#pete harem

[rotgotharchive]

//struggles to hold onto all these pete's

[positively-pete]

Tonight on Late Night With the Petes and Some Cake Mix [Drabble] - Pete Harem (Happy (belated) Birthday Sara-mun!!)

"Guys, shhhh!!"

The two taller Petes froze in the middle of an argument over what was to do with the left over cake batter, Bennet being for eating it all off the bowl and the beaters and Sanders for just washing it. It was now that they needed Parker's common sense the most.

"S-Senpai! Sensei!! We haven't even taken the ingredients out of the fridge, and be quiet so we don't wake up Sar or the twins!" Parker whispered angrily. The two were driving him crazy, it made him wonder why he allowed them, especially Bennet, into the kitchen to help in the first place.

"Oh... heh..." Bennet let out a nervous laugh. Didn't want to wake up the birthday girl, after all.

The oldest of the farmers glared at the two, Parker for scolding him and Bennet for... being Bennet. What the hell was so hard about baking a damn yellow cake? Probably nothing if it were just Parker or even him and Sanders but Bennet... Bennet was banned from the kitchen 364 days of the year, this day was going to be baking hell.

"Come on, guys. Let's just work on getting along, okay? Then we can get some sleep." Parker smiled. As frustrated as he was with his "sister husbands," he was optimistic they'd have plenty good results with their wife's birthday treat... That is, until he opened the refrigerator.

"Um... Where are the eggs?"

"The Pete was hungry from all the field work and made omelets as an after dinner snack."

"You what!?"

"Omelets? As in more than one?" Sanders blinked. He knew the guy could eat but one omelet was plenty enough especially for a guy Bennet's size.

"Well duh, the Pete knows my grammars! I was hungry, okay?"

"Senpai, you know you're not allowed in the kitchen!!"

"Relax. The Pete's the best cook in the universe. You're just jealous 'cause they were pretty damn goo-..." Bennet clutched his mouth with one hand and stomach with the other, running off to the bathroom before he could finish his argument and making some... less than pretty noises.

"Heh, nice going, Fatso." Sanders commented, prompting a disappointed glare from Parker. "What?"

"We're going to have to get some more eggs now... What grocery store is open past one?"

"There's a late night store that just opened nearby, I think. Not sure why they think they'd get much business here, though."

"Great! How about you go while I get the rest of the batter ready? Could you pick up some applesauce too? I don't think there'll be any left after the cake's made."

"Oka-- Wait why do I have to pick up the damn eggs? Why can't Mr. 'The Pete Makes Great Omelets' pick them up? He's the one who used the last of them?"

"Senpai is in no state--" A flush was heard from the bathroom, only to be followed by more loud retching noises. Parker winced and continued. "... to be shopping now. You do it, sensei."

"Fine." Sanders huffed, heading out the door to do some shopping.

...

The bright store lights hurt his eyes after coming in from the dark night scenery only lit by the moon and a few stars here and there. The greeter at the door smiled and waved, he wanted to scowl and snatch the basket from her but he was too tired to do much else than say "Thank you," and accept the shopping basket graciously. It wasn't fair, he thought, that he had to be the one shopping. And who the hell used applesauce in a cake? Why not follow the damn directions and use oil like everyone else? Almost as strange as a chocolate cake made with mayonnaise like in Bennet's tales of a place called... "Portable's," he'd say, probably not what it was really called, knowing him, though.

He picked up the eggs and the applesauce as he was told, nothing really special. But what was that in the distance? A... free sample table? For coffee? Mother of caffeine, he needed a good wake-up. He rushed to the table, quickly picking up his sample.

"Careful, sir. It's hot." The employee warned.

"I will, I will." Sanders downed the hot beverage. Ack! It had burned his tongue and his mouth. He needed to quickly check out the items and get the heck home. Before the employee could offer help, he had already dashed away to the checkout line.

"A meeb pu peck bees oup pwes." He requested, his tongue hanging out of his mouth to cool.

"Wha?" The woman at the register was confused. Was the man's tongue swollen? What happened? "Are you alright, sir?"

"Yeah, A byus..." She blocked out the rest of his explanation, he was pointing to the sample table. Oh goddess, was he going to sue?

She quickly grabbed the phone, despite Sanders's arm waving and unintelligible protests, calling a hospital.

"Yes, I need some paramedics right away! I think this man in line is having a severe allergic reaction to one of our sample items! Send help immediately!" She gave the location in a panic. The rest of that horrible misconception earned Sanders a few laughs from the professionals and a free ride home.

Parker and Bennet were there to greet him, with Bennet having a string around him like a necklace attached to a bucket. He looked sort of like a pack mule.

"Sorry guys. I got the eggs! Sara and the kids are still asleep, right?"

"Like babies." Parker reassured.

"Um... Bennet? What the hell is that?" He stared down at the bucket.

"The Pete says I feel way better and I don't need it, but apron-tits says otherwise."

"Better safe than sorry. Let's get inside."

...

"Cake mix?"

"Cake mix!"

"Butter?"

"Butter!"

"Water?"

"Water!"

"Applesauce?"

"Applesauce!"

"Eggs?"

"Eggs!"

It was like a scene in a medical drama, Parker calling out the ingredients with the other two taking turns on handing them over. Baking cakes was as serious business as surgery to Parker, after all, not so much for Bennet or Sanders. Parker yawned as he began to mix the ingredients all together.

"The Pete wants to lick the bowl and the beaters!!"

"No way, Fatso, you're gonna hurl and make a waste of it!"

"Nuh-uh, the Pete feels better now, honest!"

"Then why the hell do you have that stupid bucket by your side?"

"'Cause Parker said--"

"Enough!" Parker snapped, shutting off the mixer. Tiredness had taken his toll and he was not taking their fighting at 2 in the morning. "I just wanted for us to make this cake together for Sara's birthday! Why can't you two..." He hiccuped, tears welling. "Just... Just get along? Please?"

Bennet stared at the floor, both he and Sanders felt awfully guilty.

"You're right, shorty." Sanders agreed, Bennet nodding with them.

"Let's do this!" Bennet cheered.

And with that, they were actually getting along for once, taking turns mixing and pouring together to put the cake in the oven. Once it was out, they all took a break, nodding off before they could frost it.

...

The kitchen in the morning was quite the sight for Sara and the twins. All three Petes sleeping on the mess that was once the kitchen floor. Adam and Tina giggled; it certainly wasn't everyday Dad, Daddy, and Papa were sleeping on the floor together, Dad wasn't even allowed in the kitchen, they thought.

"Petes? You okay?"

Bennet and Sanders woke with a start, both stretching, feeling sore from their 'bed' that night. Parker, however, was out like a light.

"Yeah." Bennet yawned. "We were..." He stretched some more. "Makin' a birthday cake for ya!"

Sara looked over to the bucket on a string, which had been taken off by Bennet and rolled to the other side of the room, thankfully empty and unused.

"Don't ask." Sanders chimed in.

Sara laughed. "You really didn't have to do that if it made you so sleepy."

"But it's your birthday, Sar."

"Yeah! The Pete knows a lady's birthday is really important!"

"Well, let's just let you guys get some slee--"

"Oh no! The cake hasn't been decorated!" Parker bolted up in worry, prompting concern from his family.

"Papa, you were sleepin'!" Adam laughed.

"You have some applesauce on your face, too." Tina was quick to point that out.

"I-I was?"

"Yeah," Sara kissed him, then the other two Petes, followed by the twins on the cheek. "You all three worked so hard. You should get some sleep. The floor doesn't look that satisfying a bed."

"B-But Sar," Parker protested. "We haven't made the cake look nice yet!"

"It looks perfectly nice, Shortie. Besides, the twins made some great cupcakes for us with Bigbee's help yesterday." She smiled, the three went through such a great effort just for her, she was touched.

"Nuh-uh, Mom! We made 'em all by ourselves!" Adam whined, tugging at Sara's hand.

"Now, now. You two go play while your daddies go get the sleep they need, can't have these three falling asleep while eating cupcakes, right?"

"Right!" The twins agreed in unison, a little disappointed the Petes couldn't play with them, but they complied and ran off to their room to play "Barbie vs G.I. Joe an' then they get married an' smash up cars!"

"Come on now," Sara smiled, escorting her husbands to their room. "Thank you so, so much." She closed the door behind her, blowing a kiss before she allowed her three favorite boys to get some sleep.

~End~

[farmgirlsara]

Mother's Day - Sara/Petes

Sleep has been a sorely missed friend on the Wilder Ranch.

“Wake up, Fatass,” He hisses, planting a foot on the other man’s chest. “Gotta go take care of the rugrats.”

“Get… off…” Bennet hisses, slapping at Sander’s ankle. “Get yer hairy, stinky foot off the Pete.”

“Well then, get up. And quietly- Sar’s asleep.”

Bennet pouts as he follows Sanders out of the room to the tiny nursery. Though the twins are just a bit over a week old, the constant crying had gotten to a point that for Sara’s sake, they’d had to move them to the other room. The ultimatum had been reached by the boys when they’d come in from chores to find her fast asleep in the bed with the twins on her chest- a dangerous thing. Sanders does feel a little bad about it but honestly, something worse was going to happen if their wife didn’t get some sleep.

“Hey lil bit,” He coos, picking up their daughter. She’s not the one who is screaming, fortunately, but he really can’t help the soft spot he has for his little girl. “How’s Daddy’s favorite princess?”

“The Pete thinks Adam is hungry.” Bennet glances at the door. “Should I…?”

“Sar needs to sleep, just give him a paci until she comes over here herself.” He rocks Tina gently, feeling the infant begin to stir. “Say… it’s Sunday, ain’t it?”

“Yep.” Bennet bounces Adam up and down, frowning when the baby spits his pacifier out onto the floor. “Aw damn it, lil man, now I gotta wash that.”

“I was just thinkin… ain’t it Mother’s Day?” Sanders looks troubled. “I mean.. I ain’t celebrated in years, not since my old lady passed but… we ought to do something for Sar, shouldn’t we?”

“What are you thinking?” Bennet asks wearily, holding Adam out at an arm’s length. “Cause the Pete’s sorta busy with screamin’ tomato over here.”

“Trade.” Sanders takes their son from Bennet, rubbing his back as the boy shrieks. “Well if one of us can get away to get some flowers from the garden… we could seriously make Sar’s day, you know? One of us just gotta watch the kids and then….”

“What’s that about one of us?” It’s Parker, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “Ya wanna keep it down? Sar’s trying to sleep.”

“Great!” Sanders shoves Adam into the shortest man’s arms, running for the door. “Leave it to me, boys!”

