seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Ukraine
seen from Ukraine
seen from Türkiye
seen from Türkiye
seen from South Africa
seen from Israel
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
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i tend to be happy enough during the day to trudge through it, because my mind is always bombarded by external stimuli like my friends, school or videogames, therefore i don't worry
but as soon as the bell rings, as soon as the bell stops, as soon as i'm alone, as soon as i start even *thinking* about anything negative thoughts erupt left and right, with the full-blown force of everything that's welled up and i didn't vent, ever, and life becomes a thorn in the side
given i would rip my heart out because of my longstanding solitude, the next most obvious course of action would be downloading a dating app
problem: i abhor them and i feel like i would not be happy with whatever emotional codependency would be born out of it
problem II: i will be stuck loathing and pining and longing and sulking and sighing
a dear friend of mine just blocked me unannounced and it felt like a Cannonball bored a big hole through me ; and now every notification makes my heart skip a beat out two hoping it's her
my work schedule has led me to not taking my anxiolytics for several days in a row, which would explain the numerous depressive, delusional and manic episodes i have when i'm on my own
leaving slowly you left a gaping hole dying a slow death i cried quietly:
i don't know what sins i've to confess taint me red o styx
i'm feeling remorseful and wrong. that is to say, i'm alive and well, or as well as i can claim to be. i've been feeling so down that i can't even get myself to post, which is the number one thing i should do when i'm feeling down.
ok, i know, i KNOW ot's my nerves getting to me but what if she doesn't give half a fuck about me anymore. whose fault is it is it mine? did i say something? she's lost interest already she isn't putting in any effort i'm going to cry and relapse and i won't be able to get anywhere near her this is hell on earth hell is a teenage girl
girl, right? she's like the manifestation of everything i look for in a girl. i tried, i failed, i ended up becoming a good, regular friend, been to her birthdays, became good friends with her boyfriend
but one day she stopped waving hi at me in the hallways. something in me broke, shattered. even if i don't want to pursue her romantically there's something inside, a construct of sorts, that makes her one of the most important people in my life, and losing her is breaking me apart
