Measure Up
new installment in my penis pals series (linked only by theme) 2.1k, rated M, Buddie set in/around 2x01
Freak4Freak Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz is such a great tag. also tagged enemies to friends to lovers speedrun, and platonic fondling, fwiw 😌 and ft. chim and hen bestieism
"What are we measuring here?" Buck mimics, jostling Eddie's shoulder in a friendly manner as they walk between the trucks. They're back at the station to finish the last couple hours of their shift after getting burgers, post-grenade. "What was that all about, man?"
"Oh, what, you've never heard of a dick measuring contest?" Eddie's eyebrows are up, scathing, challenging.
"I mean, if we were whipping out a ruler, lets just say, I wouldn't be worried about losing," Buck smarms.
And Eddie— Eddie laughs at him, easy and careless.
Buck doesn't show he's taken aback. "I'm just saying…" he shrugs as though undeterred.
Eddie pats his shoulder, kinda condescendingly, and says, "Okay, bud, it's not a competition; it's not that serious."
Buck stops in his tracks and plants his feet, "Glad to know you understand it's not a competition." The implication that Eddie's forfeiting and he's therefore the clear winner is heavyhanded.
Eddie turns and looks at him, really looks.
He opens his mouth after a long moment but Buck interrupts him in his brattiest tone, "If you're about to say it's not the size, it's how you use it, then clearly," he mockingly holds up his fingers about an inch apart.
Eddie laughs again and rolls his head back, disbelieving, as if to say this is a stupid argument and he doesnt even care! Buck is taking it to mean that he's calling his new friend's bluff.
For another long moment Eddie looks like he is gonna walk away, he really does, but—
instead he turns on a dime and herds Buck into the bathroom saying, "Okay, no, you dont get to be all insufferable and smug, sight unseen, when this is literally quantifiable. Come on, whip it out, son."
read on Ao3 🔒