“What.” Parker blinks, patting Adam’s back. “Did I just miss something?”

“Say…” Bennet looks curiously at Parker, who is shirtless. “Ya don’t got milk or nothin’ for Adam, do ya?”

“… Senpai, I’m going to slap you silly.”

“Just checking.”

~ ~ ~

It’s the most well-rested she’s felt in ages.

Sara sits up with a yawn, stretching for the ceiling. She’s feeling good today- her muscles don’t ache with the tiredness that’s seeped into her bones ever since the twins were born. She can’t hope that at ten days of age, they’d finally learned to sleep through the night- she’s not that optimistic. As she glances around her empty bedroom, she notes that her loving husbands had probably saved the day.

Goddess, how she loved them.

Something in her decides that she should use this break from parenting for something truly useful- a bath and another nap. Thus, after a quick stop to her clothing box, she leaves the house, welcoming the feel of the spring breeze on her bare skin.

She’s so happy she doesn’t even notice that her ‘secret’ garden looks like it has been torn up by wild animals. Her bathhouse and the hot spring within are the most beautiful things she’s ever seen, and she laughs happily as she sinks into the warm water.

What a beautiful, perfect Sunday.

When she gets back home, feeling fresh as a daisy, she hears a familiar sound, one she hasn’t heard since she was pregnant- Sanders, singing. So the boys had come back after all.

“Howdy, guys,” She calls as she walks to the back of the house, following the sound of her husband’s voice to the nursery. “I wanted to thank y’all for… for…” She trails off. “Holy shit, you guys.”

The biggest vase of flowers she’s ever seen is sitting on the changing table, and her boys are by the rocking chair, Bennet and Parker watching as Sanders sings the twins to sleep.

“Hey, Sar.” Parker’s the first to react, his voice hushed. “Sensei sings like an angel, don’t he?”

Sanders clearly looks like he wants to make a mean retort, but he’s too busy trying to sooth their children. Bennet walks over and kisses Sara’s cheek.

“Happy Mother’s Day.”

“What?” She blinks. “What’s Mother’s Day?”

The fanciful mood is ruined. ~ ~ ~

“What do you mean you don’t know what Mother’s Day is?!”

The positions have been reversed; now the boys watch Sara as she sits in the rocking chair, feeding their children. Adam in particular seems in it to win it, stopping briefly to take a big gasp of air before resuming chugging. Parker grimaces, knowing he’s gonna have to deal with the spit up later.

“The Pete finds this highly suspicious,” Bennet says, leaning over the back of the chair to poke Tina’s cheek. “Everyone knows what Mother’s Day is.”

“Well, I don’t.” Sara sniffs. “I figure we never celebrated it on account of my ma’s dead.”

It’s quiet for a while, only the sound of Adam’s furious suckling breaking the silence. Then, Tina makes a startled wail, and Sara looks to Sanders, who takes her without question.

“Sorry… guess we forgot about that, huh?” Parker coughs. “No offense, Sar.”

“I ain’t mad.” She shrugs. “I just have no idea why yer givin’ me flowers.”

“Well… see…” Sanders clears his throat, rocking Tina back and forth. “It’s kinda like a birthday…”

“Huh?”

“It comes every year, that’s what Sensei means,” Parker interjects. “And it’s a day we honor mothers for… being mothers.”

“And you’re a mother now.” Bennet nods. “The Pete was there, you can’t deny it.”

“… aw, boys.” Sara sniffs, shaking her head. “So ya let me sleep in and got me these lovely flowers cause of these rugrats?”

“I guess.” Sanders looks uncomfortable. “When you say it like that, it sounds… weird.”

“Sensei.” Parker rolls his eyes. “Being nice isn’t weird.”

“Thank you all.” She sniffs. “So sweet. I’ll pay ya back big time when June rolls ‘round.”

“Wait, so you know what Father’s Day is, but not Mother’s Day? The Pete is confused.”

“She didn’t raise herself, dipshit!”

Adam chooses that moment to finally finish feeding, unleashing a loud belch that makes everyone else stop and stare. Sara’s the first to break the silence with laughter, letting her son rest his head on her shoulder while she rubs his back.

“Thank you guys,” She says again, her voice soft. “I really do appreciate it… wait.” She stares at the bouquet. “… was that my garden?”

“We love you, Sar!” Bennet blurts, darting from the room. Parker follows suit, as does Sanders, still carrying Tina. Sara can’t help but laugh, looking down at her son with a gentle laugh.

“I guess it’s the thought that counts, huh, Adam?” She mutters, standing up and adjusting his blanket. “Just make sure not to pull that crap when yer older, hear me? Mommy rather likes her garden… and Grandma and Grandpa like having the flowers over them.” She kisses his cheek as he yawns and shuts his eyes.

Motherhood was pretty wonderful after all.

Notes:

Adam and Tina do, at age four, tear up the garden to give their mother flowers on her birthday. Bennet helps them.

I dunno I felt like I should write this before... Idk. I coulda queued it for next year but who knows where we'll all be and I wanna hope the OT3/4 will still be alive but I count by days, not years, and so here we have it- the very first Mother's Day on Wilder Ranch in over 20 years.

I wanted to put in a joke about how they celebrate Parker on this day too cause he's technically the mom more or less but it didn't work... I figure by the time the twins are two they do have it split so Sara and Parker get celebrated in May and Bennet and Sanders have June. Mostly to save the stress of a party/presents for three Papas on one day oh MAN.

Enjoy~

[farmgirlsara]

お母さん　いつもありがとう - Sara/Petes

It’s three in the afternoon and Sara hasn’t seen her children in hours.

“Shoot!” Despite that they’d both answered, it’s Bennet that comes bounding to meet her- Sanders, she notes, is hanging back with a limp. “What do ya need?”

“What… what day is it?” She pouts at his incredulous expression. “Don’t laugh at me, okay? I’m just askin’ cause I ain’t seen our kids since breakfast. It ain’t a school day, is it?”

“It’s Saturday.” He blinks. “Oh, but the kids. If yer wonderin’ about them, they went with Parker to see the con-”

“Concession stand!” Sanders darts forward and slaps his hand over Bennet’s mouth. “There’s a concession stand in the city and er- Shorty said he wanted to show them.”

“All day?” Sara frowns. “Why didn’t he ask me? I woulda wanted to go.”

“Um…” Sanders makes a face, dropping his hand from Bennet’s mouth. “Eugh! Disgusting! Are you a child? Don’t lick me!”

“Oh, you two stop pretendin’ like ya hate each other,” Sara grumbles. “It’s the same song-and-dance every spring with you idiots. Damn it…” She turns on her heel. “I’m going to go finish up with the animals so you two have fun out here, okay?”

When she’s gone, Sanders shoves Bennet to the ground.

“Idiot! What the hell did Parker say about Sara not finding out?!”

“The Pete forgot, okay?” He gets to his feet. “Yer lucky I don’t feel like getting you back for that.”

“We both know you will later.” The taller man turns his face to the sky. “Damn… I hope Shorty knows what he’s doing…. If Sara finds out, we’re all screwed.”

“My apron-tits is pretty smart,” Bennet says with pride. “And if he forgets, I’m sure Tina’ll remember they need to be back in time to not give their ma a heart attack.”

“Sure hope so…” Sanders sniffs. “Now shut up and let’s finish with these damned plants. My allergies are actin’ up again… stupid weather.”

Bennet smiles. Just the words he was dying to hear. ~ ~ ~

It’s almost six in the evening, and Sara’s hopping mad.

“What the fuck kind of concession stand is that interesting that they’re this late?!” She snarls at Bennet and Sanders, who are keeping far away from their furious wife. Around five in the evening, she’d dragged them out of bed and down to the village, forcing them to come with her on the ferry to the city. “I’m gonna kill that man!”

“Uh,” Bennet clears his throat. “I think you should be kinder to my apron-tits. He’s their father too, you know.”

“Don’t excuse that he didn’t tell me where he was taking my children,” Sara snarls, rounding on him. “You got any more things to defend him with?!”

Sanders rolls his eyes, staring out to the sea. In all honesty, he’s a little mad at Parker, too. They’d made a damn timetable and everything for this stupid trip, and the idiot had fucked it up by not getting the kids home by five like he’d promised.

Still, he had to admit, the mother bear thing was sorta hot.

“Stop rocking the boat, Sar,” Bennet whines as their wife starts another round of pacing. “The Pete’s gonna get sea-sick.”

“I’m getting some air,” Sanders announces, skirting around the other two and heading for the dock. As soon as he’s on solid ground, however, he sees them. “Oh you stupid sonnavabitch.”

Parker’s got Tina and Adam with him, which Sanders is thankful for, but there’s more reasons for why he’s seeing red. Parker’s arms are loaded down with merch from his stupid weeaboo show, and the kids have cute little hats and dolls with them. All of this is fine- even Sara, unreasonable though she can be, would be okay with Parker taking the kids to get some culture.

It’s the fact that Parker’s still in cosplay, and has his weeaboo friend Michael with him, that makes Sanders realize shit’s about to go down.

“Pete?” He stifles a groan as he hears Sara coming up behind him. “What are you yelling about-”

It’s mercifully silent for a moment while Sara’s eyes dart from one child to the next, from one adult male in drag to the other. Sanders attempts to count the seconds before the damn breaks.

He doesn’t even make it to ten.

“You fucking bastard!” Sara stomps past Sanders and up to the stunned Parker. “How dare you take my children out without asking my permission- and with this pervert of all people!” She points an accusing finger at the taller man, who thankfully seems to have enough sense to keep his mouth shut, this time. “I cannot believe you, Pete!”

“Mom, look!” Adam gleefully holds out his toy. “Papa bought us stuff!”

“Yeah!” Tina rummages in her back pocket. “See, and his friend bought us this candy-” She pouts as Sara slaps the box of pocky out of her hand. “Mom!”

“How many damn times have I told you kids to not take things from strangers?” She ushers them away from their father and shoves them towards Sanders. “Git in the boat right now, we’re going home.”

“Sar…” Parker tries, fixing her with sad, doe eyes. The effect isn’t really that great, considering he’s wearing a wig and a miniskirt. “Listen, I wanted to tell you but-”

“But what? You knew I’d tell you no? Cause I don’t want our kids around that damned Ib Key?” She snorts. “Please. I told ya a million damn times that I don’t care if ya’ll wanna hang out, whatever, just keep me and mine out of it.” She shakes her head sadly. “You broke my trust in ya, Pete.”

“Hey, Sar-”

“For the last fuckin’ time, you don’t get to call me that!” She turns on her heel. “…Get in the boat, Pete, or I’m leaving you behind.”

