The Woman on the Boat | Tommy Shelby x Reader
PART 2 - What It’s Like to Feel
Request: no - part of the Season 6 response challenge created by @weeo
Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader
Summary: (Y/N) meets a rather intriguing man on her trip to England. A romance created by opportunity ensues. She even begins to feel sad as the voyage comes to a close. Until she finds out that this man has a family and they're the very reason why he's on the boat.
Warnings: langauge, smoking, drinking, age gap, implications of sexual situations, cheating, angst, Season 6 SPOILERS
Word Count: 3939
A/N: now that I’ve been able to watch the first two episodes, I decided to jump into this challenge because I thought that it was an amazing idea that definitely inspired creativity. I hope that this counts as episode 2...they didn’t show Tommy on the ship, but they mentioned his journey back, so I ran with it. Also, if you haven’t noticed already, this is set in Season 6, so there will be spoilers! Read at your own risk if you haven’t watched the new season yet. I’m really proud of this one. I hope you all enjoy! :)
———
(Y/N) was enjoying the silence of the empty dining room. It was late at night, and she couldn't sleep. It was only the first night of four that she would have to spend on this boat, and she was dreading it already.
She opened her book with the hopes of doing some quiet reading. But those hopes were shattered within the first fifteen minutes when she heard the sound of heavy feet hitting off of the room's tiled floors.
"Mind if I sit?" a man's voice cut through the silence. He had a British accent, and it reminded (Y/N) that not all people sailing from America were American. That not all of the people on this ship were getting away from something.
She looked up after he spoke, her eyes falling on a man dressed in a nice suit. His hair was dark and longer on top, the sides were shaved and had flecks of gray mixed into it. He had a prominent jawline and captivating blue eyes that were currently boring into hers. His full lips were pouted slightly as he stared down at her. After glancing him over, (Y/N) looked around the empty room
"I was asking you," the man spoke again after her eyes fell back onto him.
"Oh, I know you were. I was just wondering why...that out of all of the empty tables here, you've decided that you want to sit with me," (Y/N) responded to him, propping her chin up on her hand as she sent him an inquisitive look.
"It's best to have company late at night," he stated, not making a move to go to another table.
"And you think I want company?" (Y/N) raised her eyebrows.
"May I sit?" he disregarded her question, nodding his head to one of the many open chairs at the table she was occupying.
(Y/N) stared at him for a moment, trying to gauge what his angle might be. Why did he want to sit with her? A few moments passed before she let out a sigh. It didn't seem like he was going to be leaving, so she decided to give in. "You can sit here," she finally agreed to let him join her and he nodded before taking a seat so that two chairs were left in between them. She then focused her attention back on the book in her hands, ignoring the sounds of metallic clanking and the flick of a lighter that came from where he was sitting. The smell of smoke confirmed to her that he had lit a cigarette. She didn't need to look up.
"You going on holiday?" his voice broke through the silence that had fallen between them.
(Y/N) looked up at him again, seeing that he was sitting with his one leg crossed over the other, the cigarette dangling from his lips. "Excuse me?" she asked for him to repeat his question, not listening to it the first time around. She didn't expect to be entertaining a conversation with him.
"You're American," he pointed out, "but you're leaving America. So are you going on holiday?"
"I'm not," (Y/N)'s answer was definite, hoping that he'd get the gist that she didn't want to talk. Again, her eyes fell to her book.
"Going for business then?"
"Do you have a name?" she deflected his question with one of her own, her eyebrows raised as she looked at him again.
"Huh?" he seemed slightly shocked that she hadn't answered his question.
"I'd like to know the name of the person asking me all of these questions," she explained the reason behind her question, abandoning the book on the table so that she could sit back in her seat and cross her arms over her chest.
"Thomas Shelby," he answered her question, tapping some of the cigarette's ash off in the ashtray before he looked up at her, "is your trip for business?" he asked again.
"Not exactly," she responded, exuding a suppressed laugh.
A sliver of intrigue flashed in his eyes, and if (Y/N) wasn't looking at him, she would have missed it. "Then why are you sailing away from the land of opportunity?" he questioned.
(Y/N) took another moment to think about her answer. "I didn't want the opportunity that was bestowed upon me," she finally said after a short pause.
"Oh?" was all Thomas said. But (Y/N) knew what his 'oh' meant. It meant that he wanted her to continue; to tell him the reason why the opportunity wasn't what she wanted. And for some reason, she felt like she'd already trusted him enough to tell him.
