#personal tapings

[boushards]

submitted a bunch of stuff to my supervisors yesterday so i’m taking a day off. going to slowly return to a wip which i wrote quite a lot of at the end of last year before burnout really got me and which i was super excited about at the time. have been thinking about how i could lengthen it out a bit, but honestly plotting is my weakest point of craft and i have no idea how anyone even does it. i am always so impressed with people’s ability to just… sit down and write a coherent story. it’s always like pulling teeth for me, and i never really get what i want out of any plotting exercise. nevertheless, it’s iced coffee time.

[boushards]

happy bank holiday monday to meeeee i just hit 80k words on my thesis. feel like slamming my head into a wall.

[boushards]

earlier today during my supervision my supervisor and i were talking about my fiction writing (tangentially related to another discussion about my thesis) and she asked me what genre i usually write in and i was just like uhhhhhh because for a solid ten seconds all i could think about was that one bit in acts where elias licks jon’s face.

[boushards]

as usual, i survived, but man did that suck. my supervisors had an argument and it was literally like being a child of divorce at the kitchen table lmao, just averted my eyes and pretended i wasn’t listening. i have so much to do and so little strength left in my shoulders, but we push forward.

honestly it’s at times like these where i kind of wish tma was a bit chiller that it actually is. would love to listen to it rn but i’m in s4 so i’ll just end up crying even more than i already have today.

[boushards]

today is quite literally the worst possible day for me to have a supervision but here we are. in future i just want a job that doesn’t make me feel like the stupidest, most incompetent person on this earth. some days it’s easy to pinpoint the negative self talk and some days it’s just simpler to let it go yeah both your supervisors laugh at how bad all of this is and think you’re ridiculous for saying that you could finish the whole thesis by the start of may.

[boushards]

i take back everything i’ve ever said about having an arch nemesis; it is in fact the tumblr mobile app.

[boushards]

starting to realise that my thesis isn’t going to get done anytime soon and i really want to write but don’t have the brainpower to go back to anything longer which i have in my wips folder rn. maybe i should write something short and self indulgent instead… but i still don’t really have the time to make it any good… urgh. never want to post something i’m unhappy with but also don’t want to vanish into the aether for six months. curse you perfectionism.

[boushards]

finally had what i would term a good thesis morning except i’ve had too much caffeine in too short a period of time so now i have heart palpitations and i kind of want to cry.