Sanders winces as Sara stomps past him back into the ferry. The twins are curled up next to Bennet, watching their mother with fear in their eyes. Things are not looking good.

“Great going, Crybaby,” Sanders mutters as Parker finally joins them, after a hushed goodbye to his friend. “Ya ever use that coconut of yours?”

“There was traffic, sensei, and then we had to-”

“Have you looked at a calendar lately?” Sanders asks plainly, staring at their wife. She’s ignoring the whole lot of them, staring out to sea as Kirk pulls out from the dock. “Tomorrow’s Sunday, you know. Second of the month.”

Parker doesn’t really get it, not until they get home and Sara lays into them all.

“You absolute asses!” She snarls at her husbands. “I don’t want to do anything with all three of ya!”

“What did the Pete do?” Bennet whines. “We didn’t take the kids to see no animu.”

“But you let him do it!” She points at Parker. “And you covered for him. What else have ya’ll lied to me about, huh?”

“Mom,” Tina tries. “It wasn’t so bad- Mr. Michael didn’t do anything-”

“I wasn’t talkin’ to ya, Tina.” Sara grits her teeth. “It ain’t about what he did or didn’t do, it’s about the fact that your Papa lied to me and took you two to see someone I don’t like without asking my permission."

“But Mooom it was the coolest!” Adam hops forward, the ears on his yellow hat bouncing with every move he makes. “There were mechas, and bunny girls and Pokemon!”

“Yeah! Pokemon!”

“Sar, I’m sorry- see, I didn’t know Michael was going until-”

“Don’t lie to me, Pete.” She shakes her head, her voice choked by tears. “Yer stupid pervert outfits matched. There ain’t no way that’s coincidence.” She looks at all five of them. “Ya know I don’t believe in that no more.”

“Sara, you’re overreacting.” Sanders clears his throat. “Yeah, it was wrong of Parker, but the kids are fine, it won’t happen again.”

“What?” Tina complains. “No, but I want more Pokemon stuff!”

“Yeah!” Adam cheers. “Uru-say, Mom! Don’t be a jerk!”

It’s the wrong thing to say. Sara falls silent then, shaking her head sadly.

“You know what? You guys do what you want, because I’m done. She turns on her heel and heads for the master bedroom. “I’m done.”

“Mom, wait…”

“Who’s Mom?” Sara laughs lightly, turning to look at them with tears in her eyes. “I ain’t got no children… or no husbands, neither.”

The door slams behind her, followed by the click of the deadbolt sliding into place. The three men stare at each other, and then at their children, who are about to burst into tears.

“Well damn, Shorty,” Sanders mutters, scooping up Tina and Adam. “What are you going to do? Tomorrow’s Mother’s Day, you know, and ya sorta ruined any hope of celebrating that.”

“I just…” He sniffs. “I just wanted for someone else in this family to like what I like…”

“Daddy?” Adam taps Sanders’ cheek. “So does this mean we gotta sleep in the barn now?”

“No way, lil man.” He laughs, tugging the fleece hat over Adam’s eyes. “You haven’t lost your bedroom you know.”

“I didn’t mean to make Mom so mad,” Tina mumbles, hot tears running down her cheeks. “Are y’all gonna divorce now?”

“Heavens no!” Bennet exclaims. “This ain’t nothin’ but a lil thing. She’ll come around… apron-tits!” He looks at Parker, who has started to cry silently. “Stop feelin’ sorry for yerself. We gotta all plan how to make this up to her, hear?”

“I always make her upset,” Parker mumbles. “Maybe I should leave…”

“Oi.” Sanders puts the kids down and grabs Parker by the front of his shirt. “Any more of that ‘poor me’ shit and I’ll give ya a reason to cry. Stop being a damn baby and man up! If we’re gonna get Sar to come around, we need you.” He glances at the twins, who are now hiding their faces against Bennet’s leg. “… so stop blamin’ yerself, okay? You were in the wrong but… Sar is, too.”

“I’m sorry, sensei.” Parker wipes at his face. “I… I’ll help best I can.”

“Good.” Sanders lets him go. “Now we’re damn lucky the wash just got brought in cause if I have to look at your hairless thighs for another minute I’m gonna turn gay.” He turns away. “… let’s get you and the twins cleaned up and dressed for bed, huh. You guys can tell me all about your weebfest over dinner.”

~ ~ ~

Morning dawns with a foreboding air.

Sara exits the bedroom to find her entire family waiting at the breakfast table, an impressive spread food waiting before them.

She takes one look at them and then heads for the kitchen, grabbing a rice ball on her way out to the fields.

That was attempt number one.

While she’s brushing down the horses, Bennet attempts to help her out, filling up the troughs and taking care of the fillies while she looks after the older horses.

She pretends he isn’t there, and the younger horses get two brushings that day.

Sanders wisely keeps his distance, sticking to the fields with Parker and the twins, who are eager to help out around the farm, for once. They watch their dad come back from his mission with a pout on his face, and give each other a concerned look.

If attempt number three doesn’t work, they’re screwed.

Sara attempts to stay away from the house as long as possible, but even her rage must bow to the will of her stomach. Abandoning her attempts at spring-cleaning in the hen house, she walks towards the house, intending to grab some food and head right back out.

She ends up frozen, staring at the spectacle that is her house. There are pink roses everywhere, and she can hear Sanders sneezing up a storm somewhere in the background. In addition to the flowers, there’s soft music playing from her father’s record player, and her children, who dart away as soon as she looks at them, are dressed up in their best outfits.

She’s about ready to have a heart attack when she sees what they’ve done to the table. The best tablecloth is out and on top is a large white cake, flanked by dishes containing her favorite meal of baked corn and spaghetti.

“Happy Mother’s Day, Sar.”

Sara freezes as her children run to her, hugging her tight around the legs. She’d completely forgotten that today was Mother’s Day- not that that had anything to do with her being pissed.

“Mommy, please don’t be mad at Papa, Dad and Daddy anymore,” Tina sniffs. “We won’t go anymore, promise.”

“Don’t be mad at us neither,” Adam coughs. “We’re real sorry.”

“… I can’t stay mad at you no matter what I do.” She kneels down, hugging them both proper. “I love you both, you know that. I’m just… hurt.” She looks at her three husbands, who are shifting uncomfortably. “Ain’t I capable of being trusted, too? If ya’d only talked to me, Pete, I’d have been fine with it. Heck, I’da made a family trip of it, even.” She shakes her head. “Instead, y’all all think I’m some crazy woman who can’t be trusted, is that it?”

“No!” Parker steps forward. “Sar, I didn’t think it would be your thing- and you’ve been in such a good mood- I knew the minute I mentioned Michael was going to be there you’d have shut me down.”

“Give me a little credit!” Sara snaps. “It’s been how many years since then? I’m not mad about him, I’m mad about you!”

“Sar…” Sanders clears his throat. “You’re also mad about that Ib Key, right? Don’t lie now.”

“… Yes.” She stares at the floor. “But I’m more mad at Pete right now.”

“Kids, come here.” Sanders turns on his heel. “Let’s help me and your Dad with something in the kitchen, give Papa some alone time with Mom, okay?”

“Please don’t hate Papa,” Tina mutters as she kisses her mother’s cheek. “We really did have a lot of fun with him.” Adam merely nods in agreement before trotting off after his sister and fathers. Sara and Parker are left alone, staring each other down.

“Sar, I swear I only had the best intentions!” His eyes tear up. “I won’t ever see him again if you don’t want me to, just please talk to me.”

“It ain’t so serious as all that.” Sara sighs. “Look… I’m pretty sure I owe ya an apology too. All five of ya. What I did yesterday… I was worried sick about my kids, Pete. I overreacted. But they’re my babies and you should have at least… talked to me. I want you to talk to me.” She gets to her feet, walking over to him. “I trust you… don’t you trust me?"

“With my life,” He breathes, hugging her. “I just didn’t want you to get upset.”

“Sorta hecked that up, didn’t ya?” She giggles, hugging him back. “I forgive ya, Shortie. And ya better tell me when the next one is so… we’ll all go together.” She smirks at him. “We’ll have fun making costumes for ole Grumpy and Fatso, hear?”

“You aren’t mad at me anymore?” When she shakes her head, he bursts into tears. “Oh thank you, Sar. Thank you!”

“Mom!” The twins have run back out to join them. “You’re the bestest mommy in the whole world, ya know. So please forgive Papa.”

“Already did,” She chuckles. “And your Dad and Daddy too. Get over here, all of you. Mommy wants some hugs from her favorites.” She sighs as they all gather around. “You’re the best family a girl could ask for, ya know?”

“And you’re the rock.” Sanders coughs. “But seriously, I ain’t wearing no fag outfits so you two better watch it when plannin’ for that weebfest, hear me?”

“I think you’d look nice in a skirt, Daddy,” Tina comments innocently, causing poor Sanders to turn quite red. Sara’s the first to burst into laughter, followed by the kids, Bennet, and Parker. Soon Sanders joins them and they all end up laughing, happy to be together on this warm spring day.

Life is good.

Notes:

Sanders stop being such a damn redneck we all know you're a lil bit gay.

Apparently in Sanders' world, it's not gay if it's a seasonal thing.

You stupid angry hick I adore you.

Hm I guess the main conflict here is about trusting your partner... ironically that's Parker-mun's personal blog's header/title.

Trust your partner! Trust your partner!

Happy Mother's Day! That's the title, btw. But it's in *whispers* moonrunes.

[farmgirlsara]

Start Again - Sara/Petes, AdamJamieTina

“Stop your pacing already, you’re making me dizzy.”

Honestly, didn’t her pretty little feet hurt yet?

“The Pete is hungry,” Bennet announces with a loud yawn. “Sar, I’m gonna go to the Inn and get some grub, I’ll be back-”

“No! No, there they are!” Sara bounces on her heels, her hands clutched to her chest. “There they are- my babies!”

The ferry takes its sweet time to dock, and by the time it's properly anchored, Sara's dancing like she has ants in her pants. The minute the gangplank is put down, she dashes across it, weeping as she hugs her travel-weary son.

“Ma… you’re getting my overalls wet,” Adam complains, awkwardly patting his mother on the back. “I’m glad to see you too but- hey Dad, Daddy, Papa.”

“Welcome back.” Sanders grins. “Yer still shrimpy, son.”

“Aw hush.” Sara turns to stick her tongue out at him. “My baby boy can be whatever height he wants to be, he’s perfect- where’s Tina?”

