#permiscuous

[pretendboyfriends]

Little Red Corvette has always been my favorite

[jamesdhanjal]

Waterfall

I'm poured into it all, overwhelmed and spilt// 

It's too much to hold you, my palms are filled//

 I feel your heartbeat and my pulse races to match// 

But the strength of the rhythm, impossible to catch//

[forget-me-nautilus]

It’s sad knowing the women ive been seeing all have some one who loves them even if they don’t give it back fully. Some women have more then one partner who loves them, some hate their partner equally but have children whom they love, others are just numbed and love their husband but still wish to experience other things. I’m always the side guy and I’m done. I miss being loved even if I have problems giving it back, lack of practice I guess. It’s just not fair I put myself out there and get nothing back. Getting laid is nice and all and what relationships I’ve built I do enjoy and have made some interesting friends. But I still feel empty and I keep looking back at ‘her’ and thinking I’ll just be alone in love forever, not because I can find someone, but maybe because I won’t let myself find her.

fucking Emo moments, I blame the waxing gibbous moon.

[heatherand-blog]

A look at some Friends that helped to shape my life

I ran into an old friend today. We have known one another for almost a quarter of a century. I have always liked this guy. He was fun and jovial; but most of all he was sincere. He was a part of a group of guys that I grew up with. They are two to three years older than me. I was always just one of the guys. I lifted weights with them. I drank with them. I did every drug known to man with them; and sometimes, I slept with them. Tim, the guy I ran into today was fortunate to have escaped my clutches. That was a good thing. I was always so at ease with him. He was like my brother. Then there was Joe. Joe the genius! He has a photographic memory. Probably one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. He holds degrees in German, Political Science, and a Masters in some sort of Economics. He is a walking encyclopedia. Some of my fondest memories in life were with Joe. (But those stories will come.) I never slept with him. He tried, but he remembers it the other way around. Ces’t la vie! Chad was the heartthrob of the bunch; at least in my opinion. I think I fell in love with him immediately. He had silky blonde hair and a face of Nordic god. The verdict is out on whether or not I slept with Chad. I say no, but Joe insists I did. This is the pattern with Joe. That leaves us with Ashley. Very Gone of the Wind, if I do say so myself. This is the one I lost my virginity to. We were in his burgundy Camaro at Sports World, and it sucked. Not really his fault though, it just hurt like hell.

This was the core group. Over many years I slept with lots of guys who knew these guys. Joe will quite freely state to anyone who will listen that I slept with just about all of his friends. In the end, I look back on those years with great fondness and sadness. I was having a good time and I always had these guys to fall back on, even when whatever got fucked up was really my fuck up. 

[staring-at-the-sky]

IM NOT BASIC

What's wrong with ppl these days; doesn't anyone know how to love or woo a person anymore? U can't just start touching me up randomly and expect me to feel comfortable about it. I'm a respectable person, like jeez. I'm still a virgin because of this reason. Ppl have to know that I respect my body and will not let just anyone touch it. Sorry if that sounds like I have a stick up my butt, I really don't. I'm just old fashioned I guess :/. Needed to rant that lol