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my little halloween trip has created an unexpected mental reaction (excuse me? are there reasons for that? at first glance there are none and its very rude) that i thought will pass in a few days but is still going this is fun also now i am pretty sure i actually have pure ocd. which would explain so much about how it behaves.

#my life is Halloween now #personal rusrus #im creating distractions for myself. send me some if u have them #good side of this is ive just thought of a decent mental stuff tag #mental swamp

shopping trip post in a new style

#personal rusrus #shopping trip post #my face #me #I wanted to post right from the supermarket but it was too stressful and i would look like a fool making posts in front of everybody

today in a dream i was afraid if a clown (Pennywise) for the first time in my life

#dreams #personal rusrus #i knew i only need to stop being afraid im safe but that was almost impossible :')#im alive tho dont worry

hello, baseless overwhelming sadness <3_<3!!!

#while Time after time is playing on a loop at the back of my head #personal rusrus

each time i do something unsupported by my ocd this bitch flips its shit and next day i have a Bad Head Day

#usually it begins with bad/unpleasant dreams. today's choice was - unpleasant dreams #with a side of - New yucky symbolism #but this is a good thing. a sign of progress goin on #personal rusrus

blaming mysself for somthign i cant get rid of will surely help me get rid of something i cant get rid of

#good one brain u really solved the puzzle #personal rusrus

oh also ive bought a bouncy ball for cat son (he hates it’s smell so thats great), slightly culturally appropriative skull face mask in Tim Burton’s style, chairs??, my first oreos (they are ok. but just ok. maybe they are better in united states? also very crumbly)

#shopping trip post #but v small #personal rusrus

my Halloween

I have visited my best friend’s graveyard today, I havent been there since we buried him, 6 years ago. He was the best cat i’ve ever known, and i felt really bad for never going there. Each Halloween I wanted to go there, but every time something (agoraphobia) was stopping me. Dont know what was it about today that made me lose almost all of my fear, maybe its the weather that really suits Halloween, fog, snow, rain, gloomy and windy. But whatever it was I am very glad it did. His ghost didnt come, not visibly at least, but I’ve left some cat food he would love. I very much expected to at least be sad/cry, but I felt nothing, and I choose to believe this means he is not there and he is safe.

#this was my best Halloween adventure. the only Halloween adventure #it was heavily inspired by the last ep of Dead like Me where the whole crew frees souls on this very holiday #and Georgia visits her own grave where her mother and sister sleep under blankets. and sister wakes up and sees her #The october ground is cold #personal rusrus #But i still wish i felt something i waited for this moment for so long.#when i was walking away I felt like i need to come back and stay for a while. thats just my ocd though #Halloween

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