“Ya got your footing there, miss?” They hear the ferryman's voice coming from the back of the boat, and watch in amazement as he guides their daughter out by the arm, her other cradling a small, blue bundle.

“Hi!” Tina says quietly, smiling at her family. “… Meet your grandson.”

~ ~ ~

It takes a few trips to get all of the luggage Tina and Adam have brought with them back, even with four helping hands. Sara, of course, had been quick to take her daughter up to the house, cooing over their grandson and leaving all the men to do the work.

“Why’re ya feedin him that crap?”

Parker rolls his shoulders as he sets the last of the twins’ luggage in the living room. Sara and Tina are sitting in the living room, the former fussing over the latter as she feeds the baby from a bottle.

“Jack’s hungry, Ma.,” Tina says with a exasperated sigh. “Ain’t like I got milk to give him myself.”

“I fed both of you greedy pigs till ya were nearly a year old, what in the world-”

“I just said I don’t got milk, okay?!”

Parker’s never heard his little girl raise her voice quite like that, not in the twenty-six years he’s known her. Of the twins, Tina’s always been the calmer, more level-headed child- not like her brother, who was definitely his mother’s child. Something had to be up.

“Can I see my grandson?” He asks, thankful when Tina passes the tyke over. “Oh, look at him- he’s real blonde, ain’t he?”

“Got that from his mama.” Adam’s been talking quietly to Sanders and Bennet in the meantime, but he glances up at this question. “Luckily, it ain’t much more than that.”

“Where is Jamie, anyhow?” Bennet asks curiously. “She comin’ by later?”

“… no.” Adam sighs, taking his fussy son from his own Papa. “That’s… it’s complicated.”

“What’s so complicated?” Sara asks with a frown. “And why didn’t ya’ll call when this little critter was born? I woulda come stayed over and helped out…”

“Ya couldn’t have.” Tina clears her throat. “We weren’t…. we weren’t staying anywhere when it happened.”

“Huh?” Sanders looks confused. “What do you mean? How could you not be anywhere? That don’t make no kind of sense, lil bit.”

“What she’s trying to say is that we were moving around at that time and… well, Jamie still is. That’s why we’re here.” He smiles down softly at his son. “The nomad’s life ain’t no way to raise a child and I…. Tina and I had had enough.”

“Son… are you saying what I think you are?”

“Yeah, Dad, he is.” Tina stands up. “We’re no longer married, and she left.” Parker is shocked to see that there are tears welling up in his little girl’s eyes. “She left and she didn’t… she didn’t even tell me….”

“Oh honey.” He’s got her in his arms in a heartbeat, holding her as she sobs. “It’s okay. Just let it out, Tina.”

“Why didn’t ya say something in your letter?” Sara demands, looking stricken. “I’m gonna kick that stupid poncho bitch to Kingdom Come for that!”

“Mom, let it go.” Adam rubs Jack's back as he begins to fuss. “All of ya’ll just hush up for five minutes okay? Jamie doesn’t matter, our past don't matter- we’re home for now so just please stop asking damn questions.” He sighs heavily. “Please. For our sakes?”

Parker looks over his daughter’s shoulder at his son, who has matured quite a bit since he’s last laid eyes on him. That sort of maturity wasn’t something one gained overnight- something had happened to him, and to Tina, and his heart ached for them.

“You two hungry?” He asks instead, rubbing Tina’s back. “I’ll make your favorite.”

~ ~ ~

“Something ain’t right.”

It’s close to midnight and neither Sara nor any of her husbands have been able to sleep since saying good night to their children and grandson. As Sara sits up, she wonders if the same thought is plaguing the others like it is her.

“Why would she just leave? And what did they mean ‘nomad’s life?’ Weren’t they all keepin’ their own ranches when we went for the wedding? How on earth-”

“Sar.” Sanders tugs her into his arms, a little human body pillow. “Yer gonna worry yourself sick if ya keep wonderin’. Just let it be.”

“I can’t,” She grumbles, relaxing in her arms anyway. “Pete, that’s my babies. I gotta know what happened.”

“They’re our babies too, ya know,” Parker chides, hugging her from her other side. “But they’re grown now. Whatever happened it’s up to them to tell us if they want to or not.”

“I’m gonna break that stupid Jamie’s nose if I ever see her again.” She sighs loudly. “I don’t get it. What kind of mother leaves her baby?”

“He’s still got a mother though,” Sanders points out. “Tina’s still around.”

“You’re right…” Sara sighs. “Pete? Ya awake?”

There’s no reply from the floor, and Sanders snorts dismissively.

“Of course, Fatso would be the one to dream with nothing bothering him.”

“Sensei, stop. I think senpai has the right attitude. We need to not fret about what we can’t change. We have work tomorrow so let’s all go to sleep.”

As the three drift off to sleep, Sara wonders again what would posses a woman to leave her family behind. She knows she could never leave her idiots- they’re the loves of her life and she’ll stand by them till the day she dies.

Why hadn’t Jamie felt the same way about Adam and Tina?

~ ~ ~

Bennet wasn’t asleep.

After dinner, when they’d all gone to bed, he’d taken his customary spot on the edge, just waiting for the others to drift off to sleep. As soon as he’d heard Sara sigh softly in her sleep he’d been up and out of the room, quietly stealing down the hallway to a place that hadn’t seen people in a long time.

That was where he found her.

“Hey, Dad.” Tina’s curled up in the white rocking chair, little Jack in her arms. “Did ya need something?”

“No.” He shakes his head at his daughter, who really looks a lot like her mother in the moonlight. Hair down, dressed in nothing but a night gown and a dressing robe… it brings back memories.

“What are you thinking?” Tina asks quietly, gently rocking back and forth. “You look like you’ve got somethin’ on yer mind.”

“It’s nothing I just thought… you reminded me of yer ma for a second there. She and your Papa would always sit in that chair with the two of your- well, mostly Adam.” He chuckles. “You, miss, you’d not want to sleep anywhere else but with your Daddy. Got to be a real struggle when ya turned two and still insisted on sharing our bed.”

“Did I really?” She chuckles softly. “My bad. I guess I just… liked being with everyone.”

“How’s the little guy holding up?” Bennet asks, walking over. “Goddess, he reminds me of you when you were a tyke- see?” He laughs as the little boy smacks his lips in his sleep. “Sometimes you’d just be dreaming you were eating- I wish we’d had a video camera for that. Your little mouth would just be suckling at nothing.”

“Yuck.” Tina shakes her head. “That’s gross, Dad. Don’t remind me of that.” When she falls silent, staring at the sleeping child with a torn expression, Bennet realizes what he must do.

“Get up, sweetheart. Ya need to let the tyke sleep in the crib.” He takes Jack from her arms, crossing the room and putting him down with the ease of a well-seasoned parent.

“Dad, no!” Tina says with alarm. “He’s not used to- ever since he was born he’s been with… with…” She falters. “I was trying to make this easier on him.”

“Easier on him or easier on you?” He sits in the vacated rocking chair, patting his knee. “C’mere, sit on your old man’s lap for bit, would ya?”

“I’m not two, Dad,” She complains as she sits down. “I’m too big for this.”

“And yet, here you are.” He wraps his arms around her. “So what’s really going on, sugar? Ya got us all worried, ya know. Mopin’ around and clingin’ to that youngin’ like he’s your lifeboat… what’s the matter?”

“It’s nothing!” She turns her head away, chin jutting out stubbornly. “Can’t I just hold my nephew without everyone askin’ questions?”

“Nephew?” Bennet frowns. “That’s not- Jack’s yer kid, punkin’.”

“Not biologically. He’s Adam’s.” Tina sniffs. “When Jaime found out I was… happy, you know? So thrilled but… I want one too.” She looks at the crib. “But I can’t have…”

Bennet lets her lapse into troubled silence, her troubles reminding him of his own. The nights when he’d stood apart from the others, watched them with the kids and wondered if he really had a part in this family- if Adam and Tina were actually his. It had taken years for that doubt to fade, but it still lingered.

“I was going to ask the Goddess next time we went back to Flowerbud,” Tina continues tearfully. “She’s- she can do anything. I was going to ask her… but then Jamie left us.” She hides her face against his shoulder, her breath coming in short gasps. “It ain’t fair, Dad. It just ain’t fair.”

“I know… I know…” He rubs her back as she cries quietly. “Don’t cry, Tina. It’s not the end of the world. Jack is still-”

“Jack is Adam’s and Jamie’s, not mine. He’s always gonna have something to remember her by but I’m just the stupid aunt!”

“Well, ya sure are stupid, if ya think that.”

Bennet looks up from trying to calm his daughter to see his son standing in the door, his hair a mess and his robe hanging open.

“Damn it, Tina, the heck is yer issue?” He stomps over. “Stop being a damn crybaby and look at me!”

“Adam!” Bennet frowns. “Don’t you talk to your sister like that.”

“Let him.” Sara appears behind him, looking grumpy. “Ya don’t coddle that attitude of hers, Pete. It’s wrong.”

“What the hell is wrong with the truth?” Tina snaps, and from the crib, Bennet hears a small cry. “I’m not his mother, I’m just his aunt! A-and now that Jamie left us I ain’t never gonna be a mother to no one!”

“Stupid girl.” Sara slaps her forehead. “If it was biology that decided parentage, then ya’d not have three morons for fathers, just one.”

“Hey!” Bennet frowns. “Ouch, Sar.”

“Don’t you ‘Sar’ me, mister. I know what’s going on in that fat head of yours.” She puts her hands on her hips. “I don’t care which of your little fishies actually won that damn race but far as I’m concerned, you love Adam and Tina as much as whoever the birth father is so you’re their father. And that goes the same for you, Missy.”

“But we know who Jack’s birth parents are! It ain’t a big mystery for us.” Tina wipes her streaming eyes. “Two girls can’t make a baby.”

“And yet you were going to ask Marielle for one.” Adam shakes his head. “Really, sissy? Ya really ain’t smart after all, are ya?”

“What’s all the ruckus?” Sanders and Parker poke their heads into the tiny nursery. “Ya havin’ a party in here?”

“Your children are idiots,” Sara grumbles. “Tell this stupid girl she’s the mother of that squalling baby.”

“Why’d you guys leave the baby crying?” Parker wonders as he walks over to scoop up Jack. “C’mere little guy… it’s okay. Grandpa’s got you.”

“Why’d Tina crying- Bennet did you do this?!”

“Wha- why’s it the Pete’s fault?”

“Pete, lay off of him.”

“Um… guys…”

“You’re stupid, ya know that! Did the ceremony mean nothing to you?”

"Stop shouting for five minutes and listen to me!"

"She loved you more!"

