I am apparently feeling emotional so I want to give a shoutout to friends, talented creators, and all around cool people who I am so grateful to have met. They have all been inspiring and just encouraging people and I absolutely love seeing them on my dash. They deserve everything
I know I haven’t talked to some of you much but I respect you all a lot, you’re all so great and so inspirational and I’m honored you’ve shared your ocs or art or fics
I DON’T KNOW WHY I NEVER REPLIED TO THIS... I’m so sorry, friend. I think all my followers know by now that I’m absolutely terrible at replying promptly. But thank u for your kind words about both me and my blog. :D
@pathfindersbutt replied to your post: @chaitea09 replied to your post: ...
youve never seen snow???? that’s so weird to me sorry omg :O i forget thats like, a thing.
Right? I can’t even fathom how cold it would be. Like, there’s this place in Sydney that’s an ice-themed cafe/club thing, but that’s the closest I’ve ever gotten to “snow”. I was 5 when I went there.
It does snow at the Blue Mountains (about an hour or so away from me) occasionally, but I’ve never been there when it has.
Seriously, there can be a flood in one place and a bushfire in another. Australia is weird.
Behold! Less than 24 hours after talking about shipping my OC with @pathfindersbutt ‘s OC and I’ve already gone overboard with a feelsy fic. The moral of the story here is that I love sadness and staying up late writing so I combined the best of both worlds so I can be sad and tired.
(fic under the cut)
“Skyhold.” Haleir looked up at the silhouette of the great fortress against the sun. “It’s bigger than I remember.”
The memories came in waves as he continued up the mountain. A drunk confession. A shared laugh and a snowball fight. A gentle, reassuring kiss in the dark.
It’s okay, hjärtat. You’re safe.
This place was filled with so many memories. So many painful memories. Haleir felt tears well in his eyes and he quickly brushed them away before he reached the gate.
The guards were polite, as if they knew Haleir was coming, and let him enter without any trouble. One even took his horse for him after he dismounted and took it to the stables. Haleir thanked the man and continued to the courtyard.
Skyhold was sunny and warm, but no amount of sun could cure the gloom that hung in the air here. Weeks had passes since Flynn’s death and the people here were still in mourning. His death had shaken all of Thedas, and without him Haleir doubted the Inquisition would last.
It’s what he would want.
Being here made it so much more real to Haleir. The sadness in the atmosphere, the empty looks on passerby’s faces, it made it all so real. Like a weight on his chest dragging him down into the depths of the ocean. With each step, his feet became heavier and harder to lift.
Some faces were familiar, but none were of friends. The funeral had been two weeks ago, about the time the messenger bird had made it to Riverhold. Everyone had left after to live their lives. Blackwall, Iron Bull, Cassandra, Varric, Vivienne, Sera, everyone. They were all living their lives. Even Cole had left to travel with a minstrel.
Haleir stumbled and nearly fell. His feet felt as if they were glued to the ground. It took many promises to motivate himself to move any further. Just one more step. Now another. Up these stairs. Through this doorway. Don’t look at anyone. Avoid the throne.
The throne. Even as he told himself not to, his eyes glanced up at it. The Inquisitor’s throne. Haleir could still see Flynn on it, passing judgements he never wanted to be responsible for in the first place. It took some effort to tear his eyes away from the throne.
Through the door. To the desk. Look up. Say something.
“Josephine.”
The Inquisition’s ambassador jumped in her chair and looked up. The dark circles under her eyes were the worst Haleir had ever seen them. The worry lines on her face seemed deeper. She was tired.
“Master Tralinson.” Her accent was heavier than usual, another sign of her fatigue. “I did not hear you enter the room.”
“It’s alright, Josie. You were working on things.” Haleir gave her a weak smile. “I’m not interrupting anything important, am I?”
“Not at all.” She stood up quickly and brushed down her shirt. “I was simply working on some paperwork. Things have gotten busier since...”
She trailed off and looked at the fireplace. After a moment, she took a quick breath in and turned her attention back to the Avvar.
“Well, never mind that. I assume you’re here to visit him?”
“That would be nice. I’m assuming he’s buried here in Skyhold?”
“He left not soon after. I fear he went north to Tevinter. Likely to hunt down the Venatori on his own.”
“I doubt anybody took the death as hard as he did.” Haleir looked around the garden. “I know what it’s like to lose family.”
“I heard about your loss. I am very sorry that you have to deal with pain of so much death so quickly.” Concern filled Josephine’s eyes as she turned her gaze to Haleir. “If there is anything you need...”
“It’s okay, Josephine. I’ll just need some time alone when we get there.”
“Of course.” The Antivan led the way a few more steps before stopping in front of a small sapling. “There is an official monument in the courtyard dedicated to the Inquisitor and everything he did to save us. But Varric and Sera said that this was a more fitting tribute. I thought this one might bring you more comfort.”
