#personal anecdote

[tabloidweather]

28 May 2008 (Yeah you read that right)

Here's a picture of yours truly on her first trip to Finland. I am a partly-skimmed milk person so I can't tell you why I have both that and a box of skim milk (maybe for my roommate?). You get a virtual gold star if you can pin down which K-Supermarket this is. The walls are rather different now but were still more or less like this until 2017 when the Kesko branding changed (according to Google Maps).

Anyway, turns out there's a weather headline on the Ilta-Sanomat poster on the door!

Hellelakkiaiset!

I was in Tampere during lakkiaiset and I do remember it being quite warm during the day, but maybe not helle. We'd missed the last train and the last bus back to [REDACTED] that evening so we spent the whole night wandering around downtown and sheltering in random corners in the Finlayson block until the railway station opened in the morning and then finally going to the bus station to get out of town. I remember the air being somewhat chilly overnight.

[bumbled-bees]

My Life in Lily's Circle: How I Found My Way Out

1. Introduction: Just Another Fan

When I first joined Lily's patron server, it felt like any fan community. It was a place to connect with people who got it. For a long time, it seemed completely, comfortably normal. My other friends didn't even know who Lily was, so it was just this separate, walled-off part of my online life. On the surface, there was no reason to ever think about leaving.

2. The Anchors That Kept Me Grounded

Looking back, I can see I was fundamentally different from her most devoted followers. I had real-world support systems that acted like a shield, anchors that kept me from getting dragged in too deep.

My Family: They are my foundation. The very idea of cutting them off for anyone is unthinkable.

Friends in Other Servers: I always had friendships outside the group, and most of whom had no idea who Lily even was. This kept me grounded in different perspectives and stopped Lily's circle from becoming my entire world.

My Fiancé: I have a healthy, real-world relationship. He's my benchmark for what normal, respectful interaction looks and feels like, which made the toxic behavior in the server stand out hard over time.

Because of these anchors, Lily was never realistically gonna sink her claws into me that deep. I had too many lifelines to the real world.

3. Walking on Eggshells: The First Red Flags

The first sign that something was wrong was that constant, low-level anxiety. The feeling of managing my own personality to fit in. I realized I was consciously sanding off my own edges just to avoid friction.

Case in point: South Park. I like it. I watch it regularly. But I knew Lily hated it, and I knew her followers would just parrot her opinions. I could feel the inevitable barrage before it even happened: "EW, why do you watch that?" or "Don't you know how bad that show is?" I just knew it would be A Thing (TM), so I didn't bring it up. It was easier to stay quiet.

I knew Lily hated it so I just... didn't bring it up around her, which in hindsight: 🚩

I learned later that people outside the server saw my blog and pegged me as more of my own person than her other fans, precisely because I liked so many things Lily would piss and shit about.

But this went deeper than just hiding my interests; it was about hiding my instincts. I am, by nature, a very curious person, as I've mentioned before. I need all the facts before I make a decision on something. Lily, on the other hand, actively discourages this. The party line, repeated by her and her closer sycophants, was always, "Don't give the stalkers attention."

They'd often try to tell me my innate curiosity was a bad thing. That the part of me that valued the whole story was a flaw.

Because I have this drive to see the whole picture, I’d scroll the crit blogs. I always wanted to know where the "other side" was coming from. This meant I actively kept up with so-called "drama" more than many in her server, which got me accused of "drama-mongering." Every time I explained that I'm just a curious person, I’d get hit with the same responses: "Don't give them the time of day,", "Curiosity can be a bad thing, actually." It was a deliberate effort to keep everyone in the dark.

4. An Unlikely Turning Point

A big turning point I haven't really touched on before came from Britt. At the time, I was still a Lily fan, and Britt was among those painted as "The Enemy." One day, I was in the crosshairs of KP. She was coming after me, and I was bracing for the dogpile.

And then Britt stepped in. And defended me.

It was a Hato.exe has stopped working in my brain. This person, who I was supposed to hate, showed me more decency than the people I was supposed to consider "friends." She didn't have to do that. At all. She had no reason to defend a "Lily fan."

