#personal journaling

[trekrewatchjournalprompts]

In Season 5, Episode 3, B’Elanna Torres orders her favorite banana pancakes. When she gets them, though, they don’t bring her the enjoyment she’d expected. To me, this is a particularly moving moment — she notices something that she expected to enjoy just felt flat.

Have you ever lost interest and enjoyment in something you previously enjoyed? How did you feel? If this was in the past, did it signal depression, growth, or something else in your life?

[cmdr-ceylon]

Sometimes I think about the person who was going through a thing and tried to tell me that Varis was going to use me up and throw me away. Which, I know was much more about the person talking to me trying to divert me from talking about something she probably thought of as threatening, than it was about anything else.

How do you go about life telling people fictional characters will let them down? It's like saying God will let you down. Why would I direct my own fantasy in that manner? What was she actually trying to say? Was I supposed to take it some way other than literally?

People have had the guts to say some wild-ass things to me over the years, and that's certainly one of them. I hope no oje else has to endure the magnitude of what this one was for me, though.

For the record, working on projects about Varis has had its ups and downs, and various things other people have said to me about him have been much worse in other ways, and caused me to feel shame and doubt about what I'm doing, and attempted to recontextualize my work as a bad act in order to get me to stop talking about it, but I guess nothing has convinced me to see my version of Varis as someone who would willingly discard someone he truly cared about, but maybe I'm the delusional one.

The amount of time and attention I give outside thoughts about things that are this important to me is staggering, and I've been trying to stop it while also attempting to keep my head level and my feet on the ground, but the amount of love I feel for this sad old man could power a city, "deserved" or not. I lack the vocabulary to describe just how much creative energy I've been electrified by, and I guess that's somewhat for the better since I just seem to be continually malinterpreted by people. I want to shout my love from the hilltops, but being forced to repeat it to just myself has allowed me to leave toxic situations and be okay with working with an audience of one.

[brothersemberfell]

The Sweet Part of Salty: WoW

But I’m going to share this sentiment because I feel like more healthy ways to handle content/game burnout need to be seen and out there. (And I know I am not alone with current WoW mood). I can’t have a criticism about World of Warcraft in any space without people driving in with a front-end loader full of NaCl so let me put up a few Jersey barriers as I be honest here.

Leveling experience was fun for me personally. The individual zone writing, the types of quests- becoming a frog and squishing people? That’s what warms my heart every time in WoW. Quest team- you knocked it out of the park and I appreciate you.

End game content wise, I’m just not excited. The end game systems, the rep grinds its just.... more of the same to me. The bugs in dungeons being the most disappointing even. But that’s ok because it frees my focus to direct onto other things I like.

Like the stories my guild is about to write. The 8.1 belf content I have waited so long for. The room for art and alternative headcanons there’s still time for. And even consuming other game content in the meantime.

My thought is for many people my age, video games have been a huge part of their lives- so it’s very valid to feel attachment and frustration when something so meaningful disappoints you. But we need to also remember that these games, these products are made by other people. They aren’t meant to be played forever. It’s ok to take breaks. You aren’t being disloyal to a universe/franchise by broadening your titles. 

The most rewarding part of taking burnout time to consume different content is coming back with new energy, fresh motivation, fond appreciation and healthy perspective on what you’re entitled to, and what you most certainly aren’t.

Be excellent to others. Consume content in healthy ways. Find the sweet in the salt. 

[mysticpatrolsong]

Personal Journaling

May

2003

[flowery-moth-angel]

We've been drawing more and painting again. Our works are horrific and tragic. But it feels like us. I enjoy what I see and I enjoy what I make. Maybe one day others will see and feel something from it. But right now, it feels like I'm releasing the thoughts from my head. And it bothers me less and less each time. For the horrors are familiar and comfortable and to see my artwork of them feels like they are a part of me as much as they are removed from me. As if it all finally feels balanced and I have befriended the worst. Nothing makes sense, but that's okay. I'm making it through.