#pcndemoniums

[alwayshq]

would stefan be vampire or human?

Up to you !

[agelessrp]

reserving paul wesley for eliza <3

he’s all yours!! 

[weirdgirlfiction]

📔 + mikolaj + seeing israel again

send 📔 for a journal entry written by my muse

i saw him today.

i feel as though i am a human man again in his presence, weak and powerless.

this poison that runs through my veins every day, he put it there.

i hate him, and then i don’t hate him at all.

i can forget who i am with anyone else. not him. he brings me back, carves me out from stone.

i seek this death of self, this moral suicide, but with him, it doesn’t seem too terrible to exist.

i don’t want to see him again, but i know that i will.

one of these days he’ll make me feel alive. that is what i fear the most.

[weirdgirlfiction]

📔 + syd + having children

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i have never wanted children. some people are just not meant to be parents. i know this because i’d rather not have been born that have the parents i had. i think jay feels the same way. loving me will have to be enough for him. i can’t be who i am and have children. i choose myself. if i had the weak small thing, then i might love it. it’s a rotten feeling, love. there is only space for one weakness in my life, and i don’t want to be without jay. i’ll never have children, but it will bring me no joy to get rid of them.

[weirdgirlfiction]

📔 + jack + cheating

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i told eli i made a mistake, but i think he knows that’s not true. it was impulsive, yes, but i still chose to do it, more than once. it’s a decision i’ll regret forever because i did it without thinking about the consequences. it seems counterintuitive now to sleep with someone else because i wanted him back so badly and i wasn’t sure i’d ever have him again, because sleeping with someone else was very likely to do just that. make sure he never came back. i don’t know what i was thinking, or if i was thinking at all. it was very self-distructing. maybe i just wanted to make sure i was behind the wheel when we crashed the car.

i look at him now and i feel terribly guilty. i think i’ll feel this way for a long time, maybe forever. he forgave me for cheating, comparing that to his addiction, his own special kind of mistress. i don’t think it works like that. i’ll never tell him how wrong i think it all was because i don’t want him to look back and realize he made a mistake in forgiving me. there isn’t much i can change about what has been done. i just want to earn his trust and deserve his forgiveness now. i want him to love me again like he did before. is that possible? can you still love someone completely after they’ve hurt you? or is there a part of you that’s always wondering when they’ll hurt you next? i love him so much, i would never hurt him again. please god don’t let me hurt him again.

[weirdgirlfiction]

📔 + dan + the lori vs suri dilemma

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is it wrong to love two people at once? i don’t think i love them in the same way, but if i said i don’t love either of them, that would be a lie. i don’t think i’ve ever not loved suri. that didn’t stop me from falling for lori. i used to think because i don’t love lori in the same way that i do suri, that it meant i didn’t love her. that’s not true. for me, suri was always this troubled girl who needed me. maybe not as a boyfriend, maybe just as a friend, but she needed me in some way. and a part of me likes to be needed. lori never really needed me, but she wanted me in a way that suri could never want me. she never saw me as too much or too little. she wanted to build something solid with me. if it comes down to choosing, i know i should and would choose lori, because i still can help suri as a friend, but i want this something solid with lori. she is my rock. my best friend. i still don’t know what i’ll say to suri about it. she doesn’t want me, but i don’t think she’ll like it very much that i want someone else. things never make much sense with her. i just don’t want to hurt her. i don’t want to hurt either of them, but i don’t know how to do that.

[weirdgirlfiction]

ALL THE NUMBERS for our ships

1. most to least social (wants to be around people and do stuff more often)

philippe, jack, nate, vic, henryk, bass, dan, abby, lea, liam, roman, celeste,syd, miki 

2. best to worst kisser

bass, philippe, dan, miki, abby, roman, lea, jack, nate, vic, liam, henryk, syd, celeste

3. best to worst in a fight (causes the most damage)

philippe, henryk, celeste, miki, roman, syd, dan, bass, nate, jack, liam, abby, vic, lea

7. most to least violent (quickest to anger into physical fight)

philippe, celeste, roman, syd, abby, henryk, miki, dan, bass, vic, jack, nate, liam, lea

12. best to worst at flirting (easiest to pick up strangers)

bass, philippe, abby, roman, syd, henryk, vic, nate, miki, jack, lea, celeste, liam, dan

23. best to worst liar (least to most likely to get caught on a lie)

philippe, syd, bass, henryk, nate, roman, celeste, miki, abby, vic, jack, lea, liam, dan

24. best to worst with kids (who makes the best babysitter)

liam, jack, lea, nate, dan, vic, roman, miki, bass, philippe, abby, henryk, syd, celeste

26. most to least affectionate (pda!!!)

jack, nate, lea, bass, abby, dan, liam, roman, vic, miki, syd, philippe, celeste, henryk

27. best to worst temper

jack, lea, liam, dan, vic, nate, miki, henryk, roman, bass, abby, syd, celeste, philippe

28. quickest to slowest to say “I love you”

jack, nate, abby, liam, lea, miki, dan, syd, roman, vic, bass, philippe, celeste, henryk

[weirdgirlfiction]

📔 + henryk + mal of course

Send 📔 for a journal entry written by my muse.

henryk had tossed and turned for what felt like hours before deciding to leave malachi in the bed the two shared and making his way downstairs. he grabbed some of malachi’s from the fridge, but decided against it, putting it back. if there was another option, he would always take it. usually when men ate their boyfriends, it wasn’t quite as literally. 

he started a fire in the living room, more for the soothing yellow light than the warmth, and took one of the two armchairs set across from it. his gaze wandered around the still room, bored, as he looked for a distraction from the thoughts that kept him up, haunting his mind. of all things, he found one of malachi’s sketch pads lying on the side table.

there was no one least artistic inclined than him, but henryk still reached for the pad, looking through malachi’s sketches. a few were of him, bringing a smile to his lips. the way his boyfriend saw him made him look so much more — dignified than he actually felt, specially these days. malachi made him out to be some type of modern day adonis. 

green eyes noticed an abandoned charcoal pencil on the table and he flipped through the pages of the pad until he found a clear one. he would never disgrace malachi’s sketch pad with one of his abhorrent drawings, however. it was a letter that first took form on that blank page, and it was soon followed by more.

❛  i never wanted to feel this way, or any other way, for someone else, and here’s why. i can’t blame malachi for what i’ve become, it was my choice, but i chose to do it because i love him. i know i do because even the thought of losing him is crippling. that is what i wanted to avoid, and i can’t even say i regret the fact. i chose to live and die for him, and he did it for me too. now i’m the type of monster he should be afraid of. i don’t know who i am anymore. all i know is that i’ve changed in every possible way, but i still love him. i don’t know what i’m supposed to do next. i don’t think there’s fixing this. maybe i should’ve let him go. he would never let me do that. i don’t know if that’s love or self-destruction anymore, but he’s mine. he’ll be mine even if i leave, and i’ll be his too. i never wanted to feel this way for someone else. it was easier not to care. now all i have is caring, and i don’t know if i’m very good at that. ❜

he stared at his own words for a moment, frowning, then ripped off the page and fed it to the fire. malachi wouldn’t like to know that was what kept him up at night, he’d be disheartened, and he’d feel guilty too. henryk hated that he cared so much about him, he would silence his violent thoughts to keep himself from hurting him. one day he’d find the words to explain himself without breaking him in the process, but for now the quiet would have to do.