“I will not! This idiot has caused more issues than-”

A deafening screech from Jack shuts them all up. They look at Parker, who is desperately trying to rock the kid to sleep.

“I don’t know- can someone please help me?”

“Give him here.” Adam takes his son and coos softly. “What’s wrong, lil man? Wanna wrassle?” When the kid only screams louder, he looks at his mother helplessly. “Mom…?”

“Uh uh. He wants his mama.” She crosses her arms. “Tina?”

“But I’m not…” She sighs, taking the baby. “I’m not his mama.”

“I’d say otherwise,” Bennet says softly as Jack’s wails turn into soft hiccups. “I’ll tell ya what, some kids just won’t quiet for anything but a mother’s touch.”

“Tina…” Adam exhales heavily. “Ya gotta get one thing straight in that head of yours- sure, Jamie carried him but she didn’t for a second want him. Ya never heard the way she’d go on when ya were off getting water or something- she hated being tied down to him, and she hated me for doing that to her. He was just a burden in her eyes. A mistake.”

“But she’s his mother,” Tina sniffles. “They got that bond-”

“Bullshit.” He shakes his head. “That bond was severed with the sheep shears when he was born. She didn’t- I don’t even know if she cared for a one of us, really.”

“That bitch.” Sara’s voice is soft. “I knew I shouldn’t have been so… damn it. And she hurt you…”

“Tina, there’s a reason I didn’t- when she left. You were with Jack and I knew you’d only be more hurt if you’d had to listen to the shit that came out of her mouth.” He chuckles bitterly. “She really never gave a damn about us, did she? I don’t know why I’m so surprised.”

“She was my wife too. At least I woulda liked to try and reason with her… at least she shouldn’t have left him behind. What sorta mother could I be?”

“I asked myself the same question,” Sanders admits. “I mean- father, not mother. Don’t get it twisted I just… didn’t know if I was ready to be a father when ya’ll came ‘round. When you two were small you’d be all over yer ma for this or that and I didn’t think I could compete. Especially not with the other two- I was just ‘Angry Daddy.’ You were the one who coined that one, Princess.” He laughs at Tina’s aghast expression. “I swear your mother damn near laughed herself into a coma over that one.”

“Cause it was accurate, Sensei.” Parker shakes his head. “You two… already know my story. And my stupid fears went away when we found ya’ll again and ya grinned so big to see me… Being a parent is a scary thing, ya know. Especially if you don’t know if they’re yours but blood don’t determine a family. It never has.”

“My apron-tits is right. And the Pete don’t say that lightly. There were times when I wanted to leave but damned if I’m not glad I didn’t cause now I get to stand here in my pjs and scold ya both on being idiots!” Bennet scowls. “Who cares if yer brother and sister? I mean ya can still be that and parents to the same kid- as long as he’s surrounded by people who love him, it don’t matter if one of his folks is a crocagator.”

“That don’t exist, Pete,” Sara chides with a soft smile. “But they’re right ya know. I watched the two of ya grow up and I can say now that little brat couldn’t have two better parents.”

“Aw…thanks, you guys.” Tina sniffs. “Yer too kind…”

“By far we must be if ya grew up with such a complex in yer head.” Sara shakes her head. “Look at that brat of yours, grinning with his gums showing. That means he’s happy, ya know. With you.”

“... Sissy? Maybe one day we'll both fall for someone better and- if that time comes, yer still gonna be Jack's ma. You always will be. Cause you and I... we loved him first." Adam walks over to ruffle his sister's hair, smiling softly at the baby in her arms. "Okay?"

"... Okay." She smiles up at him. "Thanks."

"Are we all ready for bed now? We got chores in the morning." Sara helps Tina off of Bennet's lap and then shoos him out with the rest of her husbands. "Let the youngin's sort their kid, we're old and need our sleep, hear?"

Once they're all in the bedroom, Sara stops Bennet before he settles on the floor with a pillow and blanket.

"Hey." She smiles at him softly. "Ya okay?"

"The Pete's a big boy, Sar," He scoffs, rolling his eyes. "I don't got no doubts now. She just reminded me... of myself."

"Well, she is your daughter, after all." She smiles over her shoulder at Parker and Sanders. "And yours and yours."

"Don't gotta tell us twice." Sanders smirks. "Now, are ya two gonna stop being gushy and get to bed, or am I gonna have ta make ya?"

"Yeah." Sara takes Bennet's hand and tugs him into bed. "Let's sleep."

In the morning, the foursome find Tina and Adam crammed into the same bed together, holding hands in their sleep like they used to as children. And between them, smacking his lips in his sleep, is baby Jack.

Things are going to be okay after all.

Notes:

Casually throws Jamie under the bus

Sorry Jamie I just- after that drabble couldn't shake the thought that yeah, those twins are gonna get burnt- and the I thought about the MM baby and 'oh wait, blue eyes blonde hair? That's totally Jamie and Adam's baby- shit. Poor Tina.'

This is pretty random I'm sorry I got all sorts of lost well here's a thing before I disappear into the world of school work and yarn for the next few weeks, bye.

[positively-pete]

Conference - Pete Harem [Drabble]

[[WARNING BEFORE READING: This story includes a character so vile and absolutely evil this needs a warning because they are that horrible. If you do not want to read about a pure evil character (dw they're an oc) read at your own risk]]

"I presume you know why I called you... four here today."

The blonde, busty teacher pushed up her glasses, her cold eyes staring down the four parents of the student that was the reason for holding this conference. The four shook their heads, their daughter wasn't exactly who they'd call a troublemaker.

"Do you know what this is?" She said without a hint of emotion on her face, holding out a bottle of super glue for the parents to view. Bennet was the first to say anything about the piece of evidence presented before them.

"Wow! This takes me way back!" He stood up and snatched the bottle from the educator's hands, grinning proudly. "Our kid's a glue eater, just like 'er dad!"

It was as if one could hear crickets chirping while the rest of the foursome gave him the blankest of stares.

"What? ... The Pete grew out of it..." He pouted, crossing his arms as he sank back down into his chair.

"No, Mr. ... Mr...-"

"Bennet."

"Bennet?" The teacher's eyes widened. Boy, was that name familiar. She hadn't heard that name since her early twenties. It couldn't be him, right? If it were, she had figured he'd be the one with three wives rather than one of three husbands. With a shake of her head, she snapped out of her suspicions and carried on.

"Yes, Mr. Bennet. I-I mean, no, Mr. Bennet, your daughter is not eating the glue, but rather I found this in her hand coincidentally when we had to call the nurse to get one of my students off from his chair. I don't know if this had to do with the comments his mother made about your... living situation during the school's daddy-daughter dance, but whether that's the case or not it's still uncalled for."

"I think there might be a big misunderstandin' here. My daughter ain't a troublemaker!" Sara stepped into protest; she may have been bluffing since Tina had admitted to doing so, but that didn't mean she was going to let her daughter get in trouble for defending the family. There were already enough ups and downs as it is, she wasn't going to let Tina's attempt at an up turn into a down.

"M-Ma'am, I think what our wife is trying to say is-..."

"Parker, let me do this." Sanders interrupted. "You go have a good talk with her in the hallway. You're better with the kids, anyway." He frowned, annoyed with how it was like trying to talk over a flock of angry chickens with all four of them there.

"How about you three..." The teacher pointed at all but Bennet. "Step out, while I speak to the man who knows more about eating glue than his own child."

Why Bennet? They wondered. What could they possibly be unable to discuss that Bennet could? There was no point in asking, though, as the woman was clearly not taking any of that. Perhaps it was to scold him for making a scene? Reluctantly, they complied.

As soon as they left the room with Parker in tears begging for Tina to never do it again and Sara and Sanders looking at each other wondering what there was to do, the woman approached Bennet a little too close for comfort.

"You don't remember me, do you?" Her voice was softer, sweeter even now that the other three were out of the room. "Pete Bennet, was it? You wouldn't happen to be the boy from college I had to watch shove his tongue down the throat of a young man by the name of Winston Blythe blindfolded, would you?"

"Huh?" He blinked. Winston Blythe? Wasn't he that stuck-up jerk who...? It all made sense now, but he decided the only way to get out of this was to play dumb.

"Does the name Marissa White ring a bell?" She raised an eyebrow, gently brushing her fingers across Pete's cheek.

"Y-Yes!" He spoke too quickly. "I-I mean no..." Tears welled in his eyes. The ladies' man he claimed to be before falling for his wife would have wanted this, right? Apparently not, this woman was off her rocker and it scared the hell out of him.

"Don't play stupid with me! You're the asshole who went around telling everyone how much you liked me and even writing me a bunch of love letters only to go on and just... slap me in the face like that!" She yelled, scaring Bennet even more.

"I-I thought he was you, Marissa!"

"You... what?" As if in a blink of an eye, her anger seemed to vanish, replaced by her sweet voice from before. "Well... Do you think we could... see if things work out this time? Now that this has been settled?"

"Nuh-uh, the Pete's a taken man with kids! I wouldn't leave my family that loves me..."

"But do they really love you? I've known you longer, you'd wear out a woman with two other loves who have more responsibility. Why not give monogamy another try? See what love is really like. And you know, you care about Tina so much... I won't give her any consequences if you just give us one more little chance tonight... see where things go. Maybe you'll realize I'm the one who really loves you."

Pete looked down, wondering if what Ms. White was saying was true. Sometimes he wondered how much strain would be taken off of Sara's shoulders if she had only Parker and Sanders. They had their own set of amazing talents: Parker could cook, clean, and sew; Sanders could plant crops and was Sara's original partner. What could Bennet do? He couldn't farm for crap, or really do anything for crap.

Meanwhile, Sara and the other Petes stared at the door, wondering what all the shouting could be about while Tina and Adam were in their own little world playing with some toys they had brought for the wait.

"Something's wrong." Sara stated, standing up.

"Is it senpai?" Parker's lip quivered. He had worried Bennet might say the wrong thing to the wrong person, could this have been it?

"I'm going in to check on him." Sara swallowed, Parker wasn't the only one fighting back tears in worry now.

"You can't do this alone, Sar." A hand was placed on her shoulder, the same source of the voice of encouragement: Sanders. As much as Bennet drove him up the wall with his vanity, he knew the man needed help as soon as possible.

"Y-Yeah! I wanna help senpai, too!" Parker insisted.

It was too late to reject their help now, even Adam and Tina took time out of their playing to follow them to the door. Sara was the one to open it, and what she and the others saw made her stomach churn.