"My father was going to marry me off to a man who cared more about lining his pockets than the well-being of others...which I guess makes sense considering that's exactly what my father does. He'd had enough of waiting for me to find my own suitor and decided to take it into his hands and find me one. He's afraid I won't bore him an heir before my time runs out," (Y/N) paused, another suppressed laugh leaving her lips as she shook her head, "so he gave me to the first man he could find. I was supposed to be married in three days," she finished with a slight nod as she looked over at him.
"And now you're sailing away," Tommy commented.
"And now I'm sailing away," (Y/N) affirmed with another nod of her head.
"How old are you, eh?" he asked then, his eyebrows slightly furrowed.
"Thirty," the woman responded, "so you can imagine my father's concern about finding me someone," she inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, shaking her head. "Would have never known what it was like to live a happy life had I stayed. All I would have known is money and greed." She looked away from Tommy as she said this because she didn't want him to see the sadness in her eyes. She had never known love. Never known what it felt like to be desired.
"And you're hoping to find happiness in England?" he asked her another question.
"Why are you taking this trip, Mr. Shelby?" she asked a question of her own.
"A family matter has come up," Tommy looked to the table as he said this because his eyes held secrets too. His head had been spinning since he stepped on the steamship that morning. He hoped this woman wasn't able to see through his façade. "What is your name?" he asked her, now noticing that he hadn't caught it earlier.
"(Y/N) (Y/L/N)," she responded with the smallest smile as their eyes met once more.
"Well, Ms. (Y/L/N), if tonight is to tell the tale of the next several that we'll have on this boat, I think we will be spending more time together," he said as he stood from the chair, extinguishing the cigarette in the ashtray before looking over at her.
"Where are you going?" she wondered, becoming slightly sad that she was losing the company that she didn't even know she wanted.
"I'm going to let you read your book," he nodded to the paperback novel that she still had in her hands. Before she could stop him, he turned and walked away. This wasn't the last time she'd see Thomas Shelby...she knew that much.
——
The music being played by the live band was loud, and the dancefloor was filled with other passengers as they lost themselves in the beat of the drum and the swing of the horns. (Y/N) was sitting at a table off to the side, by herself. She wouldn't be alone for much longer though. She was expecting someone.
The clearing of that very person's throat brought her out of her thoughts and pulled her eyes away from the band. "You've decided to come," she smiled as she looked up at the man standing over her.
"I did," Tommy nodded as he took the seat next to her, placing his peaked cap on the table beside the empty plate. "Nothing better to do on this boat," he commented with a grin then, his witty statement making (Y/N) laugh.
"What will you be having?" a waiter interrupted their conversation before it could go any further.
"I'll have a martini," (Y/N) smiled up at the man.
"Water, please," Tommy put his order in, his eyes still focused on the woman sitting to his side. The waiter nodded and left their side then.
"You don't drink?" (Y/N) questioned, surprise laced into her voice.
"No," Tommy shook his head, "not anymore." The woman nodded her head, taking his word and not commenting on it further.
Soon enough, the waiter returned with their requested beverages. (Y/N) sipped on her martini while Tommy pulled out his canister and lit a cigarette. "Listen to this music, Thomas..." she trailed off, a smile on her face as she closed her eyes and tipped her head back slightly, "it's the sound of the future," she commented, swaying her shoulders slightly to the rhythm. She felt so free at that moment. Like nothing could stop her or bring her down.
When she opened her eyes and looked to the side, she saw Tommy looking at her with a slight smile on his face. "It's loud," he gave his opinion, its bluntness making (Y/N) giggle.
"It's freeing," she corrected him.
"And you want to feel free?"
"Who doesn't?" (Y/N) asked him, her eyebrows raised. Tommy didn't respond. He just stared at her with his mouth parted slightly. He didn't know what to say...didn't know the right words. So he let her have her moment. He let her be free.
—
"Do you not like jazz, Thomas?" (Y/N) questioned after they'd spent some time at the table. The band was still playing and the drinks were still flowing, although Tommy never touched one and (Y/N) stopped after her first. She knew all too well what too much alcohol did to her. Now, she only had one to take the edge off.
"I don't," Tommy shook his head, taking a sip of his room temperature water. It didn't have the same affect on him as the whisky did, but his head was clearer now...he was in a better place.
(Y/N) frowned slightly at his confession, tipping her head to the side before she spoke, "then why did you agree to come see the band?"
"Because I'd hate to see an opportunity to spend time with you go to waste," he responded, his words lacking filter. He didn't care that he'd just met this woman a mere twenty-four hours ago. He was drawn to her, and what Tommy Shelby was drawn to, he needed to pursue.
(Y/N) looked down at the table as she digested his words, her cheeks heating up. "You're making me blush, Mr. Shelby," she told him bashfully.
