Rating: E
Being the eternal guardian of the Adamantine Forge is a lonely task… until things get heated.
---
Hard, Bound, Gagged, and Uncovered (2k)
Ship: Gale/Necromancy of Thay
Rating: E
When he loses a dark amethyst, Gale’s orb convinces him to slot something else into the Necromancy of Thay.
---
It's Always Sunny in Faerûn (3k)
Ship: Gen, but referenced Minthara/Haarlep
Rating: M
An Always Sunny mashup.
---
Knowledge of the Flesh (4k)
Ships: Astarion/Balthazar, Astarion/Flesh
Rating: E
Seeking information about Cazador’s ritual, Astarion visits Balthazar. They come to an agreement.
---
Like Sand Through an Hourglass, Wa-heys of Our Lives (3k)
Ships: Astarion/Dribbles, Dribbles/Ilyn Toth
Rating: E
When Astarion cracks open the Necromancy of Thay, he becomes entangled with a red wizard and a clown.
---
Out of Hand (1.5k)
Rating: E
You are Durge. You kill Gale.
---
Res-Erection Fees (2.5k)
Ship: Withers/Reader
Rating: E
A resurrection costs 200gp, but you’re broke. Surely there must be another way to pay Withers…?
You have ruined me. I don't usually read AUs, and I certainly don't read AUs that are longer than a Lord of the Rings novel. But you wouldn't stop posting about 4LW. Now I'm halfway through and I can't stop, except for brief moments during which I pour myself a glass of tea and rethink everything I thought I knew about who I am and how I enjoy fanfic. So thank you?
I am glad you are enjoying it! <3 I had a similar reaction, this fic made me rethink a lot of tings about myself which was a complete surprise because?? This was supposed to be smut?! Not therapy?! haha <3
While we’re at it - I am happy that my (and not only mine, obviously) recommendation of this fic was good, but please, please show some of that love to the author, too! They are the real MVP here!
hey! i made a buffynatural server because i want to rewatch buffy with people and also i like to peer pressure people into watching buffy ! if it's been on your list this is your sign
there's no schedule as of yet, mostly because i want to do a poll of members to see what a good time/s might be, but i anticipate streaming once a week so it's a little something to look forward to, u know
here is the invite (no minors allowed though, sorry)