"Say something, goddess dammit! You're just like any other filthy, disgusting slob of a man! You toyed with my heart in college, don't you fucking dare do it again! Open your damn mouth!" A brand new side to the formerly thought of as quiet and serious Ms. White had been exposed. Bennet was backed all the way into the classroom's corner with students' paintings of farm animals brushing against his face.

"P-Pete!" Sara cried out, running to hug Bennet as tightly as she could. "Oh goddess, I had no idea... no idea..." Tears ran down her cheeks.

"W-What the hell is going on?" Ms. White cleared her throat, doing a complete 180 in an attempt to save her image. "M-Mr. Bennet and I were just talking over what should be-"

"Cut the crap, we heard everything." Sanders snapped before doing something completely unexpected: joining in to comfort Bennet, followed by Parker and the twins.

"G-Guys... thank you..." Bennet wiped tears from his eyes, then from Sara's and Parker's. Sanders's... well, he was going to save him his pride by letting him do so himself, until the eldest Pete gestured with his index finger he wanted him to do the same.

"Adam, Tina. Looks like you're gonna be transferin', somewhere far away from this nasty woman." Sara patted the twins on the head, smiling as she watched her son kick the teacher in the shin and call her a "bad lady". Normally she or most likely Parker or Sanders would oppose to such behavior, but damn that woman was just evil. How could they have trusted her with their children's education.

"Ms. White." Parker spoke up. "We're taking our kids' learning elsewhere. You're not gonna treat any of her dads like that!"

"Come on, Pete... Let's go home... It's gonna be okay." Sara couldn't bear to see any of her husbands like this; Bennet looked awful.

"Can we... sit on the couch, like that one time." Bennet requested, happier than ever when Sara kissed him on the cheek; now that was the soft gentleness he wanted.

"Of course we can." She smiled through more tears before leading her family outside to head on their way home, leaving Ms. White in surprise and anger over being barged in on a career-ruining moment.

"You know..." Bennet stopped on their way, the others pausing with him.

"What is it?" Sara, Parker, and Sanders said in unison, cuing Adam and Tina instructing them to say "jinx!" A laugh was shared between the four before Bennet was ushered to go on.

"I think I can proudly say... I'm over that stupid college girl I used to talk about."

Sara ruffled his hair, smiling softly as she said the three little words Pete wanted to hear most: "Good job, Pete. Good job."

~End~

[farmgirlsara]

Baby Steps - Sara/Petes

“Absolutely not.”

“Because a hot tub for cows is the last thing any farm needs!”

“I agree completely sensei, but do you have to be so rude about it?”

“What kind of apron-tits are ya, anyhow?! Back me up!”

Sara rubbed her temples as the three men continued to squabble, completely ignoring the task at hand. Since accepting their proposals a few weeks ago, they’d been busily trying to squeeze three farms into one. Of course, things hadn’t been too easy- especially because two of her boys were extremely stubborn.

“I ain’t sellin’ a one of them, ya hear me! They’re very special to me!”

“The hell dya think we’re gonna fit twenty damn cows! Not to mention whatever Parker wants to bring!”

“I um… don’t like animals? And Claire’s gonna take over the farm entirely so…”

“See! That means more room for my darling cows!”

As the squabbling escalates, Sara finds herself growing panicked, as if she won’t survive if she doesn’t get out now. Quietly, she gets up and goes outside, groaning as she leans against the outside wall and puts a hand to her sore tummy.

All of this squabbling for something that still felt like a dream. The little life she was carrying was hardly a swelling under her hand, and still it held more power over all of them than even the Union.  

Sometimes, she isn’t sure if she wants to bless it or curse it for the changes it has brought to her life. What she really wants is for all the stress to stop so that she can jut breathe easy for five minutes.

That isn't too much to ask for, is it?

“Are you okay?”

A quiet voice breaks through her thoughts, and she turns to look up into Parker’s soft brown eyes.

“Tired of all the fighting,” She admits, allowing him to hold her. “Why ain't ya in there causing a ruckus with the others?”

“I got tired too. And worried about you.” He rubs her back. “Still feeling ill?”

“A bit." A lot. Even if the doctor said it was normal, the intensity with which everything was hitting her was frightening. "I ain’t think I’m ever gonna get used to it.” She sighs against his shoulder. “Pete, I ain’t doin’ the wrong thing, am I? I want all of us to live together but… then with all the fighting maybe-”

“Of course you aren’t,” He soothes, hugging her tighter. “If anything, it’s-”

“Hands off, Crybaby!” It’s the sound of that familiar voice that really gets her- the person she’d opened her heart for first, had held a candle for for two whole years. “Stop getting’ so damn familiar with my Sar.”

Goddamn it, Sanders.

“Hey!” Now Parker’s bristling, letting her go to get up in the other man’s face- on his tiptoes. “She’s all of ours, remember? Yer the one who said we’re going to share her.”

“I was just saying the right thing in the moment, idiot! Why’d ya think I'd wanna share with two complete morons anyhow!?”

“Um, because we’re the ones who picked up the pieces after you fucked off to Goddess knows where?” And there’s Bennet, whose angry voice is usually such a turn-on… not today. “You shouldn’t even be here, ya know! It’s a wonder she even took ya back after the shitty way you treated her!”

“You take that back!”

“Boys,” She tries, feeling her stomach churning. “Quit that right now.”

“And another thing-  what have you even really done for her?”

“What the hell are you trying to imply?!”

“Please…”

“I don’t know how I thought this might work, none of ya are worthy of her!”

“And yer one to talk! What have you done!?”

“I saved this shitty farm and I-”

Sara’s dinner all over their shoes stops the argument, and they stare at their shaking wife as she straightens up, wiping her mouth with the back of her glove.

This fucking tears it.

“Yer damn right ‘bout one thing. This ain’t gonna work.” She’s horrified to realize her eyes are burning with tears as she looks from one Pete to the others. “Yer so damn wrapped up in yer stupid egos and pride you don’t even stop to look at what’s going on right before you!” She sniffs. “Damn it, I’m pregnant you idiots. This ain’t about who gets to be with me more- this is about a family! A family I’m not so sure I want to exist anymore!” She stomps past them towards the house. “Sleep in the barn for all I care, cause none of you are coming into my house!”

Her tirade is punctuated by the slamming of the door, followed by the rustle of the chains as she slides the deadbolt into place.

“Fuck.” Sanders is the first to speak, shaking his head. “What have we done?”

“We?!” Bennet hisses. “Yer the one who has been a right ass from day one! Not listening to any word no one has to say except yer own.”

“No one wants a fucking cow hot tub!”

“That’s not the point!” Parker explodes. “Damn it, you two are missing the entire reason Sara’s so mad. What kind of family are we gonna be if the fathers are fighting all the time around the kid? Sara’s right to kick us out for that- no child deserves squabbling parents.”

This gives the three pause. Despite the fact that the pregnancy is what has truly brought them together, they’ve not really thought about it too much. Sure, Sara was more irritable and ill but that, in their minds, was just a Sara issue- the baby was still just an abstract idea, nothing concrete.

In about eight months they’d be parents. There’d be a little person who looked like one of them who would be sponging up everything that went on in the little farm house and with the way they were fighting, the kid would turn out some sort of demon.

“… Damn.” Bennet shakes his head. “I never thought about it that way.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Sanders snarks. At Parker’s sharp glare, his expression softens. “… Neither did I.”

“Can we please just keep it together for her sake?” Parker asks quietly. “I don’t dislike you guys, really, except if you make her upset.” He looks at Sanders. “Ya don’t have to be so damn jealous, ya know. We all know who she loves most, after all.”

“Yeah,” Bennet mumbles as he starts to walk away. “Knew it from the first time I met her.”

Parker gives Sanders one last searching look before walking off after his other ‘sister-husband’- though how long that joke title would even last now was up for debate.

Goddess, he’d been a royal ass, hadn’t he? Poor Sara- no wonder she’d looked so stressed out, ever since he’d found his way back home. Even before she’d started dating the three of them, she’d worn that pained expression every time he’d opened his mouth.

Some dad he’d be.

Sleep eludes him for most of the night, and he wakes up to see her silently doing her chores, ignoring his presence amongst her flock of sheep. When he tries to hug her, she gives him the cold shoulder and an elbow to the gut, focusing on her tasks with a grim expression.

Just as he deserves.

~ ~ ~

“So… she’s serious, huh?”

Bennet and Parker are at the Inn, quietly supping together over burgers and fries.

“Well, yeah. Since when is Sar not serious?” Parker nods at the bags beside them. “At least Bigbee’s nice enough to let us stay for a while.”

“… The Pete’s not happy about this, apron-tits. What are we gonna do if she doesn’t take us back?”

“Uhm…” Parker wilts. “Don’t ask me, I don’t want to think about it.”

And he really doesn’t. He’d left his family now not once, but twice. The first time had been to take over Cherry Farm, and the second… had been for her. His father didn’t approve of their relationship, and his mother… well he was sure she couldn’t like it either. What parent would?

Polyamory… what had they been thinking?

He know exactly what he’d been thinking- he’d just been happy not to have been left behind. Of the three of them, he’s always known that Sara prefers him the least. Heck, she’d started dating Bennet first, never let go of Sanders in her heart and him?

Well, he was just Shortie Crybaby.

“I don’t think Sara likes me.”

“Huh?”

They’re back in their rooms, in the tiny twin bed that Bigbee had given them out of pity (and perhaps a bit of spite). Parker turns to look at the other man, who is wearing quite the magnificent pout.

“What are you talking about, senpai?”

“Don’t make me say it twice.” The fact that he doesn’t say ‘The Pete’ or comment about ‘not being a sand pie’ makes Parker nervous.

“Uh…”

“Look, you and Sanders do stuff for her. Like… ya cook and then stupid Sanders is just… she missed him, ya know?” He huffs. “Honest, I think she only started dating me cause I look like him.”

“You could say the same for me too, ya know,” Parker points out. “I mean, despite the short thing…”

“Look, point is, I just give her headaches and maybe it’d be better if I went back to Flowerbud and worked the dang ranch ‘lone again.”

“Senpai, no.” Parker sits up. “Ya can’t leave. If anything, I should. I just cry and make a scene. I'm hardly good husband material and what kind of papa am I gonna be to the kid? They need someone strong- like you or sensei.”

“Yer plenty strong yerself, ya know.” Bennet sits up too, reaching over to turn on the light. “Ya deal with our shit all the time… that makes ya perfect for fatherhood.”

“Thank you…”

They sit in silence for a while, only the humming of the lamp providing any sound.

“Hey... have you ever thought about it?” Bennet turns to look at Parker. “The kid, I mean. What it’ll be like when it gets here?”

