#personal whiny shit

[solarianvoidthearoace]

Uh, hi…

So I have been inactive/ avoiding tumblr since 17th July 2024. (All posts since that day were queued.)

I kinda had overwhelm because I know I have my notifications absolutely overflowing on at least 3 blogs. Which lead to avoidance and then I just carried that unease with me…

Uh, yea, so I’m probably back. (26th Feb. 2025)

And I’ll need to play catch-up with the inboxes… :\

Also, I legally changed my name earlier this week! I’ll apply for a new ID next week.

[ace-aro-queerplatonic-positivity]

I’m going to be offline today due to attending a protest

First time, as I’m not usually participating in in-person activism (keep in mind I’m in my late 20’s, so not like I have experience “getting out there” besides engaging in political debate, I’m just a bumbling puppy punk for now)

From the posts I recently shared, you might have gathered that I’m German and that Germany’s alt-right party is not only on the rise but also got uncovered as having literal deportation in mind

Someone else put English-language resource links together about it.

Anyhow. I’m new to activism as such and I hope I can not only participate today but maybe also make some connections with the local (punk/ activist/ antifa) scene

I saw that there’s an antifa-workgroup from my college that’s going to be at the protest today

And I assume the club of the local punk bar (a club founded to help keep the bar stay open because the pandemic almost did it in) will also be there, even if unofficially/ not as that club specifically

Anyway, this is much more than I usually say about myself on here but I’m excited and I don’t feel like that’s going to get read of I mention it on my sick-punk blog… idk

If you DM me, I might reveal my side blog’s URL but definitely at my discretion and I block liberally (and I never “soft-block”, if you’re done you’re done)

[artifactseeker-myr99]

I told both my parents about my walking cane

I bought it while away at college and it was a decision I made on my own by myself because my support splints and support bandages weren’t cutting it anymore.

I told my parents it was a recommendation by my new general practitioner after she asked about my knee problems – a blatant fucking lie but my cane helps me lots and I brought it with me this semester break

Also I’m queer and have been writing fanfic for over a decade now, if I wasn’t used to lying to my parents I would have major problems

Not that they ever gave a fuck when I tried coming out but hey

Which is also to say: if you claim AuDHDers “can’t lie” or are all “sweet innocent beawns uwu”, your local autistic is entitled to knock some sense into you

For the entire laundry list of my queer and disabled labels, please refer to my side blogs

[wrenbee]

My birthday is Monday and I'm so anxious and just SAD about it. Everyone keeps saying "Oh please, you're so young!" But it has all flown by so quickly. I have this knot of anxiety squirming in my chest that says the next 25 years are just going to be blur. That next week I'll wake up and go about my day, but really I'll be 45 trudging out the same monotonous routine I've somehow developed. I'm just afraid I've become stagnant.

[princessstabbity]

Cullen x Amell isn’t a very popular pairing so seeing a Alistair x Amell or a Cullen x Inquisitor fic which are far more popular tagged the pairing is kind of a shitty thing to see.  blah..

Excuse my whiny ass I just want fic lol

[solarianvoidthearoace]

I know as proshippers we get a lot of “brain rot” comments and shit

But… Uhm… who the ever-loving fuck shat into people’s minds that 80% of the self-ship blogs I saw in the #f/o are anti-shippers?

Excuse me but how the hell does “pro-shippers DNI” go together with self-shipping

It’s right in the name!

If you self-ship, you obviously support shipping characters! And from what I saw many self-shippers are minors or otherwise age their fictional others up/ down

I feel like I’m stuck in the Patrick wallet meme

Pro-Ship is just the shipping equivalent of KINKTOMATO – “your ship is not my ship and that’s okay!”

Pro-Ship means nothing more than “ship and let ship” aka. “if I don’t like your content I’ll stay the fuck away and we don’t bother each other.”

How does “pro-shippers deserve horrible things” go on your cutesy “I ship myself with this character and they are my fictional other” side-blog??

Hello-oh?! Cognitive dissonance anyone?!

I’m just fed up with seeing anti-shippers everywhere and never knowing whether they are the uneducated kind (like most of these self-ship bloggers seem to be) or the dangerous kind who harass and doxx people over something as inane as fictional characters. I have read enough thread containing death threats and doxxing, even swatting! Anti-shippers are dangerously deranged in their fight for so-perceived “justice”. Over fictional characters where age is LITERALLY just a number.

Because they are made up.

Because they aren’t real.

Because they are words/ lines on a page and accordingly their age is just a made-up number as well!

