Vague posting (badly) because I don’t want to get dogpiled in the original note nor do I want to seem like I agree with op or the critic because I don’t
Pathologizing and humanizing as opposites is a weird take and I don’t really think they are
I think what the OP took a harsh side and wording to a decent take
In the original post they talk about how pathologizing behavior is creating excuses and not accountablility, by showing two examples of an apology, one without mental health terminology that takes responsibility for actions, and one with out taking responsibility for actions and uses mental health terminology.
I don’t think that using it explaining mental illness impedes apologies when symptoms erupt and that’s where I agree with the OP. I disagree that they seem to believe that using professional terminology and or “pathologizing” one’s own behavior is incompatible with a proper apology.
I get what they’re saying though, we’ve had people in our lives that would constantly use their mental illness(es) to brush off abusive behavior and/or to continue abusive behavior while maintaining themselves as the victim if we stood up for ourselves.
I think a better way to frame the example with what we agree and disagree with (using op’s example) would be:
Excuse: I’m sorry I yelled, I have ADHD with RSD that makes me sensitive to criticism, don’t criticize me (or do anything I perceive as criticism) and it’ll be easier for both of us.
Apology: Hey sorry I yelled at you, I have ADHD which comes with RSD that makes me sensitive to criticism even if it is valid. I will try and step away next time and am working hard on recognizing when accepting criticism is too much for me.
Excuse makes it someone else’s fault and someone else’s responsibility
Apology recognizes wrongful behavior, and explains while still maintaining responsibility and/or a follow up to try to do better next time