"Good. It was my intention to," he grinned as he looked over at her. She pursed her lips as she looked up at him again, as if she was meticulously calculating her next move.
"Well if you don't like jazz, what are we still doing here?" she questioned him as her eyebrows raised slightly, a suggestive glint in her eye. She hoped he'd get her gist.
Tommy let out a breath of a laugh, looking away from her for a moment. His eyes were back on her as he spoke, "that is a good question. Have you had enough of the band?"
"I have," she nodded, holding her hand out to him. Tommy took it as he stood, assisting her in standing before he kept hold of her hand and led her out of the music hall that the steamship had.
(Y/N) looked around in awe as they walked down the first class corridor. She'd booked a lower class ticket, as she didn't have much money to her name. She was even more awestruck when Tommy opened the door to his suite, but she didn't have much time to look around because he was pulling her into his arms as the door closed.
"You have money, Mr. Shelby," she commented, her eyes fixated on his perfectly set tie.
"I do," Tommy responded, his hands holding onto her hips.
"Are you also arrogant and greedy?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow as she looked up at him.
"Comes with the territory," was all he said. There was no point in lying. She'd see right through it.
"But you're not like my father?" she checked.
"I don't know your father, love," he shook his head slightly.
"Good," the woman affirmed, "because he's a terrible, terrible man."
"I can assure you that I'm no better."
"Oh, but you are better," she disagreed with his statement, her eyes still locked with his as she hesitantly brought her hands up to caress his face. She ran her hands down his cheeks and across the back of his neck before she hooked her fingers behind his ears. "I can see it in your eyes...in your face."
Tommy just stared down at her, his eyes and mind focused on her and only her. Then she spoke again, this time in a whisper: "we're not drunk, are we?" she asked him, moving her face closer so that she was centimeters away from him now.
"No," was all he said, his hot breath now fanning across her face, smelling of mint and cigarettes.
"Then why am I about to make a drunken decision?" she asked, but it wasn't a question for him to answer. Even if it was, she didn't give him the time to, because her lips were on his a second after she finished speaking.
His hold on her tightened as their lips meshed, their teeth clashing and tongues fighting for dominance. And that night, for the first time in her life, (Y/N) felt free — in all senses of the word.
——
(Y/N) opened her eyes to the same sight as she had been for the past two days. The ornate ceiling, the four-poster bed. It really was like you were in a different world in the first class quarters of the ship. She stretched her arms out to find the bed empty and then sat up. She saw only her clothes strewn about on the floor, and the vanity chair that she remembered them knocking over in their blind stumbling the night prior was now sitting upright. Of course he was out already.
So she rolled out of the bed and went to grab her clothes, but stopped when her eye caught a piece of paper sitting on the vanity. She moved closer to examine it, seeing that it was a note:
(Y/N),
The maid is set to come in to clean at noon. Be out of the room before then. Come visit me tonight at 7:30. I left a key. Take it with you for later.
Thomas Shelby
Glancing over at the clock, she saw that it was 11:30 now. Luckily she'd woken up in time. So she gathered her things, got dressed, took the key from the vanity, and exited the suite for her lower class room.
They were four days into the five day voyage now. They'd arrive in Liverpool tomorrow afternoon if all went alright. Most would be elated by that news, but it made (Y/N) feel sad. What she felt the last three days was unlike anything she felt in her life.
She was starting to feel things for Thomas Shelby. He made her feel like no other man has, and she was sad that she had to leave him tomorrow. She hoped that they'd find each other again somewhere down the road, or that he'd ask her to come with him to wherever it was that he was returning to.
But for now, she just had to kill time until 7:30. She decided to go to the dining hall to get some food. As she sat at her table, she hoped that she'd catch a glimpse of the man she'd come to desire greatly over the past few days. She tried not to take it personally when she didn't. Then she returned to her room, thinking that it would be best to take a mid day nap since she figured that she wouldn't be sleeping much that night. She and Thomas never did when they were together.
It was only four when she woke from her nap, so she decided to go to the communal baths and get a shower to feel more fresh. The salty air that surrounded the ocean made her skin feel dry and her hair feel stiff. And she wanted to feel beautiful for tonight.
(Y/N) entered the first class corridor ahead of schedule, turning the key to his suite at 7:15. She figured that he was out and she’d surprise him by lying on his bed, naked, for when he came back. God, she hated that he brought out this side of her. But at the same time she felt so free.
But she didn’t even get to remove the blouse she was wearing because her eyes fell on two things that were sitting on the bedside stand. And when she realized what they were, her smile fell as well. Next to the lamp sat a picture of a woman who had her arms around two small kids. She was striking, her beauty was evident and radiating even though the picture was black and white. The children were smiling widely and looked adorable. Sitting next to the photograph was a small, gold band that was undeniably a wedding ring. (Y/N)’s stomach dropped at the sight.