“Little bit,” Parker admits with a smile. “It’ll be loud ‘round here, that’s for sure.”

“Ya think it’ll take more after us or Sar? I mean… whichever of us is the real dad.”

“I hope after Sara,” Parker says finally. “I’d love a little girl just like her.” Not the least of which, he wants to avoid the ensuing fight over who the kid's father was. Of course, he'd love for it to be his little boy or girl, but a kid was a kid, no matter the parent. He'd love that kid no matter if it were his or not.

Still, it would just be easier if the kid took after Sara.

“Nah, she’d be a lot to handle, that’s for sure.” Bennet laughs quietly. “Can you imagine that spitfire personality in a little person? The tyke’d run circles round all of us.”

“Makes ya wonder how Sara’s dad raised her all by himself.”

They both start to laugh at the thought of a tiny Sara Wilder and her poor pa. Knowing their wife, she must have made the man gray before his time.

“What if it’s a boy?” Bennet asks suddenly. “Ya ever think of that?”

“Sometimes.” Parker shrugs. “Honest, I’ve been so worried about Sar and us that I forgot about the kid.”

“Yeah…” Bennet sighs. “Eight months ain’t long, is it?”

“Nope.” Parker starts to lie back down again. “But now I do feel bad… poor Sar. We gotta go talk to her tomorrow. I dunno about sensei but you and I… she doesn’t deserve all this headache.”

“Yeah.” Bennet flops onto his side, reaching for the light. “She’s a good girl, ya know. Even with all that roller-coaster emotions of hers. And we’re all three lucky to have her.”

“Yeah.” Parker yawns. “Good night, senpai.”

“Not… a sand pie… apron-tits…”

The light clicks off and they fall asleep, waking up in a tangled mess to Bigbee looming over them.

“You boys have a visitor.” He laughs as they sit up, still clinging to each other. “Damn, you better tip well so Sara don’t hear ‘bout this.”

“She thinks it’s funny, actually,” Parker mumbles, eyes widening as the last member of their ‘sister-husband’ trio walks through the door, looking disheveled and woebegone. “Sensei…?”

“Guys, ya gotta help me out.” He’s covered in dirt and hay, and there’s some wool stuck to his hat. “I don’t know what to do to get her to like me again. Even when she hated me, she loved me and I don’t know what to do when she’s pretending I don’t exist. It’s weird and I don’t like it. Help.”

Bennet’s the first to react to Sanders’ outburst, a lazy smirk on his lips as he looks the other man over.

“Give me one good reason why.”

“Huh?” Sanders looks confused. “What why? Because I said so!”

“Sensei, have you not learned anything this entire week?” Parker shakes his head. “Sar’s mad because we keep acting like it’s all about us. It isn’t anymore. We’re going to be parents soon.”

“Yeah.” Bennet nods. “There’s gonna be a lil kid lookin’ up to us soon.”

“We’re a family.” Parker scowls. “And by the way? You’ve been treating the dogs nicer than ya have us.”

“Koro and Butterball are fam- oh.” Sanders wilts. “You’re right.”

“So?” Bennet’s practically bouncing on the bed. “What dya say?”

“… shut up, Fatass.” He looks away with a scowl. “I ain’t gonna say it.”

“Then we aren’t helping you.” Parker crosses his arms over his chest. “Your move, sensei.”

 "Aw just give up already, apron-tits. Asshole ain't gonna give, so we might as well march over to Sara and tell her-"

"Sorry."

"Yeah that." Bennet freezes. staring at the oldest member of their trio. "Wait what!?"

"Don't make me say it twice." His cheeks are red. "Really, I'll try harder. It's just... weird, ya know? I came back and she was happy... because of you two. Even when I didn't have my memories I was so... jealous. But yer good for her... idiots though you are. So... can we please get Sar to like us again?"

He's practically begging, which is what convinces the others to finally give.

"Sensei, you're in luck." Parker gets up from the bed. "We're gonna win our wife back today, and I know just the way to do it, right, senpai?"

"The Pete ain't a sandpie but I agree." Bennet nods with a determined look. "Let's go win our wife back."

~ ~ ~

Damn it, she was so tired.

Sara trudged up the hill towards home, recounting the events of the day in her head as she walked. After chores, she'd called the Union for shipments and they'd asked her to come in for a surprise meeting.

Turns out there were 'concerns' about her current living situation, and whether it was beneficial to the farm to be living with three men. She'd had to fight tooth and nail on that one, showing them the original contract that said the only requirement was for her and Pete Sanders to both be on the property. It said nowhere that she couldn't have other people with her- plus, her shipment records showed a sharp increase with the extra hands in just the past month alone.

The thing that had really closed the deal was when she'd gotten sick all over their stupid documents. Then, they'd finally taken pity and told her to go home before she gave them all the plague.

Too bad they couldn't catch what she had.

Her animals are inside, for some reason, which would set off alarms in her head were she not so exhausted. After checking on all of them, she heads for home, which is when the panic sets in.

Her lock is broken.

She's the only one with the keys to the house- not a one of her boys, not even Sanders, had been gifted with that privilege yet. And as far as she knew, they were all staying in town at the Inn.

Who the fuck was in her house?

A short jog to her barn later, she enters the house, her shot gun held aloft. Whoever it was would get the surprise of their life when they realized the little lady was not only armed, but well-trained.

Rest in pieces, motherfucker.

"Sara, you're home!"

The sudden sound and movement from her right makes her jump, and her finger slips on the trigger.

They're all damn lucky that Pete Bennet can move so fast. As it is, only the lamp beside him suffers, exploding with a loud crack as the bullet hits it.

"Goddess, Sar! I didn't know you were that mad at me!"

She'd almost lost him. Goddess, she'd almost shot her husband. Slowly, the gun is lowered as her eyes begin to well with tears.

"Pete, what the fuck?" She croaks, sniffing loudly. "I coulda killed ya, idiot."

"I wasn't expectin' ya to come in with a gun!" He turns to look over his shoulder. "Damn it, Sanders, I told ya we shoulda left a note for her."

"That would have ruined the surprise, Fatso." Her oldest husband walks out, clucking his tongue when he sees the gun in her hands. "Sar, put that down, ya could hurt someone with that."

"What the fuck are ya doing in my house?!" She clutches the gun tighter. "Answer me or I'll shoot ya with no reservations!"

"What, so Fatty gets the tears and I just get another round?!"

"Hey!"

"Sensei, senpai, stop fighting. That's the reason we're in this mess to begin with." Parker steps into view, holding his hands up. "Hey, Sar? Can you please put the gun down and come with me? We've been waiting for ya all evening, ya know. We have a surprise for you..."

"It better be damn good for breaking into my house," She mumbles, crossing to the dining room table to put the gun down. "And ya'll owe me a new lamp."

"That's fine." He takes her by the hand, leading her slowly from room to room. "Notice anything different?"

"Not really." She glances around the living room dismissively. "What's to notice- oh!"

There's a blanket on the couch, one she's never seen before. All sorts of colors and patterns adorn it, and it looks... soft and warm.

"I made that," Parker admits with a blush. "Last Winter out of boredom. It was on my bed at home but... this is home now."

"I wanna show her next!" Bennet bounds forward, clearly over his life-or-death scare. "See here, Sar, the Pete brought the best in home entertainment for our house. See, we got Blue's Brothers, 50 First Dates, a Fraggle Rock Concert..."

"I don't even know what that is," Sara admits with a shaky laugh. "But weren't that all at yer place?"

"Geez, is that baby makin' yer hearing go? Didn't Parker just say this is home?" He laughs, ruffling her hair. "C'mon Sar, focus."

"Don't mess with my hair!" She giggles despite herself, trying to smooth it down. "Ya jerk!" She looks over at Sanders, who is standing quietly to the side. "So?"

"Well, this has already been my home but..." He shrugs. "I went to grandpa's farm the other day. Picked up the last of my things and... listed it." He shrugs at her incredulous expression. "Well, it was a matter of time, wasn't it? Come on, I'll show ya what I mean..."

With the other two men holding her hands, she follows Sanders to the back to their bedroom, and then just past it to the tiny spare room she's just been using as junk storage.

"What the shit, Pete?!"

"Aw, what kind of reaction is that to yer future nursery?" Bennet jokes, squeezing her hand gently. "What do ya think?"

There's nothing really in there to move her to this extent. The walls are painted a light blue, the clutter is gone and there's a small bassinet sitting in the middle of the room.

It really isn't anything at all, so why is she crying?

"Sara?" Parker's panicking. "Oh Goddess- here, take my neckerchief, you've cried into mine a million times anyhow."

"The Pete thought this was going to make ya happy, not more upset- way to go, Sanders."

"Me?! She's probably just mad you chose blue when we're probably gonna have a little girl!"

"Stop fighting, morons!" She wails, hiding her face in the red cloth. "Why'd ya do this for me?"

The question gives them all pause, and the three men have to look at each other before Sanders finally answers.

"It's to say sorry for being such asses. And to show ya... we are committed to this. Our family."

"All this time we been squabblin' bout you and not even thinkin' about you at all. Ain't that dumb?" Bennet pats her shoulder awkwardly as she continues to sob. "Um... we really do love ya, honest. And the tyke- whoever it might belong to."

"Sar, are you okay?" Parker asks in alarm as the tears don't stop. "What did we do wrong here?"

 "No, idiots." She looks up with a bright red face. "I just- hormones. It's hormones. Yer stupid brat's makin' me a hot mess." She sniffles. "Ooh, get over here, all of ya." She sighs as they hug her, coughing slightly as her tears slow. "I love ya morons. I just want us all to be happy, ya know?"

"Course we do." Sander's voice is hot in her ear. "And we are- so long as we're with you."

"Also if we get food," Bennet says after a moment's thought. "Ain't no one can be happy on an empty stomach!"

"Senpai!"

"Stupid." Sara shakes her head, waving them off. "Oh, I missed you morons. It was weird livin' alone again after so long..." She glances at Sanders, whose expression grows somber as he gets her meaning. "I'm glad to have ya home."

"And we're glad to be here." Parker kisses her wet cheek. "Let's go clean up and have some dinner, huh? Is the baby feeling like spaghetti?"

"Screw what the baby feels like. I want some of your famous pasketti." She giggles, wiping at her eyes with his neckerchief. "Say, ain't the tables turned? You used to ruin mine, but now I'm wreckin' yours."

"What's ours is yours, Sar. Ain't that what family means?"

He's right, of course. It is. And she's thankful that at least she's got them all together again.

It may take baby steps to get them to where they're going, but so long as they have each other... it'll be okay.

She knows it.

