thoughts about being only good at art: (and even that's negligible) is that it seems like alot of other folks can ingest a piece of media and gain ideas from it. like, the gears in their heads turn and magic happens.
like, someone watches a show. plays a game. then they churn out amazing fucking art with story and dynamic poses and the characters have depth and they make everyone quiver relentlessly w/ skill,
i'm super unable to do that. i have, like, no fucking imagination. someone else can watch a movie, a film, go for a walk, they can absorb all of this stimuli and put it down in sketchbooks**, turn it into words, turn it into concepts for pieces, gain a visual library etc. i walk around and ingest media and take things so literally i don't see any inspiration in it whatsoever. sure, it's nice to look at, but god-fucking-damn if it isn't frustrating to see folks play some games and have amazing, beautiful, languidly poetic pieces and i'm just like 'ha ha yup' and draw someone's head.
so when i think about myself, who's only redeeming quality is that i make the occasional dick joke and can draw sometimes--when i can't draw and can't come up with ideas and concepts and translate that into something it's the worst fucking feeling because at that point i'm so fucking hopeless and scraping the barrel.
tldr i have no imagination and it fucking suuuuuuuuuuucks ass. it sucks literally my whole ass. every part of the ass. i wish i had the motivation to just join a fucking trade and be a car detailer for a living.
** i have yet to fill up a sketchbook ever, and i have no idea what to put in a sketchbook to this day btw. the end. also i fear going to school for art this coming sept because then i'll be hopeless and paying a school to help solidify that! nice.
also remember when that one 30-something youtuber i was into said he didn't just see me as a receptacle for art? lmao don't trust 30-something nerdy men. don't do it. trust me on this. cleanse them with fire.
oh also to add onto this (idk) let's say i have validation and awesome praise from someone, right? straight over my head. only penetrates my cold heart within 1 mm of my life. then bam, bounces off like nobodies business. get recognized by the official cod tumblr/r*? (hey that was pretty cool) i didn't even really care. people say my shit's cool all the time? awesome, i'm glad, but it doesn't make me any better and i know it's platitudes and my art is pretty shit. someone wants to pay for my art? (rare, only happened w/ 30-something nerdy boy) oh, uh, idk, maybe. i'm not that great and don't want people buying shitty stuff or wasting their hard-earned money on fucking crap. go buy a new air filter for your furnace instead. my art's crap.