And then she heard him clear his throat, as well as the sound of his footsteps coming from the bathroom that was attached to the suite. Shit.
Tommy didn’t expect to see (Y/N) standing at the side of his bed when he walked into the main room from the en-suite bathroom, but he wasn’t opposed to seeing her. That is, until he saw the expression on her face. “(Y/N). What are you...what are you doing here?” he asked her, his eyebrows furrowed.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Thomas?” she asked, her voice coming out in a broken whisper, tears already stinging her eyes.
“Tell you what, love?” he asked, completely confused now. (Y/N) winced at the pet name. A day ago, hearing it made her fill with butterflies, now it was like a knife to the heart.
“That you’re fucking married, Thomas,” she hissed, her eyes turning cold as she tried her damnedest to hold back the tears, “and that you have children,”
Tommy’s stomach dropped at her words. He must’ve left his wedding band and the picture he kept with him on the nightstand. Fuck. Immediately, he went into damage control. “I...I told you about them, (Y/N),” he said, then holding his hand out in front of him as a way to non-verbally tell her to calm down because he could see the anger rising in her.
“No, you did not. You told me you were returning because of a family matter. Not because your wife and fucking kids missed you!” she exclaimed, unable to hold the tears back now. There were too many and the levee was breaking. “Oh my god...” she whispered then, looking past him to the wall before she tipped her head back slightly, “I can’t believe...I can’t fucking believe that I trusted you,” she let out a laugh, more in spite of herself than anything.
“Let me explain...” Tommy tried after a few moments of silence, but (Y/N) wasn’t having it.
“No. No, you don’t get to fucking explain now. I was nothing but transparent with you. I told you about my sad, pathetic life in confidence because I trusted you. You made me feel like I was safe...you made me feel. And I thought that what I felt was real. Maybe it was for me, but for you...for you, it was a way in. You used my feelings and played on my emotions because you couldn’t keep it in your pants for five more days until you were back with your wife!” she ended her monologue by wiping the tears from her cheeks with the backs of her hands. She hated that she was crying. She felt angry and used more than she felt sad, but the tears wouldn’t stay back.
Tommy only shook his head, a sigh escaping his lips as he thought about what to say. What was there to say? How could he redeem himself from this? “I felt something for you too, (Y/N).”
“Don’t fucking say that!” she exclaimed, choking out a sob before she covered her mouth with her hands. “You don’t get to say that when you have a family at home! Don’t you understand that?!” she covered her eyes then, not wanting to see him any longer. Her breathing became shallow as panic set in. Realization had hit her that she was now standing in front of the very situation that she was supposed to be running away from.
“Calm down, (Y/N),” his voice was soft as it came from right beside her now. He reached his hand out to place it on her arm, but she flinched away.
“Don’t fucking touch me, Thomas,” she hissed at him, sending him a pathetic attempt at a glare. “I was running away from my father, but it seems I’ve found someone worse than him.” And with that, she was walking to the door. Before reaching for the handle, she turned to face him. He was still standing by the bedside, a stoic expression on his face. “Oh...” she paused, breathing out a laugh as she shook her head, “and fuck you,” her words were like knifes as she hurled them in his direction. But she didn’t care if she’d hurt him, because nothing she could say or do would amount to what he’d done to her.
She then opened the door to the suite and exited Tommy’s room, and life, forever. Trying her best to put on a straight face, she made her way out of the first class quarters and down to the lower decks.
She spent the final day of her trip in misery, barely leaving her cabin other than to eat or use the lavatory. Thankfully, she didn’t see Tommy after she left him in his suite. She didn’t know what she would have done if she would have seen him again.
(Y/N) took this trip to run away from the marriage she was being forced into. A marriage in which she wouldn’t feel anything. So, in a way, she boarded this boat in hopes to feel. And she did feel. She now knew what it felt like to be desired. She still didn’t know what it was like to be loved, although she thought what she had with Thomas could have been.
But she realized something as the steamship docked in England. She realized that she'll always just be that woman on the boat. That woman who’ll just keep sailing away in hopes of finding something to make her feel, only to be met with the cold, emptiness that the open ocean offered. And maybe she’d be stuck on that lonesome boat for the rest of her life.
———
Tagged: @alreadybroken-ts @magicalxdaydream @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @golden-hoax @elenavampire21
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Postnote: to those of you who have sent in requests: I am working on them! I have a bunch already written and queued up to be posted. I don’t want to overload everyone’s dashes with 5 posts a day from me. I hope you understand! :)
