I'm so damaged lmao. It's so funny coz as someone who genuinely loves Dean's every aspect, and also a deankin, the way I look for My Dean Characterisation (which is the only correct one. To Me) is sooo Much.
Like, this fandom is sooo huge and alive and creative and beautiful. And I love that.
But whenever I read fics, I look for My Dean like he's my dead wife. Every Dean I meet falls just short of my true one. I have a deep and abiding love for every Dean I read and see, but still. Noone can compare to the dead wife montage of My Dean that I have in my head. And I get personally hurt, in a non-cathartic way, when I see him being mischaracterised in some ways. Coz - those biases aren't just in fiction. Ukwim? Lol.
Like, I have so much of the same damage that he has and he has many that I don't etc etc. And I just know in my bones what it feels like to be That Person. (Obv obv not all of it but uk the core - the crippling empathy, the parentification, the way ur set up to fail but then you feel guilty abt it anyway, the gender ✨✨✨, the sexuality, being a caretaker, the....everything....dean is obv way braver with all of it than I am and I love that catharsis for me lol). This is the classic deangirl experience tho ofc (tru for every character too. I unironically love fandom for the projection potential). It's just that based on your experiences, headcanons differ.
Maybe it's Not Normal. But I'm just sharing it coz I'm so amused by it myself. Like, idk if it's coz I'm ND or whatever the hell, but it just means that much to me. That my experience of these characters be kind at it's core. Compassionate characterisations are always infinitely more interesting and complex than vague biases and old templates can ever be.
And yes, ik the true solution is just to write my own fics. But um...let's just say I'm trying and leave it at that lol.
There's something so beautiful about finding yourself through art and community, uk?
