i’ve had 8 jobs in 4 years and most of them have been two at a time like i’m so exhausted of giving my energy and time to places that make me stressed and guilty and cry when i’m not my usual cheery self onnly to barely scrape by supporting two people who don’t know anything about me or don’t seem to try to avoid upsetting me
i feel guilty for not being the person i once was and lazy for not being able to work myself to death just to be sort of comfortable and just??? nothing all the time
i get suggestions for how to helpf myself but everything seems too hard or not what feels right and i know i’m just constantly getting stuck in the details and rejecting things because i’m scared of change and failure and abandonment and death!!!!!
i try to be open and be posiive but it feels like i can’t muster up the strenght to funnel it into an outlet or even like i’m allowed to be unhappy or have validation for when i’ve been hurt and it just keeps going through these cycles that people i try to explain myself to doubt!!!!! i dont’ lie about how i feel i don’t try to bring someone down to pick myself up
i try my best to be the kindest i can while protecting myself
i give up more than i have and let go of things i never felt closure with and it’s hell on my heart but i just don’t know how else to exist
