#personal stuff tag

[confused-stars]

welp, coming to terms with being aro is already tough, but i also ended up ending an almost two-year relationship because of that, so it’s going great over here

[coppermarigolds]

Hangry + PMSing is not a good combination. Fortunately, I have chocolate peanut butter fudge. 

Other general state-of-the-me musings...

I’ve been having a minor existential crisis lately about work: the work I'm currently doing, versus work I might be capable of doing, versus work I would like doing. I’ve been hopelessly bored with work for my entire adult life. Part of that is just the nature of doing the same job day in and day out, of course. But the further I get into my workforce years, the more I’m wondering if I semi-intentionally sabotaged myself by choosing career paths that I knew would be “safe” rather than intellectually challenging. 

In other words, my tendency to lowball/downplay myself, combined with my rampant fears of failing, embarrassing myself, disappointing managers, losing a job, etc all steered me toward work I knew I could do pretty easily. But now I’m dealing with the flip side: going out of my mind with boredom. 

Unfortunately, knowing that I might be happier, or at least less bored, in a more challenging career doesn’t help much in the way of figuring out what said career might be. I’m still facing the same problem I did in my college days: knowing I’m not well suited for any of the typical go-to career paths like law, medicine, teaching, or business (dealing with clients, patients, students, or boardroom meetings would leave my introverted self a shriveled husk), but simultaneously having trouble identifying what would be a good fit. 

On the plus side, Sis and I are making some good strides in our real estate investing endeavors. In the past several weeks we’ve picked a real estate agent, started viewing properties, and reached out to some local property management companies. So far we haven’t seen any houses we’re 100% sold on purchasing, but a couple have come pretty close. It’s all about finding a property that’s within our budget, but still in decent enough shape (and in a decent enough area) to attract good tenants. The very first house we looked at a couple weekends ago had bullet holes in the windows. As we stepped out of the car, I half-jokingly asked the agent, “Are we going to get shot?”

“Nah, not on Sunday,” she said. 

Needless to say, we’re not buying in that neighborhood. 

[xxchibi-blog]

Thank you for your kind words.

I spoke with my boss, told her that I'm feeling so on edge.

I'm going to focus on RTX Sydney and make changes once I get back.

For now I just need to remember to breath

[confused-stars]

if i hadn’t spent the last decade beating down my anxiety until i overcompensated by being overly chill, i’d probably be freaking out way more about this whole Thing

as it is, i’m reading medical articles about my disorder and going “well, this is depressing” and that’s about the extent of it

[coppermarigolds]

Things I’m happy about today:

It’s the start of a three-day weekend!!!!

My entire house is clean. The yardwork is done. MY WEEKEND IS FREEEE

I picked up The Last Of Us, which I’ve never played but heard good things about, so that’s how I plan to spend at least part of my long weekend. 

Sis and I also plan to binge-watch the remainder of AoS season five now that it’s concluded.

I saw Solo last night, and while I didn’t like it as much as R1 or TLJ, it was still quite enjoyable.

Best of all, I will send one hundred flower bouquets to the Solo casting department because one of the film’s characters finally gave me the perfect faceclaim for a character in my novel. I’ve been hunting for a faceclaim for her for MONTHS. I’m unreasonably thrilled about this.

[coppermarigolds]

Well, that was a series of unfortunate events. I decided to pick up Chipotle for dinner, take it to the park where I jog, sit at one of the picnic tables and read while eating, then go for a walk afterward. 

As I was leaving Chipotle, however, rain started furiously coming down in sheets. But I noticed the sky seemed a bit lighter toward the area of the park, so I thought, no problem, I’ll still just go to the park and sit in my car to eat instead. I’ll read and listen to the rain on the car roof, then if/when the rain blows over, I’ll go for my walk.

So I headed for the park, but literally as I was approaching the entrance, a police car, an ambulance, and two fire trucks came screaming past...and blocked the entrance to the park. Yikes. No idea what happened there, but I was suddenly glad I’d gone to get dinner first instead of going straight to the park after work like I often do. 

Unable to get in the park, I had to go on past it. By the time I got home, my Chipotle was starting to get cold, so I figured I’d heat it up and just sit in my living room and eat and read instead.

...And then I couldn’t open the garage door. I got into the house and discovered the power was out.

I sulked and ate my lukewarm Chipotle. Now I’m at Starbucks, which has power and internet. Maybe it’s just as well that the walk in the park didn’t work out--I have just under 900 words to go to meet my goal for Hippo’s Creativity Challenge which ends tonight, so I’d better get started on those.

[lovelessloverboy-dean]

Replaced on my annual road trip with my cousins by my ex girlfriend who my cousin may or may not be cheated on her husband with

[lovelessloverboy-dean]

Recently spent a week on my friend's couch and her new boyfriend I'd never met was just..there the entire time, and he was nice enough but it made me think about allo relationship timelines and priorities and stuff bc I was not warned at all and the vibe was very much like he was hosting me despite them being 2 months into dating (compared to 4 years of friendship during which I had been in her apt many times)

Today she called me and mentioned her boyfriend saying something like "I never understood why couples in cities got roommates until [me] stayed here. Like it was kinda nice to talk to someone before bed"

And i realized maybe THAT is my aromantic dream, actual. A couple adopts me. I get guaranteed roommate and friend hangout time, but I know that they want to spend alone time and get along with each other so I get solo time and space. Rent is split three ways, as are dishes, cooking, etc. Triple income no kids. We have throuple allegations we don't dispute but people close to us know I am a loved and permanent third wheel. I just need to find a couple interested in adopting a close platonic roommate! I can't believe my friend's some guy boyfriend caused this level of introspection but I feel like I'm onto something here