Notes:

  Well well well. Budgie's being trash again.

There is no way three men and one woman can easily come together without some friction- even if there's a baby as the uniting glue.

I love writing the boys and I hope I didn't butcher a one of them because they're all perfect precious people.

Also Sara's reactions to all of this are like... 300% over the top because like- man you get the symptoms of pregnancy twice as fast and twice as hard with twins. She's not even into her second month proper but they've been slamming her like they've been there for twice as long. So she's more emotional- but who could blame her for it?

The twins' nursery is hella cute, okay? Light blue with clouds and animals dancing 'round the walls, white furniture- it's really gender neutral, which is good since they end up with one of each. And Sara's not exactly fond of pink.

But Sanders totally is which is why Tina's wardrobe is 60% pink. She's the motherfuckin' princess of Wilder Ranch.

Why am I talking about the kids who aren't even born yet in this sorry goodbye.

[farmgirlsara]

Happy Birthday to the Ground - Sara/Petes

“Here’s yer ingredients, boys.”

“Achoo!”

“Are you okay?” Pete Parker asks as she sniffles loudly. “You need some tea, Sar?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “I’m… fine, just tired. The pollen’s real bad out today. Where’re my babies?” She rolls her swollen eyes as her other two husbands come to greet her. “Not you babies, my real babies.”

“Rude,” Pete Sanders chuckles, pulling her into a hug. “Is that any way to greet your husband?”

“Husbands,” Pete Bennet corrects crossly. “Hey, Sar, did you bring me any chocolate?” He backs away as she explodes in a coughing fit. “Woah, hey, I’m sorry, I’ll stick to the diet!”

“N-not… that…” She gasps between coughs, her eyes watering profusely. “In… bag…”

“Maybe you shouldn’t see the kids right now,” Parker says as he passes her a tissue. “You sound awful, Sar.”

“Yeah, and you don’t have allergies,” Sanders chimes in, pressing a hand to her forehead. “Goddess, you’re burning up.”

“M’not!” She protests weakly. “Get outta here… my turn to cook dinner.”

“No way.” Bennet crosses his arms. “Yer gonna get us all sick if ya do that, and with tomorrow being what it is…”

“Mommy!”

“Mom!”

“Aw damn.” Sanders grabs Sara’s arm as she tries to walk by. “No, you don’t.”

“What the hell, Pete?”

“Hey buckaroos,” Bennet greets, grabbing their toddlers as they attempt to skid past him. “I thought you were supposed to be playing in your room.”

“Mommy!” Tina squirms in his arms. “Mommy, present?”

“I wanna truck!” Adam declares loudly, brandishing a piece of paper. “Like this!”

“Hi, my babies!!” Sara calls over Sanders’ shoulder. “Mommy would love to see, except Daddy’s being right rude.” She pounds his back with one hand. “Let… me… go!”

“See, you’ve gotta be really sick if you can’t break free of this,” He remarks wryly, picking her up and slinging her over his shoulder. “I’ve got her, boys. Take care of the rugrats.”

“I ain’t a sack of feed, Pete, put me down!” She flails wildly as he carries her out of the main room to their bedroom. “Pete!”

“Dad, Papa, why’s Mommy smacking Daddy’s butt?” Tina asks curiously, staring at the disappearing couple. Parker turns red while Bennet roars with laughter.

“Tina, when a man loves a woman-”

“Don’t you dare pervert our children, senpai, or I won’t forgive you.” The shorter man grabs their son as he attempts to make a break for it. “Goddess’ sake. Let’s all just sit down and have some milk before bed time, okay?”

In the bedroom, Sanders easily tosses his wife onto the bed, shutting the door as she gets lost in another hacking fit, glaring at him with watery eyes.

“My… fucking… kids…”

“Whose birthday you’ll ruin if you don’t get under those covers right now!” His hard expression softens, and he cups her cheek in his hand. “Hey. You’re really hot right now.”

“Yeah?” She sniffles pitifully. “Am I?”

“So hot I could fry an egg on you.” He laughs at her pout. “Goddess, Sar, you’re lookin’ a lot like Fatass with that long face. Get into bed, I’ll make you some soup. As for the cake…” He sighs. “Parker and I got it. You just get some rest, okay? You need to be healthy for the party.”

“’snot fair,” She whimpers. “I wanted to help… with the cake…”

“Look, we got Cooking Mama to make the cake, Fatass to make sure it tastes perfect, and me?” He grins. “I’ll make sure everything goes smoothly, okay?”

“… can I have a kiss?” Sara asks plaintively, puckering her lips. She glowers as he easily shoves her down and under the covers, pecking her cheek lightly.

“No way. I’m not getting sick, too.” He ruffles her hair. “Sleep well, Sar. I’ll bring ya some soup.”

 Parker and the kids are gone by the time he’s done with Sara, and he can hear the other man’s voice reading a fairytale from down the hall. Bennet’s in the kitchen rustling through shopping bags, and he looks up guiltily at Sanders’ approach.

“I uh- I was just checking!” He stammers. “I think Sar bought the wrong kind of chocolate- this tastes like shit.”

“It’s cooking chocolate, moron.” Sanders rolls his eyes, snatching the half-eaten bar from the other man. “And if it tasted so bad, why the hell is half of it gone???”

“Thought it would taste better if I tried again.”

“Idiot.” Sanders rolls his eyes. “Just grab the cook book, and the mixing bowls. Shortie will be out any minute now, and we gotta make this cake before morning, hear?”

“But I thought Sara-”

“Sara will give us all the plague if she comes to help us now. Man up, Fatass, we can do this without her.” Sanders nudges the other man with a sly grin. “Plus… she ain’t here to tell us how much chocolate we can and can’t put into the cake.”

“Oh!” Bennet’s eyes light up. “I get it!”

“Get what?” Parker walks into the kitchen, yawning. “C’mon, you guys. Let’s make this cake and get to bed. We’re all camping out on the couch, it seems.”

“What?!” Bennet squawks. “But- but our bed-”

“Is occupied by a sick lady. Get your head straight, Fatass.” Sanders rolls his eyes. “Now pass me the book. We got a birthday cake to make.”

~ ~ ~

Sara feels like shit.

She sits up in bed, wincing as her head throbs in protest. Apparently, soup and a good night’s rest weren’t the cure to everything. She shivers as she glances around the empty bed, the Petes missing from their usual spots. Even the floor is empty, and she sighs heavily as she pulls her dressing robe on and ties it tight.

Bed time just wasn’t the same without her boys.

“Holy fuck,” She swears quietly upon entering her once-pristine kitchen. They’d made the cake, all right- and then some. There’s flour everywhere, and a puddle of milk sits innocently in the middle of the floor. Worst of all, there appears to be cake on the ceiling- what on earth had her idiots gotten up to without her? She’s going to have to spend ages cleaning up this mess- and with the way her body aches, she’s just not feeling it.

“Pete!” She hisses, stomping into the living room. “What on earth?!” Her voice dies as she peers over the edge of the couch, her expression softening. “Oh… you idiots…”

They’re all snuggled up on the couch, a veritable Pete Sandwich. She giggles quietly, leaning over to adjust the blanket that’s falling off of them.

They were just too cute to wake up right now.

The next room she goes to is the twins’. To her amazement, they’re both up, lying on their bellies in the middle of the floor and passing crayons back and forth between them.

“Happy Birthday, munchkins.”

“Mommy!” Tina hops up, hugging her around the knees. “Daddy and Dad and Papa fell asleep on the couch. So funny.”

“Can we have cake for breakfast?” Adam wonders, slowly standing up. “I’m hungry, Mom.”

“If Dad were awake, then yes, but I’m the one here so no.” Sara shuts her eyes as a wave of nausea passes over her. “You… can have cake after a bowl of cereal, okay? What do you guys want?”

“Want pancakes!” Tina stomps her foot imperiously. “Pancakes, Mommy!”

“Yeah!” Adam nods enthusiastically. “With faces!”

“I’ll have to wake up your Papa for that… Mommy still isn’t feeling too well.” She takes each of them by the hand, leading them out of the bedroom. “Have you both washed up yet?”

“No, Mommy.”

“Well, that’s a shame. Let’s go to the bathhouse, and then-”

“No, Sar.” It’s Parker, his hair all mussed and his eyes tired. “I’ll take care of them. You get back to bed- you look awful.”

“Yeah.” Tina yanks her hand away. “Yer hand’s gross, Mommy.”

“Yuck!” Adam laughs. “Hey, Papa, can we have chocolate pancakes?” “Git to the bathhouse, you!” He swats at them as they run by. “Go on!” He turns to Sara with a sheepish grin. “I’m guessing you saw…?”

“No one gets to take me out on a date for a week for that, hear?” She puts a hand to her aching head. “Just… clean it up when you can?”

“… get to bed.” He puts a hand at the small of her back, guiding her down the hall. “We got this. I’ll get the presents and make sure they eat proper-”

“I’m sorry,” She groans, interrupting him. “It ain’t fair ya’ll gotta do all the work today. I should be… you know. I’m their mother.”

“And you’re sick. Today you deserve a break.” He kisses her forehead as they enter the bedroom. “I’ll send Sanders out to get medicine for you later, okay?”

“Fine…” She yawns. “Don’t let Sanders pinch them…”

“Got it.” He smiles. “Feel better, Sar.”

The next thing she knows, she’s waking up to two warm bodies snuggled up against her. She glances over at her sleeping son and daughter, and then at her husbands who are watching from the open door.

“What the hell?” She hisses. “They’re going to get sick!”

“Hell nor high water coulda stopped those rugrats from getting in here.” Sanders shrugs. “I mean, I locked it but here they are anyhow.”

“They missed their mama,” Bennet comments. “And so do we.”

“Go visit her then,” Sara teases, totally understanding his meaning. She waves them over, sighing as they all settle onto the bed around her. “… Please tell me someone at least got the medicine?”

“Taken care of,” Sanders remarks, leaning over to kiss her cheek. “And we all already took a dose, too. Now we all won’t have to spend a day in bed like you, lazy butt.”

“I’ll kick your ass for that later,” She threatens, smiling as the other two take her hands in theirs. “Man… I feel bad though. This ain’t the birthday we planned for them.”

“It’s okay, Mom.” Adam blinks his eyes open, offering a sleepy grin. “Just make it up to us with more presents tomorrow, okay?”

“You rat! Like heck that's happening”

They all laugh quietly. It’s not the day they’d planned but it’s still a good one.

Sara only hopes the newly four year olds don’t remember this day and hold a grudge forever.

 Notes:

Idk it's been sitting and I am sorry this is actually trash.