SHE DIDN'T!! BUT SHE DID ANYWAY!!! AND THAT'S WHY SHE'S BASED AS FUCK!!!! THIS BLOG WILL ALWAYS BE PRO-BRITT RAAAAAAAH

anyway...

That single act shattered the "Big Bad" story instantly.

From that moment, I stopped participating in any negative talk about her. The second her name came up in the server, I’d just bow out.

She became the very first person I reached out to after I finally left.

5. The Chill of Recognition

As I went through the process of deprogramming, I realized Lily's behavior wasn't just "controlling", it was a pattern. That cold recognition when you see the blueprint. She would have people cut off their friends and family for her. Isn't that literally... Abuser 101? The first step is always to isolate your victim, to burn all their other bridges so you become their only island.

I saw this playing out with others, and it was heartbreaking. I've always said some people were just trading one bad situation for another. Their families or lived sucked so bad they saw Lily as an UPGRADE, which is a terrifying thought.

Many of her followers come from bad home lives or lack IRL friends. They have no benchmark for what a healthy, supportive relationship actually looks like. Lily became their reference point. They think the constant anxiety and conditional acceptance is normal. That's why I was an anomaly. I did know what healthy relationships felt like, and the comparison became a glaring, impossible-to-ignore contradiction.

6. The Final Straw

So, what made me finally pull the plug? It was that exact innate curiosity they hated so much.

My tendency to scroll the crit blogs meant I was there when they caught a folder full of "incest games" on her computer, specifically an incestuous RWBY comic and Slut Phone.

I remember that sick feeling. That discovery made me really start digging, pulling up all the threads of evidence people had given me months prior. Her excuse was laughably, insultingly flimsy: "No, I totally downloaded these to fuck with my stalkers."

But the real final straw was her flippant attitude in her private patron chat. She just casually asked, "You guys don't care what I play in my off time, right?"

That was it. The absolute, arrogant dismissal. The cognitive dissonance was too much. The pathetic excuse followed by the "you guys don't care" attitude... it wasn't an "oops." It was a betrayal. The entire flimsy structure of excuses just collapsed. I was done.

7. My Loyalty

I am, by nature, fiercely loyal. It’s a trait that’s both my best attribute and worst flaw, and sometimes it burns me. That loyalty is a huge part of why I stayed in Lily's circle as long as I did; I was committed to the group and the friendships I thought I had.

But in a strange paradox, that same fierce loyalty is what saved me. My loyalty to my family, to my fiancé, to my real friends, to reality, was absolute. It was a line in the sand that nobody could ever convince me to cross.

It’s a funny, deeply validating feeling to look back now and learn that people outside the group saw this in me all along. I was told later, "YOU WERE TOO NORMAL TO BE A LILY FAN AND I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU TO SEE THE LIGHT." Others mentioned seeing my Metalocalypse and Smiling Friends posts and thinking it was a shame I was a Lily fan.

They all saw I was too grounded, too real, to be trapped in that kind of environment forever.

And eventually, I proved them right.

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

Not to add onto the weird discourse behind the A24 Backrooms movie, but while scrolling through some articles, I found one where the author claimed that the movie proves women don’t care enough about lore as much as men. They tried to draw a parallel to how Clark wanted to explore the Backrooms to how Kat didn’t want to, and then made the broader argument that women don’t care about lore as much as men do.

Just as a personal anecdote, I went with a group of 4 and the only woman in our group was my baby cousin. And between the four of us, guess who knew the entire Backrooms lore from top to bottom lmao.

If anyone’s curious: “The masculine urge to explore the Backrooms” - from Vulture

(EDIT: Okay, I just wanted to add. I don’t know if the author thought her point through. Because this is lowkey the same type of reasoning that Big Bang Theory had to justify their gender split of only men get to be nerds and enjoy geek nonsense)

[this-is-adultism]

This comment i found on an anti-censorship post

Name obscured for privacy but God it just... why are we seen as stupid for spending time on the internet?

This is adultism.

Being in support of keeping children off the internet entirely is being pro-censorship, by the way. That is an entire group of marginalized individuals that are being barred from so much information as well as things that can genhinely help and teach them and get them out of dangerous situations in the name of safety for them.

