A/N: Day 4 of Intruality Week. This time I wanted to write a fic that was had no dialogue which proved to be even more difficult for me than other forms of fic writing I have experimented with in the past. This will also be the first official fic of mine that involves the Sides "Internal Aspects". With that said, enjoy 💚🩵
Sidenote: Patton and Remus' internal Sides (Nessie and Altarf) are still in major development but I wanted to include them in this story to get a better perspective of their inner workings. Nessie Sanders is Patton's Intrusive Thoughts and mostly aids in Patton's self-destructive forms of indulgence. Altarf Sanders is Remus' Logic and helps with Remus' more strict creative projects.
Concept(s): (Implied) Patton and Remus talk to each other, Patton swears, Remus works on robotics projects, Patton works on pottery projects, First introduction of Nessie Sanders, First introduction of Altarf Sanders, Remus wants to be admired by the other Sides, Patton wants to indulge more
Pairing(s): Intruality
Prompt(s): Guilt | Repression
Synopsis: Patton and Remus talk to each other and their internal figments about how much they had been repressing themselves and why.
Trigger(s): Guilt, Repression, Intrusive Thoughts, Alcohol, Smoking, Drinking (Let me know if there are any more)
Word Count: 825 words
~~~
This was a special occasion for the two aspects of Thomas' personality. On a normal day, they wouldn't be caught dead talking to each other, let alone entering each other's bedrooms pretty much unprovoked. But that's what it's come to. The two of them sitting on Remus' bed, in the middle of the night. Patton was indulging in ways that he wouldn't outside of very rare circumstances. Drinking and smoking simultaneously was just… not what Remus would envision the moral facet to be capable of doing.
However, Remus sitting at a desk with reading glasses on was also something that Patton would never think he would see Remus doing either. The two of them were in a dilemma where one of their most suppressed being within them was finally getting reign over things. It was for better or for worse, depending on who they asked. But if they asked each other? It was a fucking nightmare.
Altarf would not stop setting Remus' expectations so low, as if his position as an facet of Thomas mattered anymore than it did to him as it did the others. He knew he had violent tendencies, spoke his mind without care of consequences and indulged in things that was unsavory to most. And that's how he had been all his life. Why should that change now? What was the need to water himself down? To become palatable. He wasn't Virgil or Janus. There was no way to make intrusive thoughts easy to deal with anymore than terminal illness.
But there was clearly a part of himself, a very loud yet equally silent part of him, that wanted to be noticed as more. More than just negative ideations. More than just the other half of another person. More than just… a nuisance that was replaceable. But how does he do that without losing all of his identity?
Patton's mental state wasn't much better but not for the reasons one would think. He wasn't in a depressive flunk. Nor was he in a angry induced state. But he was starting to want to indulge, like he had been wanting to do it his whole existence. Even if they weren't all unsavory in the ways that Remus usually indulged in, Patton wanted something more. More vulgarity. More complexity. More intolerant behavior. All the things that Nessie was bringing to front of his mind. More of… something that was not common for him to desire for even if for just a moment. But how would explain that to others without it being seen as another impostor situation?
The two were at a loss. These parts of themself could not be silenced anymore than they could be silenced by Thomas or the others. They had to compromise, find a middle ground. If that was even possible.
And for the first time, they talked. Not just passing by small talk. Not "Just for the video, please?". Not even a speaking to get rid of the stuffy atmosphere. They speaking their complete minds. Filters weren't demanded, sugarcoating was denied. Profanity was encouraged, outbursts weren't downplayed.
It was freeing, liberating in a way. They were finally able to talk to each other in the same way that the others said that they never could. Remus let every violent, lewd thought that came to mind find its place in their exchange of dialogue and Patton never told him to stop or to change the subject. Patton let his frustration out thoroughly, even if the terminology wasn't the kindest.
Then those aspects of themselves stopped fighting against their host, and in turn they were allowed to be a part of the conversation. Altarf explained that he wanted Remus to be taken seriously in a different way, that way the others could see his true potential rather than labeling him as irrelevant or that his opinions didn't matter. Nessie told Patton that he may have to make himself palatable for the camera but off-screen, the Sides didn't always need to get the nicest version of himself. The others were going to keep saying that he is somebody else until they see every side of him.
Patton and Remus agreed that they should step out of their comfort zones more, especially during the this time period where they are going to be interacting more with each other on more than a personal basis. For a brief moment, the two just sat in silence and considered if there was anything that needed to be said. Nothing seemed to come to mind for the two to discuss; everything that had frustrated them has been addressed. There was ill intent on either of them and they were for once able to be honest in each others presence like they had never been able to before.
There was nothing left to be guilty about. So they left each other stay where they were, fiddling with what they were working on prior to the others visit.
~~~
@intrualityweek
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