“Thanks, Josie.” He gave her a sad smile, then returned his attention to the sapling.
Josephine quietly excused herself, leaving Haleir alone in the garden with his thoughts.
“So. I finally come and visit you and you can’t even be bothered to be alive for it, huh? Geez what kind of boyfriend are you?” Haleir could feel the tears welling in his eyes. “It’s not as fun talking to a statue or a tree, asshole. You could’ve waited until I got here to die.”
Tears spilled down his cheeks and Haleir sat down with a heavy slump.
“You promised me you’d be okay, hjärtat. That you’d be safe while I was gone!” Haleir’s vision blurred with tears. “I wasn’t even gone a year, dammit!”
Haleir buried his face in his arms and sobbed.
When Haleir finally looked up from his arms, he wasn’t sure how much time had passed. The sun had definitely moved in the sky and the Avvar elf guessed he would be hungry if his stomach wasn’t so upset from crying.
He rubbed the remaining tears from his eyes and looked up at the tree. This was how his friends would remember him. A tree.
“I can’t decide if that’s stupid or touchingly brilliant but either way I want to punch something.”
Haleir sighed and leaned back, moving his arms behind him to support himself. And in doing so, brushed his palm against a leather object to his left that wasn’t there before.
He glanced to his side, seeing a small journal with the words ‘Flynn Lavellan’ written clumsily across the front. Someone had left this here while he had been crying.
One hand moved tentatively to touch the cover. Slowly, as if the book would bite if he startled it. He carefully picked it up and then moved to a cross legged position to read it easier.
It was well worn and filled with sloppy writing like that on the front. Some of it wasn’t even legible, but Haleir could make out a few lines like ‘this is prison’ and ‘I hate Skyhold.’ Both of which made the elf chuckle. Even when practicing writing, Flynn couldn’t help but talk about how much Skyhold sucked.
Haleir continued to rummage through the pages until he noticed something sticking out from between two pages near the back of the book. He flipped to that page and found a starling feather. It was flattened, pressed from being the book for so long. He picked up the feather to look at it and noticed how blank these pages were. There was only one sentence written here, in noticeably improved handwriting.
I am such a baby, I’m just lying here wearing as...
I will say you’re not a baby bc my poor Illinois body is also dying here lol
Oh good, I’m glad it’s not just me! I mean, I’m sorry you’re dying too, but it’s nice to know I’m not exaggerating lol. Why are alaskan houses like ovens?
Boy, oh boy, I’m so sorry this took me forever! Work has been exhausting and I kept bouncing between ideas and then one turned into fluff and I am totally NOT keeping that one to flesh out and write more mm mm noway not a chance
It’s just safe to assume that all my fics are under the cut so they take up less dash space tbh.
8. “Stay with me!”
“So. Are we not talking anymore?”
Haleir had been dreading hearing that voice. He sighed and gave his horse one more gentle brush before turning to look at Caleb.
The young templar’s dark circles were worse than Hal remembered. Pain and concern sent a pang through his chest and Haleir cursed himself for still caring.
“I’ve already said all I had to say.” Hal couldn’t bring himself to look the other boy in the eyes. Those dark brown swirls would just pull him right back into Caleb’s arms.
“And that’s it? I don’t get a chance to fix things? We can’t talk this out?” Caleb took a step into the stables. “Songbird, I--”
“Don’t.” Haleir ran a hand through his hair and gave Caleb the coldest look he could manage. “You don’t get to call me that anymore.”
“That’s all it takes? One sentence and we’re not even friends anymore?”
“One sentence?” Hal’s heart twisted in his chest. “That sentence said everything, Caleb! If you don’t understand why I’m so upset then I don’t think you ever will.”
“Oh sweet Maker, Haleir. I said I was sorry!”
“Sorry? Sorry?! You called mages dangerous weapons! You called the Inquisitor a fool for trusting them!” The Avvar wiped the tears from his eyes. “Is that really what you think of them? Of me?”
Caleb rubbed his temples and sighed. “That’s not what I meant. I just. I didn’t know you were there! Fuck. Look can we talk about this somewhere else? Somewhere private?”
“There’s nothing to talk about. You want to be like the other templars. You want to lock up mages and toss away the key, right? Well I’m a mage.” Haleir held his arms out in front of him. “Go ahead and lock me up.”
An armored fist slammed into the wooden support beam next to Caleb. “Dammit, Hal! That’s not what I want and you know it!”
“Then what do you want?”
“I want you to stay with me!” Caleb gave Haleir a desperate look, tears beginning to brim in his eyes. “Please. Stay with me.”
“You can’t pretend I’m not a mage, Caleb. If you hate mages, then you hate me. You can’t hate part of me and love the rest of me, that’s not how this works.”
Before Caleb could respond, Haleir spun around and stormed out of the stables. He wasn’t sure where he’d go, but as long as it was away from here, Hal didn’t care.