Like, even if – even if – I’m into dirty bad gross disgusting ships, it shouldn’t matter because no matter what fucked-up shit I ship or don’t, it’s literally just lines on paper or a digital artwork on a screen. Pro-ship means “ship and let ship” nothing more and nothing less.

So it’s your business whether you are into stuff I find disgusting. And it’s my business if I’m into stuff you find reprehensible.

Pro-ship is just the stance of “idgaf what you ship, whatever it is you get your rocks off to”. And – I can’t repeat this often enough – we are talking about FICTION. No people were harmed in the making of this media. Characters can be aged up or aged down or aged sideways for all I care, they are characters! They aren’t real! You can not hurt them in a way that impacts the real world!

I know there is stuff in fanfic I find revulsive, that grosses me out and makes me run for the exit-button. But the stuff I read probably does the very same thing for other people. (I’m not going to admit to what precisely I read, that’s my business)

Just, even if we are talking about all that gross, reprehensible, sick, revulsive E-rated shit… let people enjoy the porn fanfic they like, even if it makes you squeamish to even think about it.

It’s not my business what other proshippers are into, whether they wank to it or just like to read it for literary analysis. I don’t give a fuck because all I need to know is Their Ship Is Not My Ship And That’s Okay! Their Kink Is Not My Kink And That’s Okay!

[solarianvoidthearoace]

Got a new (second) cane

An ergonomic-ish handle, I would call it

My initial cane is an offset one

I mainly got this new one because my offset-cane can only be folded once. I couldn’t find any offset canes in Germany which are foldable twice

I’m an ambulatory cane user and never know when my knees will be bad enough I need it, so I specifically got this new cane to easily keep it on/ in my everyday backpack

I struggled a good 40-50 minutes taking the original tip off the new cane and replacing it with the type of cane-tip I am used to from my beloved offset.

I worry my wrists might complain tomorrow because of the pulling/ gripping/ force needed to get the original tip off the new cane. I even had to heat it up using my hairdryer before it budged.

I might put reflective stickers into this cane as well, stars probably (the leopard stickers are the same type reflectors you can put in your bike’s spokes)

And I decided I will get some grip-tape (you know, tennis rackets) in a funky color :3

I also got star-shaped carabiners I’ll put on both, so I can clip them to my backpack more easily

[ace-aro-queerplatonic-positivity]

A friend from college sent me into a mild “yo WTF” the night before yesterday

I invited him to grab a boba with me and another guy/ friend I invited; the day I planned for is in 2 weeks, so yeah it’s not exactly a spontaneous thing

Anyway, when I invited my friend, he replied “that does sound a bit like a date between the two of you” and I immediately went ??? O_O !!!

I asked him to explain why he thinks that and then said “yea, I don’t wanna give that impression which is why it’d be nice of you tagged along”

He explained and… “I just think you and [him] would fit. You get along well and from what I know you two talk frequently.”

Which, yes, we meet on Wednesdays and just chat for, usually, around an hour. We started that around the beginning of this semester – because we ran into each other, our schedules Wednesday match – and managed to make it a routine.

After I had slept and talked to two friends about it, I retconned my reply and told my friend that I’m inviting him because we’re all friends and I figure he could need an evening to get his mind free – it’s less awkward if everyone already knows one another and they get along great as well

I then added that I’m not relationship material (for various reasons) and that our mutual friend would deserve better than me (I assume he’s interested in women, for one); he’s sweet and deserves to get with a nice girl

I also have rather highly specific wishes and wants about a potential relationship, which is all the more reason I know I’m no good for dating

I’m constantly writing on snippets/ side-shorts for my original novel (wip) and I’m using those characters/ that relationship to figure out my own crap. And – sure, call me a pessimist – I’m just convinced that, while such a relationship is realistic, I will not get a relationship like that. There are concrete reasons why I think a relationship like I want, while definitely realistic, isn’t going to happen for me.

And… as silly as this sounds, I would need someone who can handle my lived experience. Can accept that I have relationship trauma that will affect their relationship with me. All my “various reasons” hang ups have reasons and I would need to feel understood about that to be comfortable dating someone. I don’t mean I want to make that potential partner do emotional labour on my behalf. What I mean, is, I need someone who can watch me cry without jumping in, someone who is patient – can put ‘the moment’ on hold – while I work through my bullshit brain. I know I need a lot of reassurance; and someone who is patient and emotionally mature enough to help me help myself.

Besides I’m, like, 5 years older than my Wednesday-friend AND we’re all just trying getting through college lmao