I would not be who I am without the internet. That's in regards to my beliefs, activism, artistry, personality... sure. But its more than just that--- there's a good chance I would be dead right now if I didn't have the internet. The internet can be everything for some kids, especially those in abusive homes. The internet is important, the problems with it lie with censorship, a lack of digital literacy, and the kind of content that places like social media promote.

Also, the internet is literally needed in terms of academics. As in, we need it to complete school assignments-- some of us do entire classes on there. In this age, internet is a necessity, and the internet is more than just youtube and the other handful of apps most people rotate through

[leunusualsuspect]

A text to a friend:

“Tell me you’ve seen the news about Platner?”

My fingers are still but my feet lead me at an uncontrolled pace. Out the door, locked once, kiss the mezuzah. Like some sort of bad joke, my nose always touches it first.

I was going to the bank, I needed cash, but I needed something even more ephemeral from him.

I didn’t text him out of a genuine blue, not dropped out of the sky like mana. I had intent. Months ago when Platner’s tattoo- a totenkopf, graced my eyes like a movie I saw in 3rd grade, a movie in black and white. I had no question.

A candidate for senate wore an insignia of the SS, and made no effort to remove it. Here was a man with an open hand, pleading for power, pleading from a constituency I was no member of. He must be denied, surely. His excuse? Ignorance of course, an ignorant military history buff whose communications staff resigned. What could be more believable?

But believe it my friend did, or at least, he withheld judgement.

Today, a March Friday of 2026, I was vindicated. Caught on a Nazi podcast, caught with a Nazi tweet, caught on camera with a Nazi. If it quacks like a duck, reich?

So it was time enough for me to know, like some sort of twisted “would you love me if I were a worm?”. “Would you vote for a Nazi over me?”

But still, he hesitated. He professed… ignorance. That there were other Jews who said Platner was a boon to Maine. He said that I just sent screenshots of unverified tweets. It took me laying all of my feelings out before I got the confirmation I sought. Before I did the work to pry willingly shut eyelids open.

And my fingers felt bloody and raw on that smooth keyboard of my phone.

Have you heard the news about Platner?

How much Nazi is enough Nazi to believe me?

What will happen when a Nazi is smart enough to not get an advertisement of cruelty blazoned on their chest like a heraldry of evil? Readily announcing his intent.

Would you pick a Nazi over me, even if the world told you it was an acceptable sacrifice? Can I be sure? Can I really be sure.

[inspired-lesson-plans]

I woke up from an anxiety dream this morning. One of the common ones, where you just find out about a class that you are enrolled in and it's way into the year already. When I showed up, I found out that there was a big research paper due today which I hadn't even started, and another big assignment that was due a month ago and I had completely forgotten about. There were only one or two other people in the class, and they were making me feel really embarrassed right then.

Then I realized that I could go to the professor and ask for more time. It wouldn't be difficult at all. I could simply apologize for missing so much due to the demands of my 9-5 job. Also, I knew what I wanted to write about and was actually looking forward to it, because it felt like a really good thesis.

And then I woke up. It was 4 minutes before my alarm, which was actually very helpful.

[1nk-ling]

How I be feeling when I'm having a really good conversation with an older man and he starts calling me "kid".

[emachinescat]

I once had someone review one of my stories saying that they weren't going to give it a chance because a word in the title was spelled wrong.

The word was "armor." That's the American spelling. I'm American. So apparently I lost points for not being British? I should have spelled it "Armour" because British English is the only true English I guess? 🙃

The thing that kills me is that this person didn't have to make that negative comment. If they didn't want to read it because there was an alleged spelling error in the title, then they could have just kept scrolling. They didn't have to go out of their way to leave that comment.

I don't hold a grudge, I'm not bitter, and I actually think it's pretty funny now, but this is indicative of a bigger issue within fanfic. I'm a firm believer that unless the writer specifically asks for criticism, you should just not engage with fics you don't like. Fanfic writers pour their heart and soul and time into making fics to share for free, purely for the love of a fandom and a desire for community. I think that the SOP for reviewing fics should be the Thumper treatment: "If you can't say something nice, then don't say nothing at all."