Angst prompt #10: “How was I such an idiot, to believe that you, out of all people, could ever love me?
Warnings: angstidy angst angst, sad ending ;-;
Word count: 700+ words
erggeurhcycyhcfi its not 5 am i swear-
You were against the wall in the hallway when you first saw her. When you first fell in love. You watched as she walked past you, her perfume leaving a lingering scent in the air. She felt eyes on her and turned her head to meet yours, flashing a polite smile in your direction before turning her focus back to where she needed to be. That was the day you fell for Vera Nair. You didn’t realize that your heart was so weak to the point where you’d fall in love with someone by smiling at you. That was a few months ago, you realize now that falling for her was a mistake you wish you never made.
Slowly, you started to fall harder and harder for her. You noticed how beautiful she looked when she was concentrated on deciphering(you even messed up a few calibrations staring at her), you adored the cute mole under her left eye, and the small conversations with her that would keep you up at night. One time her hand accidentally touched yours when you were both deciphering the same cipher. Stuttered apologies poured out of your mouth like a waterfall when you realized you had touched, the Vera Nair. To calm you from your mini panic attack, she grasped her hands on your shoulders and spoke in a calm soft voice, “It’s okay, don’t worry.” And just like that, you were calm and completely fine. After she let you go and patted your head, she went back to decoding as you stood there in a daze. Sh-she just touched me!? I must be the luckiest person in the world, holy crap!
Let’s just say you didn’t get any sleep that night. from thinking of her you pervs
The day you truly felt your heart break was the day you decided to confess. Your heart was about to combust from all the feelings you held in for her, so you decided enough was enough. Even though there was a cloud of doubt hovering over you and following you around, you still had hope that maybe she felt the same. Maybe the small touches and smiles she gave you were because she liked you too. And so your mission to confess your feelings was a go! You knew her favourite flowers were lavender from the countless conversations you had with her, so you went and asked Emma if you could trim some of her lavender in which she asked why. “Oh I just... I really like the smell of them..!” You smiled at her sheepishly as she looked at you with an unconvincing stare. She didn’t really think much of it and let you do as you wish.
You harvested the lavender and wrapped it up neatly with a purple ribbon. After gathering all your items for her, you went straight to her room and knocked on her door confidently from the adrenaline of confessing to her. A smile on your face and a bouquet in hand. She shot open the door, hair disheveled and lip stick smudged. You looked at her in confusion, your smile slowly fading from your face. Your eyes then focused on the background, seeing Martha sit up from Vera’s bed. “What...?” Your brain didn’t want to comprehend what you were looking at.
You didn’t want to put the pieces together. Maybe they were just exercising together? Maybe she was out of breath from jogging? You tried to stay in denial. But you couldn’t, not when the answer was as clear as day. Your breathing became erratic as your eyes switched between the two. You felt tears welling up your eyes and a large lump in your throat. You didn’t want to cry in front of her, you didn’t want to have a reason to cry. Your head spun and your heart ached. Suddenly everything stopped. You took a deep breath and exhaled with your eyes closed. Slowly you looked back at her onyx eyes you fell in love with and croaked out, “How was I such an idiot, to believe that you, out of all people, could ever love me?” You gave her a sad smile before turning around and running down the same hall as the one when you first fell in love with her, dropping the bouquet to her feet. “Wait s/o!” She called out for you, accidentally stepping on the once neatly wrapped bouquet, now crumpled up and falling apart.
