I’ve noticed a reoccurring problem when we talk about potential bisexual terms (The most popular ones right now are Stag/Tomcat/Doe). These terms are still very new, and people are making different different terms for them left and right (Oh I don’t like the animal theme, let’s go with a flower theme. No lets go with a tree theme etc etc). It doesn’t matter WHAT the terms are if we can’t submit a common experience to associate them with. We need to dig deeper and really think about what our experiences are and what differentiates our experience with gender compared to other women, something that only bi women experience and can relate to. When you say doe is a feminine bi woman, what does that mean? How is that different or special from feminine lesbians and feminine straight women? How does us being feminine deserve a whole identity? (Hint: Being feminine alone is not enough to base a whole identity off of, that’s not how meaningful identities are created.) It should never be about presentation, because these labels should be more than a quirky aesthetic label we can slap on ourselves. Not only that but this lazy definition leads to issues like people believing the aesthetic is the sole purpose. I moderate quite a few bi positivity blogs and every day I see things like “My hair is short does that mean I can’t be a Doe?” and “Sometimes I’m masculine and sometimes I’m not so does that mean I’m a Tomcat-y Stag.” I don’t mean to be rude but there’s no longer anything meaningful about these terms and everyone who is too lazy (Or just doesn’t know how) to do some critical thinking and really examine what your experiences with gender and bisexuality are, and how those experiences are held in common with other bi women, to create a need for community, are embarrassing the culture that we are trying to make for ourselves. And as an aside I think we need to stay away from the animal terms. Many bi women of color have expressed discomfort with the animal terms because being compared to animals is a prevalent part of anti-blackness and other forms of racism. Bi women’s terms should be readily acceptable to ALL bi women. If you are white, and you say you can’t give up (Doe/Tomcat/Stag) because you’re already attached to them, you should examine why anti-blackness and the discomfort of women of color in our community isn’t more of a priority for you.
