#pcvthailand

[walkwithb]

I’m in Thailand | 3

So starting tonight at midnight I will take a social media hiatus. 

[walkwithb]

three more weeks left

We have three more weeks until we move on to our new sites. 

So how am I feeling? I am  feeling very excited, but nervous. I am nervous that some of the luxuries I have here in this home, I won't have there. I am nervous to become acquainted with a whole new family. I am nervous of change. 

I am trying to express myself without making it too formal, which is a new habit I have developed. I want to paint the best picture of my physical and emotional state. But anyways, right now I am sitting in my room with the windows open. The sun is peaking in and the breeze is calm against my skin, pure bliss. I am currently listening to Tweet: Magic. I attended a wedding earlier and it was absolutely beautiful. I complained a few times about minor infractions and looking back I regret it. Something that I aim to work on in this year is complaining, especially out loud. Tonight is the big party back home that is being hosted by some of my friends. I found myself tuning in to the snaps feeling bit left out. As I watched those snaps, I thought about the memories I was missing out on and the memories I wasn't making. But reality sat in...I am in Thailand, “Wake up B.”

Yesterday I read an article written by a current volunteer who suggested unplugging from social media as it can become very easy to compare your current situation to those back home. She is very right. I do plan on taking a long 3 month social media hiatus, I just have to figure out when that will be. I just might make it for April-June. Especially as I adjust to my new village and community...we’ll see. 

I have played the game of comparison many times before and it is absolutely toxic. It will paralyze you and keep you stagnant as you start to believe that you are incapable of having or achieving the things that others have. The last thing I need is to fall into that trap. So for my self care and my sanity, I will step back as much as I need to. With three more weeks left I can't be nothing but amazed and grateful for the life that God has blessed me with. 

Woo-Hoo

[walkwithb]

I’m in Thailand | 2

What I have learned and what I continue to keep learning is this,

“What is for YOU, is for YOU” 

That can come in the shape of friends, money, love, opportunities, success, etc. Never, not for once, look to your left or to your right and think that what another person has was supposed to be for you. I’m in the Peace Corps right? Surrounded by all these amazing people...but I haven’t been able to click with anyone beyond the surface. I have moments where this revelation makes me emotional, but I have moments like this (at this moment) where I am extremely proud of who and what I am. I am the person who is not putting on a show. I am the person who is carefree. I am the person who laughs out loud, at herself. I am the person who is honest with herself and those around her. I am the person who values and honors both her independence and space. I am the person who craves deep and meaningful conversation and relationships. I am the person who desires longevity in friendships. I am the person who knows exactly why and how to keep it real. I am the person who, if you ask how I am doing - I will tell you. 

So again, what is meant to be mine, is already mine. If God blocked it, he did so within reason and I must trust him. I must trust that he will lead. I must trust that he will guide. I must trust that he will provide. I must trust that he will protect. I just have to trust is all.

[walkwithb]

I’m in Thailand.

So I am officially living here in Thailand. I am contemplating starting a blog, but then again I am not sure. I have a very personal outlook on things that might not fit the pretense of what a blog that is meant to inform the uninformed should be. I like what I have created here in this space, as it is my bubble and a nice view into my head and ideals. We shall see...

But yeah Thailand.

The first week consisted of me figuring out how to make new friends and how to let go of my own preconceptions about how life works. I have met some incredible people that I feel blessed and fortunate enough to call friends now. 

The second week, I moved in with my family and it has been a very smooth transition. I have a lot of things that I can complain about because negative thoughts are easy to rise up. But in the grand scheme of things, I have nothing to complain about. Life is good and my family members are even better. The minute I have my family dynamic down, I will share them.

Reflection:

I am grateful to be here. This moment in my life is ALL God. I can say what I did, but it docent come close to what HE did for me. I have been learning all these lessons left and back. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with all of the reflective-ness and introspection. The first day that I arrived to the farm I now called home, I saw the ruggedness. But even while standing in it, I felt peace. I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Staring down at the innocent cows, sprawling chickens, wild roosters, stray dogs, imprisoned pig - this is now my home. Of all people God could have placed here, he saw fit for me. Thank You. Being here for only a few days has taught me many lessons that I plan to take with me beyond this point, here’s a few:

1. I can live with much less. I am literally living out of 2/3 suitcase for two years,

2. There is no such thing as a communication barrier.

3. Smiling is universal.

4. God is funny

5. I am the best, no seriously. I am authentically, naturally, powerfully black and woman. 

6. My voice is important.

7. I carry a nation, generation on my back.

8. Making friends is not a race thing for me, it’s a “Can you understand my dry ass joke” thing.

9, Every black person is NOT responsible for carrying the cross.

10. Thai people really like food.

One month down, 26 more to go. I love this life of mine, deeply.