I just read that post about five facts about yourself. I always wondered whether you were as good a writer in Spanish as you are in English. I just always assumed you were, but now I'm curious as to why that is not the case. One of my Kazakh friends told me the same thing once. That she knew how to speak really well in Russian, but wasn't nearly as good of a writer in Russian as she was in English. She lamented this. So why is that the case with you?
This is a really, really interesting question.
English is my third language. Much like Italian, I picked it up in my early childhood, but unlike Italian, I've been using constantly it since I can recall. How did I learn English? I have no idea. Maybe it was a combination of video games, movies, books and my parents graduate studies, but by the age of 14, when my proficiency was "measured" for the first time, I was pretty much fully bilingual (I'd say trilingual, but I learned how to write Italian properly later in life).
To be fair with myself, I have no idea of how good (or awful) my Spanish writing abilities are, since I've rarely published my material, and I've only showed it to a few people, but I don't think it's anywhere as mature as my English writing (that is, by no means, perfect or anywhere near "great")
Spanish, much like English, is very easy to learn, but absurdly hard to master. When it comes to literature, one of the biggest differences I've encountered is that, to read Spanish language literature, mastering the basics and a set of "advanced" vocabulary is not enough (that's why I'm having such a hard time making that list I owe Rachel). Language variation is so sharp that being able to read a Chilean novel doesn't guarantee that you'll be able to read a Mexican or even an Argentinian novel. Some English language classics can be read by an advanced student without opening a dictionary more than a dozen of times. Try doing that with Borges' Aleph or Cortázar's Rayuela.
Second, and this is purely personal perception, Spanish in its everyday form is consistently more expressive than English. Not to say that English is, by any means, less expressive, or that I can't express such things in English, but there are things I can say in Spanish in a thousand different ways using common, everyday words that can only be said in one way in English without recurring to more complex and/or obscure words. I wish I could phrase this better, but, basically, in Spanish, there are things we can say a hundred different ways and still be understood by a preschooler, while in English, there are only two or three ways a child that age would understand.
English, to me, has been a practical expressive tool, and it works perfectly for me, for the way I write. I can be concise when I want to, I can be poetic, vague, even conceal meanings. That's something I can't do in Spanish the way I want, which takes me to the next point:
I feel I still haven't found my own literary voice in Spanish. That's my greatest issue.
All of the things I've written in English, no matter the style or genre, are full of my essence. People who have been reading my works for some time can recognise my writing easily, and I feel I've developed a personal style. With Spanish, I struggle to find a voice that is 100% mine. I find myself emulating others way too much, and I don't feel comfortable yet with any style in particular. I've been told to write about what I know, but I already know that advice is pure B.S., plus, I detest that fad of Venezuelan authors writing the way they (or their prospective audience) speak. My writing rarely touches the topic of national or local identity, and the last thing I want to write about, save for essays and political writings, is Venezuela, even though some of my stories are set here, and some of my characters are from here.
I write a lot in Spanish. Not as much as in English, though, and because of the nature of the content (deeply personal), most of it never sees the light of day. I give my best shots at writing essays and fiction, some poetry from time to time, but I feel it is so damn unpolished and ordinary it rarely becomes something more than a draft.
To make it short: I feel I'm way better at using English as an expressive instrument than Spanish at this point. I have developed a style in English I feel closer to me, and to what I want to write, and I'm very, very, very self-conscious about my literary Spanish.
