Aesthetic dermatology is a part of dermatology that deals with the enhancement of personal appearance of the individual by addressing the underlying disease and general skin problems is an important part of clinical dermatology that addresses the common skin problems. Some of the most common types of skin problems are acne, eczema, psoriasis, rosacea, warts and moles and all these skin disorders can be treated effectively so you can have a healthy and flawless skin that you deserve. Acne is one of the most common facial skin problems that is caused by blocked pores that can lead to painful pimples and lumps and it can spread to the neck, chest, back, shoulders and upper arms. The treatment for acne is …
Aesthetic dermatology is a part of dermatology that deals with the enhancement of personal appearance of the individual by addressing the underlying disease and general skin problems is an important part of clinical dermatology that addresses the common skin problems.
Is it just me or is when I'm depressed I think I'm the ugliest thing that's walked the earth. Then when I'm in a good mood I am the sexiest person alive?
alrighty so i want to talk for a little bit and this will be rambly and silly but oh well it's my blog (◡‿◡✿)
read more for possibly being long
this is like the first time i'm actually happy with how i look. I've even gotten to the point where I find myself even a little on the pretty side, which is something I've never really done. I used to have terrible issues with my appearance to the point where I would actually avoid mirrors as much as I could, or anytime I would see myself in a mirror in like a store like kohls i would be overwhelmed with absolute hatred.
I went through a bit of well, not necessarily full-blown eating disorders but something similar. when i went through the worst point in my depression and beginning of my agoraphobia, i would skip meals constantly. partly out of my body and partly out of being gluten-free and getting to the point where i hated food and didn't want to eat anything.
i have the /weirdest/ body to the point where i've had doctors not know what's wrong with me more times than once. plenty of times my mom had been told i was faking, but i never lied about it and was clearly in pain, and i'm pretty sure she knew that.
i am pretty much at the point where i have to eat every two hours to stay okay. which sucks when you're going out or working on something for a long time. if i don't eat, i get a terrible stomach ache and feel like i'm constantly going to throw up, or will feel like i need to burp a lot? after awhile i finally figured out it was my body's way of saying that it really needed food. i no longer get that holy shit i /need/ food hunger feeling. if i'm hungry, it's more of an emotional thing.
so in reality because i am gluten free and generally not the best at taking care of myself, i don't eat much at all. some of my friends that i've had since i was 12 - so 6 years- have only seen me eat in person once. all throughout highschool i took a class instead of lunch, and wouldn't eat until i got home.
which is funny because i am definitely not skinny. when i was skipping meals constantly and nearly starving myself, i was 170 pounds. although, my stomach WAS flat to the point where you could feel my ribs.
so i've gotten to the point where i realized i will never be stick thin, and am okay with that. i'm extremely lucky because now society is starting to really embrace plus size women and plus size fashion. torrid has done wonders for me, honestly. i really love that place, and love being able to dress up. i do it for me, and it makes me feel so much better about myself, and much, much more comfortable in public- which is everything to me.
i realized that i have big hips, a big chest, and a small waist. my feet are size 10.5 and are proof alone that i'll never be big. i always thought i was huge and everyone knew it, but i've found out that people have actually been confused to find out my real size or how much i really weigh. i'm not unhealthy, i'm just large. my little asian 90 pound doctor was absolutely shocked to see the size of my feet, and then seemed to calm down considerably since she was apparently confused as to why i weight so much.
one thing is that my toughest critic is my mom. she will be brutally honest to me all the time. sure, it can hurt when she says i need to work on stuff- but i know it's because she has a large stomach that she can't get rid of because all of the issues she went through with her pregnancies. ( i was one of the only two survivors out of about nine or ten pregnancies. my brother was the first, and then there was about 8 or 9 between us. ) and even though she can be harsh, it kind of makes it better when she does say i look nice. i've worn some of her old clothes and she's reacted completely shocked and said i look INCREDIBLE in it. she'll comment on how small my waist actually is and how certain clothes just flatter me wonderfully. it's nice, and it makes me feel really great.
cosplay is doing the same thing. i've always loved dressing up for the fun of it during halloween and theme days at school ( one of the only things i miss about highschool and dislike about college ) so cosplay lets me do that, but it also has so many beautiful people in it who are so sweet. when they tell me i make a wonderful character or i look amazing in a cosplay it's just incredible. it makes me feel like absolutely nothing is wrong with my body, and in reality, there isn't. i'm healthy, and that's all that matters to me. if i have a bit more fat on my arms that i might want to get rid of, sure, i'll work on it. but it's not wrong.
i also have a self mutilation problem. no, i don't cut. i pick. i constantly scratch at my skin and will occasionally make myself bleed. it stems from ocd, and started out as a coping method when i was going through my agoraphobia. sometimes i would come home from a stressful day, go to the bathroom, and just pick and scratch at my face forever.
even though i have bloody spots on my arms and scratches i've become okay with it because there are so many people who don't care about it. granted, the spot on my body that is the worst is in a place you can't see, but my arms still do have a good amount of scars.
so, i've learned that telling people that i find them beautiful is something that's really important to me. i want them to know that they are beautiful. i don't do it to gain brownie points or just make them feel better, i do it because it's true. i do it because i feel like they should know that they are gorgeous. i will never tell someone i think they're gorgeous when i don't. ( although in reality i rarely find people ugly, and the only people i do is because of their personality, or they've done something to make me dislike them. )
so i guess i'm just saying that i absolutely appreciate when people compliment me more than anything else. and i'm also saying that i do really find you beautiful, and i really do find you amazing, and i really do find you sweet.
I really want to buy my own make up because lately I've been using my sisters.
The thing is, I used to always say that I hated wearing make up because it made me feel fake, and it does still, but I don't hate it anymore. I've gotten to the point where I feel like I need to have make up on. Not want, but need. I feel like I don't look presentable, or even the slightest bit pretty when I don't have make up on. This upsets me. The good thing is, I haven't gotten to the point yet where I think I'm full on UGLY without make up on.
Anyway, I think tomorrow I might go to Fountain Gate or something, go and get some make up for me, and these really comfy boots that I found at Kmart to wear for work. Then I won't have constant blisters on my feet.
It's almost the end of the first week of the holidays and I've wasted it by being completely sick. Hate. Life.
