seen from Türkiye
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So I'm not saying that my Critical Role viewing habits are a direct reflection of my mental health. Cause I've absolutely watched religiously while Going Through it.
But I do feel the fact that it's Thursday and I'm 2 episodes behind is some kind of canary in the coal mine for my mental state right now
Man i hate it when i have like a bunch of games to play but i always end up playing fallout anyways.
Got this pretty little lady today! Her name is Scholar ! I need to get some more plants, but so far she’s been enjoying the 10g
Holy shit I just had a revelation.
I'd been feeling weird about gender stuff lately, but couldn't quite place my finger on it. Like, for most intents and purposes I am functionally a cis woman, but I don't really have a strong internal sense of gender and I feel like my relationship to gender is very different from my mom and sister's, even if we're all "women".
It's kind of like how some chocolate isn't technically chocolate it's chocolate-flavored candy, or it technically it is chocolate, but it contains the minimum amount of necessary ingredients to be chocolate?
Anyway, I wondered if maybe I was nb or possibly agender, but none of the labels felt right (contrast with discovering I was ace and found multiple labels that "fit") and then earlier tonight I said something about how I felt like I had gender as much as I had sexuality (there was something there, but hardly anything and most the time I can't really feel it) and then it occurred to me that if I'm graysexual, then by the same logic I could be gray...gender?
I don't know why I didn't think of that before, but somehow it makes perfect sense and "fits" this vague feeling I had.
Anyway. Apparently I'm graygender.
I swear this week is trying to kill me. Between the coup, work stress, pandemic stress, and shark week I'd probably die if it wasn't for Critical Role tomorrow.
On the bright side, I had to explain they/them pronouns (and neopronouns) to my mom today and she actually handled it better than I expected. (I may have also dropped that I use She/They online to my sister??)
Valentine's day always makes me feel alienated as an asexual.
To counteract this i usually have an ace night with friends, but we can't really do that this year so its just me and my period this time
Oh great it's 3am dumpster fire brain time
I can't even do a readmore
I can stay awake and think about complicated gender feelings, complicated death feelings, and a wide selection of unpleasant current events OR I can try to sleep and if I manage to do that then I'll just have nonstop stress dreams because apparently I can't handle something as simple as taking my meds consistently
CR came back last week but I barely even remember it because my head is just full of all the shit that happened since then and has been happening since before then. It doesn't feel real. It feels the same as the dreams I had last night
I'm really glad that the cast is taking a break and I hope they do it as often as needed
Even if I'm personally kind of on the struggle bus from having my routines upturned...
